A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Robert Frost

Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is ignorant.
John Simon

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell.
Harry S. Truman

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM.
Lyndon B. Johnson

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Adlai Stevenson

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
Napoleon Bonaparte

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain

People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
Otto von Bismarck

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
Ronald Reagan

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O’Rourke

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
Winston Churchill

What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
Adolf Hitler

Wit is educated insolence.
Aristotle

By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
Socrates

Henry Louis Mencken:

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

Men have a much better time of it than women: for one thing they marry later, for another thing they die earlier.

Legend: a lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Last words:

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Volataire, on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

Go away… I'm alright.
H.G. Wells

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Pancho Villa

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Carl Fredeirich Gauss, while working, when informed that his wife is dying.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Karl Marx