Aum Gung
Ganapathaye Namah
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma-sambuddhassa
Homage to The Blessed One, Accomplished and
Fully Enlightened
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most
Merciful
Test Diary
A Collection of Articles, Notes and References
Chapter 33
(October 2006)
(Revised: Monday, November 06, 2006)
By
A Pseudo Monk
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
- William Shakespeare
Copyright © 2002-2010 A Pseudo Monk
The following educational writings are STRICTLY for
academic research purposes ONLY.
Should NOT be used for commercial, political or any other purposes.
(The following notes are
subject to update and revision)
For free distribution only.
You may print copies of this work for free distribution.
You may re-format and redistribute this work for use on computers and computer
networks, provided that you charge no fees for its
distribution or use.
Otherwise, all rights reserved.
8 "... Freely you
received, freely give”.
-
Matthew 10:8 :: New American Standard Bible (NASB)
The attempt to make God just in the eyes of sinful men will always
lead to error.
- Pastor William L. Brown.
1 “But mark this: There will be terrible
times in the last days.
2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their
parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 without
love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,
4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of
God—
5 having a
form of godliness but denying its
power. Have
nothing to do with them.
6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all
kinds of evil desires,
7 always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth--men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is
concerned, are
rejected.
9 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those
men, their folly
will be clear to everyone.”
-
2 Timothy 3:1-9 :: New International Version (NIV)
The right to be left alone – the most comprehensive of rights, and the right most valued by a free people
-
Justice Louis Brandeis, Olmstead v.
15 I know thy works, that
thou art neither cold nor hot: I would
thou wert cold or hot.
16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of
my mouth.
-
Revelation 3:15-16 :: King James Version (KJV)
6 As he saith also
in another place, Thou art a priest for
ever after the order of Melchisedec.
-
Hebrews 5:6 :: King James Version (KJV)
3 Without
father, without
mother, without
descent, having
neither beginning of days, nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; abideth a priest continually.
- Hebrews 7:3 :: King James Version (KJV)
Therefore, I say:
Know your
enemy and know yourself;
in a
hundred battles, you will never be defeated.
When you
are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself,
your
chances of winning or losing are equal.
If ignorant both of your
enemy and of yourself,
you are sure to be
defeated in every battle.
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War, c. 500bc
There are two ends not to
be served by a wanderer. What are these two? The pursuit of desires and of the pleasure which springs from desire,
which is base, common, leading to rebirth, ignoble, and unprofitable; and the pursuit of pain and
hardship, which is grievous, ignoble, and unprofitable.
- The Blessed One, Lord Buddha
3 Neither let the son of
the stranger, that hath joined himself to
the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
-
Isaiah 56:3 :: King James Version (KJV)
21 But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.
-
Matthew
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I receive numerous letters of pathetic tales of dissipated, lost youth. The recent trend in the increase of vulgar, cheap and aphrodisiac literature and obscene films, both Indian and Western, had added to the miseries of misguided youth. Loss of the vital energy creates great fear in their mind. The body becomes weak, memory fails, the face becomes ugly and the young man is not able to remedy his pitiable condition due to shame. But there is no cause for despair. Even if a few of the hints in the following pages are observed, he will develop the correct attitude to life and will lead a disciplined spiritual life and ultimately attain supreme bliss.
Difference
between physiological pollution and pathological pollution
Spermatorrhoea is involuntary seminal discharge. Nocturnal discharge, night pollution, Svapna-Dosha, wet dream are all synonymous terms. Ayurvedic doctors call this disease Sukra-Megha. This is due to the evil habits in youth. In severe cases, discharges occur in daytime also. The patient passes semen along with urine during micturition. If there is occasional discharge, you need not be alarmed a bit. This may be due to heat in the body, or the pressure of loaded bowels or bladder on the seminal bags. This is not a pathological condition.
Night pollution is of two kinds, namely, physiological
pollution and pathological pollution. In
physiological pollution, you will be refreshed. You should not be afraid
of this act. You should not mind if the discharge
of semen is very occasional. You need not worry about it. This is also a slight
flushing of the apparatus or a periodical cleansing through a slight overflow
from the reservoir in which the semen is stored up. This act may not be
attended with evil thoughts. The person may not be aware of the act during the
night. Whereas, in pathological pollution,
the act is accompanied by sexual thoughts. Depression follows. There is
irritability, languishment, laziness, inability to work and concentrate.
Occasional discharges are of no consequence, but frequent nocturnal pollutions
cause depression of spirits, debility, dyspepsia, low
spirits, loss
of memory, severe pain in the back,
headache, burning of the eyes, drowsiness and burning sensation at urination or during the flow of
semen. The semen becomes very thin.
Causes
and consequences
Wet dreams and spermatorrhoea may be due to various causes like constipation, a loaded stomach, irritation-producing or wind-producing food, impure thoughts and long self-abuse done in ignorance.
Seminal weakness, nocturnal emissions, lascivious dreams and all other effects of an immoral life will surely lead one to a miserable state of living if not checked by proper medicines. But these medicines cannot produce a permanent cure. One can get temporary relief during the time one takes the medicine. Even doctors of the West admit that such medicines cannot effect a permanent cure. The moment the medicine is discontinued, the patient will find his disease all the worse. In some cases, the patient becomes impotent by the use of drugs. The only effective permanent cure can be had through the system of ancient Yoga. Nasti Yogat Param Balam. There is no strength higher than that of Yoga. The different methods given in this book will enable you to get success if practiced regularly.
(Reference: Swami Sivananda. (1997) Practice
of Brahmacharya. (WWW Edition) Himalayas,
Test Diary
October 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
0000 a.m. - 0005 a.m. 0:05 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; wear
blue socks; lay down on mat to sleep
0005 a.m. ~ 0500 a.m. 4:55 Sleep
No dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 0932 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0500 a.m. – 0530
a.m. 0:30 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0934 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0530 a.m. – 0545
a.m. 0:15 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0545 a.m. – 0548
a.m. 0:03 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand up;
manual emission check; to toilet
Emission check: No emission stains noted...
Written around 0935 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0548 a.m. – 0635
a.m. 0:47 Undress, emission
check, defecate, urinal, wash, brush teeth, jala neti, thread neti, anoint head with
ayurvedic oil, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with
a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, apply Thromboprob
to the pubic pustule, dress in towel
Emission check: No emission stains noted...
Defecate: Small lumps of fecal matter...mostly
settled to the bottom...of the toilet sink...a few on the surface...Addition of
a cup of water to clean the toilet seat...brought up a few innocent
bubbles...which soon withered away...leaving water with a mucoid
slick behind...on the top layer...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this day
as...No emission...
May the Lord be
praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 0939 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Listen to the voices of my
beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0939 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0635 a.m. – 0639
a.m. 0:04 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; dress
in fresh aqua colored dhoti; partially untie mosquito net, fold net, blanket,
socks, mat
0639 a.m. - 0640 a.m. 0:06 Diary notes in paper
En-tho-nu
che-yan po-ku-nu...what are
we going to do now...
- The medical representative to his family...on
how to sexually abuse the stalking victim...
Written around 0735 a.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0640 a.m. - 0704 a.m. 0:24 Sprinkle water in the 3
upstairs rooms, offer water to the Lord, wash the idol of Lord Buddha, burn
incense, camphor, ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
0704 a.m. - 0710 a.m. 0:06 Wear ash color
underwear, pick outdoor cloths to wear today
0710 a.m. - 0716 a.m. 0:06 Kapalabhati
30x3, Anuloma Viloma 2x5
0716 a.m. - 0720 a.m. 0:04 Sirsasana
Va-la a-su-gam ka-nu-ma-ai-ri-kum...maybe got some disease...
- The bastard medical representative to his
family...
After monitoring for the
last 6+ years, Mr. Bastard, did you note any disease?
Is this so-called disease
for me or for you and your family?
Anyway, there is one
thing I proved...
6+ years...of covert
monitoring of a man’s penis...that means those voyeurs got a major
psychiatric problem...a penismania...some sort of
abnormal sexual problem...maybe for not having good sex...maybe improper or
insufficient penis insertion...for Mr. Bastard and his two women...
From today, Sunday,
October 01, 2006, the nickname for medical representative changes to Mr.
Bastard...the symbolic representation for bastard, *?! is no longer used...
Written around 0741 a.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 1156 a.m. Sunday,
October 01, 2006
0720 a.m. - 0722 a.m. 0:02 Relax, brief prayer to
the Lord
0722 a.m. - 0725 a.m. 0:03 Prepare to type diary
notes
0725 a.m. - 0747 a.m. 0:22 Daily diary notes on
computer
0747 a.m. - 0754 a.m. 0:07 Rice and water for
birds
That old black crow...it
came and sat near me...watching...while I placed rice and water...as its
breakfast...
Written around 1159 a.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0754 a.m. - 0759 a.m. 0:05 Tidy rooms, clean
parapet outside room
0759 a.m. - 0810 a.m. 0:11 Ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative
0810 a.m. - 0830 a.m. 0:20 Breakfast: Dosa x2, red mulaku char, steamed legumes, a large chopped banana, a
glass of water; discussion with mother
This day we talk on the
physical strength of mad men...how hard it is...for 3-5 men or more...to hold
down...deal with...an aggressive mad man...unlike a normal man...
How curtailing of one or
more of the normal physical senses...can increase the power of other physical
senses...
A blind man...can develop
extra-ordinary hearing ability...and so on...
There in the Hindu
scripture, Mahabharata, the immense physical power of the old blind king Dhritarashtra is mentioned...his embrace was feared even by
the mighty Bhima, for it can crush any warrior to
death...
By the same token, mental
instability can unlease enormous physical
strength°...
I recollect past
instances...my jumping of the boundary wall in an exacerbated
condition...sometime in 2003/2004...armed with a heavy stick...to smash the head
of the medical representative...for his pestering conversation...
My mother recollect my
younger days...
At around the age of
eight...there was a similar instance...once I was running high fever...and lay
in bed...half-asleep...I suddenly woke up...to the voice of my mother
crying...armed bandits within house...my mother calling me to escape...from the
upstairs room, I quickly ran out to the backyard through the back
door...without heeding to look what is going on in the front of the
house...being a small kid, I had only a small half-shorts...rest of the body
naked...not heeding anything...from the back yard...I jump over the medium
height boundary wall...circle around the house next door...from the back side
of the neighbouring house...I climb over a steep
higher wall...with glass pieces and nails kept on the top, to prevent thieves
from scaling...I jump over that high wall...onto an office courtyard...from
there to the road...and ran...I crossed the main road...without heeding the
traffic...and ran further...suddenly I had a sensation to urinate...I stopped
by the road side and urinated...ignoring the stares of passerby men and
women...at a nearly naked boy...There was a goddess temple nearby...and the
thought arose...to take shelter there...and I went to the temple premises...and
stood there for a while...and then a thought came...to go back...and rescue my
mother...the thin bony kid walked back...and reached the house...Quietly
without making any sound, I carefully opened the front gate...there my mother
was sitting in the front porch area...teaching my elder brother...some school
lessons...he was then around 9 years old...
Both look up in
surprise...how come a sick boy sleeping upstairs...come from the front gate?...
That evening my young
father...took me to another doctor...for a better medicine for my high fever...
Couple of days later...I
went with my father...to the office...after the house next door...to show him
the high wall that I jumped over...the wall is so high...that it is hard for a
normal kid to scale...leaving my father and me...to wonder...how I scaled that
wall...
Now that office is
gone...another building stands in its place...
I was very thin and bony
in my younger days...probably until the age of 15-18...my relatives used to
playfully call me ellu manu-shyan...skeletonman...for my skeleton can be counted...just by
watching my naked upper torso...and I was very allergic to food...eating very
little...According to my mother, I just didn’t know what hunger is...when
the stomach pains...i just tell her about the
pain...and the understanding mother served some food...
My mother also recollect
that...I used to be the gardener of the house...in those younger school
days...doing a lot of digging, cultivating etc in the backyard...planting trees...cutting
down bigger ones that interfere with neighboring houses...which a normal 8 year
old boy rarely do...while a 15 year old youth might do...all at a time of bony
body structure and less food...a sort of physical exertion beyond the age group...
Today, when I look
back...maybe in my last life, I must have underwent severe...intense...ascetic
practices...I left that old body...and when I came into a new young body...the
same outer conditions might have prevailed...to withstand the mental advancement...achieved
in the past life...For I mentioned before, spiritual practices are like a bank
account...which keep on adding up...life after life...provided you watch and
understand what is going on...and follow the ascetic rules...as it is...when in
the new body also...your spiritual poser...that concentrated energy...will
guide you...You just need to be watchful...to unserstand
what that energy tells you silently...for it needs further
concentration...distilling...like a hungry man...
Inshallah!
Written around 1246 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0106 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
° In Hindu mythology,
the concept of Narashimha...carries a similar
meaning...the change of the calm transformed man...under certain
circumstances...into a fiery ferocious lion...man-lion...whose strength is
superhuman...
Written around 0215 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0738 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0810 a.m. - 0900 a.m. 0:50 Read University of
Madras MSc Psychology Paper I – Advanced
General Psychology study notes pages 16-28; tea
0900 a.m. - 0915 a.m. 0:15 Defecate – loose
motion, wash, wipe
0915 a.m. -
0930 a.m. 0:15 A cup of tea
0915 a.m. - 0937 a.m. 0:22 Read
0937 a.m. - 1005 a.m. 0:28 Browse
archives/bookshelf
Oom-bi-chu ka-la-ghu...ditched
me...
- The cabaret dancer...the sucker...to her
family...
The word Oom-bi-chu ka-la-ghu is normally
used by ruffian youth...and it is a sort of nasty slang...women of good
character...of good family...of good parenting...never use such words...
Well, you cannot
expect...one who watches your penis day and night...to be of good
character...can you??...for if she was, she won’t look at certain
things...won’t do certain things...won’t say certain things...and
if at all, somebody doesn’t like her...doesn’t return her sexual
passes...overtures...advances...then would not try to force him...to allow her
pull his penis, no matter what...she would have looked for someone else...to
milk his penis instead...at leisure...to satisfy her burning thirst...and
taste...
Yesterday, I mention...
Ponder...a
human being...spending 24 hours a day...for the last 6+ years...doing
NOTHING...but watching...
...this is
what is behind the 24-hour watching...to analyse the
basic question...will he do it...will he have sex...
That is all it is...
Strange
isn’t...that there are thousands of men out there...badly yearning for a
night with a woman of excessive sex urge...so that she will keep him awake and
active all night...while this woman who badly wants it...shuns them all...and
is watching the penis of a man who wants to be a monk...as if the drying out
penis of a monk is far better than the juicy, dripping ones of all those
Casanovas...
No...I should not
blame...find fault...with women having such exotic beliefs...for some dried
fruits...might be...tastier than juicy ones...for some people...and fashionable
too...(I wonder how a dry penis look like...something like a dry
twig?...compared to a fresh stout twig...But then the dry one can snap with a
sound and break, at the slightest pressure...Oh! My goodness! And this women
are fond of that!!...See, how I broke a penis...you now know how strong my
muscles are down under...)
From psychological
analysis...after 6+ years of monitoring...without saying anything...without
talking anything to the victim...the stalker must have reached a mental
assumption that the stranger belongs to her...and is hers only...not for anyone
else...
That explains the woman’s
words...he ditched me...
As if the victim did some
solemn promise or oath to the woman...and didn’t keep it...
Now what happens when the
stranger totally refuses to deal with the sucker...no matter what...
Will the voyeur commit suicide...or
get mad...for wasting all these years...and getting old...with no one else to
turn to...other than some old man...with a senile old wife...who needs some
penis happiness...satisfaction down under...in his old age...to enjoy somemore of it...his birthright...before his death...
I just have to pity the
sucker...under such circumstances...for wasting her youth away...and finding
some relaxation with some second-hand old man...in her old age...where whatever
that was fleshy...juicy...and dripping...once upon a time...is nearly drying
out...with old age...
And the ignorant
indulge...just for the sake of indulging...
I dreamed of doing it
with him...and waited so long for his...I couldn’t with him, when I was
young...so may be now...at least...with somebody else...I realize a bit late
that...p penis is penis...whether it is his or somebody’s...I was a fool
to waste away my youth...hope I am not that late...
Written around 0403 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 1039 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
1005 a.m. - 1013 a.m. 0:08 Note reference books
for MSc Psychology Paper I – Advanced General
Psychology from the study notes
1013 a.m. - 1029 a.m. 0:16 Refer notes
1029 a.m. - 1035 a.m. 0:06 Loiter
1035 a.m. - 1038 a.m. 0:03 Urinal, wash hands
1038 a.m. - 1040 a.m. 0:02 Reboil
tea
1040 a.m. - 1103 a.m. 0:23 Help father to shift
heavy utensils to backshed
1103 a.m. - 1105 a.m. 0:02 Reboil
tea
1105 a.m. - 1121 a.m. 0:16 A cup of tea; kisses to
mother
1105 a.m. - 1145 a.m. 0:40 Read
1145 a.m. - 1150 a.m. 0:05 Kisses to mother, a
glass of rice water with salt
1150 a.m. - 1153 a.m. 0:03 To upstairs, urinal,
wash hands
1153 a.m. - 0108 p.m. 1:15 Daily diary notes on
computer
0108 p.m. - 0114 p.m. 0:06 Urinal, wash hands and
face
0114 p.m. - 0144 p.m. 0:30 Lunch: Rice, raita
with yoghurt, ginger pickle, aviyal, onion curry, a
glass of rice water, a handful of groundnut and channa
0144 p.m. - 0145 p.m. 0:01 Diary notes in paper
0145 p.m. - 0150 p.m. 0:05 Help father to shift a
bagful of sand
0150 p.m. - 0153 p.m. 0:03 Ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam
When you bring
together...celibacy...ascetism...monkhood...mind
expansion...and so on...you have a certain sort of superhuman warrior...in the
Greek/Roman mythology...you have names like Hercules...Samson...in the Hindu
mythology, you have the monkey god, Hanuman, the son of the God of Wind and the
disciple of the Sun God...
The basic concepts
dealing with them are all the same...just different names, that is
all...concepts which never ever change...and stand the test of time...standing
as it is...always and always...
Thus no matter who you are...the
one who decides is YOU...you yourself is the final battlefield...just
transform...change your way of life...and become what you want to be...like you
sculpturing yourself...to what you thinketh...
If you firmly believe
that...one day you will be the Buddha...then one day, you will be...
If you firmly believe
that...one day you will be the Christ...then one day, you will be...
The only requirement
being...imitation...following the same way of life...that they followed...
And that
imitation...benchmarking...will change many things...will bring in concepts
like sincerity, faith, trust, and so on...in the principles...in the life...of
what you want to become...
And slowly...you become a
carbon copy of your hero...as he was...so are you...achieve your quality
standards...of benchmarking...of quality life...with imitation of the
Buddha...with imitation of the Christ...
You cannot lead a family
life...with wife and children...and say you are Christ...Can you??...
Written around 0205 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0741 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
- William Shakespeare
The word Christ...just means...simply...a transformed man...that is
all...
Any transformed man...is
thus a Christ...one of the many who were there before...and will be there into
the future...
Jesus is just one of the
many who transformed...
When you say...believe in
Christ...it should be implied...that you believe in the transformation
process...not a person who lived before...for there were many like Jesus...
The transformation path
is what matters...
For you are expected to
follow Christ in flesh and blood...in letter and spirit...
That means follow the
same life style of the man...who transformed...who thus set an example...
The concept of
transformation...is NOT the bastion of any fixed religion...it is the basic
building block of any religion...where you follow the god you love...
Follow means following
the same way of living...
NOT mere verbalization of
his words...and then live in the exact opposite manner of the master...
If he was a
celibate...then so should be you...
Thus religion is not at
all a factor for being a Christ...you can a Hindu, and become a Christ...you
can be a Muslim, and become a Christ...you can be a Buddhist, and become a
Christ...for transformation is all that matters...
Written around 0235 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0905 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The Christian priests say...ACCEPT
that Jesus is the son of God...Christ is the son of Hod...and
thus accept Christianity...
Why that word,
Christianity?...
When everything is
ultimately energy...you are in effect part of that energy...you come from
it...and return back to it...one way or the other...
I don’t have to
specifically say that you are indeed son of God...for you just are...even if
you are Jesus...Christ...or even a common man...or woman...
The only problem is,...if
we say Jesus is the son of the God...stress it...then it opens up the
possibility that...once Jesus was NOT the son of
God...the exact opposite...which also have to be true...and that is why we have to
specifically say...in a
solemn manner...that Jesus is indeed the son of God...as the Christian
priests ask us to say...and thus accept the Christian faith...for conversion
purposes...
So we just don’t
say fancy words...whether you are son or daughter or bastard or whatever...of
that thing called energy...
Written around 0250 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0905 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
In the subtitle for the
book Energy The Invisible Living Lord:
On Ascetism, Celibacy and Evolution, that word
evolution was an modification...I originally used the word transformation
instead of evolution...But then at that time, the medical representative
joked...that the word transformation can be misused...it can also imply the
transformation of the penis...from a sleepy one to a vigorous one...and vice
versa...when you do various interpretation...between the lines...in my
writings...for every day the diary notes begin with the emission tracker...
Written around 0320 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Do you know that in many
Hindu temples...with its associated activities...like carving new
idols...painting the symbolic representations...portraits of the Lord...a
sculptor or a painter...can NOT just start carving or painting...just like
that...and call any funny picture you thus drew as God...For He being the defacto owner of everything, requires certain respect...
You will have to undergo
certain rituals...way of life...for certain number of days...before you can
commence the activity...for the welfare of God...
A certain number days of
fasting...celibacy...staying away from sexual relationship...abstaining from certain
foods and drinks like meat, fish, eggs, alcohol etc...
For then only the
imagination of the sculptor or the painter...will have a certain maturity...a
certain level of purity...to be elevated...to picturize
God in a certain manner...and using that visualization...sculpt or paint His
image...
That indirectly explains
why my diary notes begin with the emission tracker...
Written around 0328 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0902 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
We are at the end of the
day...mere borrowers...borrowers from the Lord...
When we came, we
didn’t bring anything with us...
When we leave, we
don’t take anything with us...
Whatever is here in this
world, is left as it is...maybe modified a bit...that is all...
For all this belongs to Him...we
just borrowed from Him...for using...for a short time...
And then we wander
away...
What a pity...those
people who make detailed wills, plans, inheritance etc...to hold on to their assets...fixed
assets...movable assets...and so on...as if the child is too attached to its
toy...and refuses to part with it...even on his deathbed...
Well, the Mother is
always understanding...
Written around 0339 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0341 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0153 p.m. - 0424 p.m. 2:31 Daily diary notes on
computer (!)
0424 p.m. - 0427 p.m. 0:03 Urinal, wash hands
0427 p.m. - 0437 p.m. 0:10 Reboil
tea
0437 p.m. - 0450 p.m. 0:13 A cup of tea
0437 p.m. - 0520 p.m. 0:43 Read Michael Hoskin, The History of Astronomy: A Very Short Introduction, pages 12-29;
a cup of tea; sleepy
0520 p.m. - 0524 p.m. 0:04
0524 p.m. - 0603 p.m. 0:39 To upstairs; prostrate
to the omnipresent invisible Lord; lay down to sleep on the mat; relax
0603 p.m. - 0605 p.m. 0:02 Prostrate to the
omnipresent invisible Lord; stand up; to downstairs; wait for medicine
0605 p.m. - 0608 p.m. 0:03 Ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam
0608 p.m. - 0624 p.m. 0:16 Dinner: Dosa x2, onion
and tomatoe curry, 1/4 glass of water
0624 p.m. - 0630 p.m. 0:06 Read Michael Hoskin, The History of Astronomy: A Very Short Introduction
0630 p.m. - 0632 p.m. 0:02 Phonecall
from brother from
0632 p.m. - 0658 p.m. 0:26 Read Michael Hoskin, The History of Astronomy: A Very Short Introduction; phonecall to brother at
0658 p.m. - 0745 p.m. 0:47 Read Michael Hoskin, The History of Astronomy: A Very Short Introduction; family
discussion
0745 p.m. - 0820 p.m. 0:35 Family discussion;
terminate a mosquito
As usual...whatever be
the private family discussion...within my house...between my parents...the
monitors: Mr. Bastard, the old
whore, and the sucker...listen very carefully...trying to catch noteable words coming out of my mouth...that may pertain to
them...whether I may marry or not...whether there is any chance of having an
affair with the rotten sucker...
While the family
discussion is ongoing...I listen to the discussion of Mr. Bastard
family...talking on whatever I have spoken...weighing pros and cons...so that
is what it is...so this is what it is...this is the reason for that...that is
why he said this...and so on...
How badly that sucker
want to roll her tongue on my penis...all her past episodes of tongue rolling
many other penises...are something Mr. Bastard shys
away from talking...all that matters is my penis...
Sometimes I wonder, if
penis is what that matters so much...with 6+ years of monitoring...he, Mr.
Bastard is supposed to have a penis too...so can’t his thirsty women roll
his...u-li-vi-ku-de...instead of trying to force
strangers...
Just as any rose will
give the same smell...so too any penis will give the same sensation...of
satisfaction...
And it doesn’t
matter...even if Mr. Bastard is the father of the sucker...
Written around 0829 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 0842 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0820 p.m. - 0823 p.m. 0:03 Urinal, wash hands
0844 p.m. - 0845 p.m. 0:01 Terminate a mosquito
0858 p.m. - 0859 p.m. 0:01 Terminate a mosquito
I dreamed of doing it
with him...and waited so long for his...I couldn’t with him, when I was
young...so may be now...at least...with somebody else...I realize a bit late
that...p penis is penis...whether it is his or somebody’s...I was a fool
to waste away my youth...hope I am not that late...
That concept...when I
wrote it...my monitors say I am bad...dirty...
Do you know who taught me
that??...
My own women
stalkers...who preach obsession towards me...the Australian woman stalker and
the Thiruvananthapuram woman stalker...
Their repeated sexual
indulgence...with other men...while monitoring me...following me...under the
pretext of true love...genuine love...
Written around 0948 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Revised around 1000 p.m.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
0823 p.m. - 0954 p.m. 1:31 Daily diary notes on
computer
0954 p.m. - 0959 p.m. 0:05 Loiter around
0959 p.m. - 1002 p.m. 0:03 Daily diary notes on
computer
1002 p.m. - 1005 p.m. 0:03 Loiter around
1005 p.m. - 1010 p.m. 0:05 To downstairs, talk to
mother, kisses to mother
1010 p.m. - 1014 p.m. 0:04 Loiter around
1014 p.m. - 1017 p.m. 0:03 Ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia
1017 p.m. - 1021 p.m. 0:04 To upstairs; urinal;
brush teeth
1021 p.m. - 1040 p.m. 0:19 Daily diary notes on
computer
1040 p.m. - 1042 p.m. 0:02 Shut down computer
terminal; to toilet, urinal, wash hands
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0728 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
1042 p.m. - 1050 p.m. 0:08 To room; prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; wear
blue socks; lay down on mat to sleep
1050 p.m. - 1200 a.m. 1:10 Sleep
At home...within the various
rooms of the house – reading, sleeping, taking the regular allopathic
medicine for Schizophrenia, doing basic physical exercise, dressing...dining
room – eating and drinking, conversation with parents...toilet - brushing
teeth...urinating...defecating...taking shower/bath in the nude...
Whatever be my physical
action...whatever be my conversation...whatever food and drink was
consumed...whatever notes were jotted down with pen and paper...whatever was
read... whatever was done with the computer at home...
I was under constant
audiovisual surveillance by the Thiruvananthapuram
and Australian stalking groups...keeping tabs on the activities of the stalking
victim...
Their voices kept on pestering
me all through my waking hours...discussing what I talked...what I did...at any
given moment of time...
Apart from me, from the
standpoint of the house...whatever was discussed...done...within the various
rooms of the closed house...with my parents...between parents...were all under
detailed monitoring and analysis by the stalkers...as noted from their frequent
discussion...which even included the state of weather outside the house!...
I believe the Thiruvananthapuram stalkers were at their observation
posts, in Thiruvananthapuram, Kerala,
India...probably their private residence...maybe some 2-5 kilometers away...
The observation post of
the Australian group...from where exactly were they monitoring...was not
known...though their conversation with the Thiruvananthapuram
stalking groups...exchanging ideas...was noted...
Written
around 0733 a.m. Monday,
October 02, 2006
Revised around 0736 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Monday, October 02, 2006
Emission Damage
Relative Amount High
How do I feel? Tired
0000 a.m. ~ 0400 a.m. 4:00 Sleep
A vague dream was
noted...I was kissing my beloved mother...in the mouth...(Mr. Toad always
considers her young and beautiful...as I remember her from my childhood
days...NOT as an old woman...) and it so happened that...the innocent kisses of
a boy...slowly became passionate...to me, a man...
I watch my penis
pumping...3 or 4 short bursts...I slip back to sleep...
It seems...My Lord...I have
a kissing problem...kissing my own mother...my Mother ought to be knowing
this...
No other carnal/erotic
thoughts noted...
No other images of women
noted either...
Written around 0753 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0400 a.m. – 0418
a.m. 0:18 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0756 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0418 a.m. – 0430
a.m. 0:12 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0430 a.m. – 0433
a.m. 0:03 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; to toilet
Emission check: Large wet and dry patches...stains of
emission...noted...
Written around 0758 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0433 a.m. – 0526
a.m. 0:53 Undress, emission
check, defecate, urinal, wash, brush teeth, jala neti, thread neti, anoint head
with ayurvedic oil, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry
with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic
powder Rasnadi to head, apply Thromboprob
to the pubic pustule, dress in towel
Emission check: Large wet and dry patches...stains of
emission...noted...
Defecate/Urinal: Small lumps of fecal matter...dark
brownish in color...mostly settled to the bottom...of the toilet sink...a few
on the surface...No effervescent bubbles noted...Addition of a cup of water to
clean the toilet seat...brought up a whitish mucoid
slick...on the water surface...
May the Lord forgive
me...
Inshallah!
Written around 0802 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0803 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0526 a.m. – 0546
a.m. 0:20 Diary notes on paper;
to room, prostrate to the omnipresent invisible Lord; dress in fresh dhoti – white one, black
banian; untie mosquito net; wash mat and put to dry
to the terrace; wash mosquito net, blanket, and blue socks and put them to dry
in the terrace; to downstairs, put other soiled cloths for washing in the
washing machine
0546 a.m. - 0558 a.m. 0:12 Wake mother up; arrange
food for birds, rice and water for birds in the terrace; change the big water
utensil to a smaller cup; good round husks are now hard to come by
Anu-sa-ra-na u-lla-ta-ne-nu pa-ra-nal ke-l-ki-la...if we say she
is cooperative...listening...understanding...submissive...faithful...he
won’t listen...
- A middle aged woman...to the old woman?...trying
to sell off her daughter...packaged as a submissive woman...
I have a problem with the
right translation of the Malayalam word anu-sa-ra-na...so
many English words fit the context...but each have its own subtle inner
meanings...
My
experiences...documented...how will I ever forget?...whenever I see any woman,
these experiences are there in the background...staring at me...haunting at
me...taunting me...that whatever this women try to portray
externally...faithful...true love...genuine love...are all absolute
false...their true nature is something else...which can leave any normal man
mentally unstable...mad...
Now don’t try to
sell off women as submissive...anu-sa-ra-na u-lla-ta-ne-nu...
I wonder what that
submissiveness have to do here...
Maybe...
Men have different ways
of inserting the penis...different techniques...different ways of approach...different
set of rituals...depending on the whims and fancies of each man...
Do this...keep hair in
such a manner...spread legs this way...rub here like this...kiss here...lick
there...scratch there a bit...no not there, but to a side...a bit further...and
so on depending on the whims and fancies of the man...
Don’t do
that...don’t wail too much...don’t be too noisy...don’t bite
that...don’t sit on it...after that, don’t display too much
happiness...say by laughing or crying aloud in the midst of the night...it
might wake up the neighbors...and turn them ON too...so be controlled...and so
on depending on the whims and fancies of the man...
You thus have to listen
to the man with whom you are about to indulge...the way he wants it done...and
cooperate...be submissive...to what he says...do what he says...be
faithful...to please him in whatever manner you can...to have it inserted...to
get it inserted properly...again and again...Remember, only the satisfied
‘customer’ will again return...for more and more...or as the mother
tells her daughter after the wedding...just before she leaves with the
man...that hush hush secret...please him in whatever
manner you can...
So...there is no point in
saying...No, I won’t listen...I will not be submissive...
If you don’t have anu-sa-ra-na...you won’t have the penis
inserted...that is all...as simple as that...
Written around 0625 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Revised around 0905 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0558 a.m. - 0605 a.m. 0:07 Ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam
0605 a.m. - 0607 a.m. 0:02 Note emission on
calendar
0607 a.m. - 0645 a.m. 0:38 Daily diary notes on
computer
0645 a.m. - 0650 a.m. 0:05 To downstairs, prepare
for breakfast
0650 a.m. - 0713 a.m. 0:23 Breakfast: Dosa x2, theyal, a large chopped banana, a glass of water
0713 a.m. - 0715 a.m. 0:02 Loiter, to upstairs
0715 a.m. - 0811 a.m. 0:56 Daily diary notes on
computer
0811 a.m. - 0829 a.m. 0:18 Defecate, wash, wipe, wash
hands, feet, try to remove some pus from a facial pimple under the watchful
eyes of my women stalkers, wash face, wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0844 a.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0829 a.m. - 0832 a.m. 0:03 Dress in outdoor
cloths: Ash underwear, black pants,
white multicolored handkerchief, white banian, purple
full-sleeves shirt
0832 a.m. - 0838 a.m. 0:06 To downstairs, reboil tea, to terrace, a semidry dosa
to birds
0838 a.m. - 0908 a.m. 0:30 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0700 p.m. - 0907 p.m. 2:07 Internet surfing
0750 p.m.
Een-te ammo...en-tu ma-tra-m show ka-ni-ku-ne-nu kan-da...oh! my mother...see how he is showing off...
-
Mr. Bastard to his family...on boiling with envy...jealousy...cyberstalking...computer hacking...my internet
activities...
Pity...that I
didn’t allow his women to suck my penis...including that old woman who
watches along with...
And the bastard says I am
showing off...
Yes I am indeed showing
off...to the whole world...that his women are rotten assholes...who even after
6 years of monitoring...and running after me...are not fit to have sex
with...for they are nothing but fecal matter...
Ponder that...Mr. Bastard...
Written around 0758 p.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Revised around 0911 p.m.
Monday, October 02, 2006
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Emission Damage
Relative Amount Low
How do I feel? Slowly getting tired
Sacred day: Ekadasi
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
1220 p.m. - 1225 p.m. 0:05 Finish off the
remaining 1/4 th water in the water bottle, to II
floor taking steps
1225 p.m. - 1235 p.m. 0:10 Leave bag on the floor
between the coffee machine and the locker, talk to the morning shift English
madam who was talking to Sudheesh (Batch 34), shake
hand from the madam congratulating me for getting 100 marks in the LIT theory
test conducted on September 29, 2006
1235 p.m. - 1240 p.m. 0:05 To New Module
1240 p.m. - 0150 p.m. 1:10 Parellel
listening to audio file continues
0150 p.m. - 0155 p.m. 0:05 Talk to the
lab-in-charge Mr. Anoop R D about tomorrow work
schedule; to training office; talk to TL Indulekha;
collect CD onto which the Typing Tracker was copied; to Techical
Office to collect another CD that was also given to TL Shibu;
Tech could not find it in his office; leave office
0155 p.m. - 0158 p.m. 0:03 Collect bag, put
notebook, headphone, and audio splitter into bag; urinal; wash hands
0158 p.m. - 0200 p.m. 0:02 To bus bay taking the
steps nearest to the toilet, exit II floor, I floor, at ground floor walk past Rangoli restaurant and ICFAI; exit Nila
building
0200 p.m. - 0203 p.m. 0:03 Wait for bus, diary
notes on paper
Oh!...he is writing down
his diary notes...in front of...before...others...
- My women monitors note in alarm...from a far
away distance...
Written around 0533 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Revised around 0535 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
0203 p.m. - 0204 p.m. 0:01 Board the pale blue
company bus
0204 p.m. - 0224 p.m. 0:20 Wait, sit in the front
seat next to the driver
0248 p.m. - 0258 p.m. 0:10 Bus stops at a fuel
station near Ullor junction and fills diesel
0224 p.m. - 0304 p.m. 0:40 To bridge – Uppidamulu palam
The medical
representative family monitoring from a far away distance...notes very
carefully...usually at the bridge I am the only who get down...today a
well-built young woman in dark brown dress also got down...and she boarded an
auto rikshaw...while I walked away without looking...
Oh! So women are getting
infatuated...
- The mother and daughter monitors analyse the instance...
Written around 0510 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
0304 p.m. - 0324 p.m. 0:20 Walk home via Dhanya theater,
0324 p.m. - 0326 p.m. 0:02 Kisses to mother, phone
call to IMDR to enquire about MA (Philosophy and Religion) II year results; the
results are out and they have the mark sheet; I have to go there and collect the
marks sheet
0326 p.m. - 0335 p.m. 0:09 To upstairs; undress,
wash hands, face, and feet; urinal; wear white dhoti and black banian
0335 p.m. - 0337 p.m. 0:02 Pack CD and the audio
cassette for file transfer
0337 p.m. - 0400 p.m. 0:23 Lunch: Rice, potatoe murukuvatti, tapioca puyuku, pulicheri, a handful of groundnut and channa,
a glass of yoghurt and water, a glass of rice water; discussion with mother,
kisses to mother
0400 p.m. - 0403 p.m. 0:03 Ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam
0403 p.m. - 0405 p.m. 0:02 Call brother at
0405 p.m. - 0410 p.m. 0:05 Kisses to mother,
collect washed and dryed yoga dress
0410 p.m. - 0412 p.m. 0:02 To upstairs, turn ON
computer
0412 p.m. - 0425 p.m. 0:13 Try to access the CD on
which the Typing Tracker was copied into at the company; file access denied;
erases the CD to create a blank one
0425 p.m. - 0440 p.m. 0:15 Daily diary notes on
computer
0440 p.m. - 0441 p.m. 0:01 Spots a small emission
stain in the white dhoti; something I missed out during the morning emission
check.
Due to considerable
bubbles in the first morning urine, I had classified this day as Suspect, low,
slowly getting tired, for I didn’t spot any visible stain marks
clearly. Now I reclassify this day
as Damage, low, slowly getting tired.
Written around 0443 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
0441 p.m. - 0501 p.m. 0:20 Daily diary notes on
computer
0501 p.m. - 0504 p.m. 0:03 To downstairs, kisses
to mother, mother reboils tea
0504 p.m. - 0538 p.m. 0:34 A cup of tea; daily
diary notes on computer; CD stuck in CD drive
0538 p.m. - 0541 p.m. 0:03 Turn off computer
0541 p.m. - 0556 p.m. 0:15 Defecate, wash, wipe, wash
hands, face, feet; wipe
Note
laughter...rejoicing...in the medical representative camp...
Now what he is going to
do...
- The old woman...
The CD drive is
stuck...now I can’t create backup copies of my daily writings...and the
hard disk of the computer can crash any time...deleting all the saved
writings...
Activate Amadschizophrenic website...upload the daily revised
writings onto that website...as a backup...but not officially published...for
there will not be any hyperlinks...
Written around 0631 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Revised around 1031 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
0556 p.m. - 0559 p.m. 0:03 Dress in yoga
dress: Blue underwear, black track
suit, yellow half-sleeves shirt, maroon handkerchief; to downstairs; kiss to
mother
0559 p.m. - 0601 p.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
0601 p.m. - 0603 p.m. 0:02 Close gates
0603 p.m. - 0613 p.m. 0:10 To
0613 p.m. - 0739 p.m. 0:26 Yoga
0739 p.m. - 0742 p.m. 0:03 Leave Shivananda Yoga Center
0742 p.m. - 0748 p.m. 0:06 To old GPO junction by
car with father
0748 p.m. - 0750 p.m. 0:02 Wait inside car, while
father buys milk
0750 p.m. - 0752 p.m. 0:02 To home by car with
father
0752 p.m. - 0754 p.m. 0:02 Open and close garage
gates
0754 p.m. - 0800 p.m. 0:06 Kisses to mother,
discussion with mother
0800 p.m. - 0805 p.m. 0:05 Ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam
0805 p.m. - 0810 p.m. 0:05 To upstairs, change
shirt, to downstairs, collect a new soap from mother, to upstairs, diary notes
on paper
0810 p.m. - 0835 p.m. 0:25 To toilet, undress,
urinal, brush teeth, anoint head with ayurvedic oil,
prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head,
apply Thromboprob to the pubic pustule, dress in
towel
How come suddenly...my
prayers became a sort of melodious...
And my women monitors
comment on the melody...listening and watching to a naked man singing...
Very hard to come across
such a concert in a public place...isn’t...
A stark naked singer
entertaining his young female lovers...who stare at his penis...while he
sings...
What a total
enjoyment!!...to the eyes...to the ears...to the mind...
Written around 1113 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Revised around 1116 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
0835 p.m. - 0838 p.m. 0:03 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; dress
in fresh dhoti – aqua colored one, purple full sleeves shirt
0838 p.m. - 0843 p.m. 0:05 Burn incense, camphor,
ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
1001 p.m. - 1020 p.m. 0:19 Fetch a pocket stereo cassette
player from archives and set for playing
1055 p.m. - 1056 p.m. 0:01 Mental noting
Kan-de-le...don’t
you see...
- The cabaret dancer...to her cronies...other
young women?...
Pointing to them...the
stalking victim...listen to so-called romantic songs...that too late into the
night...as if he was very depressed...for not having a woman with him...to
share his thoughts...mind...pain...bodily needs...
And those obsessed women
are watching...from far away...unable to help him...soothe his penis muscles...
Ponder on the irony...the
tug of war...
The man
‘willing’...and the women willing...one mentally...and the others
bodily...but separated by an ocean...for the willing man is living alone in an
island...pondering on that union...listening to some mild relaxation...to
soothe the pain of separation...of his body...from that...
And to the monitoring
women, he is badly in need of that...causing them another sleepless
night...with aroused sexual passion...
On such nights...I
wonder, how do you rate a good masturbation...by this turned ON women...
Oh!...Ever thought...how
the enlarged breasts of a masturbating woman...will feel like...when touched...
Try to feel...that
touching...with the mind...
Written around 1100 p.m.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Revised around 1014 p.m.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
Wednesday, October 04,
2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
Sacred day: Pradosham
0825 a.m. - 0828 a.m. 0:03 To II floor via ICFAI
and the steps near the ground floor Rangoli
restaurant; take notes, headphone, and 1 L water bottle from bag; to locker
area; leave bag between locker shelf and the coffee machine
0828 a.m. - 0831 a.m. 0:03 Urinal; wash hands,
face, eyes, mouth; wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0745 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
0831 a.m. - 0834 a.m. 0:03 Report to Mr. Anoop R D, morning shift-in-charge, at New Module; the
orientation will be at 1000 a.m. at the conference hall or the old direct lab
0834 a.m. - 0837 a.m. 0:03 To training lab; talk
to Human Resources personnel; check notice boards
0837 a.m. - 0840 a.m. 0:03 To
PR2; login to terminal 83
Around 0815 a.m.
How to get involved with
this guy...he is so straight forward...
- The Australian woman stalker...to the
The bus was near
Written around 0843 a.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 0756 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
0840 a.m. - 0844 a.m. 0:04 Diary notes on paper
0844 a.m. - 0846 a.m. 0:02 Customize screen icons;
the proofer who uses terminal 83 arrives to commence
this day’s work; logout of terminal 83
0846 a.m. - 0850 a.m. 0:04 Ask
permission to shut down terminal 84 to logout a night shift user who locked the
system and left home for the day forgetting to unlock the terminal and logout;
login to terminal 84
0850 a.m. - 0855 a.m. 0:05 Browse files; prepare
to type
0855 a.m. - 0856 a.m. 0:01 Diary notes on paper
0856 a.m. - 0914 a.m. 0:18 Typing Test01.txt x3
Accuracy WPM Errors AWPM
92 52 104 47
92 51 102 46
93 49 97 45
0914 a.m. - 0925 a.m. 0:11 Update Typing Tracker
0925 a.m. - 0927 a.m. 0:02 Lock system; leave;
note that my stolen new headphone is now in common use among the proofers and is not restricted to any single user; talk to
Mr. Sudheesh (Batch 34)
0927 a.m. - 0930 a.m. 0:03 Urinal; wash hands,
face, eyes, mouth; wipe; talk to Mr. Sudheesh (Batch
34); collect bag
0930 a.m. - 0935 a.m. 0:05 To I floor taking steps
near elevator 3/4; on the way inform the 4 ladies of the 7 OJTs
who cleared the LIT Sept 29, 2006, that I will return soon after having tea for
they said that most probably the orientation will be tomorrow and today also it
will be parallel listening
0935 a.m. - 0940 a.m. 0:05 At the open I floor
restaurant, take a far away lonely seat on the right side, upon entry into the
restaurant area; prepare to take tea; wash tea cup
0940 a.m. - 0942 a.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
0942 a.m. - 0953 a.m. 0:11 A cup of tea; highlight
interesting points in Language of Medicine photostat
pages 525-527
e-gha-ne
pi-di-kan po-ku-nu...how
are you going to catch him...
- A monitoring man...amidst other monitoring
voices...and a woman with glasses was standing near by...with few people around
in the restaurant as a whole...
Written around 1013 a.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 0839 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
0953 a.m. - 0955 a.m. 0:02
0955 a.m. - 1000 a.m. 0:05 Leave bag between
locker shelf and the coffee machine; talk to Mr. Sudheesh
(Batch 34); to training office; talk to TL Mrs. Indulekha;
wait
1000 a.m. - 1005 a.m. 0:05 Wait; talk to TL Mrs. Indulekha – request to enter my LIT scores onto the
Accuracy Tracker; talk to Mr. Sudheesh (Batch 34);
senior management staff meeting ongoing at the old direct lab
1005 a.m. - 1010 a.m. 0:05 To PR2; diary notes on
paper; check Accuracy Tracker
1010 a.m. - 1013 a.m. 0:03 Diary notes on paper;
the management meeting concludes and I get up to talk to Mr. Anoop R D regarding the orientation
1013 a.m. - 1015 a.m. 0:02 Wait to talk to Mr. Anoop R D regarding the orientation
1015 a.m. - 1020 a.m. 0:05 Talk to Mr. Anoop R D; the orientation is postponed to tomorrow 1000
a.m. and today the OJTs have parallel listening; shut
down terminal; leave main office
1020 a.m. - 1025 a.m. 0:05 Urinal; wash hands,
face, eyes, mouth; wipe
1025 a.m. - 1030 a.m. 0:05 To New Module; wait at
the computer terminal I used yesterday for the MT to arrive
1030 a.m. - 1218 p.m. 1:48 Parallel listening to
live files with the MT
1218 p.m. - 1225 p.m. 0:07 Urinal; wash hands,
face, eyes, mouth; wipe; collect bag; to I floor taking steps near elevator
3/4; at the open I floor restaurant, take a far away lonely seat on the right
side, upon entry into the restaurant area; prepare to take lunch; wash tea cup
1225 p.m. - 1235 p.m. 0:10 Lunch: Dosa x3, thich white coconut chammandi, a
glass of water, a half glass of tea from thermos flask
1235 p.m. - 1238 p.m. 0:03
e-ta-nu
correct a-ee-tu show ka-ni-ku-na
a-al...he is the person who is showing off correctly...
- A man to someone else...pointing to the stalking victim...from a far away distance...
My beloved
monitors...especially the medical representative family...zooms onto that
conversation...from a far distance...and discuss...
Written around 1245 p.m. Wednesday,
October 04, 2006
Revised around 0907 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
1238 p.m. - 1245 p.m. 0:07 Diary notes on paper
1245 p.m. - 1250 p.m. 0:05 To II floor taking
steps near elevator 3/4; leave bag between locker shelf and the coffee machine;
to New Module
1250 p.m. - 0147 p.m. 0:57 Parallel listening
continues
0105 p.m. - 0113 p.m. 0:08 Photo session at New
Module
0147 p.m. - 0150 p.m. 0:03 Leave office; collect
bag, put notebook, headphone, audio splitter, and water bottle into bag
0150 p.m. - 0152 p.m. 0:02 Check training office
and Production Manager’s office for Mr. Anoop R
D to enquire about tomorrow’s schedule
0152 p.m. - 0155 p.m. 0:03 Leave main office;
urinal; wash hands
0155 p.m. - 0157 p.m. 0:03 To bus bay taking the steps
nearest to the toilet, exit II floor, I floor, at ground floor walk past Rangoli restaurant and ICFAI; exit Nila
building
0157 p.m. - 0158 p.m. 0:01 Look for bus
0158 p.m. - 0159 p.m. 0:01 Board the pale blue
company bus
0159 p.m. - 0200 p.m. 0:01 Wait, sit in the front
seat next to the driver; diary notes on paper
0159 p.m. - 0220 p.m. 0:21 Wait
0220 p.m. - 0251 p.m. 0:31 To Vanchiyoor
junction; read; catnap
0210 p.m. - 0235 p.m. 0:25 Read Language of
Medicine photostat pages 527-534, 32-36
0251 p.m. - 0255 p.m. 0:04 Walk to IMDR
Uhmm...
- The medical representative to the old
whore...one prodding the other to look...closely...as the man walked past...a
white clad young woman...in traditional Keralite
dress of white saree etc...standing outside a closed
shop...to look whether he is turning his neck...to look at the scumface...
Written around 0324 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 1021 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
0255 p.m. - 0300 p.m. 0:05 Collect the II year marksheet as well as the December 2006 exam application
form
17 And
he beheld them, and said, What is this then that is written, The stone which the
builders rejected, the same is become
the head of the corner?
-
Luke 20:17 :: King James Version (KJV)
I failed in 2 out of 5
papers...2 papers I just passed...with 51 out of 100...that ethics
paper...which the Australian stalking group talk about...for some reason, I
have a comparatively reasonable score of 63 out of 100...that answer paper
contains my early writings on Solipsicm...
I thus prove that I am
not qualified to teach Philosophy and Religion...according to the official
academic records...that is all...
The failed 2 papers I
have to rewrite in December 2006...and I will obtain only a second class...
Thus if you draw a
statistical chart of my qualification from SSLC to MA...you will find a steady
declining line...with the lowest percentage in thisl
last MA exam...
Lord!...where to am
I...with my studies?...For whom I study like this?...in an offhand...lazy
manner...
No...I should not use
Schizophrenia...irritating voices as an excuse...for it is only me...talking to
me...
I should not expect much
from my official academic studies...That is all...
At least it helps me to
keep myself occupied...spent time on...instead of thinking...on this and
that...Such drifting away...always lead to...end up in...erotic fantasies...how
to give a good...passionate kiss...how to have a nice insertion...and get stuck
in there...unable to come out°...ahhh...(though I
am a bit miserly about insertion matters!...with pumped up muscles!!...the
irony is I can’t help pondering on that...though stingy...like ginger...I
am...)...culmination...how to enjoy an everlasting...sumptuous union
satisfaction...
So I better concentrate
on something else...instead of on the beast...
Written around 0403 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 1005 p.m.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
° Oh! dear...just
ponder...on that voluptuous woman...with well developed...strong vaginal
muscles...down under...one who can cling on...hold on...to your fat
cucumber...refusing to let go...once inside her...
Maybe...She is the only
one...who is capable of that...that most voluptuous damsel...Radha...
Written around 1103 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
How about modern women...practising...such an exercise to the muscles downunder...to market themselves...as more sexy...
You can use a fake
penis...say a vibrator sort of...which stays as a fat cucumber...more longer
than a natural one...and practicing the clinging on...to the ever stout
penis...
It takes time for women
to realize...that facial makeup doesn’t matter much...especially when
union activities are shrouded in darkness...which naturally prevents your
makeup from being appreciated...What is the color of the cat in darkness?...or
if you fear total darkness...maybe a ray of light...from the far away
horizon...in the form of a dim...faint light...candle light...candle light
sex...which still doesn’t sell much...either...
So ultimately it narrows
down to those muscles...down there...how much they yearn for the guest...one
who refuses to let go of the guest will naturally be more admired...
Ponder...
And I think...those women
who try to seduce with lots of expensive makeup...various
hairstyles...ornaments, wherever ornaments can be put...(how about a large,
colorful pearl to cover the hole?...like a closing lid...(sexy?)...vainly
imitating those virgins...)will now have second thoughts...on seduction...if
their muscles are too weak down there...as is their mind and body...
The faster you go
in...the faster you go out...
As if you just have to
run away...as fast as possible...from that house down under...which
doesn’t do anything...to keep the guest in there...
As if you are an
uninvited guest...who made the stupid mistake of going in...seduced by that
inviting smile...of the painted face...
So
women!...go...practice...practice...and practice again...always...for you have
nothing to lose...other than have a mouth-like...powerful
jaw-like...hole...down under...which closes tightly...and opens leisurely...as
you please...
Written around 1130 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 0824 a.m.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
0300 p.m. - 0314 p.m. 0:14 Walk back home
0300 p.m. - 0301 p.m. 0:01 Mental noting
Ma-ti-a-ku...stop
it...
-
The old whore
to the sucker...
In a more authorative tone...asking to stop monitoring...usually said
in an offhand manner...for I have heard over 100 times...the same word used by
the old whore...in the last 6+ years...the woman says that...and then gives
moral support to her daughter...to continue stalking...and actively
participates in the surveillance...So I just understand...that some words I
hear...are meaningless...false words...spoken for the sake of time pass...a
mere joke...
It will be
interesting...the world over...to watch...how long this mother and daughter
duo...continue their voyeurism...advocating true love externally...while
sucking penises of men...in secrecy...
Oh no!...I should not
blame them...find fault...for if everyone is him...the stalking victim...does
it really matter...between any customer and him...ten different customers means
he was there 10 times...
Written around 0335 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 1144 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
0314 p.m. - 0318 p.m. 0:04
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0608 p.m. - 0616 p.m. 0:06 Walk back home
0610 p.m. as I walked
past the Statue crossroads...crossed the road leading towards
Buddha-ma-tam e-nu pa-ra-nal vei-shya-ka-la-nu...those
of Buddhism are whores...(an implication that the religion she is following is
so pure...)
- A young woman commenting to another young
woman...
Seems the woman heard
about my writings...from secondary or tertiary sources...and is very narrow
minded...doesn’t care to ponder...think...on what I have written...and
the context of writing...why certain words in a certain manner...
If she says that the
Buddhism is nothing but of whores...then she will also indirectly accept the
implied assumption that her own father and mother were also whores...
But those of the Buddhist
path...the monks and the nuns...had the decency not to indulge
physically...whereas her parents did not have that decency...they went on
sucking and inserting...
The same is applicable to
any man or woman who tries to portray a religion in such a bad way...without
understanding why I wrote in a certain manner...
I pity that woman...no
matter what limited knowledge she has...
People with such whore
attitude...when they sexually indulge...whenever...either by marriage or by
illicit means...let them ponder...who the actual whore is...they
themselves...or the celibate monks or nuns...
Of course, you may have
only a fixed partner...but I deal with the mind...your mental indulgence...with
any beautiful specimen of the opposite sex...male or female...
I don’t know...if
this woman is a Christian...
If she was, then she
better read the newspaper articles from USA...especially Boston and Chicago
areas...which give graphic details of the sexual activities of Christian
priests in that country...
Here in India, many
Christian priests indulge in the sly...but it is hush-hush...to prevent
negative fall-out to the Church...and its money backed propagation...and now
they permit marriage...so that to save face, the priest can marry the woman he
deflowered...in the name of God...with that ego...the pride of the beast...I am
a man of God...pleasing me...sexually...will ensure you Heaven...wash away your
sins...for I represent God in this Church...diocese...
Written around 0651 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revised around 0703 p.m.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
0616 p.m. - 0620 p.m. 0:04 Kisses to mother, wash
hands and face, return father’s ATM card, balance money, and ATM receipt
to father
0620 p.m. - 0624 p.m. 0:04 Mother reboils tea; kisses to mother; to upstairs; turn ON
computer
0624 p.m. - 0630 p.m. 0:06 Adjust loudspeaker for
music listening
0630 p.m. - 0635 p.m. 0:05 A cup of tea
0635 p.m. - 0705 p.m. 0:30 Daily diary notes on
computer
0705 p.m. - 0730 p.m. 0:25 A cup of tea; uyunu vada x4; discussion with
mother; kisses from mother
0730 p.m. - 0732 p.m. 0:02 To upstairs, urinal,
wash hands
0732 p.m. - 0942 p.m. 2:10 Daily diary notes on
computer
0942 p.m. - 1008 p.m. 0:26 Dinner in a small
utensil: Rice, vendaka
twaran, kattirika murukuvatti, pulicheri, half
glass of water, a small cup of milk; ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia
1008 p.m. - 1152 p.m. 0:44 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
Thursday, October 05,
2006
Emission Damage
Relative Amount Medium
How do I feel? Tired
0000 a.m. - 0005 a.m. 0:00
0005 a.m. ~ 0500 a.m. 0:00 Sleep
The baby sucking milk...
Nonitors discuss...
Cople of other dreams...vague...
No other erotic/carnal...
0821 am
0500 a.m. - 0518 a.m. 0:00 Lay
0518 a.m. ~ 0528 a.m. 0:00 Sit
0528 a.m. - 0530 a.m. 0:00 Prostrate
0530 a.m. - 0616 a.m. 0:00 Defecate, wash, wipe, brush,
neti
Pasty mass all over...the
top layer...
Froaty bubbles...on addition of water...
0822am
0616 a.m. - 0626 a.m. 0:00 Manicure
0626 a.m. - 0648 a.m. 0:00 Shower
0648 a.m. - 0650 a.m. 0:00 Prostrate
0650 a.m. - 0700 a.m. 0:00
0700 a.m. - 0726 a.m. 0:00 Diary notes on computer
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
To continue
Friday, October 20, 2006
To continue
1130 a.m. - 1212 p.m. 0:42 Diary notes on paper
Just make sure it is put
there...let those women come to know what he wrote...
- The medical representative to the cabaret
dancer...monitoring the man scribbing diary notes on
rubbish paper...
Written around 1242 p.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0958 p.m. - 1003 p.m. 0:05 To New Module; login to
terminals HS 354 and the next terminal
1003 p.m. - 1012 p.m. 0:09 Leave New Module;
collect headphones, water bottle, from bag; to toilet; urinal; wash hands,
face, eyes, mouth; wipe; leave bag between the locker and the coffee machine;
enter main office; mark attendance; to New Module
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1131 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
1012 p.m. - 1014 p.m. 0:02 At HS 354; check
yesterday’s transcribed line count statistics
I listen the hush-hush
voices of men and women colleagues...discussing my diary notes written this
day...on rubbish paper...the contents of my personal diary notes are an open
secret...everywhere...without I publishing them onto the internet!...
Written around 1131 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
Saturday, October 21,
2006
To continue
0335 a.m. – 0340
a.m. 0.05 Mental noting
The voices of the
monitoring stalking groups are always there...what I note specific now is the
cabaret dancer to talking to someone else...as if through mobile phone...about
the stalking victim’s current status of mind...
As in any work
environment...there will be always interested women...women who feel a soft
corner towards you...some take it a step further...and openly coy around...
Without concentrating on
the job they are doing...they give importance to walk around the man of
interest...
The assumption they have
is they are too beautiful...the Egyptian queen of bygone days, Cleopatra, pales
in beauty before them...just going near the cock frequently...might cause him
to have thoughts of mounting the hen...as early as possible...without delay...
But what they
forgot...is, had they been so beautiful...they would have been married long
ago...with someother man...and would have settled
down somewhere...with lots of tiny replicas...of similar mentality...and attitude...
And they didn’t
have to try to seduce a man...that too, in too early a morning...when many nod
and sleep...even a normal cock usually becomes active only at around 0500
a.m.!...
I wonder...if some of
these interested...interesting women...keep some sort of contact...with my mind
readers...the medical representative family...to see how far their seduction is
effective...whether the cock is turned ON in his mind...while maintaining a
serene...stoic...stone-like appearance externally...
When you make seduction
walks...you can’t approach the victim...and feel his pants...covering his
penis...to check if his rod is aroused from slumber...for in a work place it is
not ethical...and other people do not permit such outrageous action...
But these are the days of
mobile phones...just take to the oracle...she says what he is thinking...
The oracle is available
24 hours a day...to any interested women...with sleepless nights...The madam
can be contacted by mobile phone any time...for telephone sex talk...phone sex...about
that man’s penis and his thoughts...at any given moment of time...After
all...she just wants to see as many women loving her god...admire his
character...for it gives her and her family great
happiness...pride...satisfaction...that their god is truly a majestic
cock...who is very miserly in mounting activities...like that other cock...the
Christ...even when surrounded by lots of willing hens...
Written around 0113 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
0350 a.m. - 0353 a.m. 0:03 Diary notes on paper
0353 a.m. - 0720 a.m. 3:27 Peer editing, TL check,
refer internet regarding the file details on the concerned medical problem;
upload file
0720 a.m. - 0725 a.m. 0:05 Discussion with TLs on line count target; logout system
0725 a.m. - 0729 a.m. 0:04 Leave New Module; to
general office; mark attendance; to tea lounge; put notes, headphones into bag;
to toilet; urinal; wash hands, face, eyes, mouth; wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1113 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
0729 a.m. - 0736 a.m. 0:07 Diary notes on paper at
tea lounge
0736 a.m. - 0745 a.m. 0:09 Food: Idli x3, potatoe curry, steamed
legumes, chenna murukuvatti,
tea x1
0745 a.m. - 0748 a.m. 0:03
0748 a.m. - 0751 a.m. 0:03 Exit Nila building taking the steps nearest to the toilet, exit
II floor, I floor, at ground floor walk past Rangoli
restaurant and ICFAI
0751 a.m. - 0758 a.m. 0:07 Walk to Technopark gates
0758 a.m. - 0803 a.m. 0:05 Walk to Pallinada busstop
0803 a.m. - 0841 a.m. 0:38 City bus to Statue:
Green bus; bus fare – Rupees 8.00; bus no: KL-15.2862 TN849); catnap
0841 a.m. - 0847 a.m. 0:06 Walk home
0847 a.m. - 0857 a.m. 0:10 Kiss to mother; return tiffin utensils, money to mother; remove shirt, banian, socks, handkerchief and put them for washing
0857 a.m. - 0859 a.m. 0:02 Rice and water for
birds
0859 a.m. - 0901 a.m. 0:02 To upstairs; remove
pants
0901 a.m. - 0910 a.m. 0:09 Search bookshelf for
TOEFL books and cassettes for parents to improve their spoken English
That underwear is a bit
old...subject to wear and tear...and in the area covering the penis...the cloth
started deteriorating...and a hole started appearing...a bit of the scrotal sac
bulges out of it...
I listen to the various
jokes...by the medical representative family...the foreign group...on that
scene...a man doing household work...within the closed house...dressed only in
an underwear...with the penis slightly exposed...
Written around 1023 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Revised around 1056 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
0910 a.m. - 0915 a.m. 0:05 Wear a towel; go
downstairs; put the TOEFL books and cassettes on the main hall table for
parent’s reference; make additional holes on the new prickly powder, Nycil bottle
0915 a.m. - 0950 a.m. 0:35 To upstairs; to toilet;
undress; brush teeth without toothpaste, sit to defecate, wash, anoint head
with ayurvedic oil, shower, wipe the body dry with a
towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, apply Thromboprob
to the pubic pustule, apply Nycil powder to itchy
areas of the body, dress in white dhoti
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...the medical representative family...the foreign
group...and many other locals...monitoring...talking...about the naked man...
We tried so long...but
couldn’t catch him...so far...
- The Australian woman stalker to someone...
Va-cha-ka-ma-di-cha-ta-le...it is only empty talk...mere
rhetoric...bluffing...
- A young local woman...with the tone of a sex
predator...
Just put those details
there...(must be the hole in the underwear instance)...he will be humiliated...
- The medical representative...with the authority
of a big guy...
Written around 1120 a.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
0950 a.m. - 0952 a.m. 0:02 To room, burn incense,
prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
0952 a.m. - 0958 a.m. 0:06 To downstairs; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative; to
upstairs
0958 a.m. - 1003 a.m. 0:05 Turn ON computer
1003 a.m. - 1132 a.m. 1:29 Daily diary notes on
computer
1132 a.m. - 1150 a.m. 0:18 To
toilet, defecate: Loose motion, wash,
wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1228 p.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
1150 a.m. - 1158 a.m. 0:08 To downstairs; loiter
around
1158 a.m. - 1200 p.m. 0:02 Phone call to Iridium;
talk to the receptionist about the 2 LOPs (Loss Of
Pay) marked in my attendance
1200 p.m. - 1210 p.m. 0:10 To
toilet, defecate: Loose motion, wash,
wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...they are discussing about what I talked to the
young female receptionist...
The women giggle...the
men envy...for I happened to say accidentally...that I am on permanent nightsift...
My Lord!...I made a
mistake...I should not have said that...
Written around 1233 p.m.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
1210 p.m. - 1218 p.m. 0:08 Food: Rice gruel, kadala
curry, chopped mango pickle, a glass of water, a small cup of milk, a medium
sized green banana
1218 p.m. - 1220 p.m. 0:02 To upstairs toilet;
brush teeth
1220 p.m. - 0120 p.m. 1:00 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
To continue
0836 p.m. - 0901 p.m. 0:25 Internet surfing
0901 p.m. - 0905 p.m. 0:04 Shut down terminal
0859 p.m. - 0905 p.m. 0:06 Dress in outdoor
cloths: Brown underwear, brown
pants, dark yellow checkered handkerchief, white banian,
dark yellow full-sleeves shirt
0905 p.m. - 0909 p.m. 0:04 Collect money mother;
pack food, tea, and water into bag; wear ash socks and canvas shoes; kiss to
mother; leave
0909 p.m. – 0913
p.m. 0:04 To Thampanoor
by car with father, via M
0913 p.m. – 0915
p.m. 0:02 Wait outside ayurvedic pharmacy, on the road for company bus
0915 p.m. – 0926
p.m. 0:11 To Pattom
by car with father, via M
0926 p.m. – 0934
p.m. 0:08 Wait near Kerala Public Commission office, near the bus bay, on the
road for company bus
0934 p.m. – 0953
p.m. 0:19 To Technopark
by company bus; stand in the rear of the bus
0953 p.m. – 0956
p.m. 0:03 To II floor via ICFAI
and the steps near the ground floor Rangoli
restaurant
0956 p.m. - 1003 p.m. 0:07 Enter New Module, login
to the far right terminals HS 354 and HS 415
1003 p.m. – 1008
p.m. 0:05 To main office, mark
attendance (Sign in 0956 p.m.), to toilet, urinal; wash hands, face, eyes,
mouth; wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0151 p.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
1008 p.m. – 1011
p.m. 0:02 Take notes, headphone
x2 and water bottle from bag; to locker area; leave bag between locker and
coffee machine; to New Module
1011 p.m. – 1014
p.m. 0:03 Check yesterday’s
transcribed line count; look for TL Anoop
1014 p.m. – 1016
p.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
To continue
Sunday, October 22, 2006
To continue
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
1000 a.m. - 1014 a.m. 0:14 Wait for city bus
1010 a.m. - 1014 a.m. 0:04 Diary notes on paper
A thought passes...and I
quickly note it down...
If you understand...you
are part of Him...then look all around you...you will then envy all the forms
out there...that is visible...For by being visible...with forms...they live in
both the worlds...of separation...and unity...That feeling of separation...can
ONLY be enjoyed...ALONGWITH...the feeling of unity...when you have a form...a
material body...
When you don’t have
form...become fully one with the One...you can’t enjoy both...
Written around 1014 a.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
1014 a.m. - 1057 a.m. 0:43 City bus to Statue:
Red/Orange bus; bus fare – Rupees 8.50; bus no: KL-15.2989 TN950); catnap
1057 a.m. - 1103 a.m. 0:06 Walk home
1103 a.m. - 1106 a.m. 0:03 Kisses to mother;
return tiffin utensils, money to mother; remove
shirt, banian, socks, handkerchief and put them for
washing
1106 a.m. - 1109 a.m. 0:03 Rice and water for
birds; change dress to aqua dhoti
1109 a.m. - 1117 a.m. 0:08 To downstairs; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative; to
upstairs
1117 a.m. - 1119 a.m. 0:02 To upstairs, diary
notes on paper
1119 a.m. - 1139 a.m. 0:20 Defecate,
considerable/loud flatus audible very clearly to my monitors, wash, wipe
1139 a.m. -
1156 a.m. 0:11 Diary notes on paper;
turn ON computer
Why you need to enjoy
separation too?...for they say, pain gives meaning to happiness...makes you
feel and understand happiness more...
This concept is
important...when you have form...and understanding...so that you don’t
commit suicide...to destroy your body...and try to become fully one with the One...Your
body will go away...slowly...when the time comes...enjoy both separation and
unity...with the One...until the body ceases to exist...
Written around 1142 a.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
1156 a.m. - 1202 p.m. 0:06 Adjust the loudspeaker
cords
1202 p.m. - 1206 p.m. 0:04 To downstairs, loiter
around while mother reboils tea; chit chat with
parents
1206 p.m. - 1215 p.m. 0:09 To upstairs, a cup of
tea
1215 p.m. - 0104 p.m. 0:49 Daily diary notes on
computer
0104 p.m. - 0137 p.m. 0:33 Undress, defecate,
urinal, wash, brush teeth, anoint head with ayurvedic
oil, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head,
apply Thromboprob to the pubic pustule, apply Nycil powder to itchy areas of the body, dress in aqua
dhoti
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...about the naked man...
Written around 0145 p.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
0137 p.m. - 0142 p.m. 0:05 To room, burn incense,
camphor, ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
0142 p.m. - 0202 p.m. 0:20 Daily diary notes on
computer
0202 p.m. - 0219 p.m. 0:17 Food in a small
container: Rice gruel, parippu, pappadam, cabbage and
beans twaran, potatoe
curry, a glass of rice water, a small cup of milk, a medium sized green banana;
ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam
0219 p.m. - 0245 p.m. 0:26 Diary notes on paper
Around 0232 p.m.
Note the laughter of the
sucker...couple of minutes back the whore was in agony...at my diary notes
becoming public...and a lifestyle hard to seduce...It is interesting to analyse that shift in emotion...from distress...to
laughing...as if a mad woman...
Written around 0234 p.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Around 0242 p.m.
Note provocative voices
of the medical representative family...intended to raise the anger of the tired
man...the monitoring Brahmin man interferes...shoutsº to the bastard
medical representative...from his observation post...to keep quiet...
Written around 0243 p.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
º You don’t
have to talk through land phone or mobile phone at all...
For when detailed indepth monitoring of my house is ongoing...it is not just
my house that is under the range of the spy device...
I mentioned...and cited
examples...that whenever I travel in car or bus or train...not only the
interior of the vehicle but also the surroundings that the vehicle pass through
is also under observation...which even includes picking up the conversation of
passersby...as well as who they are...how they are dressed etc.
So too here...from the
neighboring observation posts...you just have to talk aloud...the person in the
other observation post will pick it up...
Written around 0822 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
0245 p.m. - 0300 p.m. 0:15 Archive old handwritten
diary notes
0300 p.m. - 0308 p.m. 0:08 To toilet, sit to
defecate, wash, wipe
0308 p.m. - 0311 p.m. 0:03 Refer diary notes of
late 2004 written in a diary book
Phoo...
- The old woman loudly spitting...
The old whore really scorns
my diary notes...written over the years...my notes of agony...torture...from
the hands of my sex predators...watching me 24 hours a day...for 6+
years...constantly threatening to rape me...defile my body...make it impure...
Do you know...old
woman...that I who speak about good values...got the exact opposite side
also...
If I have the law unto my
hands...a sword...do you know:
You three will be chopped into 1000 pieces...before a vast gathering
of people...
All the relatives of your
medical representative family...including women and children ...both from the
father’s side and the mother’s side...will be tortured to death...
Not a single man, woman,
or child...or any blood relative...even far away relatives who
purport...claim...to having a distant blood relationship...will
be kept alive...
All your family
properties...including that of your relatives...will be
confiscated...and freely distributed to poor people or donated to temples or
monasteries...
DO YOU KNOW THAT??...
So scorn me now...curse
me now...for what you have done so far...
Praise the Lord...for
living in a corrupt democratic government setup...where you can do anything you
want...and still play hide and seek...
You can call me son of
God...after all these years of mental and sexual harassment...as if to praise
me...to make me forget my past pain...and torture...
Do you know...it is also
said...Fear the son of God...for he will be someone like a butcher...who will
show no emotion...no human feelings...will be cold blooded...and all my training
program...that you watch daily...point to a similar direction...
So scorn me...as much as
you can...for maybe now is the only time for you to scorn...you may not have
that pleasure some other day...
Written around 0322 p.m.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Revised around 0917 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
0311 p.m. -
0324 p.m. 0:13 Diary notes on paper
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
0102 a.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
You now understand the
tremendous importance given to the vehicle...the body...eventhough
we live in a mental world...
The vehicle...with which
you drive around...just have to be clean...and tidy...always...AND ALWAYS...
In the physical
world...watch those vehicle lovers...who wash and clean the vehicle that they
use to drive around...maybe a car...maybe a jeep...maybe a motorbike...how much
care and love...how much importance a true lover of his vehicle give to keep
his vehicle clean...it slowly becomes a matter of PRIDE...intense pride...It is
I who is driving this vehicle...and I want to be looked upon as clean...as a
clean gentleman...NOT shabby and dirty before the masses...before the public...
Pride takes over...that
basic requirement of purity...acting as a protective shield...to further the
purityº...though they say pride...or his other name, ego is evil...which
may be in a different context...different scenario...for all depends on the
context...where you stand...and look...
That which appears dirty
today...will appear to be beautiful tomorrow...
That which appears false
today...will appear to be true tomorrow...
Does that mean both are
false...or both are true...
It just means you
can’t classify anything under any cathegory...
It depends on the
circumstances...at any given moment of time...
They say about some
monks...he says one thing at one time...the exact opposite at another
time...like a mad man...it is so confusing...which should I believe?...
It all depends on the
state of mind...at any given moment of time...the state of mental
elevation...mental expansion...
Use the analogy of height
from the ground as a sort of measure...for this analogy...
The same mind can at one
time be at 0 feet...from the ground...at the low animal level...it can rise to
5 feet...to a higher level of meaning...it can rise to 10 feet...to a higher
elevation...and give a entirely different interpretation to the same
concept...and so the mind gets elevated...When it goes to heights of greater distances...from
the ground...over 100 feet or so...you delve in the world of pure
imagination...completely lost from worldly reality...of what you see or
hear¹...Concepts like I am you only...I am whatever I see...I am that...I
am that tree...that plant...taht shrub...that
animal...that bird...that man...that woman...that child...that water...that
sea...that ocean²...that sand...that mountain...that wind...I am the only
one living in this planet...the whole planet is below me...I was this planet
and everything that it contains...are some of the examples of such a higher
elevation...That same mind can come down back to 0 feet...and say I will kill
you in cold blood...even though the very same mind said he was you, just a few
minutes back...
This concept of using
height as a temporary imaginary measure of mental expansion...elevation gives
some indication...to the shift in meanings...makes matters a bit more
clear...to an onlooker...
Thus you Never ever completely believe...or hold
steadfast onto any philosophical concept...as if it is the only thing
right...
For if white is true...so
is black...its exact opposite...
When you are in the white
side...you believe in the ultimate truth of the whiteness...
Like a clock
pendulum...following cycles...when you go over to the opposite side...to the
dark side...you then believe in the ultimate truth of the blackness...
And then you come back
again...
And so goes the
pendulum...shifting back and forth...both sides being true or false...depending
where you stand...at any given moment of time...
Written around 0133 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
º What is this clean
and tidy in practical spirituality?...
Of course, you can
say...just like the car or vehicle...you wash and keep the human body tidy...say
wash once a day...or twice...or more...or even stay in water...for extended
hours...say in a swimming pool...pond...or water tub...like an alligator...or
crocodile...
If such be the
case...then those who remain in water...for example...fishes...sharks...even
that crocodile...must be very clean and tidy...far advanced in spiritual
practice...
In practical
spirituality...such ablutions...playing with water pales before something
else...that something is celibacy...to ensure that your body have the minimum
external leakage or unnecessary wastage of energy, as far as possible...in
other words, abstaining from all forms of physical sexual relationship...such a
stern maintaining of celibacy brings in body purity...
Under such circumstances
even if you take a bath only once a while...say once in 14 days...you will be
something like a diamond...covered with dust...that is all...
That purity...celibacy of
the body...is what is meant by keeping clean and tidy...in spiritual context...
Written around 0605 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 0817 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
¹ To an onlooker
standing at 0 feet on the ground...looking at you standing far up...a mere
speck up there...so too will be what you say...concepts entirely baffling to
the commoner...nothing but pure fantasy...absolute madness...
Written around 0140 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 5556 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
² When you
delve...go deeper and remain...in this height for a long time...get used to
it...as if the back of your hand...some pointers are given in the scriptures to
a resulting effect...
In the physical world,
the ocean separating before you...as it happened to Moses...to carry the tribe
across...as it happened to Vasudeva...to carry the
baby across...
All a result of mental
expansion...mind taking over the ‘bloody’ elements...and
controlling it...
Written around 0145 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 5555 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
The other day...was it
couple of days back?...the cabaret dancer spoke about the ocean separation...
Theoritically...logically...ponder...
Say you shift your
hand...as if waving...from one side to another...
If you are the ocean
too...where the ocean is part of your greater body...it too have to shift to
one side...as if you wave your hand...
In the Matrix movie
series, a similar example is given...
Neo waits to see the
oracle...
While waiting he happen
to watch the playing of little children...
And there is a kid doing
spoon bending...
The kid explains how the
spoon is bend...
The same logic...where
you and the spoon become one...
Yes, of course...that is
what the theory says...
About facts that are
possible...IF the mind is properly trained...
If you don’t
train...just read about this stuff...it looks like pure fantasy...imagination...va-cha-ka-ma-di...
But then the ancients
didn’t document certain things...JUST because it was pure
fantasy...befitting mad men...
They documented it
because certain unbelievable things are possible...and they wanted the future
generation to know about it...and GO FURTHER than what they experienced...NOT
continue sleeping...oblivious...ignorant...of the power of the mind...
Written around 0308 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 0335 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your
unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard
seed, ye shall
say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
-
Matthew 17:20 (King James Version)
The other day...was it
couple of days back?...the old woman spoke about the
mind as a weapon...something which I rarely write about...
The mind as the ultimate
weapon...of mass destruction...where nuclear weapons of today are nothing but
primitive toys...
In the scriptures, you
come across many such advanced concepts...
Take the instances of two
adepts...sage Vishwamitra and sage Vashishta...
Sage Vishwamitra
was in enmity with sage Vashishta...and fought many
battles with the otherº...in most of those battles...mental weapons were
used...where mind itself is a weapon...in the battle of the mind...
It can take various
forms...of the physical world weapons...like sword...spear...club...mace...bow
and arrows...hatchet...axe...and so on...and can even be
sublime...subtle...like flashes of light...lightening...thunder...and so on...
If you ponder on the
pictorial depictions of Hindu gods and goddesses...majority of them have
weapons...different weapons...WHY?...when ahimsa or nonviolence is what the god
is supposed to be...or have...It is just a modification of their own
mind...inbuilt into itself...as the snake has its dreaded fangs...as the cat
has its much loved claws...as the porcupine has its untouchable quills...all to
protect itself...
Written around 0153 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 0209 p.m.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
º
Something like school children...who fight over the same kind of
toys...whatever powers Sage Vashishta had...so too
wanted the king Vishwamitra...he became a sage...to
achieve mental powers...and gradually pride took
over...yearning...demanding...for more and more...mental powers...The king
turned sage just wanted to surpass whatever the mental powers the other
possessed...and that quest...benchmark...took him to more deeper...and
horrifying ascetic practices...
He faced
temptation...befitting his advanced level...from the most beautiful damsels of
the heavenly world...and he fell...
But what makes one proud
is that...though he fell to temptation...he still rose up...from the
temptation...from the failure...as a fallen man...brought back his
training...went ahead with the ascetic practices...as twice reborn...who now
knows what his failure was...and thus immune to repeat the same mistake again!...
And he accomplished what
he set out for...
Oh!!!...what a man!...
Written around 0227 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 0212 p.m.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
He should not be
trusted...
- The old woman?...
You now know NEVER EVER to
trust me...for that is what I always tell my mother too...never trust her son
on anything...
I may kiss her at one
time...I may also kill her at another time...
Written around 0201 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
The problem is that word
kill...it can be by diverse means...it can be in cold blood...or it can be
transformation...to a different person...where the old person of before is
killed off...to create a new different person...
It all depends on the
circumstances...
Much of Egytian hieroglyphics...imprinted in their tombs...temples
etc...delve with this latter concept...go deeper...deal more with this type of
transformation...
Written around 0208 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Revised around 0351 a.m.
Monday, October 23, 2006
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. - 0434 a.m. 0:00 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
To continue
Sunday, October 29, 2006
To continue
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0125 a.m. -
0150 a.m. 0:25 Boil tea, prepare tea,
add sugarº and milk, to upstairs, change the upstairs bathroom bucket and
mug to smaller ones
º Observe and ponder
on that sugar bottle...those dead ants...warriors...who
made the daring attempt to enter the locked fortress...the sugar bottle...to
enjoy the happiness...the taste...of sugar...
Little did they
know...before embarking on that great adventure...in quest of happiness...to
scale that fort...that the joy...the taste of happiness...will be so much...so
overwhelming...that it will ultimately destroy their primitive physical body...
I pity those dead
warriors...ants...within the sugar bottle...lying here and
there...dead...amidst the heaps...and heaps...of gold...sugar...that that is so
precious to their world...anytime...
Written around 0203 a.m.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
And we also talked in the
morning...about astrology...dealing with planets...those heavenly
wanderers...who are here now...there, a bit later...always wandering about...in
kingly pride and stature...
The true astrologer is
one who leads a celibate life...of a wanderer...as those high up are...only
such a person got the right to say something about the outcome of those higher
wanderers...their influence in the day to day of living beings...down under...
Those who
lead a family life...and take astrology as a living...are not entitled to speak
about the heavenly ones...in the strict orthodox interpretation of the
laws...and so the interpretation of such false astrologers will always be half
true and half false only...whereas the celibate will be someone akin to an
oracle...velichapadu...who lives near to God...by
virtue of his way of life...and thus his words will be more powerful and potent
that those of the lay ones...
Written around 0216 a.m.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
To continue
Yesterday evening I also
talked to my mother...the body as a sort of tube...any body system within the
body...is also a sort of tube...working in tube-like mechanism...something
going in...something going out...
So too the individual
mind...with reference to the Greater all-prevading
mind...working on the capillary motion...capillary action principle...that
simple physics experiment...you do in science labs...
Written around 0302 p.m.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Revised around 1258 p.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
To continue
1002 p.m. -
1010 p.m. 0:08 Talk to Production
Manager about this day’s nightshift; talk to another TL in the presence
of the PM, to inform my TL that I am leaving for the day; mark attendance;
collect bag, put notes and talk to collegues about
the SQMT test, urinal, wash hands; exit II floor taking the steps in front of
the elevator; try to call phone from the payphone near the security desk;
inform my TL who walks in that I am leaving for the day; exit Nila; board the Qualis vehicle,
front seat
I was
mentally...disturbed...elevated...that I didn’t even notice a female collegue who walked past me...at the ground floor...and
said Hi...and was a bit surprised...when suddenly woken up...
I
didn’t notice her walking up...and when she said Hi as she walked
past...I suddenly woke up...to stare at her face...coldly...as if a
statue...devoid of emotion...feelings...trying to recollect who she is...and I
walked away...without returning her Hi...without saying anything...She went
upstairs...to commence her nightshift...maybe she was offended...for I
didn’t even smile back...I was just mad...at that time...I didn’t
mean to purposely...cause displeasure to any woman...it just happened...
Oh! yes...while at the II
floor...that fair PD woman was there...and she appeared very pretty...her face
was smooth...that hair was dressed elegantly...and I had to take pains not to
look at her face directly...as noted by my female monitors...from far away...
I was mentally
disturbed...because I didn’t do well in the
exam...
I cleared the first TOEFL
type exam...paper-based...and went into the second round of tests...
I cleared the two second round
of tests...1 hour English and...1 hour Medical test
based on LOM...both online...
On clearing them, I was
given a 5 minute break...and then we started the
transcription tests...
Two files...both NonOP (nonoperative
reports) files...around 30-50 lines each...to be finished in 2 hours...
Now the
problem...I never finished a 3-4 minute plus file in less than an hour, so
far...if it is more than 3.45 minutes, then I lag...and the maximum I could
achieve so far was to finish transcription...both typing and editing...in 1
hour 15 minutes, a dictation of 3-4 minutes...provided not much drug names are
there...That was what my Training TL and I could bring about in the last 8
months of training...at the training department...
I went in...with the target to finish the files...taking 1 hour for each
file...
I took the longest file
first...around 6.24 minutes...a male dictation...and successfully finished in 1
hour...both to my surprise...and the monitoring old woman...who expressed
surprise...at that feat...Was she proud?...happy?...
Then I
started the smaller file...around 3.54 minutes...a female dictation...I thought
it is small...and I can finish it...in 1 hour...But it turned out to be...a
tough one...with no dragging about...lot of material was there in every 30
seconds...And hell broke loose...plenty of drugs!...God!...I watched myself
dragging...I am losing my concentration...as I watch the slow movement of time
towards the deadline...typing mistakes came in...the sense of failure coming
up...that I am a fool...an absolutely incapable person...Yet I slogged
on...knowing that I may not be able to finish the file...Someothers
sitting nearby have already finished their files...and are
editing...proofreading...and that also added to the tension...voices of my monitors
were there until around 20 minutes since the starting of the second file...and
they knew from observation that I am facing problems...and I was worried
whether they will add salt to the wound by talking deliberately...to arouse my
anger...when in a tensed state...to make me more mad...But my Lord, they were
kind...to leave me alone...their voices suddenly went dead...silent...leaving
me to face one battle...one front at a time...but they kept on watching...on
how I continued...Finally the time was up...around 50 seconds left untranscribed!...and the Australian woman stalker noted
specifically...without speaking anything...that I stopped the file with a blank
and a period...I used deception, my Lord...to deceive the editor at
Bangalore...that the rest of the file is a huge undecipherable dictation!...of
around 50 seconds!!...which
in reality was not...I just needed at least 15 more minutes to finish that
file...and I didn’t have that...
I am not perfect...I am
incapable...my performance is poor...I just need a lot of practice...That is
all...
Whatever training done so
far...have to be re-analysed...something went
wrong...somewhere...and I need to rebuild...
Written around 0544 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0856 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
At the
urinal...and while traveling back...in the rains...I ponder on how to increase
my transcription speed...I opted for permanent nightshift...and it is
well-known...that productivity levels during nightshift are generally
low...many sleep and work together...doing two things at a time during
night...some nod and type...some sleep before the computer monitor...some
suddenly fall in love with the holy fire...embrace the computer monitor...and
go to sleep...Some indulge in a sort of erotic dance...of the upper
torso...including the head, neck and limbs...though seated in a chair...swaying
this way and that...in sleep...while hearing the dictation...the American
doctor’s ‘sweet’ lullaby...Do the doctors out there in States
know that they...whether male or female...have such a wonderful voice...that
they can do well in singing also...
Written around 0708 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0714 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
1010 p.m. -
1020 p.m. 0:10 Wait
1020 p.m. -
1058 p.m. 0:38 To bridge – Uppidamulu palam, via highway
bypass
The medical
representative family monitoring from a far away distance...notes very
carefully...that I am very agitated mentally...pondering...and
pondering...while sitting like a stone...and that I was angry...and depressed...at
my imperfection...and whatever this funny world put me into...
They were also
worried...whether I go into...another mad spree...of publishing yet another set
of diary notes...onto the web...on getting back home...to derive some
satisfaction...mental peace...
As usual...they
also monitor other people within the vehicle...what they do physically and
verbally...their conversation...especially what the women colleagues
speak...the places they disembark...are there anyone waiting for them in the
darkness...to accompany back to their residence...and so on...
Written around 0724 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0247 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
1058 p.m. -
1105 p.m. 0:07 Return home by car with
father; talk to father about the test; open and close garage gates on reaching
home; kiss to mother; return tiffin utensils, money
to mother
Though I tried
unsuccessfully to call home...to inform my father that I am returning home...at
night...instead of staying back for the usual night shift...he had in turn
called the company...and talked to my TL...and he knew that I am
returning...and was waiting for me at the bridge...
I was depressed...and didn’t want to continue night shift after the
exam...so I opted to go home for the day...and take rest...and then start
afresh...
Written around 0735 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
1105 p.m. -
1130 p.m. 0:25 Food: Dosa x2, mulaku char, payar legume twaran, water quarter glass, tea half cup; relax, brooding
at my failures; the voices of the monitoring old woman and her daughter express
sorrow at my misfortune
1130 p.m. -
1155 p.m. 0:10 Loiter, to upstairs,
change dress to aqua dhoti and green full sleeves shirt (it is cold and raining
outside...for October- December is usually cold and rainy in these parts of the
country...), urinal, wash hands, face, and feet
That image
of the pretty fair face of that PD woman...constantly crops up...her smooth
face...her elegant hairstyle...as if my Lord want me to ponder on her...when
feeling depressed...vulnerable...at how beautiful she is...and that image keeps
on haunting again and again...the tired man...as if...if she was before me in
person...she could have done many things...all through the night...which leaves
me very refreshed...the morning after...
The voices
of the monitoring old woman and her daughter...observing both my mind and
body...express sorrow...pity...at my dilemma...
Kash-ta-ma-nu...it is sad...it is pathetic...
- The understanding old woman...
Dro-ha-ma-yi po-yi...en-du che-yan o-kum...It
was cruel...but what to do...
- The young and mature cabaret
dancer...
Was it cruel...because I
refused the stalker’s advances...to satisfy me sexually...and in turn...I
threw out the whole thing...the baby, the washed water together with the tiny
wash tub...by refusing to accept another woman...to soothe my body and mind...
The
intelligent cabaret dancer also speak about my diary notes...on what I have
written...and published worldwide...for all to read...so that...that very diary
notes...my creation...my child...the love and loyalty towards him...will stop
me...from indulging...with a woman...for as a man, my honor and dignity rests
on what I have created...written...
Ever watched little
children...whether boy or girl...the way they look...in suspicion...with hurt...when they see their father talking to another
woman...even if it is only a casual talk...
Written around 0800 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0911 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
1155 p.m. -
1200 a.m. 0:05 Diary notes on paper,
turn ON computer to listen to my usual regimen of music, as if to soothe my
mind
Do you know what that
usual regimen of music is?...
Mostly western pop
songs...romantic songs...sung emotionally...to please the fair sex...to let the
other know...what separation is...
And I classified them as
devotionals!!...
Maybe my Lord
understands...my plight...
Written around 0803 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0913 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Overall monitoring by monitors- enter writeup/standard
template/verbatim here
Monday, October 30, 2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
0000 a.m. - 0008 a.m. 0:08 Ponder, shut down
computer
I ponder on female
beauty...how captivating it is...how pleasing it is to look at...and daydream
later in the privacy of your house...that woman’s face refuses to leave
me alone...
And I ponder on the sad
words of pity...by the old woman and her daughter...watching me constantly,
from a distance...their sweet revenge...for not indulging...when the flesh is
vulnerable...when the surroundings are ideal...with cold, windy rains etc...
That old woman’s
daughter was waiting for 6+ years...while that Australian woman for over 10+
years...and here I ponder on the beauty of a fresh one...What an irony!...
I am just tired...and if
I stay back all night...I might end up writing one of the best abuses ever
written...about women...
I turn off the romantic
devotionals...turn off the computer...and prepare to go to sleep...to forget
this funny world...at least for some time...through sleep...and to relax my
hardhearted heart...
Written around 1127 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0118 p.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0008 a.m. -
0015 a.m. 0:07 To toilet, urinal, wash
hands; to room, lock door; prostrate to the omnipresent invisible Lord; wear blue socks; lay down on mat to
sleep
I was a bit
worried about Mr. Toad...that most ugly thing in this world...What if he plays
with that woman’s shadow...all night...and leave me depleted the morning
after...
I lay down to
sleep...taking refuge in my Lord...the Blessed One...Lord Buddhaº...taking
refuge on the Buddhist prayer...under the close supervision...of the old
woman!...from a far away distance...checking each and every word
chanted...verbally and mentally...
Do I chant
clearly...with the right pronounciation?...Did I
forget any of those sacred words?...and so on...If I do forget the
verses...chant incorrectly...or even don’t chant at all...as noted in
many occasions...of prayer...or prayer time...she will then talk of her
daughter waiting...as if to force the terrified kid to chant more
furiously...to save himself from those huge melon breasts...
My dear Lord!...this funny world is full of ironies...contradictions...
º to whom all these
confessions are addressed to...as observed by the wise old woman...on who
actually this ‘Lord’ is...a word that appears frequently in my
writings...
Written around 1134 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 1156 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0015 a.m. ~ 0320 a.m. 3:05 Sleep
No dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 0447 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0320 a.m.
– 0335 a.m. 0:15 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0448 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0335 a.m.
– 0350 a.m. 0:15 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0350 a.m.
– 0402 a.m. 0:12 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; to toilet; emission check, urinal, brush teeth
Emission check: No emission stains noted...in the aqua
dhoti...
Urinal: Some bubbles in urine...most of them vanish
in a few minutes...leaving clear water...
The voice...during prayer
chanting alongwith the toilet activities...was
deep...as of a mature...very old man...as noted by the medical
representative...and I...watching both my monitors and this young body...The
young man wonders at his sudden change in voice...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...I feel rejuvenated...energetic...and very
proud...that I withstood yesterday night...
I thus classify this day
as...No emission...
May the Lord be praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 0456 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0504 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0458 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0402 a.m.
– 0428 a.m. 0:26 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; sort
LOM notes for revamping medical studies; to downstairs; reboil
tea; to upstairs; sort notes for studies
0428 a.m. -
0435 a.m. 0:06 Partially
untie mosquito net, fold net, blanket, socks, mat; tidy personal notes and
things
0435 a.m. -
0544 a.m. 1:09 Daily diary notes on
computer
0445 a.m. -
0450 a.m. 0:05 Mother brings fresh tea
to upstairs; kisses to mother; talk to mother
0544 a.m. -
0611 a.m. 0:27 Defecate, wash, wipe
That was a long time!...didn’t I check the bathroom timepiece?...
I was day dreaming...on Napolean...his military discipline...and his adage...on the
worthiness of a soldier...at 2 a.m. in the morning...that sort of toughness was
vital for his Russian military campaign...to withstand the tough cold
weather...
If one can successfully
fight...a battle all night...the day battle pales...before such a warrior...and
so goes the training for any elite commando...in any terrain...in any battlefield...
The best
sniper...sharpshooter...is one who got lots and lots of
patience...waiting...and waiting...with the limited resources...for his
prey...the ideal time...to fire...at the target...bull’s eye...
Written around 0622 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 0954 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0611 a.m. -
0619 a.m. 0:08 To downstairs; loiter
while mother reboils another tea amidst protests for
asking for another tea, rice and water for birds
Couple of birds flew
in...the first flew in from below...the terrace level...and sat near
by...watching...the other joined later...while I placed rice and water...as
their breakfast...And their coming was watched...with keen interest...by my
monitors...
Written around 0628 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0619 a.m. -
0807 a.m. 1:48 Daily diary notes on
computer
0807 a.m. -
0844 a.m. 0:37 Food: Idli x3, loose
white coconut chammandi, baghi
x1, payampori x2, half glass of water; kisses to
mother; discussion with mother
0844 a.m. -
0927 a.m. 0:43 Daily diary notes on
computer
0927 a.m. -
0942 a.m. 0:15 Defecate: Loose motion, wash, wipe
0942 a.m. -
0944 a.m. 0:02 Talk with parents, for
they came upstairs with a letter from
The university sent a
letter to my parents...for I postponed my admission by one year...and maybe
they thought I may not go to States...by that
postponing...
My parents want to write
to the university...citing the reason that my student visa was rejected...the
reason being the visa officer who interviewed me at Chennai US consulate...a
Punjabi woman...on June 22, 2006...thought that this wanderer got hidden
plans...to stay back in US...after reviewing all his educational qualifications
and work experience...
My old
parents want to write to the university...to ask the university’s
advice...on how to convince the US consulate at Chennai...that this bird may
not live anywhere permanently...that this fool doesn’t work anywhere
permanently...the beggar rarely makes money...he is in the habit of giving
everything away freely...he may just fly off...when he gets bored...to places
where the angels fear to tread...and make you very worried and nervous...about
his safety...
I try to downplay their
seriousness...in seeing me to go to States...but then I finally tell them to do
whatever they want...they are too old to argue...
In the beginning days in
By the 4-5th
year...1998-1999...the Western life was very boring to me...I just wanted
to leave that island...and that beautiful woman was doing whatever she can...to
prevent me from leaving...downunder...The siren just
got captivated by the cute wanderer...She even went to the extent of gossiping
around...pulling strings...that this Odysseus will be a strategic asset to the
Australian military...
Some how I flew
away...with the Lord’s help...pondering on how patriotic that pretty
woman is...
So too will be...in any
land...
Written around 1044 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 1159 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0944 a.m. -
0947 a.m. 0:03 Loiter while mother reboils tea
I ponder on
the words of many women...I listened to...some time back...who said that I work
nightshift...because I can’t sleep at night...find it hard to close my
eyes...to get a good nap...especially when many women watch my penis all
night...singing captivating lullabies...which make you stand on your toes...red
like a red rose...flushing in anger...instead of lying down...The sirens sing
and watch...to see when the little warrior wakes up...crying for milk...or with
many willing women watching...the little one...Mr. Universe...refuses to unflex his great muscles...he prefers to keep them flexed
up all night...immaterial of resultant fatigue...so that I...the big
boss...thought it is better to work all night...instead of having a pointed
spear downunder...standing upright all night...ready
to pierce...anything that comes near...as those Greek warriors of
yesterdays...with pointed spears...who stood guard outside of the tents of
great heros...in the siege of Troy...
And those women
commentators felt very sorry...pity...for me!...this
cunning devil...
Written around 1006 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Revised around 1017 a.m.
Monday, October 30, 2006
0947 a.m. -
1200 p.m. 1:13 Daily diary notes on
computer
1200 p.m. -
1212 p.m. 0:12 Shut down computer
1212 p.m. -
1215 p.m. 0:03 Diary notes on paper
1215 p.m. -
1220 p.m. 0:05 To downstairs, loiter
while mother serves food; kisses to parents
1220 p.m. -
1237 p.m. 0:17 Food: Rice, aviyal,
mango pickle, ginger pickle, baghi x1, a glass of
water; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam; mother applies Iodex, a
skin ointment for pain onto my left side of the face, near the left ear, where
the ear pain still persists
1237 p.m. -
1240 p.m. 0:03 To upstairs, wait for
computer to be free
1240 p.m. -
0100 p.m. 0:20 Diary notes on paper;
mother comes upstairs; prepares the mat and ties the mosquito net, kisses her
mad son and goes downstairs
0100 p.m. -
0106 p.m. 0:06 Daily diary notes on
computer; prepare to surf the internet
0106 p.m. -
0153 p.m. 0:47 Internet surfing
– uploads the latest revision of my diary notes
0153 p.m. -
0200 p.m. 0:07 Urinal, wash hands,
turn OFF computer, turn computer back ON for father’s use
0200 p.m. -
0205 p.m. 0:05 To room, lock door,
prostrate to the Lord, lay on mat to sleep
0205 p.m. ~
0715 p.m. 5:10 Sleep
Emission Damage
Relative Amount Medium
How do I feel? Tired
Normal...sound
sleep...except that instance when I regained awareness...looked like around
half an hour or so...in or around 0715 p.m....my
monitors might know the exact time it occurred...
A vague dream was noted...
Until that thought...so
far so good...
And the thought came in...
Some women yogis are
sitting crossed legged in meditation...around 3 of them...sitting in a
line...in a wooded area...all three are past middle age...very slender...and
bony...white clad...but dirty attire, befitting forest dwellers...
There arises the thought
of union...to become one...with the one sitting in the center...it was dark all
around the area...twilight...and her face is not clear...but she evokes the
passion...to become one with her...
Whether she was a female
ascetic...yogi...nothing matters...
All that matters is to
become one with her...to satisfy my urge...of elevated mind...due to
passion...to become one...to satisfy that pent up energy...throbbing down
under...to vent it...to get it go...to release it...
I wake her up from
trance...from meditation...and help her thin body...to lay flat on the hard
ground...and I mount her...and commence the hefty pounding into her...
She didn’t
feel anything...she was like a corpse...devoid of all emotion...and went
through the pounding process...lying there still...
And I watch...that
me...my split personality...pant and heave on top of her...exerting to go more
deep into her...bony mass...
And here...I watch my penis ejecting...along with
the pounding of that man...far away...
And I watch some of my
women monitors...from a far away distance...observing with curiosity...that
fancy thing downunder...this body...that tiny
tube...spitting some liquid...and if they never saw anything leaving a man’s
penis...before...
After satiating
himself...that man...my alter ego...returns...back to me...and I lay there
watching...this body...of many personalities...many people living
together...and the reaction of my women monitors...who witnessed the pumping action...from
that single...common outlet...
Strange that some of them
call...this human devil...the Christ...
No other carnal/erotic
thoughts noted...(what more should be
there...isn’t?...)
No other images of women
noted either...
Inshallah!
Written around 0759 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 0832 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0715 p.m. -
0750 p.m. 0:35 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Pa-ti-kan
pa-ttum...he can be cheated...
- The cabaret dancer...very
exalted...and happy...at having witnessed the man’s penis ejecting...
Written around 0816 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0750 p.m. -
0758 p.m. 0:08 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0758 p.m.
– 0800 p.m. 0:02 Prostrate
to the omnipresent invisible Lord; stand up; to toilet
0800 p.m.
– 0841 p.m. 0:41 Undress, emission
check, urinal, brush teeth, anoint head with ayurvedic
oil, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head,
dress in towel
Emission check: Medium sized...fresh and wet
patches...stains of emission...noted...
Urinal: Some bubbles in urine...no thick
effervescence...some bubbles do continue to remain as it is...
May the Lord forgive me...
Inshallah!
Written around 0823 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
And I laugh...and laugh...loudly...at this funny
world...
Written around 0823 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 0838 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
All these mental
experiences...if I talk in person...to any one out there...no one will believe it...and
what some learned will do...will be kind and sympathetic...to hire a
taxi...using their own money...and sent me...pack me off...to a nearest mental
hospital...
So rule number 1 is...I never ever talk this
stuff anywhere in public...
For we live in a
world...which need material proof...not the subtle proof...
The mind is never ever
respected...among the materialistic intelligentsia...and what ever you feel in
your mind is mere speculation...with no supporting proof...They always have the
catch phrase, you just imagined...
I know my
experiences...of the mind...and I try to believe it...for if I deal more with
society, there is a possibility that I may also develop similar materialistic
attitude...where I may pooh-pooh what I have felt...
So I documented it...so that I don’t
forget...later on...
There are many in this
world...who felt similar experiences...but pooh-poohed it away...following
pressures from their family, friends, society and so
on...
I try various ways...not
to believe these experiences...I am trying hard to disprove each and every
thing documented here...I want to throw this creation out...of my life...
BUT the more I try not to
believe...the more I fall in love...my own fecal matter!!...
So I laugh...and laugh...and laugh...for at the
end of the day...there was only me...and my imagination...all alone in this
vast universe...an island, as my Lord said...
And so will be...YOU too...when you too follow
the path...and experience...
Written around 1241 p.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0841 p.m.
– 0848 p.m. 0:07 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; dress in fresh dhoti – blue/green one, to
downstairs; call TL to inform that I am on leave this night; he calls back to
enquire about the ID name I am using to transcribe some of the medical files
from that specific US hospital; talk to parents for they wanted to know why the
company personnel called back after my phone call
I reply that in this industry...of medical transcription...it is the line
count that matters...
Just as in
any manufacturing industry...production factories...the daily target or quota
is there...to produce or manufacture...this many number of items...say beds in
a bed factory, I used to work once...or this number of breads in a bakery...or
this number of small transformers in an electronics factory, I used to work
once...all depending on the customer order...and only by shipping or selling
that number of items produced or products...do the company gets paid...or
derive its income...
Here in medical transcription
field...it is the number of lines typed...accurately...the right medical
words...the right drug names...as per the respective doctor’s
dictation...with correct punctuation, grammar etc....that decides the income
for the company...in this piecemeal industry...
And every personnel got his/her daily target of
lines to be typed or transcribed...and every team leader (TL) got his own
target of lines...which he needs to ensure that so much is typed out from
his/her team members...
If one of the team members
take a leave...he need to inform his respective TL prior...so that the TL can
allocate the same number of lines to someone else...and thus meet the TLs daily target...and thereby at the end of the
month...the company achieves its monthly target of lines...and derive its
projected income...
Written around 0846 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 1012 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0848 p.m.
– 0852 p.m. 0:04 To upstairs; diary
notes on paper
0852 p.m.
– 0903 p.m. 0:11 To downstairs; put soiled
cloths for washing in the washing machine; father goes to buy medicine for my
ear pain; burn a magazine cover
There was a Latin
American magazine...in English...which my brother subscribed
to...freely via the internet...
And one of the recent issues...had the picture of
a very beautiful Latin American woman...who I think is a
Anyway...I try not to
look at any unwanted things...so as to reduce mental disturbance...even
watching TV or reading newspaper these days is very rare...
The cabaret dancer have
noted that in the last couple of weeks...that whenever I accidently
spot this magazine lying around...I used to keep it somewhere far...so that it
doesn’t lay around...and thereby you don’t even look at it accidently...
And what used to perplex
me...is that where ever I put it...this woman comes back...and sits
prominently...to stare at me...
I later found that it is
my old father of 70+ years...who finds out this magazine...where ever I have
hidden...and he tears off its inside pages for burning rubbish...
But the front cover is still there...that woman
staring...
And I had enough of this
hide and seek...after informing my old mother...I tear off the front
page...burn it off in the back yard...under the watchful eyes of many a young
and beautiful women monitors...from a far away distance...
To some, I just don’t accept female beauty...anything beautiful I
destroy...by diverse means...so that it doesn’t disturb my mind...
Some women look at it as
a threat to women as a whole...and he is someone with Islamic
leanings...admiring women in purdah...who don’t
display...flirt around...much of their anatomy...
Some look at it as a boon
to women...especially to those women who fantasize to be his wives...you know,
he won’t look at another woman...however
beautiful that another woman may be...
I hope this
so called women-in-love...are aware of my tantric
hobby...of mental promiscuity...mental indulgence...and as that Canadian monk
who once said it is better to leave the fire alone...for the distance of
separation...between mental and body promiscuity is very short...as is the body
and the mind it contains...It is something like walking on a...razor’s
edge...
Since the age old
past...history has recorded the fall of many a tantric
adept...from a mental world...to a physical world...of absolute dirtiness...and
physical sexual indulgence...bringing shame...and disrepute to...the path of
fire...from the ignorant public...the learned aristocrats...and monks following
other paths leading to the same goal...
There had been many a
time...in the ancient past...when new novices were advised
not to follow tantrism...for it is easy to fall...and
thus bring dishonor to the teachers of the path... as well as to the very
path...or doctrine itself...
And when such a fear...of
failure persist...clubbed with less and less adherents...how will a school of
thought survive...the ravages of time?...
Written around 1049 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 1121 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0903 p.m. -
0930 p.m. 0:27 Food: Rice, sambar, padavalagha twaran; water x1, a
handful of peanuts and channa; ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia with honey and kashayam;
father returns with medicine; discussion with mother
In the sambar...my mother had added
medium-sized melon pieces also...and I suddenly found melon tasty...and I ask
my mother innocently...why it is so tasty...well, it is tasty, that is all,
according to the old mother...
I listen to the laughter
of my women monitors...from far away distance...who know
very well that...melons are indeed tasty...
Written around 1016 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 1022 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0930 p.m. -
1000 p.m. 0:30 Tea x1, and I ponder on
my offhand words which I blurted out...during the discussion...trying to draw
lessons from it...as do my monitors from a far away distance
Even if...the world caves
before you... the world splits before you...the world comes before you...begs
you to marry...lokam e-di-nu
va-nna-lum sari...never marry...
For you will
understand...that that very world is you only...
When else can you
play...in old age?...only in this youth...so play as
much as you can...
That old man...one of my
split personalities...if he indulges in erotic desires of the mind...fantasizing...who
cares?...while you, a youth...if you fantasize...people will find it
interesting...especially young women...while the old women in the former case
won’t feel anything usually...
And even if
they do feel anything at all, not much can be done anyway...while in the latter
case, you can make those younger ones indulge...whether mentally, physically or
verbally...with one of your replicas...in the lower world...whom you
control...instigate...instil...and thus enjoy the
union indirectly...from both sides...without physically touching the woman...or
the man...without physically going anywhere near the place of union or
bed...without your energy depletion...without loss of purity...
You thus enjoy the
forbidden fruit...without eating the forbidden fruit...and find it very
nourishing...(by becoming one with the fiery fire of union)...to the sahasrara chakra...the land of fire...high up...and the
basic requisites of energy conservation and purity holds...for entry into that
world...of tantrism...
Written around 0714 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 0728 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
libido
1. Conscious
or unconscious sexual desire.
2. Any passionate interest or form of life force.
3. In jungian psychology, synonymous
with psychic energy.
Origin: [L. lust]
(Reference: Stedman’s Medical Dictionary.)
1000 p.m. -
1003 p.m. 0:03 Prepare to apply
medicine
1003 p.m. -
1200 p.m. 1:57 Lay on father’s
bed turned to the right; mother pours ear drops on the exposed left ear to ease
the ear pain...that pain that still persists for the last couple of weeks since
that new headphone was swapped at the work place with an old one which works
only on the left side; she covers me with a blanket; gives a goodnight kiss to
her little child and leaves the room; slowly I drift to sleep
Sometime later...looked
like an hour or so later...a thought passes...
As the thought left...I
chant the Buddhist prayer of praise...to my Lord...which I
also note the old woman listening very carefully...from a far away
distance...
There is an English
movie...is it Event Horizon?...Lawrence Fishbourne
acts in that film...The story writer must have just out of imagination concorted a story and had a movie made out of it...
But evenif
it is just an imaginary concept...it contains something very deep...and thought
provoking...though it may have occurred to the writer of the story in an
offhand manner...as is many offhand thoughts which later turn out to be strange
facts...
They built a space
ship...called Event Horizon...of material body...with steel, etc...
And this ship gets lost in outer space...deep
space...along with its crew...and nothing is known about the ship...for a long,
long time...
Many years later...a search crew stumbles on a lost ship...the Event
Horizon...and they board the vessel...
The film
moves on to a horrifying part...the ship had become a living ship...and all its
crew had become part of the living ship...it got its own intelligence...and
mind...whoever is within the ship...the ship knows what they do physically,
verbally and mentally...being within the ship means you are part of the
ship...in all respects...in all aspects...there is nothing private or personal
anymore...even your thoughts...the ship can read your thoughts...and the ship
can give you thoughts to think...and act...
Gory scenes flash
by...where the human bodies of its crew were cut
open...dissected...to destroy the material body...to ensure they are completely
in union with the ship...and not remain as a separate entity...
Ponder on that
movie...and if you haven’t seen the movie...try
to watch what the writer of the story is trying to put across...convey...
Now we come back to
practical spirituality...
We too come into this
world in material body...built with...made of...flesh, blood, bones etc...
We have our individual
body...individual mind...
Say we train ourselves in
the path of spirituality...
And we have a time of seclusion...where our
whereabouts are unknown to many...
And we return...many years later...with the
greater body...everything that is out there...
This small human body is
then nothing...for we have that immortal outer body...which is then our eternal
inner body...the ocean of energy...and we live there for ever...a living
entity...watching whatever is going on within ourselves...
Those primitive lay
people running here and there...doing various things of day to day life...will
be akin to worms...the worms within a normal human body...say the digestive
system...respiratory system or any systemº...
That evolution...transformation...from
the human body specific...to the whole world specific...condenses the whole
concept of practical spirituality...
Oneness of
everything...becoming one with everything...become the One...becoming the
living entity...living on for ever...without death...is thus the goal of any
living being of the lower order...
Written around 0414 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 1105 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
ºEver pondered going
into your own body...and talk to some of those countless inhabitants...millions
of them...guests like ...worms... bacteria...or fungi ...or whatever... natives
like red blood cells...white blood cells...and so on...that inhabit any human
body...at any time...and ask about the place they live in...Do you know what
they will say?...They will say that the place they
live in is theirs...NOT YOURS!!...this body...this land...that they
live...belongs to them and is theirs...NOT YOURS...and they will ask the formal
return question...WHO ARE YOU?...An alien??...never seen you before...
It can make you
aghast...what you thought as yours is not yours...you loved your body so
much...as a romantic lover...looked after it for so long...cared for it
deeply...beautified it...with various creams, lotions, makeup etc...dressed it elegantly...with colorful dress, ornaments etc...even thought of making it happy...instead of remaining
isolated...and make it feel lonely...and depressed...by indulging onto various
things...to keep it satisfied...by eating choicest food...exploring various
women and their anatomy in the adventures of the bed...to give it
company...like forming friendship...of an intimate nature...using the penis...downunder...as a bridge...of friendship...of solidarity...to
cross from one body to another...to understand more...of each other...to bridge
the two minds...high up...
And now some tiny
strangers say this place belongs to them...Some of the guests are even
localized natives...born here itself...though their forefathers were
immigrants...Where can you deport them?...and you have a property
dispute...Which court will accept such a case?...where whatever little you
thought you got...is being claimed by someone else...
Written around 0449 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 0643 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
This
confessions to my
Lord...you can say he is long dead...and how he is going to read this...
The above logic
explains...that my Lord is living...is living for ever...and is always around
me...as well as around you...no matter where you or me is...and he watches
everythingº...
But then he is not the only one who became the
One...to become part of the One...
Many were there
before...many will be there in the future...
Many a god...many a
prophet...many a saint...many a sage...are all part of him...
Thus you can call him by any name...Vishnu, Shiva,
Buddha, Jesus, Allah, or just anything...
Even bastard, if you so
look at him...that which doesn’t have a legitimate father anymore...a
whore, that which unites with anything...anytime...and is always
fresh...remains young...immaterial of its old age...
For such is
energy...never created...never destroyed...and no one knows when it was
born...and it is thus...a perpetual baby...a perpetual little child...a
perpetual youth...a perpetual virgin...a perpetual old man...as well as a
perpetual hag...all in one...
Written around 0422 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 1213 p.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
ºBack in 1999, just
before leaving the monastery...I was roaming the temple grounds...and a
thought...a desire...came up...to have an image of the Lord...as a
souvenir...to keep with me...during my wanderings...
Within hours, I received
a small idol of the Lord...the Lord arranged for one...from the meditation
teacher for the lay people...the nursery manager of the temple...as a parting
present...
The Australian woman
stalker was a witness to the above
events...physically...verbally...mentally...at that time...from a far away
distance...
And today, using the above logic...when I go back
to my past experiences...it makes me proud...happy...that my Lord is very
understanding...kind...benevolent...
Written around 0630 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 0635 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
0000 a.m. ~ 0100 a.m. 1:00 Sleep
A lengthy dream noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
The image of a woman
noted...her face is not very clear...
Somewhere far away...a
harbor...port area...
I talking to a Christian priest...an old
man...bony...of very sickly body constitution...
A pretty young
woman...who ran away from her family...with her ugly lover...they want to live
somewhere...I point to a nearby lodge...some sort of a dingy, shady,
multistoried lodge...the lodge has inner passages leading to the next
multistoried building...an apartment for the poor...the beggars...and the
downtrodden...
I inspect both
apartments...
I go somewhere far...I
talk to a fat old Christian priest...
Together we return to see
the eloped couple...
The room was in
darkness...the pretty woman was in bed...covered in a blanket...the man sitting
in a chair nearby...smoking...probably they were having a union bout...and we must
have interrupted...and she must be naked underneath...for she didn’t rise
up to greet the visitors...
The whole dream was very
shady...in dim light...about the dark but normal...day-to-day life of
commoners...lay people...
I may speak high...from
an elevated position...but downunder...on the surface
of earth...of society...such things are normal...which
are totally alien to an elevated...isolated mental state...
And I need to
be aware of it...and do the Christian priests...who move around the commoners...downunder...understanding the needs of the flesh...and
doing conversion activities...capitalizing on the weakness of the flesh...with
its classification as a sin...a sin which lay people find it hard to get over
with...and remain perpetual slaves...adhering to that slave religion...yet
learn from the priests to call themselves children of God...
Imagine little children
of God...growing up...with sweet candy denied!!...in the name
of sin...
Can’t they
even...at least think of it...
Written around 0243 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 1127 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0100 a.m. -
0140 a.m. 0:40 Lay on bed, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...mainly about my pointed spear...downunder...
Written around 0237 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0140 a.m. -
0200 a.m. 0:20 Sit on bed, not sleepy
0200 a.m. -
0214 a.m. 0:14 Stand up; manual
emission check; to upstairs toilet; emission check, urinal, brush teeth
Emission check: No emission stains noted...in the
blue/green dhoti...
Urinal: Some bubbles in urine...most of them
vanish in a few minutes...leaving clear water...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this instance
as...No emission...
May the Lord be praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 0242 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0242 a.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
0214 a.m. -
0222 a.m. 0:08 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; turn ON
computer; to downstairs; pour out tea from thermos flask; to upstairs
0222 a.m. -
0252 a.m. 0:30 Daily diary notes on
computer; tea x1
0252 a.m. -
0306 a.m. 0:14 To
toilet; defecate; terminate a mosquito, wash, wipe
0306 a.m. -
0312 a.m. 0:06 Tidy room; to
downstairs; reboil tea; to upstairs
0312 a.m. -
0525 a.m. 2:13 Daily diary notes on
computer; tea x1
0525 a.m. -
0612 a.m. 0:47 Food: Idli x3, loose
white coconut chammandi, a large chopped banana, a baghi, a glass of water; father wakes up, kisses from
father; father prepares fresh tea; tea x1; mother wakes up; kisses from mother;
family discussion
0612 a.m. -
0614 a.m. 0:02 Fried rice and water for
birds
0614 a.m. -
0619 a.m. 0:05 Loiter around; to
upstairs; urinal; wash hands
0619 a.m. -
0724 a.m. 1:05 Daily diary notes on
computer
0724 a.m. -
0734 a.m. 0:10 To
toilet, urinal, wash hands; diary notes on computer; to downstairs; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative;
loiter, to upstairs
0734 a.m. -
0846 a.m. 1:12 Daily diary notes on
computer; computer system crash
0846 a.m. -
0911 a.m. 0:25 Defecate: Loose motion, wash, wipe
0911 a.m. -
0922 a.m. 0:00 Diary notes on paper;
reboot computer system
0922 a.m. -
0936 a.m. 0:14 Food: Dosa x2, loose
white coconut chammandi, padavalagha
twaran, a glass of water
0936 a.m. -
0945 a.m. 0:09 Defecate: Loose motion, wash, wipe
0945 a.m. -
1130 a.m. 1:45 Daily diary notes on
computer
1130 a.m. -
1155 a.m. 0:25 To downstairs, reboil tea, to upstairs, tea x1, loiter around listening to
feedbacks from my various monitors- foreign and local...discussing my latest
diary notes...weighing the pros and cons of this and that...some are very interested
in that old man...the tantric hero...
He is a very handsome
man...though very old...with long white hair...long beard...
He once gave
me a rare opportunity to see him in person...back in 1999...at the Buddhist
Hermitage, Lunas, Malaysia...After a meditation
session there...as I walked out of the meditation hall...in a daze...there he
stood...far away in the garden...near the flowing river...watching me...with a
smile...and he had a young student with him...both wore Buddhist robes...and
the rays of the setting sun...fell clearly on their face...
At that time, I wondered
who this handsome monk with long hair was...so charismatic...and Buddhist monks
are supposed to have shaven heads...so when I looked again to confirm...as a
small boy...in deep respect...but no one was there...he just faded away...along
with his disciple...
Do you
know...no matter who you are...you need to train yourself...follow the
laws...and slowly when you are sufficiently ready...well prepared...someone
will come to see you...physically or mentally...for it is said that once the
student is ready...so too will be the master...no matter where you are...who
you are...what religion you follow...
Written around 1248 p.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Revised around 0106 p.m.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
1155 a.m. -
0107 p.m. 1:12 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
To continue
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Web
entry: Thursday, October 05, 2006
Published
on internet: Sunday, October 29, 2006
Revised:
Monday, November 06, 2006
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“Thou belongest to That Which Is Undying, and not merely to
time alone,” murmured the Sphinx, breaking its muteness at
last. “Thou art eternal, and not merely of the
vanishing flesh. The soul in man cannot be killed, cannot die. It waits, shroud-wrapped,
in thy heart, as I waited,
sand-wrapped, in thy world. Know thyself, O mortal! For there is One within thee, as in all men, that
comes and stands at the bar and bears
witness that there IS a God!”
(Reference: Brunton, Paul. (1962) A Search in Secret
Amen