Chipper

My office building has very tight security. I have to go through four checkpoints just to get to my desk. Two security guards stand at each door. In winter they stand indoors in full-length wool coats. In summer they stand outside in polyester uniforms. They are not allowed to say hello or otherwise be friendly. I guess they figure anyone can be a terrorist. They are so phlegmatic I'm beginning to wonder whether they're really robots. One, in particular, I call Gunslinger. He doesn't carry a gun or look like a cowboy, but he does look like Yul Brynner in Westworld. If you've never seen the movie, rich people vacation at Delos, a themed amusement park where robots satisfy their every wish. Yul Brynner plays a robot gunslinger in West World, a Wild West theme park. At first he plays what starts as a fun game of cat and mouse with meek Richard Benjamin. Then somewhere along the way the circuitry goes awry and Brynner becomes a Terminator bent on hunting down and killing Benjamin.



Our Gunslinger wears a blue security guard uniform and never looks at you directly. I feel the heat from his laser-equipped eyes when he scans my badge. Sometimes he's so motionless I'm tempted to push him to see if his switch is on. On a hot day I swear I can see smoke coming out of the back of his head.

Last week my colleague Pidge brought her 4-year-old son Natty to work for Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Natty was thrilled when security issued him a badge, with his picture on it even!

When Pidge brought Natty into the building, Gunslinger asked to see Natty's badge. Natty was in heaven--he was so important! Later Pidge went up to Gunslinger to thank him for making Natty's day by asking to see his badge. Gunslinger looked at her blankly; he had no idea what she was talking about.

Today, I don't know, he seemed a little different. Was that a slight, crooked smile on his face? Maybe, just maybe, Gunslinger got a chip upgrade.