You took my love for granted

�How are you?� The cheerful, feminine voice woke me from my reverie. I took a quick puff before I turned to face her. My nod of approval at her attractive blue ensemble prompted a smile from her lips. �I�m doing ok,� I replied. �Tu es belle ce soir, mademoiselle!�

A sudden breeze from a passing public utility vehicle prompted us to retreat from the sidewalk, away from the usual Quezon City traffic. We withdrew underneath a lamppost and let the bluish white light immerse us. We faced each other briefly and scrutinized each other�s features. It had been a long time for both of us.

I stood so close that I couldn�t help but notice her dimples. I unconsciously fixed my necktie in front of her, knowing that time had replaced my once-prominent cheekbones with rounder curves. My eyes followed her fingers as she hesitantly brushed an imaginary stray lock of her raven black, shoulder-length hair. I cleared my parched throat, and she took a step back upon realizing our proximity to each other. Aware of the difficulties that beset us both, we turned away from each other in embarrassment.

I managed to regain my composure first. Facing her, I said �I�ve always wanted to try this Japanese restaurant but I never got around to eating there. It�s in a mall that�s just down this street; I plan to have dinner there. Would you like to accompany me so we can dine in style?� My eyes beamed in anticipation and excitement.

She met my gaze in response. �No, I�m not really hungry. But, if you want, I�ll accompany you while you have dinner.�

�Suit yourself,� I shrugged. �Though I doubt you�ll be able to hold out for long; the temptation�s too enticing to resist. After all, it�s my treat. Why not take the chance while I still have the money?�

We both laughed as we started walking down the sidewalk. I offered my arm but she politely declined. The two of us walked in silence for a few minutes while we passed the shops that lined the street. One by one, the storeowners lit their window displays to display their goods against the darkening nightfall. The neon signs cast their colored glimmer on the vehicles caught in rush hour traffic. We slowly passed the immobile cars to our left as we continued down the pavement.

I broke the silence once more. �So, are you really going to do it?�

She nodded. �Do I have a choice?�

I paused for a moment before continuing. �I doubt they sell that in the UP Health Service, or any medical center for that matter. Unless it�s a real emergency, of course.� My voice trailed off, overwhelmed by the sound of traffic beside us.

She shook her head. �No, there�s a place near Krus na Ligas. I�m going to that place tonight. I already told you about that when I called last night, didn�t I?�

�No, you didn�t.� My eyebrows squinted in surprise and disapproval. �You told me that you planned to do it after a week of thinking it over. Why the sudden decision?�

�I just ... I just thought it�s best to get it over with. As soon as possible.� She appeared most distrait. �I won�t be free next week because I have my midterms, and I�ll be very, very tired afterwards.� We both managed a smile upon remembering our hellish ordeals from the past semesters. She continued �I already saved up enough. I didn�t expect it to be so expensive.�

My face reassumed a look of worry. �Is it safe, though?�

She looked away. �My friend had been there before. She was the one who told me about it. I looked it over and they told me how much it would cost. They also told me that I have to buy other medicine afterwards, so I could get back to normal living as soon as possible. It�s kind of costly but I managed to save up a little more for that.�

�You need money?�

She shook her head. �No, it�s okay.� Her lips curled into a smile; she must have realized the genuine concern that I had for her. �I�ll be fine,� she reassured me. �Thanks, anyway. It�s my money, a part of my savings that my parents don�t know about.�

I turned my gaze to the plaza ahead of us. �So your parents have no clue?� My brow furrowed as I tried to discern the lights of the pavilion. �If your parents don�t know, who told you to do it? Was it your boyfriend?�

�No!� Her fiery response surprised me. �He didn�t tell me to. I ... I decided for myself. He had absolutely nothing to do with this.�

We advanced closer to the front steps. �That�s so ... silly, for a smart girl like you,� I remarked. My face turned apologetic as I noted the conflicting emotions that bore themselves on her countenance. �No, I didn�t mean it that way,� I explained. �It�s just that, for a woman who knows so much, it�s ironic that you would make a decision without his permission ... now, of all times.�

The sounds of traffic on the street and the flurry of the patrons indoors comprised our silence as we walked up the steps to the front door. We stepped into the cool corridors of the plaza and left the polluted metropolis atmosphere beyond the glass doors. The hall was well lit, littered with frontages of various shops and islands of indoor plants. We walked alongside despite the difficulty of weaving in and out of the moderately thick crowd.

A display indicating our destination loomed in the distance. I took her hand and led her through the throng of early evening customers, occasionally looking back to check on her progress. She appeared to catch up with me well enough despite her condition. After a few minutes of maneuvering, we managed to reach the restaurant.

�This is the place.� I paused to catch my breath. �I haven�t eaten here before, so I might as well try it now.� To my amazement, she didn�t appear fazed one bit after the ordeal through the crowd. �May I reiterate my offer? You sure you wouldn�t like to have dinner now? It�s dinnertime, and there�s plenty of good food.�

�Thanks again, but I really couldn�t.�

�Why not? You weren�t like that the last time we met. You kept protesting, but you triumphed over your diet in the end. When was the last time you ate?�

She appeared hesitant upon hearing my question. �I ate lunch.�

�No, you didn�t. You didn�t eat your brunch or your snack, either.� I threw up my hands in mock exasperation. �You love eating. We love eating. So, what gives? What�s the world coming to?� I laughed, but she didn�t join my mirth.

I led her inside. We stopped in front of the counter and surveyed the delectable items for consumption. I pointed at a section of the display. �I�m having tempura, soup, and lots of rice. How about you?� My eyes rolled upwards to gibe her refusal. �How about some sushi? It�s light, and it�s got almost all the necessary vitamins and minerals. Come on, eat something.�

She remained nonchalant. �I�ll just freshen up.� She took her leave, and walked over to the other side of the restaurant.

She rejoined me a few minutes later, my arms laden with food. We seated ourselves at a table beside the window. The diffused lighting lent a sentimental air to the mahogany frame and plush seats. The scent from the outside faded, replaced by the distinct aroma of fresh seafood. The soothing sounds of balmy conversation and light jazz imparted a sense of modernity to the oriental interior design.

She watched in silence as I busily munched on my breaded shrimp. I gestured toward the food and offered her an extra pair of chopsticks. �Co� on, have something,� I pleaded, my mouth full of rice. �Try the shrimp; it�s simply delicious.� She gently shook her head and set the chopsticks on the table.

My voice grew solemn. �So, does he know?�

She sighed. �Yes, he does. He�s known for some time now.�

I immediately stopped chewing. �So, what�s he done about it?�

�I don�t know.� Her soft reply piqued me somewhat. Her voice had lost its former cheer and gaiety; I heard nothing but a shadow in her riposte.

�Why are you still with him? Can you honestly say that he loves you?� Setting down my chopsticks as well, I made no effort to hide my consternation. �You know why you�re sticking with him? It�s your pathetic pride.�

She turned away as if I had somehow slapped her face. I turned my attention to a piece of shrimp, diverting my growing ire for her boyfriend by casually stabbing the food with a chopstick. �So, he�s spineless and needs someone to baby him.�

A laden pause between us followed the end of my comment. I tentatively took a sip of my ice tea and waited for the inevitable reaction. She put on a defiant resistance, but crumbled soon after I offered my handkerchief. I transferred from my chair, moved around the table and sat by her side, giving her a comforting embrace as she sobbed in my arms.

Her sobs assuaged after a while. She glanced briefly at my handkerchief, soaked with her tears. I felt the world fade slowly, only conscious of the warmth from her body, my wet white shirt upon which she wept, and her teary eyes. She looked up at me and observed my profile. �You okay now?� I grinned. She made a move to sit up, and I removed my arm from her shoulders.

I lit a cigarette and turned away as I exhaled. �You know, I�ve always wanted to do that. To comfort someone with a hug. There�s this person I know who needed a hug once, because she suffered this hell of a headache. I was too scared to give her a hug then, even though it hurt me like hell whenever I saw her in pain. I guess that�s another past regret concluded.�

�Thank you,� she smiled once more.

�There, that wasn�t so bad. Now have a piece of shrimp.� I took hold of my chopsticks again, but she immediately placed her hand on mine and pushed it down gently on the table. I complied without resistance, still mystified by her irrational persistence. �I�m not supposed to eat,� she whispered after our fingers reached the tabletop. �She told me it would be easier for me to recuperate afterwards if I keep my stomach empty tonight.� Our fingers untwined as we replaced our hands to our sides.

�So you�re still going through with it,� I muttered in disappointment. �Why? What do you intend to do with your life?�

�It�s difficult to explain,� she told me. �My parents will kill me. And he�s still studying, so how will it work? I have my own ambitions, too. It would�ve been easier if I were in California, or some other place. Here it�s different. People look at you differently if they knew.�

�That�s no excuse. It�s an unfortunate and unnecessary loss.� I tried to mask my disdain by shutting up. She joined me in silence, unsure of her own ability to defend her choice. A soft hiss signaled the death of another cigarette.

She glanced briefly at her watch. �It�s getting late. I still have to buy them.�

�It�s your life,� I muttered, gray wisps of smoke surrounding me. �But, whatever you choose, I�ll still be here for you. So, just take care of yourself, you hear?�

We remained silent for a while again. I put out my cigarette, and then turned towards her. She smiled as her fingers sought the chopsticks. �What are you doing?� I asked. �You�re not going to stab me with those, aren�t you?� I cried out in mock alarm, and then laughed. She held the chopsticks with her fingers and grabbed the last piece of tempura on my plate.

�I bid you goodbye. See you in another five years.� She whispered in my ear as she brought the tidbit to my mouth. I bit off a piece and feigned surprise as she bit off the rest from the end of the chopsticks. When her voice reassumed its former merry sparkle, I couldn�t help but smile. �Thanks for keeping me sane,� she said.

�No problem,� I mumbled, while I vigorously munched on the shrimp.

Finis

You took my love for granted

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