A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers

were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister

sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of

God, can't you do something about this storm?"

Read this then wonder if they "pay" church secretaries enough.

Church bulletin bloopers 

and I are very happy to be here. Honey, get up so the brothers can see you."

~ We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let's sing "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."

~ This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.

~ Sinspiration this Sunday night at church. Ya'll Come!

~ This blooper showed up on the main page of the Internet web site for the

Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada:

"In a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with

the Anglican Church of Canada."

~ Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering

during our prayer time.

~ Couples Retreat: All couples interested in a fun time, meet John in the

Courtyard Kiosk after church.

~ Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth

~ Join us for a skirt presented by the Drama Team.

~ We will have a Super Bowel party this Sunday night.  We will also have our

regular service

~ Summer Festival: Menu for Wednesday night:  1/2 baked chicken, baked

potato, and corn.

~ Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

~ Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord.

~ The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles. The ushers will

light their candle from the pastor's candle. The ushers will turn and light

each worshipper in the first pew.

~ Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and briefs to bear.

~ Church sign:

Jesus Saves!

Safeway sign across the street:

Safeway saves you more!

~ For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in

school). When their meeting was cancelled one week:

There will be no Moms who care this week.

~ This one I said myself during the congregational prayer when leading prayer

for our unsaved loved ones:

Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones.

~ Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

~ Come out this evening for a time of prayer and sinning.

~ A woman's blouse was found at a table in the middle of the servant

appreciation dinner. If you lost your blouse, please come to the church office.

~ Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8 pm in the large room.

~ The ladies in the style show will meet with their dresses down in front

after morning worship.

~ A worm welcome to all who have come today.

~ Sermon Outline:

I. Delineate your fear

II. Disown your fear

III. Displace your rear

~ Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.

~ If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and

drip in the collection basket.

~ Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.

~ Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give

the medication.

~ Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well with my Solo"

~ Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12

thru 17.

~ If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.

~ We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the

church building and the rector.

~ Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"

~ Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the

foyer.

~ Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.

~ Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.

~ The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral.

~ The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board.

~ As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.

~ Fifth Sinday is Lent.

~ Thank you dead friends.

~ Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

~ Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.

~ Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

~ For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing

asunder of soup and spirit.

~ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.

~ Persons who are shut-in during bath weather.

~ Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.

~ The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...

~ Don't forget that elections for Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess will

be held at next month's business meeting.

~ We pray that our people will jumble themselves.

~ May God give us increasing hunger for the Blob.

~ There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week.

~ Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows

~ Child care provided with reservations.

~ Tonight, Pastor will preach on "Diving Healing."

~ Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and refinish the communion table in

the sanctuary.

~ Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb?

~ Christ is a member of Boy Scout Troop 36.

~ Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat.

~ My joke is easy and my burden is light.

~ I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me

drink.

~ We are an autonomous body, operating under the hardship of Jesus Christ.

~ The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m.

~ Hymn of Invitation: "Whoever He Leads I'll Go"

~ The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.

~ Worshipers are asked to wail until all have been served to partake of the

Body and the Blood of Christ.

~ Pray for continual growth in the lives of many of our teens--that a food

foundation will be laid in their lives.

~ Boars of Trustees

~ We are always happy to have you sue our facility.

~ The activity will take place on the church barking lot.

~ Hymn: I am Thin, O Lord.

~ I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he

diets, yet shall be live.

~ Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour

~ New Missionaries: Tim is a pilot and flies missionaries and supplies into

the bush.

~ Palm Sunday: Our regular service will be gin at 11:00 a.m.

~ All children are requested to bring fresh followers to decorate the cross

for Easter Sunday.

~ When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an

angel.

~ Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's

used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

~ Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution following the

Restaurant Supply Show at the Expo Center.

~ This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across

from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

~ Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's

used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

~ The King's Bras will present a concert at our church this evening at 6.

~ Women in the Word starts next week. There are several different studies to

choose from. Ladies, make sure you sign up for a stud before next week.

~ On the sign in front of the church:

     This week's sermon: "When is Sex Not Enough?"