October 2008:
• Added a new encouraging, real-life story:
• New editorial:
December 2005
I am not a pastor, counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist.
If I do get any e-mails, I ask that you please not ask me for relationship advice! I'm in the same boat as you are.
I am simply an everyday Christian - a female - offering you my thoughts about singlessness, relationships, and other issues. I could even be wrong about some of my views; I don't know.
As I write this, I am almost in my mid-thirties, I am single, and I've never been married. I have been a Christian since childhood and was raised in the Baptist denomination.
You can read all about my personal experiences and past romances (or lack thereof) on this page - other information on that page includes other information about me and my views about the Christian lifestyle.
Over the past month, I have been visiting and reading a lot of online material geared towards Christian singles. Some of the material out there is pretty good, some of it I consider bad, but mostly it's hard to find.
Unfortunately, when plugging in the phrase "Christian single" or some such term, search result page after search result page turns up links to dating services, when what I was looking for were articles, advice, or discussion boards.
I hope you will be glad to hear that at my site, I am not even going to offer the standard, depressing disclaimer that one usually finds at Christian singles sites, and you know the one I mean. . .
~ The disclaimer that tells you that it may be in God's will for you to remain single. Forever.
I do wish Christian singles sites would stop brow beating their readers with that dreary outlook. It's sort of the equivalent to telling a little kid a scary "boogeyman" story before his or her bedtime.
You may think you're doing your readers a service to hit them over the head with the ol' "God may keep you single forever" line, but in my opinion, it's kind of heartless, mean, and cruel to do so - even if you feel there is scriptural justification for uttering it.
Single people such as you and me who very much want to get married (and who are dying of loneliness on some days, despite "having Jesus") are looking for encouragement, not these platitudes and clichés about "learning to be content in your singleness," or that "singleness is a gift."
We don't want the fear mongering, the "Bwa ha ha, God may make you be single forever, so deal with it, bwa ha ha!," kind of thinking.
Yes, I am aware that there are passages such as one in the New Testament of the Bible which mention that singleness, like marriage, is a gift.
I'm not saying it's entirely bad to try and remain upbeat even in a sad situation - but to kind of have that attitude crammed down your throat is something else.
When I visit a singles site, I don't want to be confronted with the "Bah Hum Bug" attitude that God may never send me my Special Someone, and that I should just learn to suck it up and take it.
Nor do I enjoy being confronted with the UNSCRIPTURAL teaching by some so-called Christians that it is "wrong" for me to have faith in God, to trust God, to send me my future spouse.
Of course, in some articles for singles, some authors believe that by tacking on phrases such as "looking to Jesus for all your needs" or by quoting the part about "Christ being sufficient for all your needs" (don't you love it when other believers act as though you've never read the Bible before?) somehow makes such statements and attitudes less empty and clichéd.
But they do not.
If anything, they seem to downplay and cheapen the hurt we feel at being alone.
Regardless of how you feel towards evangelical Billy Graham, I'd advise all such well-meaning Christians (the ones who mistakenly think that uttering a few Bible verses at a hurting Christian is the right thing to do) to get a copy of the Billy Graham book Hope For The Troubled Heart and read the chapter entitled How To Help The Hurting People.
There are times when spouting off Bible verses to a broken hearted person is not helpful but is - or can be - insensitive, thoughtless, and cruel.
Marriage in and of itself is not out of God's will.
God is, after all, the Creator of marriage and the Bible speaks quite favorably of marriage. It seems to be assumed through out much of Scripture that the majority of believers will get married.
I don't believe God would allow a Christian to have a deep desire for a spouse but then turn around and say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, it's not in my will for you to have one!"
It was out of frustration with the content for Christian singles on the web that I have made this site.
I also want you to know that even though you're not married or not in a romantic relationship, that in another way, you are not alone: I too am a Christian single, and I don't find it easy being single.
I fully and firmly believe you will eventually get your Mr. (or "Ms.") Right, as will I. I believe God will see to it.
Hold on to your faith that God will send you your spouse, and don't let the nay-saying grumpies on the web (and where ever else) talk you out of that or get you down. And check out the essays on the site.