THE DIGNIFIED RANT: HOME EDITION

LIST OF ANNOYING THINGS

Return to The Dignified Rant: Home Edition

• Is it impossible to get a fresh donut in Ann Arbor? We have no Dunkin Donuts. And until last Saturday we had but one Tim Horton's crammed into a Wendy's. And now that Wendy's has a breakfast menu, the Tim Horton's is history. And this on top of the conversion some years ago of a place that made donuts on a visible river of oil into a sushi place! Pastries I can get. Croissants I can get. For God's sake, I can't turn around without seeing biscotti for sale. But no blue collar donut chain with donuts made fresh in the morning. I swear, a man has to go out to the township for guns, strippers, and now donuts. (Posted July 7, 2009)

• The Washington Post pay-for-access ploy is interesting in that nobody there apparently thought anything was wrong with arranging access to the administration for cash. As the expression goes, everyone knows what the Post is, they were just haggling over the price. (Posted July 3, 2009)

• I'm wondering, does the Prius come factory equipped with "Obama '08" bumper stickers? It sure seems like it. (Posted March 21, 2009)

• And speaking of flaming insanity, yesterday while driving down a main road in town in the morning, I needed to switch lanes to avoid a yahoo jogging in the road. With sidewalks not plowed to his liking, he decided to jog in the street where the roads were noticably better than the sidewalk. Of course, the roads were narrower from the snow and still rather slick. So either he could have slipped in the path of a car or a car could have skidded into him. And if something like that had happened, who gets in trouble? The uninjured driver or the poor wailing jogger in the cast and neck brace? Some people are idiots. (Posted January 20, 2009)

• Well, the Age of Hope and Change started off with me making a cash infusion into the local economy. I got home tonight and it was really cold in my home. Upstairs it was warm. Whoa. Sounds like the furnace fan died. So I shut down and restarted the furnace and sure enough, flame appears in the furnace but heat does not come out of any vents. Radiating heat from the flames had warmed the upstairs, but that isn't really good in the long run. So a day shy of weather close to freezing meant that I'd have to endure a really cold night with no heat. And my pipes froze one winter with heat. So I couldn't afford to wait until the next day for a business hours call. Total damage: $618.00. Which is half what I paid for the new furnace seven years ago. I'm not feeling hopey and changey yet. (Posted January 20, 2009)

• My son's school is planning a pretty full day of presidential inauguration celebrations this Tuesday. How special. I guess I'm just sorry I missed the equally festive events in 2005 and 2001. I'm sure the school staff was just as enthusiastic in celebrating democracy in action back then. (Posted January 14, 2009)

• Boys will be boys: "At the exact moment Jon Favreau is receiving high praise in pre-inaugural media puff pieces, the 27-year-old chief speechwriter for President-elect Barack Obama (not Jon Favreau, the Hollywood actor/ director) finds himself in a minor mess over a photo from a recent private party showing him groping the breast of a cardboard cutout of Hillary Rodham Clinton as an unnamed pal wearing an 'Obama staff' T-shirt kisses and feeds her beer." Thank goodness those two men are progressive types! Because otherwise we'd know they are misogynist pigs who should be fired and publicly humiliated. If you are sensitive, you can get away with anything. And modern feminism has become all about standing by your liberal man. You've come a long way, baby. (Posted December 10, 2008)

• Some British researchers have spent Queen knows how much money to tell us that babies get a little nervous when pushed around facing forward, and are at risk of becoming "emotionally impoverished." The article quotes a researcher, "Our data suggests that for many babies today, life in a buggy is emotionally impoverished and possibly stressful. Stressed babies grow into anxious adults." Good grief. From stiff upper lip to this rot. What has happened to a people who built a global empire? As for "life in a buggy," just how much do the British push their babies around? Who knew the British really do have to push the pram a lot?
  
  (Posted November 25, 2008)

• I'm sorry, but I don't feel sorry for the people who have lost their houses in the recent housing crunch, or who may lose those houses. They made money when they could flip houses in the good times, and I did not resent them for that. But now they see the flip side of the risk they took. For those less well off who have made bad choices and may lose their homes? For these people I do feel some pity. But not enough to rescue them with a government bailout. At some point you have to take responsibility for your mistakes. If you really screwed up, it is a family matter to bail you out and not a government issue. And if a person is losing a home because of unscrupulous lenders or fraud? Well, I assume that state or federal laws already address these issues and more power to individuals or state attorneys general in going after any scum bags that ripped off the poor, the ill-educated, or the just sloppy. (Posted July 16, 2008)

• One of the things that has always annoyed me about the multi-culturists and global citizens is that their quest to make room for foreign cultures always pushes out American culture. Sure, when in Rome do as the Romans is fine. But when the Romans are in America, we should encourage them to do as the Romans? Lileks put it well in the context of the recent language flap: "Apparently it is right to expect people who visit Paris to speak French the day they get there, but it is cultural chauvinism to expect people who want to live and work in America to understand English well enough to navigate a ballot." Foreign cultures are enriching and fascinating, and all that. But America's culture and society are worth preserving and defending. (Posted July 16, 2008)

• So today I'm going to lunch. I reach the corner and find a large, organized group of bicyclists riding down the street. The light is against me so I wait. I can soon tell from various signage that the group is riding through the streets to promote acceptance of bicyclists. And then the traffic light turns against them. So what do these bicyclists who are riding to promote acceptance of bicycling do? They keep their road guards out to block cross traffic even though that cross traffic has a green light. Yes indeed, acceptance is certainly promoted by running red lights. I walked to the middle of the cross walk where I was blocked by the acceptance-seeking bicyclists despite the pedestrian sign that clearly said "walk," and just glared at them. I know they affected my level of acceptance. (Posted June 5, 2008)

• It seems that the line on whether a president needs military experience is changing again. Whew! Just in time for a presidential candidate with no military experience to tout! What luck! Indeed, too much military experience is now apparently bad. Your father was an admiral? Clearly you are in the tank for the military. And besides, what does McCain know about war anyway? McCain was "sealed away" from the horrors of the Vietnam War during his many years imprisoned by the North Vietnamese. Apparently, some now think that Senator McCain's extended stay at the Hanoi Hilton was all room service and vigorous massages. Still, with one candidate without military experience talking tough about Pakistan, I'm glad we'll finally put to rest that absurd "chicken hawk" charge that has been tossed about these last seven years. Maybe we can discuss the vital issues that a nation at war faces without digressing into who had military experience and does that disqualify you from having certain opinions on war. I'm audacious enough to have that hope, anyway. (Posted May 19, 2008)

• Our economy has been doing fine for over two decades now. By the time President Clinton took office in January 1993, our economy had been expanding for some time after the mild recession late in the term of President George H. W. Bush. Late in President Clinton's term, the economy stumbled from the tech bubble bursting and this was exacerbated by the 9/11 attacks early in President George W. Bush's term of office. Lately, our economy has experienced slower growth—but it is still growth. If I can see this general pattern while living in Michigan where our economy has been struggling even through recent boom times, this should be apparent to the rest of the country. And I never ever condemned the Clinton years as bad economically though I had many policy disagreements with him. Yet partisans who hate George W. Bush with a passion that they can't work up for Osama bin Laden insist on claiming we are in the worst recession ever. These critics will even cite public opinion polls that show the vast majority of people believe we are in a recession. This is the really annoying part. It matters not one bit whether you or I believe we are in a recession or not. A recession exists when there are 6 months of economic contraction—not slower growth or even no growth! Contraction! It is a measurable event that either is or isn't a recession regardless of public belief. Of course, we can only really know for sure looking backwards, which is why polls are used, I suppose. But polls only tell us what those polled have heard from our media about our economy—not what our actual economy is. Even though we may be happy with our own situation, most think we are unique and so worry that the supposedly bad economy will undermine our own prosperity. So the fact that economic statistics show the Bill Clinton and George W. Bush years to be about the same economically fall flat in the face of media spin that casts the Clinton years as prosperity and the Bush years as troubled at best and recessionary at worst. (Posted May 5, 2008)

• Our press won't notice this, but I will. I take great pleasure in watching our Left take the position that primary delegates earned under the rules that all candidates agree to are the only proper way to measure victory in the Democratic primary and caucus campaign. Total votes, our extreme Left argues, have no role in this. This is a far cry indeed from those days of Bush v. Gore when our Left denied that our constitution's provisions regarding electoral votes are the only thing that matters in determining the winner of our presidential election. On a related theme, notice also that our extreme Left is engaged in a bitterly fought divisive campaign against a slightly less liberal candidate who, from the Right's perspective, is indistinguishably liberal from the Left's annointed candidate. Given this record, can we finally reexamine the conventional wisdom that our current political divide is the fault of George Bush? (Posted April 28, 2008)

• Back in the USSR, communist party officials had their own special lanes to let them speed their way through busy traffic unhindered. It was an obvious display of privilege and power over the mere peasants who were less equal than others. In a technologically advanced democracy like America, that could never happen. Well other than high-occupancy only lanes for the privileged carpooling class. But for the truly privileged in America (tip to Instapundit), we use technology to spare those more equal than others from the indignities of obeying traffic rules:

  Jennifer Muir of The Orange County Register reports on the California Department of Motor Vehicles' "Confidential Records Program," which was created 30 years ago to keep DMV records of police officers private from criminals. The program has since expanded to cover "hundreds of thousands of public employees – from police dispatchers to museum guards – who face little threat from the public. Their spouses and children can get the plates, too."

  Muir discovered that drivers covered under the Confidential Records Program abuse the system by evading toll road charges, running red lights at intersections with red light cameras, parking illegally, and breaking other traffic laws with impunity.

  Heads need to roll. Fines need to be levied for all those who skated on their violations. And whoever expanded this program (it did not just expand on its own) to become a get-out-of-jail-free card for California's apparatchiki needs a refresher course on how all men are created equal. This education might be useful for all those who participated, too. Publish their names so the public can see who their overlords are. Kudos to Ms. Muir for digging this shameful program. (Posted April 8, 2008)

• New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg won't run for president this year: "I listened carefully to those who encouraged me to run, but I am not -- and will not be -- a candidate for president."' Further: "In the weeks and months ahead, I will continue to work to steer the national conversation away from partisanship and toward unity; away from ideology and toward common sense; away from sound bites and toward substance.'' Literally dozens of people had been waiting to see if the Great Bland Hope would save us from divisive political arguments. Apparently not. Did Bloomberg really believe his struggle over whether to run had become an issue so high in the minds of voters that we breathlessly waited on his decision? The man had no apparent base of support and no platform to compel more than his family and household staff to vote for him. But with billions in the bank, he had sycophants apparently telling him that a great mass of people waited for a savior from politics. Please. He would have registered Ralph Nader levels of votes had he gone all the way to November. And now he thinks he can be a backseat driver steering our national conversation. (Well, to be fair, you really have to sit in the back seat when you travel in limousines.) His ego is an amazing thing to behold. (Posted February 28, 2008)

• The Japanese are marketing Hello Kitty products to men: "The cute cuddly white cat from Japan's Sanrio Co., usually seen on toys and jewelry for girls and young women, will soon don T-shirts, bags, watches and other products targeting young men, company spokesman Kazuo Tohmatsu said Friday. 'We think Hello Kitty is accepted by young men as a design statement in fashion,' he said. The feline for-men products will go on sale in Japan next month, and will be sold soon in the U.S. and other Asian nations, according to Sanrio." Oh, don't worry! This won't look sissy at all! The Hello Kitty for males will have a "more rugged, cool look." I don't know how anybody can deny we will tame the Moslem world by fostering democracy. Seventy years ago, Japanese warriors were feared across Asia. Now they will wear Hello Kitty. If this takes off here, I shall truly worry for the future of Wetern civilization. (Posted December 28, 2007)

• Have you seen the Ford hybrid SUV commercial with the budding eco-snot bugging her dad about his vehicle?
  
  Hybrid SUV Commercial
  Uploaded by maxsilvestri The first thing I want to know is why the lass has never noticed that prominent "HYBRID" logo affixed to the SUV. Teachers too busy filling your head with inconvenient truths to bother teaching you to read? But more importantly, why on Earth did that castrated father just take that load of bull? He should have turned to his daughter and told her, "Ah, just like you mother, I see. [He then stares straight ahead] She's the reason I drive this ball-shriveling vehicle turning me into a effing fe/male hybrid. And now you are turning into a little Proto-Shrew? Wonderful. [He straps himself in just a little too tightly] Guess what, genius? I won't even see a payback from lower gas costs when you consider the price of this damn thing. But you and your mom feel good about it sitting in our sixty-foot driveway of our 5,000 square foot home on a five-acre lot. So what else matters? Certainly not the illegal alien who mows that lawn every week with a very non-hybrid riding mower. Oh no! And you know what else? I bet in five years, Ford reveals that the carbon emitted to produce this monstrosity far exceeds the carbon savings over the entire lifetime of this hybrid! Long after I keel over at my desk trying to keep this lifestyle going. So, hey [voice rising], you're afraid of what your friends will say if you are driven to your expensive private school in an Earth-killing gasoline-powered SUV? If you're so damned worried about your carbon footprint, why don't you get out of my vehicle. [He finally looks at her again] Right now, I said! Do you think I'm joking? Do I look like I'm joking?! You can haul yourself down to your school. Maybe the five-mile walk will do you good! No, don't thank me! Your friends will be green with envy at your low carbon footprint when you straggle in two hours late all sweaty from your eco-friendly stroll." [While driving off alone] "I'm heading for whatever bar is open right now!" [muttering, now] "Bust my balls working on a heart condition just so that little eco-brat can go all superior on me …" Now, that would be a commercial to watch. (Posted December 13, 2007)

• I can still be shocked at how low some people can go to trick people out of money. I received a mailing from QSP, Inc., PO Box 10207, out of Des Moines, Iowa. It was a mailing asking me to subscribe to a magazine or magazines from their list of offerings. The envelope states on the outside, “From your favorite student.” This was my first clue to the absolutely slimy nature of whoever sent this QSP, Inc. mailing. Inside, it purported to be a program done in cooperation with the Family Reading Program, claiming that 40% of the money would go to the school in question—my “favorite student” apparently. The sheer vile scumbaggery gets better. Inside is an order card handwritten to “Brian” from someone purporting to be “Conor.” No last name. They figured with a last name like mine, surely some young relative qualifying as my “favorite student” must be in my family. No last names and no title like “uncle” or anything to clarify the vague relationship they are trying to establish with me. Heck, is it a friend’s son? Whatever. They even put in the information for a local school in the pink box to show where that 40% of every subscription dollar I sent would purportedly go to. The sheer disgusting predator-like nature of the QSP, Inc offer isn’t really apparent until you get to the small postcard that you can address and stamp and send on to your little favorite student, complete with a happy dancing bear and the proclamation “I’m proud to help out!” and a little note already preprinted. Very clearly, QSP, Inc. is counting on getting elderly people with many young relatives to send off some bucks in the belief that they are helping out that young student who thought of me when considering who might like to help good old “Conor.” Heck, isn’t he Fred’s nephew? I think I have a picture of him on his new bike from two Christmases ago, now that I think about it. Yeah, good ol’ Conor. A nice young man. Not this time, you miserable pukes in Des Moine, Iowa. May you rot in Hell for preying on the elderly. And a double dose of flames and stabbing pain for thinking I even qualify for AARP membership! (Posted December 11, 2007)

• A cruise ship went down off of Antarctica. Said the article: "Half of the 154 people who survived the sinking of a cruise ship after it hit an iceberg in the freezing waters off Antarctica arrived in Chile Saturday on board a military airplane, AFP witnessed." Wow. That must have been fairly traumatic for those who "survived." But for the grace of God, and all that. Oh, wait. The article also informs us that "all the 91 passengers, 54 crew members and nine other employees escaped on lifeboats and were later picked up by a Norwegian boat." So nobody died. The lucky "survivors" included everybody on the ship. Wouldn't it be far mor accurate to describe the people on this ship as having been "evacuated" safely? I mean, they weren't bobbing about in the water in their life jackets or clinging to wreckage, even. They got on the boats and then were rescued. Was this scary? Upsetting? Absolutely. But we have truly become a skittish population when everyone gets off a ship and they are described as "survivors" of the accident. (Posted November 25, 2007)

• In an effort to raise the level of discourse in the same fashion that war opponents do by hurling the charge "chicken hawk" at anyone who supports the war but has not served in the military, let me turn to those who attack charter schools but who themselves keep their own children out of the public schools. Would it be fair to call these strident public school advocates who do not risk their own children in those public schools "chicken chalks"? I personally support strong public schools, but as long as we are going to debate the subject for years on end, let's drag it down now to avoid the suspense. (Posted October 25, 2007)

• The Nobel Peace Prize may go to Al Gore. Christopher Hitchens writes: "So, and if I am right, the former vice president will then complete a year in which An Inconvenient Truth has been awarded an Oscar and he has authored a best seller. Roll it round your tongue again: an Oscar, a best seller, and a Nobel Prize in the space of 12 months or so. Not bad." The goal is to go beyond the mere kick in the leg to the Bush administration that the peace prize to Jimmy Carter prior to the Iraq War represented. Our EuroTrash friends want to aid a man they feel is more to their liking in gaining our presidency. Sometimes I think the Europeans deserve what they get and good luck to them. At other times, I feel we can’t abandon our friends in Europe just because they live amongst flaming idiots. Hard to say how that debate ends up. (Posted September 25, 2007)

• We had diversity training at work this month. The presenter said it was about educating us to protect us, but we all know it is a self-defense move by the organization in case one of us does something less than sensitive. The training wasn't too bad, actually. And it highlighted the simple fact that politeness requires far better behavior than the law. As I joked, I didn't realize just how much we could get away with before it becomes actionable! And there was a funny moment when the presenter brought up a pregnancy scenario. The presenter--an attorney who works in the field--called the employee in question a "pregnant person." How sensitive do you have to be to be too reluctant to call the employee a pregnant woman? Was the presenter too worried that a pregnant man in the audience might be offended? Or that one of us has a friend or family member who is a pregnant man? Or perhaps he worried that we simply saw a story in the grocery store checkout line about pregnant men? Good grief, people, if we've gotten to the point that we can't speak of a pregnant woman, can we agree we might be just a little too politically correct? (Posted August 21, 2007)

• There seems to be a little bit of a huff that the Pope has declared the Catholic Church the only real Christian church,"Pope Benedict XVI has reasserted the universal primacy of the Roman Catholic Church, approving a document released Tuesday that says Orthodox churches were defective and that other Christian denominations were not true churches." The article said the document had a "harsh" tone. Look, my own son is not my religion. I'm not fanatical about it. But how is it possible to think that the Catholic Pope shouldn't believe--very firmly--that the religion he leads is the correct faith? That's why there are different faiths. Others believe they are right and I'd be shocked if they didn't believe they are right and my church is wrong. Would it really be better if the Catholic Church went the way of the Episcopal church and their female Moslem priest? Isn't failing to believe in the faith of your religion a drawback to being a priest in that religion? Not in my church, at least. Thank God. (Posted July 10, 2007)

• WTF? You know, I’ve been seeing a fair amount of cars sporting spoilers on their trunks. (And ok, technically they may not be spoilers but you know what I mean.) I find spoilers to be mind-numbingly stupid. A spoiler, if you will recall, is supposed to keep fast-moving vehicles in contact with the ground. It is basically an upside down wing that pushes your vehicle down. For race cars, this is surely an important consideration. For the car you are driving? It is a stupid consideration. You will not go airborne taking a turn in the mall parking lot. But perhaps it is a psychological boost. As you drive five over the speed limit you can think, “Yep, I’m bad. I am going fast! Danger fast.” As annoying as these things are to look at, I wasn’t going to mention them. Even though they seem to be getting bigger and even taller! Until yesterday. That’s when I saw a pickup truck sporting a spoiler across the rear fold down door. Yeah, that’s a working man’s truck, all right. What on Earth is the point of having a pickup truck when you’ve destroyed the “pickup” aspect by stretching a useless bit of fiberglass across the space where you could actually load cargo? Of course, all the chrome on the vehicle made it somewhat less than rugged. But the piece de resistance was the second spoiler mounted above the cab on the rear. A second useless bit of fiberglass. I don’t care how big these spoilers get or how many the automakers mount to keep these vehicles on the ground, they will not stop this trend from jumping the shark. Of course, what really horrifies me is that there are buyers out there that will look at that ridiculous contraption complete with two spoilers and think “I’d love to be seen driving that around!” It is a strange world we live in. No doubt. (Posted May 26, 2007)

• What is the deal? I have a small zit on my nose. I'm 45 and I still have teenage skin problems? Oh, not skin disorder level mind you. Just the occasional skin eruption. Which I keep assuming is a relic of youth. Granted, I don't panic as I did when I was 15 years old. But still, isn't this supposed to end some time? I've gotten a few gray hairs. Give me a break on the teenage skin issues, huh? I remember my sister said she thought it was so unfair to have skin issues after the age of 30. Me? I fear a future where I'm using both Clearasil and Viagra at the same time. (Posted May 22, 2007)

• I am generally pro-immigration and feel that anybody who cherishes our liberties and freedom can become an American. We are a country defined by our ideals and not a people identified by the land we come from. My only criteria is that immigrants assimilate into our society--or just their children and grandchildren at the least. But when illegal immigrants act as if we don't have the right to control entry into our country or establish the rules by which immigrants can come to this country and become citizens, I become a little more sympathetic to sending them back to their countries of origin. Demanding that our government grant illegal aliens citizenship is outrageous. Respectfully ask. Or beg. But demand!?? Go screw yourselves and find another country as accommodating as ours. Man, these asshats make it tough to be pro-immigration. (Posted May 1, 2007)

• I hate bugs in my home. Since moving here almost six years ago, I've battled many bugs. Spiders of course. Some so big I have no idea where they grew to that size without being noticed. Most annoying are the flies or mosquitoes that make it in every once in a while. They must be hunted down and killed immediately. Buzzing by your ear is really annoying. The worst were the bees or hornets or whatever they were they kept coming inside. I sprayed and sprayed outside and after several years of hosing down the aluminum siding, I finally drove the nests away from the outside. But until then, these things kept making their way inside. Mister was deathly afraid of them, having had several bee stings as a little child, and so it was important to stop them. Caulking the space between the wall and concrete slab finally did the trick. And then there are the tiny ants that on occasion find the stray food particles. But a good carpet cleaning ends that. And the lady bug infestation of a couple years ago, of course. But that didn't last long. And they have a benign reputation. This year is the roller bug invasion. Scads of them for a while. At first I just rolled them up and tossed them out the door. But when I came home and had to vacuum up a score of them in my kitchen, I stopped my catch and release program. Vacuum cleaners, down the sink to be chopped up, or flushed down the toilet became their fate. The critters are only occasional now, but still they meet an untimely fate. I have become death. Destroyer of roller bugs. (Posted April 11, 2007)

• The idea that political speech should be regulated is terrible. The idea that money used to pay for political speech should be limited is just as awful. They cannot be separated in this media age. If he wins the Republican nomination, McCain may very well be better than whoever he faces in 2008, but I can never forgive him for the atrocious assault on our civil liberties that bears his name. I ranted earlier that with the new campaign regulations, only those with lawyers will be able to figure out how to comply with the rules. And they have been figuring that out. Money is still flowing into campaigns. So legislation designed to keep people and groups with money from influencing elections (as loopy as that idea is) has done no such thing. And the little guys without the lawyers to figure out how to get around the restrictions are being nailed. A small-time NASCAR driver has been warned off of putting a political bumper sticker on his car. Our First Amendment rights are not being diminished by President Bush, but by earnest so-called reformers who insist on protecting us from the awful messiness of unrestrained political debate. You’d think the ACLU might show some interest, but I guess they are too busy trying to give terrorists in Guantanamo Bay the protections our constitution grants our citizens. (Posted January 1, 2007)

• The whole Save Darfur campaign is just pissing me off. These people are probably all opposed to the Iraq War where far more people were slaughtered by the Saddam regime than have perished from government-backed militias in Sudan. And it isn't as if Sudan has no oil. They export plenty. So doesn't this tarnish our motives if we intervene? And let's say we do intervene and put a brigade on the ground with aircraft patrolling overhead. The first time we have to actually kill Sudanese militia who are carrying out the genocide, the Save Darfur coalition will step back in horror--we didn't mean you had to kill anyone to save the people of Darfur!! The rightness of the cause was enough! How dare you kill anyone to save someone! The way I'm feeling now, the people of Darfur are on their own. I'm tired of being condemned for doing the right thing. Let the goddamn Belgians save Darfur. (Posted December 3, 2006)

• I should be glad bumpers are so small lest the idiocy displayed there drone on too much. The other day while driving through town, I saw a bumper sticker that read “Already Against the Next War.” Well that’s nice. I guess that owner isn’t one of the crowd arguing that Iraq “distracts” us from dealing with other more dangerous threats as they see it. And I guess if the “next” war is after Iran lights up a nuke, the fact that a threat is indeed “imminent” won’t change their mind. Indeed, if the “next” war is to stop genocide in Darfur will the owner still be against that one? Even if Bush is no longer president? Or what about the war against rogue white South African Bankers who blow up the Women’s Studies Department at Berkeley? Is it ok for Bush to wage war on them for that cause? Really, it is nice to see the in-depth thinking processes of some who oppose the Iraq War. It doesn’t matter what threat arises, they are unwilling to defend against it. And yet they boast of their nuanced thinking processes despite the drivel on their bumper. They should be warned, however, that they typically can’t withstand a 5 MPH collision with reality. (Posted October 8, 2006)

• The French are reliably annoying. And they smoke cigarettes a lot. And we all know that reformed smokers are the worst scolds. Having saved themselves they will gladly lose friends to save them, too. So when I read that the French may ban smoking in public places, I wonder how is this possible? Can the French be French without smoking? I'd sooner expect the French to ban being annoying. (Posted October 4, 2006)

• This is so mind-numbingly stupid that it could only have originated in California: “California sued six of the world's largest automakers over global warming on Wednesday, charging that greenhouse gases from their vehicles have caused billions of dollars in damages.” So what would Los Angeles be without cars? Or do hemp-powered buses fill their multi-lane highways? Or Hollywood? Yep, 30-volt limos would look really impressive. And eerily quiet Prius car chases would work well, too, in their movies. I do hope the auto companies at least get to subtract the value they provided to California to offset any award. And until it is solved, I suggest the car companies halt the sale of their dangerous and expensive product in the state of California. They are clearly not wanted there. Honestly, what kind of freaking moron do you have to be to think up this crud? (Posted September 20, 2006)

• The latest Barbie toy commercial is disgusting. Barbie, it seems, is all too aware of modern zoning laws and would never let her dog foul the common lawns in her neighborhood. Barbie has a dog, by the name of Tanner, in this commercial, as you may suspect. And a pooper scooper. And most disgusting of all, when you raise the tail of the dog, little plastic brown dog poops drop from the dog. Two, in fact. In this picture, by Barbie’s foot under the garbage bin, those two little brown objects are dog poops. Seriously. And glamorous Barbie picks them up to deposit them in a garbage bin. Can we honestly say that the body image of large breasts and impossibly narrow waists was an inferior message to send to girls? Are we really proud that we teach them to pick up dog waste? Progress is so odd, sometimes. (Posted September 5, 2006)

• Snap. There goes my patience and good humor. It appears that Alliance One is back to their old tricks. I'd noticed a number of hang ups and odd calls the last 2 or 3 weeks; and today a new recorded message started. The message says "this is by no means a solicitation call." Ya don't say? It isn't a whole lot of calls. I mean, I'm reasonably sure it isn't Joline calling about all my spanking needs, or whatever. Why not specify that? And of course, the caller has the absolute nerve to tell me that I should have the courtesy to call a Mr. Allen at 866-385-0229. So, was Christopher promoted? I am seriously pissed. Now I start documenting their latest calling campaign. Now I look up the federal statutes on debt collection. And gather my old notes on the fall and winter calls. And when I have this done, with perhaps Michigan's stalking laws thrown in, I'll forward it all to the state attorney general and see what they say about Alliance One's understanding of lawful debt collection practices. And I'm not even the person they are trying to get a hold of! Not just bad guys--incompetent bad guys! Enough is enough. (Posted June 28, 2006)

  UPDATE: Well, I accidentally called them. Go over to Home Front and check out my cell phone post if you want the details. That turned out to be fairly easy. Who'd have thought that?

• I bought a bag of beef jerky today. I haven't bought this in quite a long time. But it was offered in a big bag. So I got it. What was I thinking? I pay about the same price per ounce for good quality meat by mail! And now I have equally expensive, dried, chewy meat. The packaging says high quality meat but what does that mean? The highest quality cow lip and ankle meat they can acquire? Mind you, it tastes just fine. But after driving by the huge jerky store billboard on the way to the Toledo Zoo, I was primed for jerky, it seems.I guess I'm just a sucker for the call of dried meat products. I do hope I avoid the temptation for several more years. (Posted June 24, 2006)

• While the Left drones on about our pending loss of freedoms due to the fact that we intercept phone calls between foreign jihadis and people here, and because our government in theory can find out what books you check out at the public library, the Left is silent when their pet project to "reform" political campaigns undermines our freedom. Case in point is the legal pursuit of Kirby Wilbur who, in his capacity as a radio DJ, has run afoul of a campaign "reform" law. The Washington state law--dare I say it--"chills" fee speech. But no matter. You have to break some eggs to make an omelet, right? "Reform" trumps freedom any day for the "reformers." Yet the Left still froths at the mouth over John Ashcroft and their library records. Ashcroft is gone. The government doesn't care you Lefties check out "Marx for Beginners." But the Left thinks suppressing free speech is just fine. Amazing. (Posted June 17, 2006)

• I know the Left thinks they wuz robbed in 2000 and 2004 (and possibly other years for all I know--I don't keep up with their thrilling tales of the Bushtatorship like I should), but I have to object to their theme that they must Take Back America. I mean, don't the American voters have to "give it to them" in an election? Perhaps I read too much into their language. Or maybe they really think they are the natural ruling class and the yokels in charge must be ousted by any means necessary. (Posted June 14, 2006)

• One of the things that never fails to just really annoy me is the repeated assumption by the Left that they are “liberal minded.” By this they mean they are “open minded.” We who are not in their elevated company are close-minded Neanderthal Americans who drag our knuckles when we shuffle along to our NASCAR races or whatever. The treatment that Senator McCain received as he gave a commencement address at The New School should remind us all again that being “liberal” minded is way different than being “open” minded. Yes, the Global Left, embracing the full spectrum of political discourse—from communist to radical Left enviro-socialist. I just want to know when the range of Red to Green became the full spectrum of opinion in the rainbow. (Posted May 21, 2006)

• Suave shampoo is really pissing me off. Once upon a time they made a brown shampoo that I liked. I don't remember what they called it. For all I know, it had no name since they had but one type--brown Suave. So I ran out. And when I am shopping I look for some more. There on the shelves are a wide variety of Suave shampoos--including a more expensive "men's" shampoo. Men's shampoo? What does it have in it? Bacon? The old brown Suave was just shampoo. Now Suave makes melon crap and other girly scents. God knows what the "men's" version is but I refuse to pay more than twice the price just because they de-scented it from the fruity crap marketed to women. Don't get me wrong--I'm happy that women have hair that smells great. But what happened to the simple brown shampoo they used to make? (Posted May 3, 2006)

• I endured the first mailing of the Romano's Macorini Grill without comment, assuming the advertisement was a mistake of some sort. But I received a second in the mail indicating that the corporate honchos truly are convinced that this mailing will get me to eat at their restaurant. Not a freaking chance. First of all, it isn't a cheap mailing. Production values are high, it seems to my amateur eye. But what they did with this high production value is mind boggling. I'd expect that a mailing from a company would use a coupon of some sort to lure me in. But get this, Macoroni has a thick mailing with a little tag to pull on. A coupon? No. Sadly, this pull out just shows another layer of lasagna. Swear to God. A friggin' pull out! What am I? Three years old? This is supposed to impress me? This advertisement is so annoying that I swear I will never go to this restaurant. Though I'm looking forward to the pop-up version of their pizza. (Posted April 22, 2006)

• OK, this isn't really something that annoys me as much as something that is truly awesome to behold. I recently have heard tobacco company commercials directing smokers to their 'quit smoking' web site. I mean really, you have to hold the tobacco industry in awe for this. So confident are they of the addictive powers of their product that they can afford to tell their users, "Go ahead and quit! It's better for you not to use our product. Really," and know without a doubt that few will be able to do so! I'm no anti-smoking zealot though I do not smoke and don't know why anybody would want to. I'm just saying that I am in awe of the tobacco company confidence that people will use their products no matter what they say about the ill effects of tobacco. (Posted April 11, 2006)

• This is not based on anything in particular lately but more of a long-standing annoyance. Namely, Lawrence Korb. Every time he goes on the air he spouts Leftist drivel yet every time he is described as a "former Reagan administration undersecretary of something." He wears it like a talisman against the charge that he spouts idiocy. Really, shouldn't there be a statute of limitations on using that title? Or shouldn't he want to use whatever title is on his business card in the 18 years since President Reagan left office? (Posted March 2, 2006)

• Oh, the Alliance One idiots seem to have given up trying to reach "Emily" at my phone number to collect whatever debt they think she owes. The beginning of last month was their last try. It only took them about four-and-a-half months to give up. I admire persistence, I do. But being persistently stupid is crossing the line. Note to creditors, based on my limited experience, Annoyance One is no bargain for your debt-collection dollars. Extrapolate as you wish based on my experience. (Posted March 2, 2006)

• The NPR story on Dadaism really annoyed me: "Dada was a moral and ethical response to the slaughter of World War I. In grief, rage, and despair, Dada used art to comment on the world, making art an indictment of the hypocrisies that wiped out a generation." I see. Grief, rage, and despair are all well and good, I suppose. To be morally superior one must recoil from war and all that. But what if that grief led to even more slaughter because not everyone shared your moral horror at the very thought of war? As Hanson writes, "Europe had nearly been destroyed during the Great War, a mere 20 years prior. No responsible postwar leader wished to risk a second continental bloodbath. Unfortunately, Hitler understood that all too well. In a game of diplomatic chicken, he figured many responsible democratic statesmen had more to lose than he did, as the weaker and once-beaten enemy." And what if our horror at the supposed mistake of Iraq prevents us from stopping an even greater horror? Weep over horrors? Yes. But don't let that sadness prevent us from being responsible adults and stopping an even greater horror looming from people who cherish the death and destruction we fear. Wallowing in despair is a luxury we cannot afford right now. (Posted February 17, 2006)

• Well, the idiots of Alliance One continue to call my home for some woman named Emily who appears to owe somebody money. But since we're approaching five months of their almost daily calls without them figuring out that they have the wrong number, I have to question their competence. Really, if somebody owed me money, I think I'd toss a letter in a bottle into the Huron River before I hired the idiots of Alliance One. And they do appear to violate federal debt collection statutes, though since I am not a debtor I'm not sure how much the statutes would apply. Hey, maybe they are guilty of stalking? Now that would be funny if I complained to the Attorney General. Probably not, it is just background noise now and I don't even pay attention. Indeed, I get a little thrill whenever they pull the flunky Christopher (man, I want flunkies) and his recorded messages and put a manager with an actual office extension on the case. I feel like I've cost them just a little bit of money each time! Heh. (Posted February 2, 2006)

• What a complete moron. Harry Belafonte, that is, who said this at Hugo Chavez's side: "'No matter what the greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world, George W. Bush says, we're here to tell you: Not hundreds, not thousands, but millions of the American people ... support your revolution,' Belafonte told Chavez during the broadcast." Danny Glover and Cornell West were also there. I assume they were equally stupid but they will have to settle for a mere mention rather than the title of "moron" since no quotes from these giants of the Left were provided. And yes, sadly, there are millions of Americans who love Hugo. But that says more about the sad state of those millions of unknown morons than the virtues of Axis of El Vil member Hugo Chavez. (Posted January 9, 2006)

2005 List 2004 List 2003 List 2002 List