Philosopher Jokes

The First Law of Philosophy

For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy

They're both wrong.

Question: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?

Answer: An offer you can't understand.

Question: What is a recent philosophy Ph.D.'s usual question in his or her first job?

Answer: "Would you like french fries with that, sir?"

How many Talmudic Sages does it take to change a light bulb?

R. Abiva heard from R. Millerstein, who heard from Rab Josy, who got it from R. David, who got it from Moses, that it would take three.

Whereupon, R. Marshmallow said that Moses said 'three' but meant 'two' since "light" has three radicals, but the vaw in the middle separates the light from the dark.

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?

No amount of them can do it, but for an underground antiquities dealer it only takes 5 minutes...

How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

None-its a pseudo-problem...light bulbs give off light (hence the name)...if the bulb was broken and wasn't giving off light, it wouldn't be a 'light bulb' now would it? (oh, where has rigor gone?!)

Consider the age-old question: If a tree falls in a

forest, and there is no one around to hear, does it make a sound?

This question was posed by philosophers of antiquity, and there is

still no philosphical consensus as to what the answer should be.

But ask a scientist the same question, and he'll go off for short

while, apply for a grant or two, and come back saying, "Well, we've