| JOKES |
| damz...all i see is asian jokes... |
| ASIAN MAN AT CURRENCY EXCHANGE An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!" 3 BROTHERS FROM CHINA There were 3 brothers from China, Bu, Chu and Fu. When they moved to America, they decided to change their names. Bu changed his name to Buck. Chu changed his name to Chuck. And Fu... well, he had to go back to China 3 UGLY FILIPINOS There were these 3 Filipino girls... and they were the ugliest Filipino girls ever! They finally got so tired of being ugly that they decide to go to the doctor's for help. The doctor looks at them and says, "Well, this is a tough one, but this is what you have to do; jump into a river and say the name of someone you think is beautiful and you will look exactly like that person." So the first one goes and says "Britney Spears" and when she gets out of the water she looked just like Britney Spears. Then the second one went and she said "Alyssa Milano" and became Alyssa Milano. Then came the third one... When she jumped into the river (being so terrified of swimming) said "AY TA-E!" (means shit) ASIAN AND AMERICAN CONVERSATION An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" ( bread and jam) when an American man chuckling and chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Asian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. American: "You Asian folks eat the whole bread??" Asian (in a bad mood): "Of course." American (after blowing a huge bubble): "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and export them to Asia." The American has a smirk on his face. The Asian listens in silence. The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??" Asian: "Of course." American (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia." The Asian (pissed off) then asks: "Do you have sex in America?" American (with a big smirk): "Why of course we do!" Asian: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" American: "We throw them away, of course." Asian : "We don't. In Asia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to America." HOTEL GUEST AND ROOM SERVICE Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. It was nominated best email of 1997. It's a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room service at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees." Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." RS: "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" Guest: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?" G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem - crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS: "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS: "San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so." RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!..Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No... just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter - just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy... tea... mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy...rye?" G: "Whatever you say." RS: "Tendjewberrymud." G : "You're welcome." BRUCE LEE AT BURGER KING Q. What did Bruce Lee say when he walked into Burger King? A. Whah-puh!!! ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE There was this Russian guy, this Spanish guy and this Korean guy all in the same ESL class. The teacher told them to make a sentence using the word 'hostess' for homework. so the next day the Russian guy goes "Oh I have a good sentence. The hostess was very courteous." And the teacher said "Wow that was really good!" The Spanish guy goes, "Oh I have a better sentence. My mother is a good hostess when others come over." Then the teacher said, "Wow that was really good!" Finally the Korean guy goes, "I have the best sentence. When my mother answers the phone, she says hostess?" There was this Russian guy, this Spanish guy and this Korean guy all in the same ESL class. The teacher told them to make a sentence using the word 'hostess' for homework. so the next day the Russian guy goes "Oh I have a good sentence. The hostess was very courteous." And the teacher said "Wow that was really good!" The Spanish guy goes, "Oh I have a better sentence. My mother is a good hostess when others come over." Then the teacher said, "Wow that was really good!" Finally the Korean guy goes, "I have the best sentence. When my mother answers the phone, she says hostess?" CHINESE DETECTIVE A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see. NO FEE. YOU KNOW YOU'VE WATCHED TOO MUCH DRAGONBALL Z WHEN... -You set yourself on fire and yell "Kaioken!" in an attempt to use the Kaioken,and immediately get burned to death. -You exercise with tons of weights on your body and tell all your friends that you're trying to turn into a Super Saiyajin. -You buy 7 large marbles and try to summon Shenlong,the Eternal Dragon. -You and all of your friends believe that the school bully is Frieza. -After getting beat up by the school bully, you tell your friends to just wish you back with the Dragonballs. -You tear a pair of glasses in half, paint it green, tape it to one side of an earmuff and wear it over your ear as you walk down the street laughing and pointing at everyone as if they had low power level. -When you play Goldeneye 007 for the Nintendo 64 you chase down your friends in Multiplayer saying "I'm coming to get you, Kakarot!" (this one I actually did ^_^). -You tell everyone you know that you have a tail and you've had it since birth. -When you go to the gym at school you ask the teacher where the Gravitron is. -You buy a 10 lb. bag of Jellybeans thinking you're getting a good deal on Senzu Beans. -You dye your hair purple and buy a Broadsword thinking you're Trunks (strangely, I have the feeling that some people do this...). -Whenever you have to go somewhere you always jump into the air repeatedly thinking you can fly there. -You think that getting sent to detention means being sucked into the Deadzone. -You believe that New York City is actually East City. -You think that the Hawaiian holiday King Kamehamea Day is a day where everyone is taught the Kamehamea or practices it. |