Dailies

Friday, October 1 , 2004
I realized a couple truths about my photography project today:

1. keep shooting. Shoot the same subject from many angles, lights and moods
2. count on cropping
3. always get photos online

These are because

1. the subject keeps evolving. It will be different, or even gone, the next time you see it
2. cropping removes extraneous stuff and can change the subject of a picture
3. it makes the job of posting to my web site so much easier!

Saturday, October 2, 2004
It's just past midnight, which is a very bad thing. These days, if I stay up past midnight, I can't get to sleep at all. How did it get so late?

Here's how: first, I stayed up talking on the Joseph Campbell Mythology chatroom. Then Kendall came into my room and wanted to talk. We sang Queen songs. Then Rhiannon called to say I should see Ladder 49. Then I took my before-bed bath. Now it's after midnight.

I took Michaela shopping today. We aren't getting along for some reason. The reason is probably that I'm inconsistent at times and she doesn't like it. She sees my flaws and loses her respect for me.

In other words, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine. She does to me what I did to my mother when I was a teenager.

Sunday, October 3, 2004
Great day. I worked on the Back Alley Project for about two hours, went ice skating, and met up with my siblings and father at Sara's birthday party, where I directed Pin the Tail on the Donkey, face painted all the kids, and talked about mom (who's dead, remember), life, politics and movies with the grown-ups.

Michaela and I had a nice day today. Sometimes we don't, like yesterday for example. But today we talked and laughed.

What did I learn today? Think... Well, when it comes to taking pictures, you have to keep snapping away because you never know 1) if you got a good shot and 2) if the subject will be there the next time you go out. In conversation with my siblings, it was born home to me yet again the importance of memorizing articles. I was able to work several stories I'd recently read into the conversation.

Monday, October 4, 2004
Today I sorted through old family photos I've taken, pulling out the portraits and throwing away old negatives. Yes, they are gone. If you want a copy, make a scan.

I've joined a couple more Yahoo groups (oh goody, more messages I won't have time to read!). These people have a lot to say. They are articulate. They can write paragraphs on a subject. They know what they believe and they have opinions. I want to be like them I'm going to make an attempt to be more articulate myself, more expressive in describing my beliefs, and more aware as to what they are.

Life is great.

Saturday, October 9, 2004
I'm a little discouraged today because my photography project isn't going perfectly. My pictures don't always turn out. Sometimes a whole roll will be no good. Sometimes a set of pictures I was really excited about turns out poorly. Sometimes I don't hold the camera steady which ruins a picture I thought would be good. Sometimes the light isn't any good, but I didn't notice that until the picture comes back.

I've got a bunch of good pictures and a whole bunch of lousy ones. Am I learning?

I've learned to shoot the same subject a bunch of times. I've learned to get the unusual angle. I've learned that a red apple is an apple that's about to fall. I've learned about inline frames.

My project is a lot harder than you'd think. But I love it anyway.

After the second presidential debate, I posted a pro-Bush opinion about it in the INFP group. I haven't been back to read the responses. I'm afraid to. Really really afraid. I always do this -- I post an opinion, then I avoid the answers. I'm scared of being told I'm an idiot, scared of being flamed.

Thursday, October 14, 2004.
What makes life worth living?

1. Love
2. Meaningful Work
3. Enjoyment of the good things of life
4. Deeply felt emotion, both positive and negative

Friday, October 15, 2004.
Photography lesson: Hold the camera steady. If you aren't going to hold the camera steady, then you might as well quit right here and now.

I've ruined several good pictures by moving the camera slightly as I took them.

Saturday, October 23, 2004.
While out shooting today, I dropped my camera and broke it. I will take this opportunity to scan in and work on finished pics.

Sunday, October 24, 2004.
Michaela tripped over a heating vent and gashed her foot. We dashed to the emergency room where she got six stitches. This is our family's second emergency room visit ever; our first being when Rhiannon broke her arm eight years ago.

Monday, October 25, 2004.
My boss was amazed that we've only been to the emergency room twice ever. She's got twin boys and they average twice a year.

Thursday, October 28, 2004.
I don't have a problem with Kerry being an anti-war kinda guy. I have a problem with his dishonesty about it. He won't stand up and say, "Here's what I believe and why." No, he says he's a Vietnam War Hero, as though he were pro-war. He's not a man of conviction, he's a man who goes with the political flow.

DULCE ET DECORUM EST
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks, 
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge, 
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs 
And towards our distant rest began to trudge. 
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots 
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind; 
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots 
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! –  An ecstasy of fumbling, 
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time; 
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling, 
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . . 
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light, 
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight, 
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace 
Behind the wagon that we flung him in, 
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face, 
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin; 
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood 
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs, 
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud 
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, 
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest 
To children ardent for some desperate glory, 
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est 
Pro patria mori.

It is sweet and right to die for one's country.

Friday, October 29, 2004.
Don and I are doing a little better. Which is nice. Which means I say good-bye to the possibility of Joe. Not that there ever was much of a possibility.

What I want to say, though, is that the possiibity of him was once very close. I did have him once, a little, and the memory of that is tremendously precious to me. I kissed Joe once. I held him in my arms. He smiled at me. He told me stories. I'll never him any more than the little bit I've already had. But I'll always have that. It's a cozy warm memory. I loved Joe, and he might have loved me. And I'll always have that.

I Thought You Loved Me More Than That; ExplodingDog.com

2003

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