Our Golden Rule

As we all know, relationships have rules. Many, many, many rules. Lots. Most are unwritten. Many are one-sided. Some come as a surprise to the other person: "Really? We're being monogamous?" Early on in our almost 7-year relationship, Luis and I agreed on only one explicit rule. It is simple in intent, difficult in execution. Before you jump in, know this: You are doomed to failure if both of you don't absolutely see eye to eye on it. It has saved us countless hours of grief. You see, we think that if you truly love someone (really, honestly, cross-you-heart-and-hope-to-die), he should not have to endure the kind of torture that you endure with your family and friends. It's great if everyone actually enjoys being with each other, but how many of us are that lucky? I think we obligate our significant others to attend functions not to provide moral support, but to punish them for unrelated things.

We all know how trying it is to suffer through Aunt Edna's 12th performance of her one-act play, "Hip Replacement," or risk carpal tunnel syndrome playing hours and hours of DeathRace 2000 with a lonely cousin or sit with eyes propped open when friends tell you often their toddler has pooped in the last two days.

At first blush our rule is simple: Neither partner is obligated to attend the other partner's family or friend functions. The rule applies to all occasions: weddings, funerals, baptisms, graduations, birthdays, dinners, all holidays.

Now, here's the tricky part: If the partner declines, the other partner must have no hard feelings and never use it as a weapon later.

We don't use the rule that often, but when we do, it really works. It's like having an unlimited supply of Get Out of Jail Free cards!