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SATURDAY
07.18.98
self doubt
I began to reflect on how people like to exercise their opinions about various things from their disliking a song on the radio to how shaving cream is positioned on the bathroom sink. I don't know, but if you ask me, sometimes people should leave their opinions to themselves sometimes and not be so hasty to make snap judgements on things. Take a recent CD I just purchased, Frank Sinatra's September of my Years. Someone recently mentioned to me, upon first listening to the album, that it was boring and was putting this person to sleep. The thing is, when you really start to get into the album and become intimately acquainted with the lyrics and the instrumentation, one begins to really appreciate the music and the expression of that piece of music. I just feel that people should be careful in exercising their right to express their opinions because when they start arguing with me, then I have my own right to express my own opinion. And sure enough the other person will try to prove me wrong, and in actuality, I'm just expressing my own opinion right back. I've been having my own self doubts about myself lately. That I should be in better physical shape, that I should try to eat better, and practice more on the drums. I think I'm all screwed up sometimes from my parents trying to bring me up a certain way and me trying to grow up being me. They didn't want me to be a professional musician. From where my parents are from, the culture there adores music, but at the same time they look down on musicians as being bums with bad reputations. That musicians can never make enough money. I envy the other guys in the band for getting more support from there family and friends than I do. My parents haven't been out to a gig in God knows how long. The other family members of the others come out frequently to check out the shows and are totally into the music and the scene, while my family and friends have to be asked time and time again, and they still don't come out to support me and my musical dream. I'm feeling that I'm all alone, but I guess if this is my dream and that I am pursuing this dream, then I should be happy about it. Indeed I am; performing on the drums has been my lifelong dream and now I am fulfilling this dream; I'm giving it all I've got at this point. I just don't have the full on support from the people I need it from the most. I do get it from the fans out there who really appreciate me for who I am, for my performance and they respect me for what I can do. People who've known me all my life treat me less, as if they want to keep me at a certain level and not want me to grow and prosper. I guess if I have doubts about certain people then I should just blow them off and forget about them, and just concentrate on my work. I have a brother who lives in same city as me and I've haven't seen this guy in about a year! Well, screw all the people who don't want to at least touch base; I can find friendship in others.
CDs Played Today:
Mozart Symphony No. 40 in G minor Mulan City Of Angels Soundtrack
The Holy Bible Tonight's Gigs:
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