Comments and Updates

 So, How's Life?

Current Song: SWV � I'm So Into You Current Mood: Relieved So, how's life been treating you all? Me? I'm just dandy. The past few weeks have been jam-packed though. I recently finished up Fall session at RCC and I still haven't made up my mind as to whether or not I will be returning for Winter. There are some advantages to going back, but I think the real advantage will be to take my break and focus on work...and returning all of that school money. Which leads me to my next subject: Christmas. I still haven't done my Christmas shopping. Why? Because I'm lazy. I'll get it done though, eventually. I'm just excited that I'll be getting to see my uncle/aunt/cousins this Christmas. They didn't get to come down for Thanksgiving, so I think they'll be coming down for Christmas. However, I did hear talks that suggest otherwise, so...I don't know; but it would be a nice treat. No, I don't get to spend Christmas with my baby, but I'm sure New Year's is free. I just have to convince my family into letting me stay by myself for a while, but even if I don't I still get to spend it with Mr. X. Tee-hee. I'm so excited. We've been getting into a lot of fights lately, over stupid things. It's safe to say that the infatuation is wearing off, if it isn't already gone. We work things out quickly, but we still need to explore each other and ourselves to see if this is really going to work. I'm still in that "I want to love you forever. Let's get married, have three kids, and a house in the suburbs" mood. He is the one for me. I know he is, but I'm honestly scared that I've rushed too deep into the water and it's too late to swim back. I really hope this relationship and I aren't doomed for the waterfall. Good news, there's been no sign of us growing apart at all, all signs are positive for a strong, healthy relationship. Please don't let me mess this up. I started a blog. Another one to add to the list. It took me a while because I really didn't think that with a website I would need one, but I figure that all of this writing is going to do me some good, and it would relieve some of the confusion on my part. I have a blog, a collective, and a personal site for my writings and junk. I was thinking about turning AK into a collective, but it didn't seem right. I think I'll just stick with them both. There are new plans in store for AK. I'm working on the new layout and I've toyed with flash, tables and frames. I can't make up my mind. I don't want flash...but I want something new, something I can work with and tone my skills with because, let's face it, they need toning. PHP? Except, my domain doesn't cover it. However, I was thinking about buying a domain. One that's inexpensive. Why? Well, more freedom for one, and I'm doing new things. I'm getting my cell phone tomorrow. ^^ Yay!! This will be the second I've ever had. The first one was a Boost Mobile...the PTT ones. I had it before it was cool, and when I had it, it wasn't cool because it was too bulky; but whatever. Anyhoo, I'm glad I'm getting this phone. Gives me some responsibility. And a chance to flub up my credit. Whee. No, I won't do that. I promise. As long as I can help it, at least. :) I also am going in to take my test Tuesday. Wish me luck!! I'm nervous because I think it's going to be hard, even though everyone tells me it's not going to be as long as I study the book. So, you know what I've been doing, right? Yep, that's right everything but studying the book. At least I picked it up. That's gotta count for something, right? No? Oh, well... Whelp, it's late. But before I go, I want to finish my update on what's to come. :A new layout for sure, all this blue is making me nauseas. :An updated link to the blog in the collective. I'm thinking about starting another blog, that's with Geocities to serve as my main one. Haven't decided, yet. :The adopted page is coming soon. As soon as I finish fanlistings, I'm starting on the adopted page. The Adopt Me page is going to take a while longer. That's it for now. Cheers and here's me wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

 Posted by Circe on 12.19.05

 Ohmygosh! It's an update!

Current Song: PCD � Stickwitu Current Mood: Suffering through the dizzy spells I know I�ve been scarce recently, but hopefully that�s all about to change. I now have a diary of my own, so that really won�t be applicable to this site anymore, but also with everything that has been happening lately�well, lemme get started. Firstly, X and I have been getting closer as of late. I�ve been banned from seeing him a couple of times because I came home late, but it only makes us stronger. Hello, haven�t they seen any of those �Pulling them apart pushes them together� movies?! Well, that�s what�s happening. I�m really not at home as much anymore, in fact I only go home to sleep. I can�t wait to get my own apartment. Sheesh. Since all of my school projects are done (I aced, ACED, my Art Exam and both my research paper and oral presentation are done) I have more free time. Yay. You know what that means � more time for you! Whelp, times a wastin� Going updating! :D

 Posted by Circe on 11.16.05

 Wedding Bells

Current Song: Jagged Edge � Let�s Get Married Current Mood: Hopeful I spent most of the day finishing the planning for my [perfect] wedding and I am pleased to say that I have made significant progress. I have the perfect dress, tux, accessories, etc�all the way down to the invitations and cake picked out. Of course, I couldn�t do all of this without my lovely future husband�s help and support. However, there is still much to be done, and all of the selections were done without a budget, so uhh�they�re flexible. I just don�t want to start from scratch when the time comes, and I think that it�s coming a lot faster than anyone�s thinking. Turns out I�m quite a romantic. Who knew? :D Actually, it�s more of a tie between romantic and classical, but I like the romantic aura better. Sigh. And again my time limit is up�looks like my wedding isn�t the only thing that needs budgeting. Hmm�

 Posted by Circe on 10.17.05

 I'm here

Current Song: Omarion - O Current Mood: Aggravated It�s Friday. I hate Fridays. It�s the busiest day of my week and it doesn�t help to be off track. Last night I spent the day with X again and although I slept through a lot of it, we had fun. I went to work with the expectation of getting off at 9, shooting over to my house to start and complete this Jargon essay that�s due. As with most of my expectations, I was disappointed. I didn�t get off until 10 and at 1:45 I had to go to bed�with an incomplete essay. I set my alarm clock to get up early � let�s just say that I�m putting a �Do Not Touch� sign up today. I missed my bus and by the time I got to school class was over. That�s one letter grade down for my essay. At least I got to sign in�ugh. Oops, gotta go, my time limit is up. More on my day[s] / updates later. Maybe.

 Posted by Circe on 10.14.05

 Busy, busy, busy

Current Song: Whitney Houston � Count On Me Current Mood: Blah Ah, how the days pass so quickly when you�re in love�or when the deadline for your paper is less than a week away, as so my story goes. I find myself spending every possible moment that I can with him and yet I feel unfulfilled, like the hours run to Papa Time and beg to go as fast as seconds. I�m not the only one who feels it, either; he does as well. Infatuation? From both sides, is it possible? Maybe. But I doubt that this is what it is, I feel it�I know, it�s real love. Sigh. I doubt however, that my English professor even knows, much less cares. In fact, I know she doesn�t, which is why I was up till 11:30 last night revising my paper. The peer review sessions that we have are okay, they provide a basic understanding of what needs to be fixed and what can stay, but all in all it�s up to the professor. If we don�t know or touch on what she is looking for�eh, I�ll say that the sessions become rather useless. I sat down last night and �peer reviewed� my own paper and came up with a lot more revisions that all of my team did combined; which is not to say, of course, that they didn�t do as best they could, but instead of me sitting in this writing lab getting pretty much �free hours�, I could have sat down with a tutor and asked if my transitions had variety and if my paper fulfilled the assignment as best it could. Looking back at what I did though, I doubt that even that would help; I needed to weed out the clich�s and revise the subject section, and although the grammatical questions and clich� cutting could have been fixed, I still would have been alone on the revision. I did well though, IMO. I read the article and did the revisions necessary. I reread the parts that I thought didn�t need attention, and while they were �okay�, I made them better. I must have been bored�or stressed. They always told me that stress was a disease. Art! Art, art, art. The test was cake�but I knew that I should have reviewed the identification slides seconds before the test so that they would be fresh in my mind. I sat down for three hours with David and we studied for the test as best we could, and I�m thankful that we were able to do that, because I know that I didn�t do enough studying on my own. However, my nerves got to me and I forgot the time periods, so out of 10 I missed like 3. Eep! The test is only worth 20 points but they add up quickly, and because this isn�t high school anymore the number of points in the class totals 100. Eep! Ah well, I did as best I could, and I am thankful for that. Nathaniel took me home on Monday, which was nice of him. I don�t know what to make of him yet. He seems like a nice guy, but when he argues with�I think the guy�s name is Mike�it makes him seem pompous and arrogant. He is a nice guy though and he strives to be helpful. I just wish, for his sake, that his better qualities shined the most. It was awful nice of him to do this favor for me and I won�t abuse it, I think on Friday�s are when I�m going to have the most trouble�too bad I don�t have Art then. I�m going to try and make the most out of school, join clubs, take fun classes and whatnot, but I don�t know how to piece it all together. I still have to make a counseling session with Mr. Richardson�he�s probably forgotten about me by now, but one of these Tues. or Thurs. I have to be willing to come here for an hour or so�even with the possibility of Mr. X and I doing much more fun things looming over my head. I don�t see that happening any time soon. Another example of these nifty new screens going Freakazoid: The blue on my blend and in the Title bar is moving. I don�t know why, it does this on other sites too, but my site being as blue as it is�it makes it difficult. I think it�s time for a new layout anyway. Which now brings me onto the progress of BSSM�I am doing work on it, bits and pieces of it, but it is work. I haven�t seen the first season of SM in *years*, and the episodes I have are helpful but I need more to fully understand and be moved by the relationships again. As much as I love Mamo-chan and Usako, without seeing it after a while it starts to fade. I just need to color the vividness back in. I have many layouts planned, but when all the information is done, is when I�ll choose. I�ve gotten lax with my writing; I even put the red book in the closet. I�ll take it out eventually, but right now I�m just not in the mood. I�ll finish LOL and my other current projects, but after that I�m going to be wary of starting another until I am on my feet and can jump. My grandparents came down to drop off S. this weekend, and despite them working me half to death, I did enjoy their visit. My grandfather has to go to this thing in Vegas for a few weeks, so they�ll be stationed there for a while�.while I finally enjoy my 18th birthday here in MoVal. Whoopee. K�s B-day is this Friday, and while I�m strapped for cash (Gasp! More later), X said that he is going to give me some money so that we can hang out together. I already know what I am going to get her. I�m not going to spoil it for anyone�I�ll tell you after I get it done. I hope she�s into taking pictures� My sister�s B-day is on the 27th, I don�t know what I�m going to get her�maybe a game, most likely a CD, but I don�t want it to be Anti-Christ. She doesn�t understand half the crap that she listens to, she just thinks it�s cool and while �Ignorance may be bliss�, I believe that it really is taking a toll on her spiritual life�scratch that. I know it is; I�ve seen it. I think a game will work nicely. I love my job; minimum wage isn�t that bad, really. Well, when you don�t have to pay for rent, groceries, etc�and all the money is yours, why wouldn�t it? The people are, for the most part, friendly and we do seem to get along as a team well. The customers sometimes tell a different story, though. I just happened to stumble onto customerssuck.com the other day, and what a doozy! I�ve never heard of so many dumb/rude people in my life, but it�s true � they do exist. Thankfully, I don�t have any stories to post. What�s that? Money troubles? Ah, yes. It is so. I have less than $10 in the bank as of today. Why? We had a bit of an emergency, and with me working, my finances took a major hit. I should be getting back at least $160, but I am pushing for my other $100. I�m nervous; my account has never reached critical level. I�ve made the decision to save my next four or so paychecks, obviously not all of them because that would be impossible, but at least $150 should be good. I always want to have $300 in the bank; this will allow me to have double that, so I know I�ll be safe. It�s all about the security. That�s it for now. I have a jargon essay to do�so I�m going to go play. Cheers! [note] GET YOUR BUS PASS!!! [/note]

 Posted by Circe on 10.05.05

 How to Tell?

Current Song: Reuben Studdard - Sorry 2004 Current Mood: Lonely Sorry for the lack of updates, you know how life goes. College really isn�t as hard as I thought it was going to be. It wasn�t before and I see nothing has changed. I have a test on Monday for Art. I don�t know how that is going to pan out. I intend to study but with Mr. X being a priority�well, I may not get all the hours in. Not his fault, BTW, I take on full responsibility for my lax attitude towards my schoolwork. I do know what I am doing and the consequences that I will have to face, that�s not the problem. It�s my apathy. I just really don�t care. It�s sad, and even without X I dub this to be true, although I doubt that everyone shares my opinion. As far as love is concerned, all internet quizzes and readings say �Yes� as well as those nifty little how-to�s. How to Tell If You�re in Love surprisingly equaled out with How to Tell If He Loves You. I see marriage with a possibility of kids�pfft. Honestly, though I do love him and from what I can tell he loves me. We know this, heck most people can see the sparks there�that is if they aren�t blinded by them already. The talks of the future are constant, our families get along with each of us�haven�t tested out how they are together yet, but we will. I saw a quote the other day on an MSN article that said, �It�s like getting married at 19, you don�t know what else is out there.� Needless to say it made me think. I know that rushing leads to nowhere and that although �life is too short� we have the rest of our lives to be together and see how things will work out; but it�s like we�re magnets to each other with superglue on our attracted sides. Last week we spent a little over 30 hours together. Why does it feel like I haven�t seen him in ages? I just saw him last night!! We spent the whole day together, including work and I just finished a phone conversation with him; we made plans for later. Grrr�.I�m confused now, so I�m going to drop it until I get my thoughts and feelings straight. I have a lot of work to do. PHP starts in about an hour and I have eh 100, give or take a couple hundred pages, to read and have I even picked up the book yet? No. It�s still in its wrapping. I hate this. I hate school, but even more I hate that I hate school. I don�t know why I hate it, but I do, and at this point I don�t care. The light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away that I�m convinced it�s a train. I�m changing my major again to Web-design. I still want to become an Interior Designer, make no mistake about that, but CSU San Bernardino is closer and I could take more classes without worrying about getting behind. I think that WD would be easier, mostly because of my lack of experience for ID, but also because I think that my skills, while they always could improve, are good enough to get me to where I need. I am constantly reading on the different languages and designs that are out there, and even though I can�t see how developed my skills are, I practice a lot. Besides, they�re going to teach me the things that I don�t know and I learn fast. I think I can make it. Mr. X will be happy too�when I decide to tell him. I want to be sure first, there�s no need to get someone�s hopes up like that, only to take them away later�or for them to find out that you�re miserable because you didn�t want to hurt their feelings. It�s time for me to pick that book up now; I have a pretty important test in an hour. It�ll be worthwhile I know it, but I�m still looking for the cure for my apathy. Bus pass expires tomorrow.

 Posted by Circe on 9.30.05

 Love

Current Song: Blackstreet - Before I Let You Go Current Mood: Dazed Love: A sickeningly twisted emotion, that spurs even the toughest of us to let down our guard and be enraptured by its vigorous blows and wanton acts; it leads many to war and even more to suicide or murder. Yet, it is the same emotion that makes hearts swell, palms sweat, tears sweet and the sun�s bright rays seem sunnier, without the harmful effects, of course. Only something this powerful could control our fragile little hearts and never let go while we grin and enjoy it. Sick, isn�t it? But, it�s true�and even I stammer while typing this�I am in love. How it happened, I�ll never know; but this whirlwind romance has swept me off my feet and now I�m floating on Cloud 9. To be honest, I�ve been in love for a while, I just haven�t had the courage to type it�the denial thing didn�t help either. Shouldn�t I be sipping soda-pop while writing secret thoughts in one of those girly diaries like we see in the movies? And where�s my music? Damn Hollywood and their romantic notions. Hopes are not meant to be bolstered up and smashed like this. Don�t they know it�s dangerous? Love is hard work, I won�t lie, but I want to find out for myself, and I am more than willing to do the work and put in the effort. The unsure results are captivating.

 Posted by Circe on 9.15.05

 Poetry - The Art of Love

Current Song: Usher - Nice and Slow Current Mood: Pining When I write poetry I can�t help but to get all googly eyed and love struck, even more so when reading it. To see the expressions of love, among other ranges of emotion, is absolutely spellbinding. Boy, do I love poetry, although when you�re in the writing lab reading it, you do tend to receive quite a reaction from your peers. Poetry is meant to be enjoyed and I do enjoy it. If that means laughing, crying, making faces or any other unexpected movement or sound I�ll do it. The weird faces, I�ll admit, do make my face flush a bright shade of pink though. ^^ Meh, I get used to it after a while. Read Canta a mi Corazon and not smile or cry. I dare you. There are more poems available in the writing section, and because I�ve finally got up off my lazy (not lazy, just extremely busy) bum, I now have a sketch of how the LOL series will go. It�s going to be a chronology of two lovers � experienced through the female�s point of view. Not really any conflict, there is some, but I�m going for a Napoleon-esque romance letter. Ah, scratch that. It�d be better just to read it. As far as having an accompanying piece to each of the poems, I�d rather not. On a whim, I might attack one just to do it, but it�s not going to be a habit. Unless I get special requests, I might just leave them as poems. : shrug : I�m thinking of adding a political thought to the Thoughts section, but because it�s mostly just a rant I�m taking my time. I�m still going to feel the same way I do about Bush and Kerry at home that I do here. This was spurred on by a conversation I had with David, it was quite riveting. Ahem, yeah right. Ah college! I still hate it; I thought that my hate would diminish slowly, but it�s not deteriorating at all. In fact, it�s building. It�s weird; I was never like this in high school. I did all my work and got good grades like a good little girl, not once complaining that I didn�t have any form of a life whatsoever. Now, if you don�t hear that from me, it�s because I�m drunk out of my mind � which won�t ever happen, because I don�t drink � or because I�m sick. My two audience essay was due today. Well, not really due, but it did need to be done. I wrote both of them in an hour, completing trashing all previous ideas for it for the topic of Teen Suicide. Did an okay job, better for what, an hours worth of work, but needed to be refined. I still have art to go. Only an hour and some odd minutes left before I get to go to class � joy. This three hour break thing is getting on my nerves, but I have to remind myself that some good does come out of it. I get to be inspired when I bring the red book. When do you think that all of these poems are written? Yeppers, it�s during the break; and now that I find out I have (nearly) unlimited use on the computer � oh boy! Watch out. I might actually find myself having fun! Fun? On a college campus?! Unheard of, right? I wonder what love feels like. I mean, I have an idea, but I�m wondering if these feelings that I have are really love. Last night, I slept for maybe an hour. I couldn�t stop thinking about Mr. X. He�s always on my mind and when I�m with him, time escapes me. Last night I was with him from 10 to 7 and it only felt like an hour, an hour and a half tops. I didn�t want to go home, I never do. I miss him when he goes down to his car, and when I see him drive up to pick me up I can�t help but to smile. He makes me feel like a person worth the world. I could go on and on about it, but I only have an hour and a half. We�ve made plans for the future, marriage, kids, house, jobs, the works, and even though it does seem rushed � I can�t stop. If I was an onlooker to my own life, let�s say me a year ago, I�d probably tackle myself out of this relationship right now, before I was hurt. Relationships never work out for me, but strangely it feels like this one just might. My parents like him, I love him, at least I think I do, and his family likes me. We�re happy together and I know that I make him happy, which makes me happy. His cousin said that we acted like we�re in love, by the way we show our affection for each other, but it�s not an act. I know it. It�s real, for me anyway. I think that for him it�s becoming real, he likes me, no doubt about that but love � wow. I don�t know; I�m a pretty good judge of character when it comes to these things, although from past relationships you wouldn�t think it, but normally, I do really well. I know that we have something, but what? Is it love? At my age is that possible? Or is age nothing but a number? Sigh, I'm hopeless.

 Posted by Circe on 9.12.05

 Busy. Updates. Stress Level: HIGH

Current Song: PYT - Kissing Game Current Mood: Quixotic I've updated DM with news about my upcoming project. It's for BSSM: Fukei. Go there to check it out, I've laid out my plans for the next few months. I was at school a few days ago ands did a short piece of writing, a letter, in the red book. The red book is my freelance journal. References to the Dalmatians or the black book mean the same; although the black book is more of a journal than anything else. Anyhow, the short piece of writing is now up in the writing section. It's the first in a series called Letters of Love. This one is called In Need Of You. Not as romantic as it sounds, but the element is definitely present. I could tell you what Letters is about, but that would mean I knew; Can't say I do just yet. But when I do...you'll be the second to know. -.^ I started on another poem, but I don't know if I am going to call it complete. I think I'll hold onto it for a while before posting it, just to know for sure. It is the second in the series, but I need to place it correctly. I can't just post it when it's done because it has to be placed in the series right. ^.^ On a whim I decided to analyze this letter, well, not really. It's a companion piece. I call it: In Need Of You - An Account of a Young Girl's Need to Hold Onto Innocence, or just The Accompaniment of In Need of You. Whichever you prefer. ^^  I didn't really go into everything I could have, but if I had, it would have been really boring; which is why it's short, fun and understandable. Yes, you read right, it's in modern English. So if you didn't understand the poem, you will the analysis. Even if you did understand it, it gives you my perspective on it. Which might be different than yours. If that's the case...tell me. Tomorrow is Labor Day. That means family barbecues, late night movies and lots and lots of music/ family time. I think I'm going to spend it with X. It's scary, but I was actually kind of serious. I have work later that night anyway, but aside from that I really don't think we're doing anything. I'm going to do my homework (I'm starting that in a few minutes) and then nothing, so why not? It'll keep him good and I'll get to spend time with him during a holiday. Awww...our first holiday, how romantic.  :P Oh yeah, this'll be fun. Lately, I've been having some back problems. My spine is sore by the small and it kind of hurts to stand for a long period of time. This does not bode well for me. I hardly slouch anymore, I don't carry my backpack for excessive amounts of time and I am being very careful with what I do, but I don't know if that's going to help any. Especially seeing as I've done most of those things since before the pain started. Good news, (there's good news?!) I have been receiving more backrubs as a result of it. (Okay, I guess that makes the risk of me having scoliosis and/or some other serious medical condition less...  :sigh: ) In other news...on MSN I have a "stalker." Okay maybe the term is a little harsh but it's still creepy. I blocked this person, let's call them Person A (A). A was miffed that I couldn't talk to them because of school, work, etc...(I just plain didn't want to) and decided to "check" if I was blocking them after many nights of being on non-speaking terms. I was. They signed in with another account and didn't think I would find out. I did. Now I've blocked them both. Nice try. I would talk to the person but it's more complicated than that. I'm not exactly held in a favorable light with this person and when talking to them I don't feel like I'm worth more than your average stray. So, yeah, it really is more than me being mean. .I filled out my Cal Grant change form today. You can ignore that, it's just a written note for me, so I know. ^^ Wow! It's tomorrow...I must be going to bed. I have work today. Yeeps! G'night everyone and happy Labor Day! (The white is grey so you can see it.) BTW How come there are two ways to spell grey? Gray? Grey? What about blonde? Blond? o.O I'll ponder that one over the break. Oh, yes. I'll do just *fantastic* in college, wouldn't you say?

 Posted by Circe on 9.04.05

 Momentary Insanity
 

Current Song: Babyface - Never Keeping Secrets Current Mood: Queasy It's "Let's Look Over My Life Day" today. Just a year ago I was an overachieving and unemployed high school student with all the free time in the world, and now I am a working, full time student and nervous wreck. I worry about *everything!!* It doesn't help that I don't balance my checkbook when I'm supposed to or that I'm being lazy over this Labor Day weekend. Oh, yes. This should turn out well. I was talking to Mr. X yesterday night. I have nothing to hold out for anymore so we're official. Have been for a few days, but that's beside the point. Why does England seem more glamorous now than ever? This is not to say that I don't absolutely adore being with Mr. X. He makes me feel almost complete, but I'm worried. (Shock shock, gasp, gasp.) Mostly about where this is going and if I am making the right choices. Sure, I'll be honest. I like him - a lot and I don't want this to end. It's just that I always sabotage my relationships and I just want this one to be different. : Sigh : I'll be okay in a few days when I drown out all my sorrows with binge eating. Bright side: Out of this, I've learned to keep my mouth shut - even if I can't help it. Grr! I was listening to this song yesterday, it was sung by a lady, and I can't remember what it was! I just need a few words of the chorus and I'll get it but I can't figure it out, even the melody escapes me. :( I hate when this happens. Ah, I'm going to be at this for a while. Happy Labor Day everyone!!

Posted by Circe on 9.04.05

 Life Starts Tomorrow

Current Song: Next - Imagine That Current Mood: Drowsy Tomorrow I start school and I am excited but not as happy as I thought I'd be. I want to be happy, but frankly I don't want to give up this life of laziness and comfort. Getting up at 5:30 in the morning, every morning, and trekking across town isn't exactly what I call living in the life of comfort. Yes, I am blessed to be able to get my education, hopefully when school starts I'll start acting like it. I am excited to be doing something though. I just hope that I get everything right, I won't but I want to get as close as I can. Just a few minutes before I was lying on my bed thinking about the great "What If" question. What if...things had been different. If I could change certain things would I? I can't answer that question. If I change the things I want to, I wouldn't be where or who I am today...in some weird way correcting all of my mistakes would leave me worse off, IMO. Yes, it is ironic and complicated, but I guess I'll leave things the way they are. For the most part I'm happy with how I turned out. I would like to erase some of those painful and stupid memories, the ones that when you daydream about them leave you wincing and hoping nobody remembers. I hate those; but I can't, because if I could...it would change everything. Butterfly Effect, Chaos Theory, etc...to the max. Bright side: Summer's almost over that means that these ants are finally going to disappear too. What else? I've been thinking of Mr. X lately. I like him but I don't know if I am going to pursue it. Good news it's not official yet. Bad news, I am treading on thin ice and I know it. If I mess up it could cost me my job, he says it won't but...I'm not dumb. I just have to be as professional about it as I can. So much for making out in the stock room. Ugh! I work in freaking Wienerschnitzel not some corporate office. Heck, I'm still a minor! Boy life does creep up on you fast, and here I am still riding a two wheeler. No, it's not a Harley. PS Is it me or is my site loading slower than normal?

Posted by Circe on 8.30.05

Sunday Update

Current Song: Usher - Can U Help Me Current Mood: Optimistic I went to church today and found out some interesting things about myself and those around me. Thanks to some nonchalant eavesdropping, I learned that I am still a member of the church that I was "exiled" from. Can't say that I wasn't completely ignorant of that situation, but to see it being written down on actual paper did bring it to life for me. It's not that big of a deal, when I find my church home - one where I can truly belong - I'll have the papers transferred and that will be that. That chapter of my life will finally be over with. In the middle of the service a lady walked in and started talking to random people , not too loudly but the pastor thought it disruptive and asked if there was anything that h could help her with. Her 9 year old daughter died earlier today. She needed help, I couldn't quite make out what else she was saying. It was kind of weird...it was weird. I'm just going to move onto the next subject. I 'm going to be going to college soon. I start the 31st and I'll be honest...I'm a little scared. I don't know what it's going to be like working and going to school, it's been done before, but I have a lot of questions as to how this is going to affect other things in my life. I'm sure I'll get though it, I know I will. It's just going to take a little hard work is all. I went to the movies yesterday with Mr. X, we saw Four Brothers. We made ourselves comfortable and had fun. About three-quarters of the way through it, his stomach started growling, then mine did. :D Good thing that there weren't a lot of people in the theatre. ^^" We went places after that and got to know each other a bit more...the good and the bad. Overall I enjoyed it. So what does this mean for us? Is there an us? Not exactly, he said he liked me and I do like him; but it's not official. Not yet anyway. There are still some issues that need to be resolved before he offers and I accept. Like the phone thing, his friends constantly interrupting, and his mom being my boss. Can't say that this would be a boring relationship. Joy. *.* I'm going to hopefully do more work on my fanfic, it's almost done, I just can't seem to finish it - still. My Senshi are in construction still; I trashed my current idea. Again. Will they ever get off the ground? I also think that I might upload some more poems. I had a bunch, but I didn't save them on my hard drive...bummer. After that I'm going to go draw. Oh I long for the day when I learn how to draw beautifully! Until then I get to mope. Moping.

Posted by Circe on 8.28.05

Couldn't Sleep

Current Song: Boyz II Men - On Bended Knee Current Mood: Frustrated It truly is amazing what the mind comes up with at any hour of the night. I think I woke up at least 4 times last night going into this morning...all of them "bad dreams." Note: Move my dream catcher...So, yes, today I am tired, what's more I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's blah. I was awakened at 9 something this morning to do college stuff, I start the 31st, and it kinda made me mad. Not the fact that I had to do it, just the fact that it was 9 in the morning. I was told I had to get up for "something important." [Word I can't say]. Grrr....Let me sleep!!! Can you imagine how things are going to be when school comes around? Bleh. I'm taking Art, Speech and English. All the Math was filled, so I had to choose art myself...I hope I made the right decision. Well, off to play Lufia!

Posted by Circe on 8.25.05

 New Poem

Current Song: Roger and Zapp - Computer Love Current Mood: Confused I just finished a new poem called Oh! To be Painted Blind. A handy reference to Cupid. Go read it to find out what I'm talking about. It's PG, so if you're like 7 you might not want to read it; but then again if you're 7 what are the odds that you're reading poetry? o_O

Posted by Circe on 8.24.05

 Innocent's Blood Update and Marriage

Current Song: Public Announcement - John Doe Current Mood: Antsy The revision of Innocent's Blood is taking a lot longer than I had previously expected. I am still on Chapter 9 after re-revising chapters 1 -8, and I just can't seem to be able to close this story. My outlines are available and I'm using them, but it just seems that even with the general outline, things need changed and it's kind of a hassle, but one I want to get through. While not perfect, this story is *WAY* better than it's predecessor. I should be shot for that one, but I'm hopefully making up for it now. I like how it is, granted I may do another revision later, but as it is now it's really working for me. Geez! The summer needs to hurry up and end so these ants will go away. They seem to always hit us hard in the summer months and even on the second floor it's no different. Granted, it's not as bad as I've seen it get, but Gah! They won't leave me alone! If a hair moves on my arm I automatically assume that it's an ant and I freak out. I don't like bugs and they don't like me, that's why my room has smelled of Raid for the past two days...unscented my  foot. I made the resolution to call my work today to get my schedule instead of walking over there for several reasons. Mostly, I was scared that I was going to see [designated name] X, but I didn't want to call because I hate that feeling of being a nuisance, which is exactly how I felt but I still haven't been able to figure out what I am going to say to him, so I bit the bullet. Wed - Fri normal hours...I need more hours, school starts in a few days and I need cash. I haven't received my first paycheck yet, but whatever it is I know I'll be happy. I've counted it up from being anywhere from 80 to 120, but you couldn't get me sad about it if it was 30 bucks. As you can probably tell, it's not about the money. It's just the fact that I earned it. I put in the hours and I did the work. This is *my* money. Ultimate satisfaction. About X, yes, I am purposely being vague, I know that eventually I will have to face him, but right now I don't have my wits about me so it's probably a good idea that I don't. Sigh, when will I grow a backbone? Luckily, I doubt that I'm going to see him this week at work, even though I want to. The temptation to blow it is still too strong, I don't want to mess up again, plus even though I'm not feeling it, supposedly I'll feel a whole lot better later. I'm going to the movies today, we decided on The Skeleton Key. I know, I know. Why see it if you know  what's going to happen? Because it still seems like it's worth it, that's the point, to see if it's worth it. Unlike Flightplan which is The Forgotten in the air, I have a good feeling about this one. Now, The Cave I can't stop ranting about because I know about the Descent and I know that this watered-down American crap that they're spewing out isn't going to do it any justice. I blame it on teen slasher flicks, that whole era has made America weak, so much so that they have to water down our horror movies...or maybe it's not the fact that we are weak at all, maybe it's just that we have really crappy directors... o_O. Whatever. Okay, back to The Skeleton Key...well, kinda. I was listening to the radio...I really don't do that often, it's amazing even to me how much I've been listening lately... and Kate said that she didn't care if her husband went out and cheated on her as long as she didn't know about it and nothing changed at home...what's more shocking was that women called in and agreed with her! Time to put my two cents in on the subject: WTF?!?! No, how are you going to let your husband run around behind your back and sleep with every hussy he wants to? You in the background telling him that as long as I'm ignorant about it, it doesn't affect you. BS! Firstly, are you even aware of how unsafe that is? Yeah, so while you're sexing him, you're also sexing those 20+ women that he slept with last week. As if that wasn't nasty enough, let's add the fact that you could acquire any number of STD's like HIV/AIDS. Oh, no we can't stop there, because that's just common sense that tells you that, even though these days it's not that common, you don't have to be 7 to understand that. Let's tack on the fact that if you believe that you A) Don't know what marriage is about and B) Don't care about the fact that he doesn't love nor respect you enough to say monogamous.  What happened to the good old values of I'm going to stay with you forever, till death do us part? If you don't care about those values, why are you even getting married? What's the point? And if you have kids...that's just irresponsible. Are you going to allow your son/daughter to practice these same values? And of your child's spouse? What happens when your daughter in law comes to you crying her eyes out, because she found out that her husband, your son, is cheating on her? You know what, I don't even want to know. I feel sorry for those kids. They don't have a respectable and honorable enough role model that values the sanctity of marriage, much less their health. Forget the marriage license, we need a parenting license. It should be mandatory for new parents to buy a license to have a kid. They should have to take classes on what values to teach your child - regardless of what your beliefs are. Now, I know IRL that's not going to happen ( and shouldn't ) and would have so many flaws it's unreal but...c'mon. That's just stupid. I'm done ranting, of course I could go on forever about the subject, but it's pointless to go on. If they didn't see what they were doing before, I doubt that anything will sway the empty space between their ears. Angry? No, I'm not angry...just disappointed. Wait, no. It's anger.

Posted by Circe on 8.23.05

 To blog or not to blog?

Current Song: Xscape - My Little Secret Current Mood: Guilty I've been mulling over the idea of starting a blog and to use this site strictly for my writings and such...but this is my personal site. Hello?! Personal. So why am I still flip flopping over the idea...I don't know, must be the hormones.  One of the few things I am not so fond of is pain. Who is right? Well....there are the occasional few surprises from people. No I am not one of them. It's subsided for now, but who knows when it'll be back? I do know that I have 4 more days before I can start counting again. Whoopee. What else? Ah yes. Temptation. It sucks. Hard. A long time ago I made a promise to myself and those around me, not to mention God, to wait and what do I do? Blow the first chance I get. Way to go. So this weekend I got dished up with a main course of cramps with a side of guilt. Joy.  The worst part is that I know that no matter how hard I beat myself up over this, I'm still not going to grow a backbone and say No. What's more is that I have to lie. I despise lying, but it's not like I can exactly tell the truth. Later I'm going to have to solve this recurring issue of mine, I don't know how, but I'll figure it out...or get caught. Sadly, my bets are on getting caught. School is coming up soon and I am worried about not only money, the ultimate demise of my dream to go to Fresno State, but also if I am going to have enough time to study and get good grades. For me I have to graduate with Honors, so all life outside of school will be virtually nonexistent, but I'm ready for that. Right now I'm just worried about graduating. Random topic...so it's 3 AM on a Friday morning and right as I wake up I hear Tevin's "Can We Talk? " one of my favorite songs and of course I don't want to fall back asleep, so I wind up listening until 5. Boy do I love that song. I hadn't heard it in such a long time, but my heart swelled and I was in la-la land for the next two hours. Ahh...the power of music.

Posted by Circe on 8.21.05

You don't know you're tired until you *really* are tired
 

...and let me say, I am TIRED!! I love my job and am miffed that I don't get to work as much as I wanted to. Ah well, at least I get to watch Veronica Mars. WOCD is on tomorrow!!!!! I'm so happy I can barely contain my joy - really. I was worried that I would miss it, but I'm glad I don't have to. Veronica Mars Season 2 is scheduled to premier the 28th, a week later than we had previously expected, but still it's not up against the evil Lost, so I'm kind of happy about that. The only problem is that because of the week delay, the people who started to watch Lost are more inclined to stay with it - even though it's been proven by previous Lost fans themselves, that VM is a better show... Anyway, I was watching a rerun of Dr Phil today; it was about bullying. I thought to myself, that they would have to sedate me if anything happened like that to my child. You might as well call SWAT when you see me, because to tell me that nothing is happening to these tormentors - I'm raging mad already. It's sickening. Take responsibility for your kids, spare the rod, spoil the child. It just seems that the kids who need to be disciplined are being raised by parents who aren't  that much more mature themselves and to me that's beyond pitiful or sad - it's sick. I'm done ranting for today. I don't have the energy to continue on.

  Posted by Circe on 8.16.05

 First day on the job

Well, I must say that I am truly blessed. Blessed to have such a supportive family, blessed to have such kind and wonderful co-workers and managers, a BIG shout out to everyone working at the schnitzel; you guys are great!! I'm blessed to be blessed. As you can probably tell, I had a GREAT day at work today. I never knew that work could be this much fun, a lot of that credit goes to the people that I'm working with and serving. An awesome event filled day. That's how I'm going to leave it. Got work tomorrow so I'm going to go hit the sack!! Kisses and Hugs for everyone!

Posted by Circe on 8.13.05

 Personal Update
 

Woot!! I got my first job today!! I went out for a walk, and wound up at Wienerschnitzel. I filled out the application and was hired on the spot! :D :D I'm so happy and blessed!!! Now I can afford to go to school and help out my family, which I have been wanting to do for a while. My mom was SO proud of me, I called her at work, I wanted her to be the first to know. I have only 2 phone calls left to make. Do you remember when you guys landed your first jobs? Tell me! I'd love to hear about your first time experiences, and maybe some tips for the newbie!! ;D LOL Well, I'd better get back to work it's going to be a long day tomorrow. Ciao!!!

Posted by Circe on 8.11.05

 It is complete!!

Posted by Circe on 8.10.05

 Update
 

More of the site is now running and the number of broken links are going down. I fixed all of those :ahem: forms, so they shouldn't give me any more trouble. I still have the two rings pages and the Guests and Friends section needs to be finished, so I'll finish those sometime soon, probably by tomorrow. Everything else is done. Whew! Also, I'm feeling better today!! Yay! No more sick though, not that I mind. Well, I'll get back to work now. Ciao!

Posted by Circe on 7.30.05

 Art is up, and the forms are being...forms
 

I added the art section, and it is up and running. I'll add to it when I do more art. No, there isn't any hand drawn art up there just yet, but eventually there will be; but don't miss out on the other galleries. Mmmkay?! I'm holding out on the forms, because something in the code isn't right and the polls and quizzes didn't transfer right. So, I'm going to just take a day and fix those blasted forms!! However, just because the forms aren't working doesn't mean that my e-mail's not! Feel free, anytime. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather, but hopefully it clears up soon. K?

Posted by Circe on 7.30.05

 Upload 87% complete...
 

Much of the site is up, but within the next couple of days I'll put the rest up; which is a day late I know! However, I seem to be feeling a bit under the weather, so bear with me, mmkay?! Ahhh, the joyous effects of an extended vacation! I'll do what I can for now, but I think I'm going to retire early for the night.

Posted by Circe on 7.29.05

 So, how do you like it?

So how do you like the new layout? I told you it's very, very blue.... This layout features the wonderful Rose McGowan. "That which we call a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet..." adorns the top of this blend, a famous quote from the more famous Romeo and Juliet, written by the mastermind William Shakespeare. This layout isn't as dark as the other one, I wanted to do a layout that didn't have a black background, or a white one for that matter...and this is what I came up with. I'll be doing the updating in a time frame of about two to three days, the new content (yes, I added!) should be up in about a week or so, so keep your eyes open for that. Alrightie, I'm off to do more updating...see you!

 Posted by Circe on 7.27.05

 Back from vacation

Posted by Circe on 7.26.05

 

 Internet Connection

Posted by Circe on 3.15.05
 

 Major Revisions, Minor Update

 Posted by Circe on 2.18.05
 

 Rule of thumb: Check your services!!

Posted by Circe on 2.17.05

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