YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN . . .
Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can recharge their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
You haven't slept since the Carter administration...

Oración en la  internet
Satélite nuestro que estas en el cielo,
acelerado sea tu link.
Venga a nosotros tu hipertexto.
Hagase tu conexión,en lo real como en lo virtual.
Danos hoy nuestro download de cada día.
Perdona el café sobre el teclado,así como nosotros perdonamos a nuestros proveedores.
No nos dejes caer la conexión,
y líbranos de todo virus.
amen

Para los amigos de habla inglesa, pa' que no mueran de hambre:
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
Web us come ham on
Web us come toss see no
Web us tea be us
Web us come shore is so
Web be toes come free hall lit toes
Does stack kit toes door add it toes the Paul Joe
Does stack kit toes the car neat as
Come chill leap toes hall up pen Joe ´s
Come chill lack kill less
E free hall lit toes
Train us on six the shell as
Kiss sea ram most does tea kill as
See Gary toes?
Much as grass seas
 
SEGUNDA LECCION (frases varias):
Boy as n r
N L C John
Be a hope and son
This s poor as stunt air e us
S toy tree stone
Lost trap eat toss
Desk can saw
As say toon as
Be a has r when there us
Come at a lost ugh wack cat tess
The head the star mall less stan dough
Kit at tell loss war at chess
S taz pen the ho
S toy as tall a mad re

Si tiene que viajar a EUA  y no tiene tiempo de aprender ingles, léase ésto, lo puede salvar en un momento de necesidad:
Si quiere una cocacola,  diga GUIMI A COUC
Si quiere un café y una dona,   diga COFI AN DONOT
Si quuiere unos huevos con jamón, diga  JAM AN EGS
Si se agarra un dedo con la puerta del taxi,  diga FOC
Si se cae en el metro, diga FOC
Si lo asaltan en el Bronx, diga FOC
Si se encuentra con una mujer de ésas de película, diga  UARA NAIS FOQUIN BEIBI!
Si alguien le grita algo que contenga FOC, responda FOQUIU
TUSi pierde el pasaporte, detenga a un policía y diga,  AI LOST MAI FOQUIN PEIPERS
Si se pierde en la ciudad, diga AI AM FOQUIN LOST
Cuando se refiera a un tercer, diga DE FOQUIN GAI OVERDER
Si quiere acostarse con una morenota, dígale AI UANA FOC WIT YU
Si quiere acostarse con una rubia, dígale JELOU, CAN AI FOQUIU?
Si no sabe dónde tomar un taxi, diga JAO TU GUET A FOQUIN CAB?
Si está muy enojado no diga REFOC, solo diga FOC  varias veces
Si le quieren tomar el pelo, pregunte ARYU FOQUIN MI?
Si éstas instrucciones no le sirven de mucho.. "Uat  da  foc YU uant?"

CONOCIMIENTOS ELEMENTALES QUE QUIMICA
Element Name:  MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.
Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.  Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.  Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.  Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for  prolonged period of time.
Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.
Usage: None known.  Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce  large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form.  Boils at nothing and may freeze any time.
Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active.  Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and  precious stones.  Violent when left alone.  Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental.  An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.  Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Programming: Jesus vs. Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.  They set themselves before their computers and begin.  They type furiously,  lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces the contest is over.  He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.   Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing.  I lost it all when the power went out."Very well, then, says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."  Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.  Satan is astonished.  He stutters, "B-b-but how?!  I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact?How did he do it?"  God chuckles, "Everybody knows...Jesus saves."

ACRONYMS
You may have heard these terms used quite frequently, but do you know what they REALLY mean?...
ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
DEC = Do Expect Cuts
CA = Constant Acquisitions
CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.
SCSI = System Can't See It
DOS = Defunct Operating System
BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
WWW = World Wide Wait

TOP 10 REASONS COMPUTERS ARE MALE
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9.  A better model is always just around the corner.
8.  They look nice and shinny until you bring them home.
7.  It is always necessary to have a backup.
6.  They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5.  The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4.  In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3.  The lights are on the but nobody's home.
2.  Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1.  Size does matter.

Reflexiones fisico-matemáticas y médicas sobre la Hueva
La hueva no se crea ni se destruye solo se transmite.
La hueva es una energía que no se transfoma en trabajo, pero el trabajo si se transforma en hueva.
La hueva es inversamente proporcional al trabajo y directamente proporcional a todo lo demás.
La hueva produce calor y viceversa.La hueva siempre es absoluta, jamas es relativa.
La hueva no tiene límite
La hueva es asintótica.
La hueva es no-decreciente.
La hueva en un grupo de personas tiende al equilibrio.
La hueva es una enfermedad contagiosa y progresiva, pero nadie se ha muerto de hueva.
La hueva siempre produce más hueva y se reproduce exponencialmente.
La hueva nace, crece, se reproduce, pero no muere:  es eterna, atemporal y tridimensional.
El día de la semana dedicada a la hueva es el 'Hueves'.

***************************************************************

Coffee Guide by the Signs

A shot of Astrological insight ...(coffee, anyone?)

Aries: First in line, first out the door -- a triple shot of espresso, and the Ram is off and running.

Taurus: Cappucino -- earthy simplicity wrapped in luxury for the ruler of the material world.

Gemini: Always of two opinions (and more than ready to share them), Gemini settles on a double latte -- half decaf, half regular.

Cancer: Cozy Cancer is right at home with a mocha -- all the comfort of cocoa.

Leo: Perfect presentation with enough kick to get the whole group going: macchiato.

Virgo: Precision is the only way: Virgo prefers Caffe Americano (regular house coffee is not an acceptable substitute).

Libra: No need to tip the scales -- Libra strikes a balance with Café au Lait.

Scorpio: Never prone to self-denial, Scorpio opts for all the sensuality of a breve latte -- one can barely taste the coffee, but isn't subtlety the name of the game?

Sagittarius: An iced caramel latte in the dead of winter seems correct to the Zodiac's thrill seeker.

Capricorn: Always efficient, Capricorn has found that a shot of espresso in one's coffee gets the job done ... and then some.

Aquarius: Organic raspberry tea is a refreshing alternative to coffee -- it transcends the boundaries of modern society, deeming caffeine unnecessary.

Pisces: Someday, Chai will replace coffee entirely, and Pisces will be ahead of us all -- meanwhile, they can sit back calmly, ready to ride the wave of the future.

tomado de : ivillage

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