Dailies
Tuesday, March 1, 2005
The phone rang at 9:30 pm last night. I was right by it so I picked it up on the first ring. My husband must have been waiting for the call as he picked it up on the first ring too. "Hello?" we both said. "Hey Don, it's Joe," said Joe's voice. "Come on over." "All right, see ya," answered my husband. We both hung up. I felt a little shaky. My heart pounded in my chest. Joe's voice! How I used to long to hear that voice! Just hearing it used to make things all better. And now there it was, asking my husband to come over. Don was out the door in ten minutes. I know what Joe wanted -- he wanted someone to smoke pot with. The two of them were having a stoner party.
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
This evening I began a 24-hour fast. I won't eat again until tomorrow night. Hope I can get through! I've never fasted for one whole day before, though I tried once. But I've just read a Paul Bragg book, The Miracle of Fasting, and I've convinced I've got to incorporating fasting into my health plan. I'll fast one day per week for the rest of my life, with a 3-day fast in May, working up to 7-day fasts four times a year. I'm very excited about it, most especially because the benefits are supposedly so good. On this program I'll be vigorous and healthy into my 90s. Paul Bragg was. He was convinced that people could live into their 120s and intended to do so himself. He didn't make it, though. He died at 95 in a body-surfing accident in Hawaii. That's how I want to die. I want to die while living. I'm going to shoot for 120, but I'll die in a sporting accident in my 90s. Here's to the rest of my life! May it be as good as Paul Bragg's.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
The fast went well. Very well. When I was hungry I drank herb tea or water with a splash of lemon. I didn't crave food all day, didn't even WANT food when I smelled it. I felt free from cravings, more able to listen to what my body was saying. I heard that happened during a fast, but I didn't expect it to happen on the first day of my first fast ever. At 9:00 in the evening, when I could eat again, I didn't much feel like it because I wasn't that hungry. I felt like I could have gone for another day. But it was time to eat, so I made some fresh salsa and had that, along with an avocado, a corn tortilla and a bunch of raw almonds.
Don didn't go to work today for some reason. He took the opportunity to clean Kendall's room from top to bottom. It looks great now. She was pretty unhappy about it but too bad for her -- we'd been threatening such action for a while. If she wants us to keep out, she'll have to keep it up better herself. Besides, household stuff disappears into her room (and the other kids' rooms) and we never see it again unless the place is thoroughly cleaned. Don unearthed the can opener, the scissors, and a bunch of our CDs, some of which were scratched.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Rhiannon and I went to the planetarium to see "Science of the Zodiac." Rhiannon is a wonderful companion. It was great seeing the moon, sun and planets zipping all around. The speaker told us all about the precession of the equinoxes, which I'd read about in conjunction with the Mithraic mysteries. The new theory there is that the cult sprang up in response to the discovery iof the precession of the equinoxes, because the discovery that the stars themselves moved like that shook up their world view. Mithras was the bull-slayer -- he had changed the Age of Taurus to the Age of Aries.
Afterwards we went to Barnes & Noble where I read "The Dogs of Babel" with this poem:
Had I known but yesterday
what I know today,
I'd taken out your two gray eyes
and put in eyes of clay,
And had I known but yesterday
You'd be no more my own
I'd taken out your heart of flesh
and put in a heart of stone.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Popped to the old house to help clean
it out a bit. Rhiannon was there too. Perhaps we should buy that house. It'd be wonderful to have a place that's big enough to have people over. I haven't been able to have a family party since we left the Juniper Street house.
Saturday, March 20, 2005
Went to old house to do some cleanup. I don't think I'll buy it. Too far away. I like the place we live. It's tiny, but it's near the library, the track, the coffee house, the big box store, and open space. It's also on a bunch of bus lines. While the old house is near a track, a big box store, and a library, it has no bus line, no open space and is even farther from school and friends than we already are. So no.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Question for the Tarot: When will I understand what life is all about?
Answer (using Major Arcana only): Lovers - Hermit - Chariot
I had to think about this answer for several days. What could it possibly mean? I've been working with a book called Tarot in Ten Minutes which uses a different interpretation method than the one I've worked out. This confused me. When I went back to my own meanings, the cards made more sense. It was actually quite simple. Just read the cards straight up and there it is. Answer: I'll understand what life is all about when there is perfect union between the lone seeker and the master of the physical world. I'm the Lone Seeker; the Hermit is my significator. Interpretation: When Don (the Chariot) and I (the lone seeker) learn to be true lovers. That's a good answer. I wonder if it's true. In other words, will I REALLY know what life's all about once this state of perfect union is achieved? We'll see. It's a tall order, but I'm going to try.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Today is my third fast day. I'm very pleased with fasting. I feel more in charge of my body, more aware of what I eat, more powerful. Who knew I could refrain from eating for 24 hours? I sure didn't. I've been enslaved to food, obsessed by food. I think about it all the time. But fasting is curing me of that.
Sunday, March 27, 2005. Easter Sunday.
I've been thinking about the Tarot reading from last week. What if the Chariot referred to Joe? It could. And the Lovers -- that's our card. The card for Don and me is Temperance, that is, combination of different materials. Today I was sitting with my cards, asking questions and drawing one card per question. What would be the significator for Joe, I asked? I drew a card, while thinking "I'm not sure I'll believe this answer." But guess what the answer was -- it was the Chariot.
I've no idea how this perfect union is to be achieved. It messes my head up to see him. I'd kind of rather not.
Monday, March 29, 2005.
I'm tremendously happy just now. I hate to tell you why. I hate to admit it.
I'm happy because I'll get to see Joe soon. It's only a matter of time, now that he and my husband are friends. Now you can despise me for being a
fool. It's true, I am.
Popped in to Rhiannon's chemistry class tonight. She said, "Hi Momma!" I don't want her to call me Mom in front of other people any more. Its my vanity, I suppose. It's because people are really really surprised to learn I'm her mother. You should see the look of amazement on their faces when I'm introduced. I don't look old enough, apparently. So I might as well take advantage of that and pass for her sister or her friend, eh?
I Thought You Loved Me More Than That; ExplodingDog.com
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