Aum Gung
Ganapathaye Namah
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma-sambuddhassa
Homage to The Blessed One, Accomplished and
Fully Enlightened
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most
Merciful
Test Diary
A Collection of Articles, Notes and References
Chapter 32
(September 2006)
(Revised: Monday, November 06, 2006)
By
A Pseudo Monk
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
- William Shakespeare
Copyright © 2002-2010 A Pseudo Monk
The following educational writings are STRICTLY for
academic research purposes ONLY.
Should NOT be used for commercial, political or any other purposes.
(The following notes are
subject to update and revision)
For free distribution only.
You may print copies of this work for free distribution.
You may re-format and redistribute this work for use on computers and computer
networks, provided that you charge no fees for its
distribution or use.
Otherwise, all rights reserved.
8 "... Freely you received,
freely give”.
-
Matthew 10:8 :: New American Standard Bible (NASB)
The attempt to make God just in the eyes of sinful men will always
lead to error.
- Pastor William L. Brown.
1 “But mark this: There will be terrible
times in the last days.
2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their
parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 without
love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,
4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of
God—
5 having a
form of godliness but denying its
power. Have
nothing to do with them.
6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all
kinds of evil desires,
7 always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth--men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is
concerned, are rejected.
9 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those
men, their folly
will be clear to everyone.”
-
2 Timothy 3:1-9 :: New International Version (NIV)
The right to be left alone – the most comprehensive of rights, and the right most valued by a free people
-
Justice Louis Brandeis, Olmstead v.
15 I know thy works, that
thou art neither cold nor hot: I would
thou wert cold or hot.
16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my
mouth.
-
Revelation 3:15-16 :: King James Version (KJV)
6 As he saith also
in another place, Thou art a priest for
ever after the order of Melchisedec.
-
Hebrews 5:6 :: King James Version (KJV)
3 Without
father, without
mother, without
descent, having
neither beginning of days, nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; abideth a priest continually.
- Hebrews 7:3 :: King James Version (KJV)
Therefore, I say:
Know your
enemy and know yourself;
in a
hundred battles, you will never be defeated.
When you
are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself,
your
chances of winning or losing are equal.
If ignorant both of your
enemy and of yourself,
you are sure to be
defeated in every battle.
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War, c. 500bc
There are two ends not to
be served by a wanderer. What are these two? The pursuit of desires and of the pleasure which springs from desire,
which is base, common, leading to rebirth, ignoble, and unprofitable; and the pursuit of pain and
hardship, which is grievous, ignoble, and unprofitable.
- The Blessed One, Lord Buddha
3 Neither let the son of
the stranger, that hath joined himself to
the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
-
Isaiah 56:3 :: King James Version (KJV)
21 But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.
-
Matthew
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I receive numerous letters of pathetic tales of dissipated, lost youth. The recent trend in the increase of vulgar, cheap and aphrodisiac literature and obscene films, both Indian and Western, had added to the miseries of misguided youth. Loss of the vital energy creates great fear in their mind. The body becomes weak, memory fails, the face becomes ugly and the young man is not able to remedy his pitiable condition due to shame. But there is no cause for despair. Even if a few of the hints in the following pages are observed, he will develop the correct attitude to life and will lead a disciplined spiritual life and ultimately attain supreme bliss.
Difference
between physiological pollution and pathological pollution
Spermatorrhoea is involuntary seminal discharge. Nocturnal discharge, night pollution, Svapna-Dosha, wet dream are all synonymous terms. Ayurvedic doctors call this disease Sukra-Megha. This is due to the evil habits in youth. In severe cases, discharges occur in daytime also. The patient passes semen along with urine during micturition. If there is occasional discharge, you need not be alarmed a bit. This may be due to heat in the body, or the pressure of loaded bowels or bladder on the seminal bags. This is not a pathological condition.
Night pollution is of two kinds, namely, physiological
pollution and pathological pollution. In
physiological pollution, you will be refreshed. You should not be afraid
of this act. You should not mind if the discharge
of semen is very occasional. You need not worry about it. This is also a slight
flushing of the apparatus or a periodical cleansing through a slight overflow
from the reservoir in which the semen is stored up. This act may not be
attended with evil thoughts. The person may not be aware of the act during the
night. Whereas, in pathological pollution,
the act is accompanied by sexual thoughts. Depression follows. There is
irritability, languishment, laziness, inability to work and concentrate.
Occasional discharges are of no consequence, but frequent nocturnal pollutions
cause depression of spirits, debility, dyspepsia, low
spirits, loss
of memory, severe pain in the back,
headache, burning of the eyes, drowsiness and burning sensation at urination or during the flow of
semen. The semen becomes very thin.
Causes
and consequences
Wet dreams and spermatorrhoea may be due to various causes like constipation, a loaded stomach, irritation-producing or wind-producing food, impure thoughts and long self-abuse done in ignorance.
Seminal weakness, nocturnal emissions, lascivious dreams and all other effects of an immoral life will surely lead one to a miserable state of living if not checked by proper medicines. But these medicines cannot produce a permanent cure. One can get temporary relief during the time one takes the medicine. Even doctors of the West admit that such medicines cannot effect a permanent cure. The moment the medicine is discontinued, the patient will find his disease all the worse. In some cases, the patient becomes impotent by the use of drugs. The only effective permanent cure can be had through the system of ancient Yoga. Nasti Yogat Param Balam. There is no strength higher than that of Yoga. The different methods given in this book will enable you to get success if practiced regularly.
(Reference: Swami Sivananda. (1997) Practice
of Brahmacharya. (WWW Edition) Himalayas,
Test Diary
September 2006
To Continue
Weblinks to Ekadasi, Pradosham and Shasti...Vishnu,
Shiva, and Muruga...worship details - on what the
story may refer to - energy level of the surroundings being high on certain
sacred days and its influence on the human body/matter/elements
Written
around 0530 p.m. Tuesday,
September 05, 2006
Revised
around 0320 a.m. Sunday, October 29, 2006
Wednesday, September 06,
2006
Henry Thomas and Dana Lee Thomas.(1959) Living Biographies of Great
Philosophers.
Emerson
1803-1882
Page 249-250
And his friends
were among the richest personalities in the world. For some
mysterious reason which the scientists have not as yet
been able to explain
the
gods occasionally select a single spot on earth and people it with the citizens
of heaven. This happened in the Athens of the fifth century (B.C.), with its
Aeschylus and Euripides and Phidias and Socrates and
Plato; in the London of the Elizabethan period, with its Beaumont and Drayton
and Fletcher and Jonson and Shakespeare; in the
Germany of the early nineteenth century, with its Goethe and Schiller and Heine and Mozart and Schubert and Beethoven; and in the
Russia of the latter part of the nineteenth century, with its Turgenev and Tchaikovsky and Chekhov and Dostoyevsky and
Tolstoy. In a lesser sense the
Page 250
With these friends and many others, in Boston and in
Cambridge as well as in Concord, Emerson exchanged ideas; and then he went into
his study and transformed these ideas into the minted gold of his essays and
his lectures.
Herbert Spencer
1820-1903
Page 264
His scientific philosophy grew into a work of
eighteen volumes. He was recognized as the leader in all
the important controversies on evolution. He wrote one of the most important texts on
psychology in the nineteenth century without any
study of the works of his predecessors in the field. He prepared a book on
biology and performed only one laboratory experiment to test his theories. And
he
became one of the most talked of men in
Page 266
His writing was an immense
monument of egotism.
His
mind was utterly unreceptive to any idea that was not his own. For a philosopher he was
singularly unappreciative of Plato. He attempted time and
time again to read
the Dialogues and with each
succeeding attempt put them down with greater exasperation. “There is more dramatic propriety in the
conversations of our third-rate novelists,” he said. He felt contempt for the fine
arts. He ascribed this feeling to his analytical habit which rendered
him prone to dwell
“upon
defects” and
which
diminished his
“appreciation for the beauties...So is it also with my (lack of) appreciation for
literature – more especially poetry.”
He seemed to have as much spirit as an adding
machine. “The passionless thin lips told of a total lack of
sensuality, and
the
light eyes betrayed
a
lack of emotional depth,”
observed one of his secretaries. Once as a young man, Spencer tells us in his diary, he met a young lady of exceptional beauty in face and figure. After the meeting his friends asked him what he thought of her.
“Any other young fellow,” he writes, “would have launched out
into unmeasured
praise. But my
reply was, ‘I do not like the shape of her head’ – referring,
of course, to my phrenological diagnosis.” He was fond of making
mental measurements of people’s skulls when he was
introduced to them
and of using these measurements as a basis for his judgment of their
character. As a
young man he had been very friendly with Marian Evans. Spencer
and Miss Evans were seen constantly
together. People waxed romantic
about them.
They even
expected an engagement.
But the only thing that ever came of their
“romance”
was the following observation about Marian Evans in Spencer’s autobiography: “Usually heads have,
here and there, either flat places or slight hollows, but her head was
everywhere convex.”
Page 268-269
For no man was ever less equipped physically for the mental job at hand. At thirty-five he had begun
to experience peculiar sensations in the head and to suffer from chronic
insomnia. These
symptoms were the prelude to a general nervous breakdown from which he never recovered. A year
later his condition had become so pathetic
that his physician advised him not to live alone
but to take up his residence with other people who
might be able to look after him. It was under such
handicaps that
he prepared the first draft of his Synthetic Philosophy.
Page 269
And Spencer, his body racked with pain and his mind distracted with worry, kept traveling
with his manuscripts
from
one boardinghouse to another, a restless
nomad. So weakened
was he physically that
he
was able to dictate only a few hours at a time. He resorted to all sorts of methods in order to ward off cerebral
congestion.
He wrote the opening chapters of First Principles in a rowboat at St
Regent’s Park. He would row for five minutes and then dictate for
fifteen. Thus he relieved the severe
pain in his head.
Under these conditions
his work advanced at a snail’s crawl.
Page 270
Spencer continued doggedly. He still took constant doses of morphia. His walks were restricted to two or three hundred yards a day
when he was at his best. A drive of fifteen minutes in a carriage with india-rubber tires was his only exercise in the afternoon. Toward the end of his life he was unable to dictate for more than ten minutes at a
time. And the sum total of his dictation period for
the entire day was fifty minutes. For
the rest of the day mental as well as physical excitement was taboo. Reading, even of the
lightest kind, was injurious to his eyes. So, too, was the use of his
microscope. Social intercourse was strictly
prohibited during the last ten years of his life. He was allowed to dine out only twice in that decade. Public amusements were
rigorously excluded. His waking
hours had become a torture. He did not
permit himself to think of any serious subject after his morning’s
dictation. He
lay on the sofa or sat in the open air watching the drifting clouds and waiting for the night. And when the
night came it brought him
anything but relief.
During a “good” night with a strong dose of opium
he
managed to get three or four hours of broken slumber. And on all
nights, good and bad alike, there were long stretches of tossing and waiting for the dawn.
This was the
state to which he had brought himself “by forty years of brainwork – a brainwork
which would have been by no means too much had I not at the outset overstrained myself.” And
it
was under these circumstances that he wrote some of the most interesting sections of his monumental work. The Principles
of Sociology,
which was the product of this period, is a comprehensive plan for universal
peace through
the development of industry and international trade.
Page 271
But a worse fate than mere
physical collapse
was
in store for him.
He
lived to see the decline of his fame.
Page 272
As he wrote the final pages of his Autobiography just before his death, he
asked himself: ‘Had
all my subsequent disappointment and the prospect of shattered health been
known to me when I embarked upon my career, would it have discouraged me from
continuing?”
And with a brave hand he answered, “I cannot say yes.”
To Continue
Thursday, September 21,
2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
0000 a.m. - 0006 a.m. 0:06 Diary notes in paper
0006 a.m. – 0018 a.m. 0:12 To downstairs; the portraits
of the Lord selected in the morning for framing are again selected, for my
mother put most of them back into the cupboard
0018 a.m. – 0030 a.m. 0:12 Dinner: Rice gruel, beans twaran,
vendaka murukuvatti (left
over due to loss of appetite), half glass of water, a small glass of milk; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia; kisses to mother
No matter how many kisses you give...she still acts
as if no kiss is given...and life moves on...
Written
around 0038 a.m. Thursday,
September 21, 2006
The way the cabaret dancer is
talking...the way I hear the hush-hush voices of women at the company...talking
daily...the up to date news of my daily activities...I suspect a nexus...some
women ought to be there at my workplace...who is maintaining close links...with
my monitors...receiving daily gossip...and that gossip is spread around...to
other women...in the company...
Cell phones pass on latest news...on my
latest verbal, physical, and mental actions...very rapidly...to curious men and
women...from my monitors...especially the medical representative family...
Written
around 0038 a.m. Thursday,
September 21, 2006
Revised
around 1148 a.m. Thursday,
September 21, 2006
0030 a.m. – 0033 a.m. 0:03 To upstairs, brush
teeth, urinal
0033 a.m. – 0048 a.m. 0:15 Diary notes in paper
0048 a.m. – 0055 a.m. 0:07 Prostrate to the
omnipresent invisible Lord; lay down to sleep on the mat
0055 a.m. – 0545
a.m. 4:50 Sleep
0545 a.m. – 0600 a.m. 0:15
0600 a.m. – 0608 a.m. 0:08
0608 a.m. – 0611 a.m. 0:03
0611 a.m. – 0636 a.m. 0:25
0636 a.m. – 0655 a.m. 0:19
0655 a.m. – 0658 a.m. 0:03
0658 a.m. – 0810 a.m. 1:12
0810 a.m. – 0816 a.m. 0:06
0816 a.m. – 0819 a.m. 0:03
0819 a.m. – 0841 a.m. 0:22
0841 a.m. – 0842 a.m. 0:01
0842 a.m. – 0847 a.m. 0:05
0847 a.m. – 0852 a.m. 0:05
0852 a.m. – 0855 a.m. 0:03
0855 a.m. – 0915 a.m. 0:20
0915 a.m. – 0929 a.m. 0:14
0929 a.m. – 0942 a.m. 0:13
0942 a.m. – 0946 a.m. 0:04
0946 a.m. – 0953 a.m. 0:07
0953 a.m. – 1000 a.m. 0:07
1000 a.m. – 1001 a.m. 0:01
1001 a.m. – 1008 a.m. 0:07
1008 a.m. – 1009 a.m. 0:01
1009 a.m. – 1011 a.m. 0:02
1011 a.m. – 1016 a.m. 0:05
1016 a.m. – 1028 a.m. 0:12
1028 a.m. – 1033 a.m. 0:05
1033 a.m. – 1045 a.m. 0:12
1045 a.m. – 1050 a.m. 0:05
1050 a.m. – 1105 a.m. 0:15
1105 a.m. – 1108 a.m. 0:03
1108 a.m. – 1120 a.m. 0:12
1120 a.m. – 1125 a.m. 0:05
1125 a.m. – 1128 a.m. 0:03
1128 a.m.
– 1215 p.m. 0:47 Daily diary notes on
computer
Due to intensified stalking...surveillance...veiled
threats to security...the besieged fort...decides to enter daily diary notes
onto the computer...instead of on garbage paper...with the option to move the
latest daily notes to the web any time...instead of waiting for the backload of
notes to move to the web first...
Inshallah!
Written
around 1227 p.m. Thursday,
September 21, 2006
1215 p.m. – 1217
p.m. 0:02 Prepare to upload Test
Diary Chapter 19
1217 p.m. – 1230
p.m. 0:13 Internet surfing
************************************************************
Internet Connection: ‘Sreyas’,
TC 25/2741, PRA No. A47,
IP Address: 59.91.241.142
Thursday, September 21, 2006 1217 p.m. – 1230 p.m. IST
http://www.whatismyipaddress.com/
http://in.geocities.yahoo.com/v/ul.html
notesofawanderer
Upload chap19
http://in.geocities.com/notesofawanderer/index.html
************************************************************
1230 p.m. – 1239
p.m. 0:08 Daily diary notes on
computer; shut down computer
0000 a.m. – 0000
a.m. 0:00
To Continue
Saturday, September 23,
2006
Emission Damage
Relative Amount High
How do I feel? Tired
0000 a.m. ~ 0600 a.m. 6:00 Sleep
Normal...sound sleep...except
that instance when I regained awareness...and I believe it looked like soon
after laying down to sleep...I wake up to watch my penis pumping...and he is
pumping on...I also watch one of my beloved monitors...a male white
man...intensely watching the ongoing pumping...of that piece of meat...
Strange...
And I slip back to
sleep...making sure I don’t lay flat...but continue to lay turned to the
side...for I don’t want the emitted liquid to stain the dhoti at other
areas as well...as well as the embarrassment of having the penis exposed more
clearly to my monitors if I lay flat...instead of sideways...
I don’t know what
prompted the little one to exercise at night...with sweat...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
A vague dream was
noted...but no women in that dream...I don’t clearly remember the whole
thing...all I do remember...a small clipping...is that I want a special type of
underwear(!)...and some guy showed me a different make...which I didn’t like...
I wonder what that
common...male chastity ‘belt’...the simple underwear...is doing in
my dream...
Written around 1057 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0600 a.m. – 0620
a.m. 0:20 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0620 a.m. – 0625
a.m. 0:05 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0625 a.m. – 0628
a.m. 0:03 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; untie mosquito net; to toilet
Emission check: A large wet and dry patch...stain of
emission...noted...
Written around 1101 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 1120 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0628 a.m. – 0715
a.m. 0:47 Undress, emission
check, urinal, brush teeth, jala neti,
thread neti, shave, anoint head with ayurvedic oil, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with a
towel, prayer, apply Thromboprob to the pubic
pustule, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, dress in towel
Emission check: A large wet and dry patch...stain of
emission...noted...
Urinal: Thick white effervescent bubbles...which
continues to remain adamant...even after 3-5 minutes...without disappearing...
The evidence proves my
emission...
Lord, I don’t know
what prompted it...
All I can do is ask for
forgiveness...
It could be the day long
travel strain of yesterday...the fasting...and the built-up bodily heat due to
travel, less food, fatigue, and so on...
No...the young and pretty
Christian nun...one of the passengers in the bus...on return
journey...didn’t picture anywhere...during sleep...Mr. Toad left her
alone...(very unusual!)...and didn’t think of her all through the night...though
I was worried...if he will do something sacrilegious...when I sleep...something
like examining how it will be...to have sex with a nun...for Mr. Toad is
someone with no boundaries...without any limitation...he will ponder on
anything...even the most blasphemous...and act as completely innocent...before
others...And today, in this modern world, few are the people who will ever
blame him for his innocent child-like mental indulgence...out of curiosity...
May the Lord forgive
me...
Written around 1111 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 1121 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0730 a.m. – 0745
a.m. 0:45 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; dress
in fresh dhoti – green and blue checkered one; wash mat and put to dry to
the terrace; wash mosquito net, blanket, and socks and put them to dry in the
terrace
The left ear is paining
again...and my fickle mind dwells on that man...who swapped my new headphone
for his old one...of similar make...
That attitude to
swap...an old one for a new one...that too without permission...when the owner
is taking break...not at the scene of the incident...
That breeching of
trust...you had a new headphone...and left it at the computer where you have
been working...and took a half hour break...believing that the people who sit
nearby...well dressed as business executives...are gentlemen and ladies...who
respect the personal things of others...
My mental conflicts are closely
followed by the medical representative family...and some of my foreign
monitors...they discuss on whatever that pass through my mind...
According to the medical
representative...if I freely write...whatever I feel about that suspect...with
abuses...I might face a court case for defamation...
Written around 0839 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0730 a.m. – 0741
a.m. 0:11 Wake mother up; arrange
food for birds, fried rice and water for birds in the terrace
0741 a.m. – 0757
a.m. 0:16 Ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam,
laxative; discussion with mother
I inform my mother about
the left ear pain...She wants me not to create any problem about this at the
company...
After all, I am only a
trainee there...while he is a senior officer...
Whatever I try to prove
will come back to me only...he having that mentality...to take what belongs to
others...and then act as if nothing happened...will naturally have a thousand
reasons...to play...to roll around...to prove that he didn’t do anything
untoward...and the headphone is indeed his...
I just have to bear with
it...suffer silently...and not speak anything offensive before others...after
all I am just working at that company for a short time only...I can leave
anytime...while he is someone who had been with the company for a long
time...and maintains a seniority ‘air’ in that lab...
Written around 0846 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0947 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0757 a.m. – 0847 a.m. 0:50 Daily diary notes on
computer
0847 a.m. – 0858
a.m. 0:11 Defecate, wash, wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0858 a.m. – 0905
a.m. 0:07 Prepare to have
breakfast; inform father about the ear pain – as if a stone is placed
there, and after shower this morning, while wiping the left ear, there was a bit
more of cerumen than usual
0905 a.m. – 0920
a.m. 0:15 Breakfast: Wheat dosa x3,
potatoe curry with cauliflower, a large chopped
banana, a glass of water, 1/4 glass of tea; father look for an ayurvedic oil to pour into ear, for treatment of ear pain; antibiotics
for 2-3 days is also advised
0920 a.m. – 0925
a.m. 0:05 Wait while the warmed
oil gets cool before pouring; kisses from parents; my old father is a bit
agitated, probably on pondering over the pain I am undergoing; I inform him not
to make unwanted sounds in the house like banging close cupboard doors etc.,
for I can’t listen to unwanted sounds
I listen to my
monitors...comparing my condition to the symptoms of Schizophrenia...to them, I am an
exception...not really suffering from Schizophrenia...though the symptoms are
very similar...
Why did my parents take
me for treatment?...only because...once upon a time...they noted my violent behaviour...that can be detrimental to the security of the neighbours...
Today I don’t exhibit
that sort of violent behaviour externally...for there
is no point in such a display...AND I live a restricted life...with certain
regulations...as if in a prison...the moment I come out of this prison...I know
I revert back to violent behavior...That explains my solitary nature...less minging with others...less talking to others...etc...to
keep that cold-blooded barbarian bottled up...
My advice always is
thus...never misunderstand me to be a sheep...and ALWAYS leave me alone...for I
can become...a ruthless murderer...a religious fanatic...an orthodox
fundamentalist...an ultranationist advocating
purity...of fascist ideology...who takes intense pleasure in torture...if
brought out of my self-imposed seclusion...
If you think...after
reading my autobiography...my diary notes...that you can bring me back...to
normal social life...then you will regret...one day...
It is thus better...for
everyone...for me...that I suffer alone...silently...in my own prison...
Written around 1006 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0033 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
0925 a.m. – 0942
a.m. 0:17 I lay on father’s
bed, my mother pours oil into left ear first; after 3-5 minutes, wipes it off;
then pours oil into the other ear; after 3-5 minutes, wipes it off; kisses to
my mother
0942 a.m. – 1016
a.m. 0:34 The remaining 3/4 glass
of tea, daily diary notes on computer
1016 a.m. – 1027
a.m. 0:11 Defecate – loose
watery motion, wash, wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1027 a.m. – 1034
a.m. 0:07 Daily diary notes on
computer
1034 a.m. – 1038
a.m. 0:04 To downstairs, reboil tea, to upstairs
1038 a.m. – 1125
a.m. 0:47 Tea, daily diary notes
on computer
1125 a.m. – 1128
a.m. 0:03 Prepare to surf
internet
1128 a.m. – 1227
p.m. 0:59 Internet surfing
************************************************************
Internet Connection:
‘Sreyas’, TC 25/2741, PRA No. A47,
IP Address: 59.91.241.24
Saturday, September 23,
2006 1128 a.m. – 1227 p.m. IST
http://www.whatismyipaddress.com/
http://www.hotmail.com
sreegopalsreekumaran
Check emails; delete junk
emails
http://www.mail.yahoo.com/
sreegopalsreekumaran
Delete junk mails
http://www.yahoo.com/
http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/
Update resume
RESUME URL:
http://resumes.yahoo.com/sreegopalsreekumaran/sree
http://www.operamail.com/
sreenarayana
Technical difficulties
– message to try later
http://www.google.com/
manipal academy higher education
http://www.manipal.edu/
http://qualitydigest.com/QDarticles/FMPro?-db=iq%5feditorial.fp5&-lay=article%20data%20form&editorial%20type=QINews&release=yes&-format=QDarticle_text.html&articleID=10073&-script=cntaccesstype&-Find
David M. Levine. (2006)
Statistics for Six Sigma Green Belts with Minitab and JMP. Prentice Hall. 400
pp
http://vig.prenhall.com/catalog/academic/product/0,1144,0768672899,00.html
http://admissions.manipal.edu/kmc/kmc_psyco.htm
A copy saved
http://admissions.manipal.edu/kmc/kmc_mphilcl.htm
A copy saved
http://www.hotmail.com
sreegopal
Delete junk mails
http://www.google.com/
prajyoti niketan college pudukkad
Puthukkad
Thrissur
Kerala
Pin Code: 680301
Telephone: +91-488-752885
http://www.indiastudycenter.com/univ/states/kerala/thrissur/pnc.asp
http://www.hindu.com/edu/2005/10/18/stories/2005101800140500.htm
A copy saved
http://www.universityofcalicut.info/
************************************************************
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1155 a.m. – 1158
a.m. 0:03 Urinal
1207 p.m. – 1226
p.m. 0:19 Tea
1227 p.m. – 1237
p.m. 0:08 Browse computer files,
daily diary notes on computer
1237 p.m. – 1238
p.m. 0:01 Shut down computer
terminal
1238 p.m. – 1244
p.m. 0:06 Defecate,
wash, wash hands, face, feet, wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1244 p.m. – 1247
p.m. 0:03 Dress in outdoor
cloths: Blue underwear, black
pants, white banian, purple full sleeves shirt, white
multicolored handkerchief
1247 p.m. – 1250
p.m. 0:03 Fetch an old headphone
from attic, pack notes, headphone into bag
1250 p.m. – 1255
p.m. 0:05 Ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia; lunch: Fried rice, ginger pickle, payar legume twaran, a glass of
rice water
1255 p.m. – 1259
p.m. 0:04 Collect Rs. 120 from mother; pack food and water into bag; wear
black socks and canvas shoes; kiss to mother; leave
1259 p.m. – 0104
p.m. 0:05 To Thampanoor
by car with father, via fire station
0104 p.m. – 0110
p.m. 0:06 Wait outside ayurvedic pharmacy for company bus
0104 p.m. – 0106
p.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
0110 p.m. – 0151
p.m. 0:41 To Technopark
by company bus; take the front seat next to the driver
Near Ullor...the
two dogs running together...one white and the other black...
Near Technopark...a
single dog running...both white and black...
As noted by my
monitors...and they ponder on the mystical meaning...
of good and
evil...separate as two individuals...coming together as a single person...
of God and
Devil...separate as two entities...coming together as a single entity...The
One...
how I love to
watch...listen to their discussion...on various interpretations...with an
occasional feedback...encouragement...here and there...as that throbbing...in
their fertile minds...
Written around 0125 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 1125 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
0151 p.m. – 0154
p.m. 0:03 To II floor via ICFAI
and the steps near the ground floor Rangoli
restaurant
0154 p.m. – 0158 p.m. 0:04 Urinal; wash hands,
face, eyes, mouth; wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0158 p.m. – 0200
p.m. 0:02 Take notes, headphone
and 500 mL water bottle from bag; to locker area;
receives with thanks a toffee from Anila and Deepthi (both Batch 34) for they cleared the September 20,
2006, Live Induction Test (LIT) to officially become the company employees
instead of being trainees; leave bag above locker shelf
0200 p.m. – 0203
p.m. 0:03 Enter office; to TR2;
mark attendance, check the list of those who cleared the LIT
0203 p.m. – 0205
p.m. 0:02 To PR2; login to
terminal 84
0205 p.m. – 0210
p.m. 0:05 Browse account files;
prepare to type
0210 p.m. – 0228
p.m. 0:18 Type Test01.txt x3
Accuracy WPM Errors AWPM
92 49 100 45
94 50 83 47
92 48 101 44
0228 p.m. – 0230
p.m. 0:02 Enter hightest score onto the Typing Tracker
0230 p.m. – 0242
p.m. 0:12 Prepare files for practise
0242 p.m. – 0250
p.m. 0:08 Read File 146; diary
notes on paper
0248 p.m.: The tiny spider appears again...time for
some food...onto the web...
Written around 0248 p.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0250 p.m. – 0253
p.m. 0:03 Prepare files for practise
0253 p.m. – 0311
p.m. 0:18 Transcribe File 146 P2
0311 p.m. – 0319
p.m. 0:08 To Tech room; look for
Tech due to a file saving in MS Word; to training office; talk to TL about the
problem
0319 p.m. – 0330
p.m. 0:11 Continue to transcribe
File 146 P2
0330 p.m. – 0333
p.m. 0:03 Tech checks the
terminal; logout and login in his ID, deletes unwanted files to create more
disk space in the C drive
0333 p.m. – 0345
p.m. 0:12 Login to terminal 84
again; prepare files for practice
A thought passes...
Prayers to Lord Nandi...to be included in the daily prayer book...
Written around 0321 p.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Revised around 1155 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Friday, September 22,
2006 around 0130 a.m. Thiruvananthapuram KSRTC bus
station
Just before the bus left
for Thrissur...that huge cow that appeared from
nowhere...and stood nearby...near the sitting area...
Some of those men sitting
there move away out of fear...what if it suddenly urinates...or drops that
lumps of fecal matter...without warning...
And the untoward
happened...
I watch from inside the
bus...as do my monitors from far away...that great cow defecating...in
leisure...
Such should be the
attitude towards this physical world...to defecate...and walk away...from it...
The bus starts to
leave...it too starts to leave...after conveying its message...in silence...
Praise the Lord Nandi...the vehicle of Lord Shiva...
Written around 0151 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
An oozing sensation in
the left ear...
Written around 0340 p.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0403 p.m.: Pain in left ear...with oozing
sensation...
Written around 0403 p.m.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
0345 p.m. – 0415
p.m. 0:30 Continue to transcribe
File 146 P2, had to retranscribe around 2 minutes of
the file again due to the problem with file saving
0415 p.m. – 0420
p.m. 0:05 Diary notes on paper;
update Wave Tracker
0420 p.m. – 0426
p.m. 0:06 Edit File 146 P2
0426 p.m. – 0446
p.m. 0:20 Proof check File 146 P2
with File 146
0000 p.m. – 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
1153 p.m. – 1200
a.m. 0:07 Dinner: Rice gruel, chopped mango pickle, ginger
pickle, parippu vada x6, a
glass of water, a small cup of milk; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia
Overall monitoring – expand
Sunday, September 24,
2006
Emission Damage
Relative Amount Low
How do I feel? Tired
0000 a.m. – 0013
a.m. 0:13 Dinner continues
0013 a.m. – 0014
a.m. 0:01 Refer
0014 a.m. – 0017
a.m. 0:03 To upstairs, brush
teeth
0017 a.m. – 0154
a.m. 1:37 Daily diary notes on
computer
0154 a.m. – 0159
a.m. 0:05 Shut down computer
terminal; to toilet, urinal, wash fingers
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0159 a.m. – 0205
a.m. 0:06 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; wear
blue socks; lay down on mat to sleep
0205 a.m. ~ 0600 a.m. 3:55 Sleep
A vague dream was
noted...I was kissing my beloved mother...in the mouth...(Mr. Toad always
considers her young and beautiful...as I remember her from my childhood days...NOT
as an old woman...) and it so happened that...the innocent kisses of a
boy...slowly became passionate...to me, a man...
I watch my penis
pumping...3 or 4 short bursts...and I have the feeling...Oh! Again...
I slip back to sleep...
No other carnal/erotic
thoughts noted...
No other images of women
noted either...
Written around 1131 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 1136 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
0600 a.m. – 0625
a.m. 0:25 Lay on mat, sleepy
0625 a.m. – 0645
a.m. 0:20 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0645 a.m. – 0659 a.m. 0:14 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0659 a.m. – 0702
a.m. 0:03 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; untie mosquito net; to toilet
Emission check: A wet and dry patch...stain of
emission...noted...
Written around 1009 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
0702 a.m. – 0751
a.m. 0:49 Undress, emission
check, urinal, defecate, wash, brush teeth, jala neti, thread neti, anoint head
with ayurvedic oil, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry
with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic
powder Rasnadi to head, apply Thromboprob
to the pubic pustule, dress in towel
Emission check: A wet and dry patch...stain of
emission...noted...
Urinal: Thick white effervescent bubbles...which
continues to remain adamant...without disappearing...
Defecate: Small lumps of fecal matter...mostly
settled to the bottom...of the toilet sink...a few on the surface...a whitish mucoid slick...also noted on the water surface...
May the Lord forgive
me...
Inshallah!
Written around 1016 a.m. Sunday,
September 24, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0751 a.m. – 0755
a.m. 0:04 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; diary
notes on paper
0755 a.m. – 0810
a.m. 0:15 Dress in fresh dhoti
– white one, black banian; wash mat and put to
dry to the terrace; wash mosquito net, blanket, and blue socks and put them to
dry in the terrace
0810 a.m. – 0817
a.m. 0:07 Arrange food for birds;
idli x3, crumbs of parippu vada, thick brownish rice payasam
and water for birds in the terrace
0817 a.m. – 0820
a.m. 0:03 Clean a writing
board/pad; diary notes on paper
0820 a.m. – 0900
a.m. 0:40 Ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam,
laxative; breakfast: Idli x3, potatoe curry, parippu vada x5, a large
vertically chopped roasted banana, a glass of water; kisses to my mother;
discussion with mother on psychology studies and philosophy; father left in the
morning for Payoor, Piravam
to consult the soothsayer regarding brother’s marriage; he will return by
evening
0900 a.m. – 0919
a.m. 0:19 I lay on father’s
bed, my mother pours oil into left ear first; after 3-5 minutes, wipes it off;
then pours oil into the other ear; after 3-5 minutes, wipes it off
0919 a.m. – 0922
a.m. 0:03 Refer
0922 a.m. – 0936
a.m. 0:14 Defecate – loose
motion, wash, wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0936 a.m. – 0946
a.m. 0:10 Refer
0946 a.m. – 1027
a.m. 0:41 Daily diary notes on
computer
1027 a.m. – 1037
a.m. 0:10 Defecate – loose
motion, wash, wipe
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1037 a.m. – 1042
a.m. 0:05 To downstairs, reboil tea, to upstairs
1042 a.m. – 1054
a.m. 0:12 Refer
1054 a.m. – 1105
a.m. 0:11 Relax; a cup of tea
1105 a.m. – 1137
a.m. 0:32 Daily diary notes on
computer
1137 a.m. – 1142
a.m. 0:05 To downstairs, reboil tea, to upstairs
1142 a.m. – 1146
a.m. 0:04 Left over cooked white
rice for birds in the terrace
1146 a.m. – 1148
a.m. 0:02 To toilet, urinal, wash
fingers
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1148 a.m. – 1204
p.m. 0:16 A cup of tea
1148 a.m. – 1207
p.m. 0:19 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000 p.m. 0:00
0826 p.m. – 0853
p.m. 0:27 Daily diary notes on
computer
Ae-gha-ne kai-ka-la-kum...
- The medical representative to his family...
How to corner him...how
to bring him to our side...how to make him one of our family...how to make him
your husband...
More than 6 years of day and
night monitoring...I will be a fool to assume that the purpose...reason for
such a monitoring is to learn philosophy...which you can read from any
reasonable book...spending less than Rs. 100...
Women always understand
ONLY one thing...something tangible...that they can feel...and
experience...that is the joy of licking, the penis...the thrill of sucking, its
juice...the happiness of having, that inside their hole...and the caring of the
fruit, the union brings forth...Nothing else...
All dealing with the
body...of the physical world...NEVER EVER with the mind...the mental
world...and its advancement...
Written around 0841 p.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 1135 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
And if such women teach
philosophy...even what they have heard from others...you can imagine what
effect it will bring...
You will end up as they
are...yearning for the happiness of the penis...happiness involving the
penis...
So never ever learn
philosophy...religion...or any science dealing with the mind...FROM a woman...
Written around 0850 p.m.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Revised around 1134 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
0853 p.m. – 0913
p.m. 0:20 Read saved copies of
the following webpages
http://admissions.manipal.edu/kmc/kmc_psyco.htm
http://admissions.manipal.edu/kmc/kmc_mphilcl.htm
0000 p.m. – 0000 p.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. – 0000
a.m. 0:00
0000 a.m. – 0000
a.m. 0:00
To Continue
Overall monitoring – expand
Monday, September 25,
2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
0000 a.m. - 0225 a.m. 2:25 Sleep
No dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 1148 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
0225 a.m. – 0233
a.m. 0:08 Wakes up to front door
calling bell downstairs; Father returns from Payoor;
lay on mat, not sleepy; right lower leg calf muscle spasm slowly commences; the
socks prevents further pain buildup
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1151 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0233 a.m. – 0249
a.m. 0:16 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0249 a.m. – 0252
a.m. 0:03 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; to toilet
Emission check: No emission stains noted...
Written around 1153 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
0252 a.m. – 0352
a.m. 1:00 Undress, emission
check, urinal, brush teeth, jala neti,
thread neti, defecate, terminate mosquitoes x2, wash,
anoint head with ayurvedic oil, prayer, shower, wipe
the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic
powder Rasnadi to head, apply Thromboprob
to the pubic pustule, dress in towel
Emission check: No emission stains noted...
Urinal: A few bubbles...watch the breakup of
some of them...some others disappear after 3-4 minutes...some remain
adamant...holding on...
Defecate: Small lumps of fecal matter...mostly settled
to the bottom...of the toilet sink...a few on the surface...Addition of a cup
of water to clean the toilet seat...brought up a few innocent bubbles...which
soon withered away...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this day
as...No emission...
May the Lord be
praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 1200 p.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1151 a.m.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Revised around 0029 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0352 a.m. – 0401
a.m. 0:09 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord;
partially untie mosquito net, fold net, blanket, socks, mat; diary notes on
paper; dress in yoga dress: blue
underwear, black track suit, light red handkerchief, yellow half sleeves shirt;
tidy rooms
To Continue
Wednesday, September 27,
2006
To Continue
0943 p.m. – 0948
p.m. 0:05 Update Wave Tracker;
file management; shut down terminal
Note the voices of the
monitoring medical representative family trio...as if about to stage a
run-in...coincidence...
Written around 0040 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0948 p.m. – 0950
p.m. 0:02 Leave office; collect
bag, put notes, headphone and empty water bottle into bag
0950 p.m. – 0951
p.m. 0:01 Talk to the afternoon
shift English teacher, Mr. Pratap and a collegue, Mr. Sudheesh of Batch
34
0951 p.m. – 0953
p.m. 0:02 To toilet, urinal, wash
hands
Listen to the voices of my
beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0034 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0953 p.m. – 0955
p.m. 0:02 To bus bay taking the
steps nearest to the toilet, exit II floor, I floor, at ground floor walk past Rangoli restaurant and ICFAI; exit Nila
building; bus just came, board bus
At ground floor: Note the exclamation voice of the
Australian woman stalker...monitoring...as I near a young woman outside
ICFAI...talking to her mobile phone...
As I near the bus to
board...an unusual feeling...as if other men and women working at the
company...who are there at the car park area...are watching me...eagerly...
A young woman stood near
the front passenger seat of the bus...outside...on the lawn...with both hands
folded at the chest...like a bully guy...(maybe her breasts are too
heavy...like huge watermelons...that they need a support from hanging down
ripe...too prominently...)no bags or anything like that which a working woman
usually carry along with...she is standing there as if to exhibit her flesh
(though covered...colored...in a pink dress...)to someone...
There was a feeling of
embarrassment in the faces of many other women...who were nearby...bearing a
silent witness...to what this shameless woman is up to...
(Many at my workplace
know my story...So may be the embarrassment among women is when they meet a
woman of the same species...who got a big difference...compared to them...
Common working women have
less time for other activities...while this group of women with a difference
indulge in voyeurism...
So how will a simple
working woman see a voyeur woman?...
One works a whole day to
earn a living...while the other spends that much time or even more watching the
penis of men...in other words, works a whole day to earn a penis...
One ponders the whole
day...on how to put in the best possible effort at the workplace...while the
other ponders the whole day...on how to put in the best possible effort in
bed...handling the penis by diverse ways...)
I just walk past this
“big guy”...and board the bus...with a smiling face...as if nothing
happened...not even looking at this fleshy colorful specimen...
And there were some
curious guys...having fun...at the eve teasing...open seduction...by this woman...they
are giving a running commentary...as if in a cricket match...of whatever is
going on...through mobile phone...to some others far away...for it helps many a
man to go to sleep proudly...pondering...on how badly women need their
manhood...that sleepy thing down under...
Written around 0110 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Revised around 1057 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0955 p.m. – 1020
p.m. 0:25 Take the front
passenger seat next to the driver; wait
Note the agitated and
shamed voice of an old woman...talking to a young woman...at how embarrassing
it was...to come to Technopark...and to stage a
coincidence...before many other men and women...at the car park...
If the objective is to
suck a penis...somehow...then what is this embarrassment...why the
shame...After all, they must have come a long way, driving° for this
run-in...and they should have known before hand...that there is something
called shame...before others...but in spite of that awareness...these women
came...for to suck is more important than shame...
Also note the hush hush voices of some working women...that women from
outside...are now coming into Technopark...to show
themselves off...to stand here and there...to stalk...e-vi-de va-nnum ni-kan tu-da-ghi...coming here too...to stand...and stare...
Written around 0116 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Revised around 1102 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
° The man who drove
the vehicle...knowing fully well what his women passengers are up to...
I wonder at the state of his
penis...while driving...
Was it like a
spear...standing up erect...at the thought...that his well-dressed passengers
are going to see a man...to try a hand in sucking his rod...he, though a
driver, too got a rod...and all rods are nearly the same...so why can’t
these women find some relaxation from his penis...while waiting for that other
coveted...elusive penis...
With such thoughts...in
his own mental world...he indulges onto his car...as he does to a woman in
bed...pressing the accelerator harder...pushing the pedal deeper in...driving
faster...watching the women passengers sitting at the back seat...through the
rear view glass...pondering...on the price of that makeup...that make these
suckers-to-be look beautiful...in dim light...
The speed of the car...blows
in heavy wind...through the open windows...giving a nice cushion-like feeling
to his erect fat cucumber...an airy massage...unknowing to his heated up women
passengers...at the back...who ponder...in their own mental world...at what
they have to do...when they see their victim...their object of obsession...
It is interesting...to
watch the countless worlds...out there...
Written around 0138 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Revised around 1124 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1020 p.m. – 1050 p.m. 0:30 Company bus to bridge
– Uppidammulu Palam,
between Vanchiyoor and Kaithamukhu
1050 p.m. – 1054
p.m. 0:04 To home by car with
father, a kiss from father following my request for one
1054 p.m. – 1058
p.m. 0:04 Open and close garage
gates; kisses to mother at the front door; return utensils to mother; to
upstairs
1058 p.m. – 1100
p.m. 0:02 Change dress
The medical
representative family talks as if it is they who staged a run-in...
The Brahmin family talks
as if it is they who staged a run-in...
Seems families are in a
tug of war...which woman...of which family...will get an opportunity...to
undress to stark nakedness, before him...show the whole truth of a
woman’s body to him...lick his penis like a submissive dog...and quench
her deep thirst...from that hanging fat cucumber...by sucking its fresh
juice...
That opportunity to
spread her naked thighs wide apart...under him...circle around his hips with
her legs...to keep him in place...locked in...to facilitate his entry into
her...using her deft hands and fingers...to guide him...in case of getting lost
like a child...and firing somewhere...instead of at the target...is something
that is worth pondering...to masturbate...in those sleepless nights...
Written around 0120 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Revised around 1109 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1100 p.m. – 1106
p.m. 0:06 Diary notes on paper
1106 p.m. – 1110
p.m. 0:04 Tidy brother’s
room
1110 p.m. – 1127
p.m. 0:17 To toilet, undress,
urinal, brush teeth, anoint head with ayurvedic oil,
prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head,
apply Thromboprob to the pubic pustule, dress in
towel
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 0034 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
1127 p.m. – 1132
p.m. 0:05 Burn incense, camphor,
ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
1132 p.m. – 1134
p.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
1134 p.m. – 1136 p.m. 0:02 To downstairs; wear
green and blue dhoti, green full sleeves shirt
1136 p.m. – 1146
p.m. 0:10 Dinner in small
bowl: Rice gruel, cabbage and beans
twaran, ginger pickle, half a glass of water; a small
cup of milk; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia
1146 p.m. – 1147
p.m. 0:01 Kisses to mother who
came back downstairs (after serving food, she went upstairs to arrange the mat,
blanket, and mosquito net for her mad son to sleep); to upstairs
1147 p.m. – 1152
p.m. 0:05 Diary notes on paper; prepare
to use computer
1152 p.m. – 1200
a.m. 0:08 Daily diary notes on
computer
Thursday, September 28,
2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
0000 a.m. - 0150 a.m. 1:50 Daily diary notes on
computer
0150 a.m. - 0154 a.m. 0:04 Shut down computer
terminal; to toilet, urinal, wash hands
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1119 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0154 a.m. - 0200 a.m. 0:06 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; wear
blue socks; lay down on mat to sleep
0200 a.m. ~ 0630 a.m. 4:30 Sleep
No dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 1127 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0630 a.m. – 0655
a.m. 0:25 Lay on mat, not sleepy
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1128 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0655 a.m. – 0705
a.m. 0:10 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0705 a.m. – 0707
a.m. 0:02 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; to toilet
Emission check: No emission stains noted...
Written around 1130 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0707 a.m. – 0803
a.m. 0:56 Undress, emission
check, urinal, brush teeth, jala neti,
thread neti, anoint head with ayurvedic
oil, defecate, wash, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer,
apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi
to head, apply Thromboprob to the pubic pustule,
dress in towel
Emission check: No emission stains noted...
Urinal: A few bubbles...watch the breakup of
some of them...some others disappear after 3-4 minutes...some remain
adamant...holding on...
Defecate: Small lumps of fecal matter...mostly
settled to the bottom...of the toilet sink...a few on the surface...Addition of
a cup of water to clean the toilet seat...brought up a few innocent
bubbles...which soon withered away...leaving clear water behind...on the top
layer...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this day
as...No emission...
May the Lord be
praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 1134 p.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
How to make excite him...
- The Australian woman stalker ponders to the
cabaret dancer...
Written around 1136 a.m.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
0803 a.m. – 0809
a.m. 0:06 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; dress
in yoga dress: blue underwear,
black track suit, yellow half sleeves shirt
0809 a.m. – 0813
a.m. 0:04 Partially untie
mosquito net, fold net, blanket, socks, mat; diary notes on paper; tidy rooms
0813 a.m. – 0825
a.m. 0:12 Sprinkle water in the 3
upstairs rooms, offer water to the Lord, wash the idol of Lord Buddha, burn
incense, camphor, ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
0825 a.m. – 0832
a.m. 0:07 Refer prayer books, byheart the 12 mantras of Lord Surya
0832 a.m. – 0835
a.m. 0:03 Kapalabhati
30x3, Anuloma Viloma 2x5
0835 a.m. – 0838
a.m. 0:03 Sirsasana
0838 a.m. – 0840
a.m. 0:02 Relax, brief prayer to
the Lord
0840 a.m. – 0847
a.m. 0:07 Change dress: Blue/green dhoti, green half sleeves
shirt
0847 a.m. – 0855
a.m. 0:08 Fetch a bigger can for
pouring water for the birds; arrange food for birds; rice and water for birds
in the terrace
0855 a.m. – 0900
a.m. 0:05 Ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam,
laxative
0900 a.m. – 0930
a.m. 0:30 Breakfast: Masala dosa x2, loose white coconut chammandi,
a large vertically chopped roasted banana, a handful of groundnut and channa, a glass of water; kisses to my mother; discussion
with mother
The driver analogy...expand...
0930 a.m. – 0948
a.m. 0:18 Refer brother’s
sponsorship letter from US; to upstairs; shift two medium sized lamps from
downstairs to 2 of the upstairs rooms
0948 a.m. – 1005
a.m. 0:17
1005 a.m. – 1009
a.m. 0:04
1009 a.m. – 1038
a.m. 0:29
1038 a.m. – 1048
a.m. 0:10
1048 a.m. – 1217
p.m. 1:29 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
To Continue
Saturday, September 30,
2006
To Continue
0232 p.m. – 0236
p.m. 0:04 Walk to Nila
0236 p.m. – 0239
p.m. 0:03 To II floor: Walk past ICFAI and Rangoli
restaurant take the nearest steps
0239 p.m. – 0243
p.m. 0:04 A smile to Mr. Prasanna, to toilet, urinal, wash hands face, eyes, mouth,
wipe
0243 p.m. – 0247
p.m. 0:04 Collect notes,
headphone, and water bottle from bag, leave bag between locker and coffee
machine on the floor
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0000 p.m. – 0000
p.m. 0:00
0551 p.m. – 0640
p.m. 0:49 Discussion with father
0640 p.m. – 0645
p.m. 0:05 Reboil
tea; to upstairs; sort notes
Che-yan po-ni-la...he is
not going to do it...
-
The medical
representative to the cabaret dancer...
On analysizing
the conversation between the father and son...
Every day...and
night...the 24-hour monitoring...all oriented to analyse
the basic question...will he do it...will he have sex...
Today...the next
day...and the next...and so on for years and years...as it was for the last 6+
years in this city alone...
The cabaret dancer
says...she was simply watching...didn’t do anything...she just
watches...that is all...
But this is what is
behind the 24-hour watching...to analyse the basic
question...will he do it...will he have sex...
And the woman
gossips...far and wide...to any woman interested in gossip...making many a
woman feel infatuated...Oh! What a nice man he will be...Why not I also try to
corner him...What a good husband he will make...Such a man will care for me
with genuine love...treat me as very precious...as if I will be the only woman
in his life...
Now the problem lies in
the phrase ‘he is not going to do it’...that is today...What about
tomorrow...next month...next year...
Any human being has
weakness...you can change...never know...
That explains the
continued monitoring for the last 6 years...why the monitoring was
ongoing...was not stopped by the monitors...by themselves...
In a court of law...you
can examine the sort of basic human rights...personal freedom...individual
privacy...that has been violated so far...for the sole purpose of sexual
abuse...with the help of high tech spy devices...it was just simple
watching...nothing much...nothing more...
Ponder...a human
being...spending 24 hours a day...for the last 6+ years...doing NOTHING...but
watching...
So it is NOT serious,
isn’t??...
Written around 0702 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Revised around 0713 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
0645 p.m. – 0714
p.m. 0:29 Daily diary notes on
computer
0714 p.m. – 0803
p.m. 0:49 Read the saved webpages pertaining to
0803 p.m. – 0809
p.m. 0:06 Fiddle with computer
monitor controls
An-tho-ru
na-kna-ke-da-ne-nu a-ri-a-mo...do
you know, how shameful it is...
- The sucker feeling shame...talking to some of
the allied stalking groups?...
When I wrote about the
activities of the sucker and her family...suddenly it is shame for the woman...
It is not at all
shame...whatever voyeurism...that woman and her family have done covertly for
the last 6+ years...
Only when I wrote
it...documented it...did it become shame...
I wonder what sort of
fecal matter eating pig of a mother brought up this sucker...so that she
doesn’t have any shame in keeping tabs of the liquid oozing out of the
penis of neighbourhood men...
*?! worm is now feeling
shame...or acting as having shame...
How much should I
feel...when men and women talk in open...hush hush...about
my penis size...about what oozes out of it...
Did this *?! voyeur know
what it is...how it feels...how can she?...for it is she and family who watched
day and night and gossiped all around...as if it is her pride...her happiness
to describe my penis to others...and thus have fun...
Go...dirt...go to
court...file a case of defamation against me...
For you women know only
to suck...and suck...nothing else...
A whole life of
sucking...nothing but sucking...dogs living with a collar in their neck...
And she wants to suck my
penis...to prevent this documentation from being made public...
Ask your voyeur
companion...your old mother...whether she will also suck...
At least to give moral
support...to her fat, ugly, pumpkin daughter...while sucking...by sucking alongwith...
Just can’t
imagine...how an ugly pumpkin is going to suck my penis...in the first place...
When you see a woman...at
least you have to feel something...yes, this woman is pretty...and may thus
feel good if she sucks my rod...
6+ years...and I still
don’t feel that pumpkin...is something special...my penis refuses to call
her pretty...ugly is the right word...
So what happens?...the
woman wants to force me...to allow her to pull my penis...
Written around 0820 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Revised around 1000 p.m. Saturday,
September 30, 2006
0809 p.m. – 0831
p.m. 0:22 Daily diary notes on
computer
0831 p.m. – 0838
p.m. 0:07 Relax
0838 p.m. – 0841
p.m. 0:03 To downstairs, prepare
for dinner
0841 p.m. – 0844
p.m. 0:03 Urinal, wash hands
0844 p.m. – 0846
p.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
0846 p.m. – 0903
p.m. 0:17 Dinner: Dosa x2, thick
orange coconut chammandi, steamed legumes, aviyal, half glass of water, a small cup of milk; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia
0903 p.m. – 0909
p.m. 0:06 To upstairs, relax
Ka-lu
pi-di-kan o-ki-la...I
can’t catch hold of his legs...fall onto his feet...(since he wrote like
this...)
- The sucker...to her family...
See...the sucker wants to
fall onto my feet...to save her from shame...from making public...that she was
watching my penis...for the last 6+ years...
So...women are like
that...they are prepared to do anything...to cover their shame...
Should I feel happy...or
feel pity...
According to her
mother...her voyeurism companion...it was just a small thing...to watch a
stranger’s penis...and he made a big issue of that...
I wonder if it was just a
small thing...then why is the young woman in distress...maybe because the penis
haunts her...whenever she is not looking, she might be feeling that the penis
is looking at her...from everywhere...She must be having hallucinations...of
seeing penis everywhere...And the stupid old woman doesn’t marry her off
to someone else...so that her sucker daughter can suck a live penis...whenever
the penis haunts her...
Well, I wonder what sort
of man want to be her husband...after all my public writings...about her
voyeurism...and her abnormal sex urge...(if the mother is like this...then you
can’t expect the daughter to be a saint...)
Maybe some old man may be
interested...to have an experienced young sucker...relax his penis muscles...in
old age...an old man whose woman got tired of making him happy...and just got
old...herself...
So I am back to my old
ways...of taunting the sucker and her family...
Written around 0923 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Revised around 0930 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
0909 p.m.
– 1014 p.m. 1:05 Daily diary notes on
computer
1014 p.m.
– 1023 p.m. 0:09 CD Write latest updated
files
1021 p.m.
– 1022 p.m. 0:01 Terminate a mosquito
1023 p.m.
– 1024 p.m. 0:01 Shut down computer
1024 p.m.
– 1028 p.m. 0:04 Change dress
1028 p.m.
– 1030 p.m. 0:02 Loiter
1030 p.m.
– 1056 p.m. 0:26 To toilet, undress,
urinal, brush teeth, anoint head with ayurvedic oil, prayer,
shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head,
apply Thromboprob to the pubic pustule; dress in
blue/green towel
My monitors, especially
the cabaret dancer note a slight elevation...a lump...in the pubic skin...after
nearly a week of Thomboprob application, the pustule
is getting ripe...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1113 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Revised around 1122 p.m.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
1056 p.m.
– 1103 p.m. 0:07 Turn ON computer, burn
incense, camphor, ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer; wear green
full sleeves shirt
1103 p.m.
– 1115 p.m. 0:12 Daily diary notes on
computer
1115 p.m.
– 1119 p.m. 0:04 Prepare to type
1119 p.m.
– 1122 p.m. 0:03 Daily diary notes on
computer
Accuracy WPM Errors AWPM
87 49 163 42
89 49 139 43
88 48 160 42
1122 p.m.
– 1144 p.m. 0:22 Type Test01.txt x3
1144 p.m.
– 1149 p.m. 0:04 Browse old Typing
Tracker
To Continue
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http://www.geocities.com/apseudomonk/testdiary/chap32.html
Web
entry: Thursday, October 05, 2006
Published
on internet: Sunday, October 29, 2006
Revised:
Monday, November 06, 2006
Information
on the web site is given in good faith about a certain spiritual way of life, irrespective
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misjudged or misunderstood. Persons using this information for whatever purpose
must rely on their own skill, intelligence and judgment in its application. The
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“Thou belongest to That Which Is Undying, and not merely
to time alone,” murmured the Sphinx, breaking its muteness at
last. “Thou art eternal, and not merely of the
vanishing flesh. The soul in man cannot be killed, cannot die. It waits, shroud-wrapped,
in thy heart, as I waited,
sand-wrapped, in thy world. Know thyself, O mortal! For there is One within thee, as in all men, that
comes and stands at the bar and bears
witness that there IS a God!”
(Reference: Brunton, Paul. (1962) A Search in Secret Egypt. (17th
Impression)
Amen