Story
Authors
Tabatha
Basil
Xhari
Emily
Emily: Basil, Defender of the High Truth and Warrior for the Protection of the Overseer Tribe, was a young man with high ideals and low spirits
Tabatha: but he also had a cute side, little basily wasily used to carry around a blue blanket with him everywhere he went
Basil: then one day, basil was walking along when he saw a thread very like this one. "change it", he said, "or you will all die"
Emily: So two young girls, in their submissive meekness, told this young warrior that they had his best interests at heart
Xhari: Also dispelling any lustful intents he was invisioning of the pair
Emily: as they suddenly grabbed hold of him and said in unison "You bad slave, where have you been all this time, we've been looking for you everywhere, darling"
Basil: basil, confused, stated that he had been here all along.
Emily: they slowly explained, in the same tone you would speak to a five year old child, that they had only just arrived (as usual in unison)
Tabatha: "Oh basily wasily i have missed you so much" shouted one of THE insane yet extremelly hot girls, "i cant beleive that you would abandon me like that"
Basil: basil, in his infinite wisdom, decided not to point out to the evidently very vapid girls that they had been here all along too. instead, he started to ponder whether he may as well really have some lustful designs after all, since he had already been acused, tried, and sentanced for supposedly having them.
Emily: Of course, amongst all of these banal happenings, one of these girls and Basil had suddenly realised that they were meant to be with each other for evermore, and fell about on the ground, passionately kissing, while the other girl looked on with disgust, unable to comprehend how anyone could ever possible have any feelings for anything other than a panguine.
Xhari: However just as the bystanders where beginning to leave, Basil's chosen girl began laughing hysterically at Basil's misfortune. "Damn impotence" said Basil as he ran away in shame.
Basil: unfortuneately, xhari suffered from a far worse, yet similar sounding problem. as he walked away to join his love, the l337 manwhore kane, he suddenly had a rather embarresing attack of said problem.
"Damn incontinence" said Xhari, as he squelched away.
Emily: at this precise moment, Basil suddenly realised that he was unable to feel anything for this girl because his heart was turned to other men.
Basil: suddenly, out of nowhere, basil had an uncontrolable urge to say "sif". he had a vague memory of some people, trying to manipulate his sexual orientation through mind control, as well as another person trying to flatter him by calling him all-powerful, but failing, through a minor spelling error.
unpeturbed, basil turned back to the fair and evil queen tab of ascii, and proceded to call her a bunch of sickening cutesy pet names.
Emily: as he was unable, of course, to do anything more
Basil: because at that moment, emily was suddenly compelled, through the same unisoness that she herself had written into the story, to fall on the floor passionately kissing with basil as well.
"hmm, lucky jason's so bad at spelling" basil said
Emily: as Basil tried to get away, he suddenly realised how much taller and stronger Emily was and knew he had made a bad mistake. Especially as Ben came along to save Emily from herself and break the spell on her with his panguine magic. (And throw Basil around a bit)
Basil: unfortuneately, ben, being a uber cool black belt in a crappy hybrid martial art, was too afraid of hurting basil to actually do anything, so basil beat him up. then, remembering certain references to chains, he decided that he had made a mistake, and using his omnipotence, released emily from her compulsion. he then watched as the freed bgl carried her love off into the sunset.
Emily: Until he suddenly realised he was in some sort of life-after-death situation being shown a movie of his life, with alternate endings.
Basil: all would have been lost for the brave hero of our story, except that he used the fact that he was dead to make an appalling cutesy pun to tab(ascii), involving how he must have died and gone to hell, for such a fair, evil and enchanting vision was she.
the time space continueum was so nauseated that it vomited basil back to life.
"ewww, chunky" he said, as he brushed himself off.
Emily: From this you can probably tell that our warrior hero was quite vain and romantic, two qualities for which he was not chosen as Defender of the High Truth and Warrior for the Protection of the Overseer Tribe, for they were his greatest failings.
Basil: "hmph, i don't have ANY failings, let alone vanity" basil said, in a stereotypical snobbish pommy accent "because i'm just perfect. haha"
the conceited remark was dismissed by all as the jealous whinging of a silly little girl, who's own love's idea of romance was an intense philsophical debate.
Ressurected, and with all present foes dispatched, Basil continued on his righteous quest. whitehats, ausasses and internalised linuxes abound in this perilous world. what danger will he face next?
somewhere, a disembodied voice said "dum dum DUMMMMM!"
Emily: He soon realised that this was his beloved Tab(ascii), gone mad when her impotent lover had died and she had finally realised setting him up to die had been the worst thing she could have done.
She had heard what he said and wondered to whom he was speaking, as no one had made any sort of accusation about him being vain, though of course, the fact was well known.
Seeing she had gone crazy he decided his duty was to care for her, but when he realised she needed more than just throwing into bed, abstained his duties to fulfill a lifetime dream, of