Three Stupid Figments, Two Cute Percussionists
And A Wishbird In A Monkees' Pad

One dayin one year in some time in the century that was a thing, Peter was looking out the window at the beach.
"'Ey, whatcha lookin' at eh?" asked Davy, wandering in with a mouthful of poundcake and chicken fry.
"Uh... huh?" asked Peter, broken from his reverie.
"Reverie.. reverie.." said Micky abstractly, wandering in. "Hey, didn't you visit there one year?"
"No Micky." said Davy.
"Huh?" asked Micky, as no one could understand him his mouth was crammed with food.
"Nevermind!" Davy snorted and went to find some secret Coke stash he knew Micky had somewhere.
"Cluck cluck, Micky is a drug." said Sassip, bouncing in.
"Huh?" asked Peter.
"CLUCK!? CHICKEN!?" shouted Mike, rolling in quickly and looking around fervently.
However, Peter ignored them all and was staring out the window.
"What are you lookin at eh?" asked Al, popping in.
"YOU STOLE MY LINE BUCKET AGAIN!" shouted Davy from the other room. But he still had a mouth full of food.
Just then a funky looking shinybird flew into the window.

"SILVERBIRD!" shouted Peter and ran out to the balcony.
"No no dearie." said Al, clucking at him. "That's Silvergirl and its not written yet."
"HUH!?" said Mike and looked around for chickens. "I HEARD CLUCKING!"
"So, what's on your mind huh huh huh?" asked BT, popping in.
"You were stupid." said Al and pushed her over the deck.
"YEEEEE!" shouted BT and landed on the sand.
"Why didn't she jsut poof out?" asked Micky.
"OHHHHH MAN!" BT was heard to shout.
"I wish I wish.. I wish.." said Peter quietly.
"Huh?" asked Al. "Hey come on Peter let's take that bird inside and fix her up!"
Peter smiled and grinned and followed Al back in.
"Yep yep just like MT." she muttered happily.
"MOMMMMYYY!" shouted MT and turned Mike into a washing machine with a wool hat.
"UGH!" Mike gurgled.

"So, what was it you were wishing?" asked Al.
"Oh.." said Peter, while he was fixing up the bird's wing. "It's nothing, I was just wishing I was a figment too, cause it looks fun!"
Al stared at him for a sec. "Uh.. okay." she said and went to find Mike and tell him that she needed a load done by 2 PM and it was already 1 and he was losing valuable time.
"Well, you can have your wish." said the bird.
"THERE'S A BIRD IN HERE?" shouted Davy, mouth free of food.
"NO ITS A REAL BIRD!" shouted Mike and got Davy soapy when Davy ran into him and tripped and fell in.
"NOO Davy you're getting crumbs in my wash!" shouted Al and beat him with a stick.
"Hey you don't beat him he's cute!" shouted BT.
"YEH!" shouted Micky and beat Al.
Peter stared and shrugged and went back to the bird.

"So uh.. did you say something?" he asked her.
"Yes. I said you can have your wish if you really want it."
"OH! Could I?"
"Is it cause I helped you?"
"No. Its cause.. Oh wait yes, it is. But one favor, when you get your wish, poof my wing back to normal please."
"Okay!" said Peter and beamed happily.
The bird blinked. Peter blinked. The bird blinked again. Peter blinked again. "Well?" asked Peter.
"Well what?" asked the bird.
"Am I a figment yet?"
"OH! Yeh I forgot." said the bird and doinked him on the nose.
"Oh but wait...." started Peter but it was too late.
"It's done!" she said.
"But who's figment am I?" asked Peter.
"Uh, that spazzy one's." said the bird.
"MICKY'S!?" asked Peter.
"Oh yeh him." said the bird. "Now please fix my wing!"
So Peter did that. And then he was scared because he'd heard tell of Micky's mind.

"You can't live in there!" said Micky when he found out.
"It doesn't matter you can still live out here anyway." said Al. The bird stayed on the night.
"Anyway, I have to get back to my chicks. But if you need me for anything I'll be around if there's a good sized birdfeeder and a nice bath."
"Hey, this ain't the Motel 6..." said BT under her breath.
"I heard that!" said the bird and flew off.
"BIRD?!" shouted Davy.
"CHICK!?" shouted Mike. They ran in at sickening speeds and thunked together because they were going too fast to stop.
"My but they get excitedable." said Sassip and idly sliced them apart with her flipper.
"Oh Sassip is karate," said BT with starry-eyed reverence.
"WHAAAAT?!" screeched MT.
"Oh, stickyboy," said BT happily and proceeded to poke him with a peacock feather she got who knows where.
"Stop please," said MT politely.
"Okay," said BT and flounced away to do her laundry. Little did she know about Mike. MWAAHAAHAAA. Uh...

"Little does she know about me," said Mike, brimming over with pride.
"Ew ew man you're spillin' it all over the floor," protested Davy.
"Oh, sorry," said Mike.
"Soapy pride!!" said MT happily and sat down to play with it.
"Hey hey put that down!!" said Mike.
"Oh okay," said MT and stuffed some in his pocket.
"AAAALLLL!!" yelled Mike.
"What? Why'd you yell that?" said Al.
"Well... I can't yell 'MIIIKE', cause I am Mike, and... Make him gimme back my pride!!" said Mike huffily.
"MT dear sweetie combcookiecake pastry eclair crepe suzette, please to return Mike's pride," Al said daintily.
"OH MY GOSH WHAT THE HECCCCK," shouted Sassip and punted Al to kingdom wenty.
"That should NOT have happened, ever," said Micky and was fear.
"NO fear!!" said Sassip and punted Micky too.
"Where did you punt him to? I wanna go!!" whined BT but Sassip put her in her pouch. Sassip's pouch that is, not BT's.

"Al, can you show me how to poof things?" Peter wanted to know.
"You already know how, you poofed the bird's wing back to normal," said Al.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" yelled Mike because he was an excitable boy today and had the need to be loud, we don't know why and frankly we rather would never know notting. Uh...
"Oh. Well... can you show me... uh..." said Peter and was at a loss for words.
"I WIN!!" said Davy because he collected the most words in his linebucket, even though people kept stealing from it.
"You must be joking!" said Micky and came back from wherever he was.
"STOP THAT!" yelled Davy angrily.
"Now now calm your furry little self," said Sassip and crammed him into her pouch with BT, who was minty today. Oh yehhhhh!!!
"I'm not furry," whined Davy but curled up and went to slee anyway.

"Where's Link? He is cute and I will marry him when he grows up," announced BT and climbed out of Sassip's pouch.
"He's hiding," said Micky. "I showed him all my favorite hiding places."
"Oh, good, I know just where to find him," said BT happily and cavorted off to ... we don't know what. And frankly we'd.. wait we already said that. Uh...
"Excuse me," said Peter politely, "but I think since I'm the plot focus, maybe there should be more about me in this story?"
"I never get to be the plot focus," griped Micky.
"Oh," said Micky and winked at Mike and rolled off to a chicken fry but Mike was a washing machine and could only sulk.
"Oh well I go nowhere with the likes of him," huffed Mike and went into rinse cycle.
"I'll fix you Mike!" said Peter and used his figmental powers for goodness and sweetness and niceness.
"Oh, thank you so much!" said Mike and rolled off to a poundc.. Uh, a... We don't actually know where he rolled off, cause seee all our story helicopters are grounded due to bad weather, the last one crashed following Al to kingdom wenty so-

"ExCUUUUSE me, can I GO now?!" said MT rudely.
"OMIGOSH where did he learn that!!!" yelled Al.
"When did Mommy wenty back?" asked MT sweetly.
"Huh?" said everyone and stared.
MT blushed and went "Teehee" and ground the tip of his shoe into the ground in a coquettish way.
"HUH" said Al and carted him off.
"Oh my my my..." said Davy, tsking and clucking disapprovingly. "Hey, speaking of clucks, where's Mike? I'm hungry!"
"He rolled off to a something.." said Peter.
"A WHAT!?" shouted Davy and rolled off too.
"My my my they are soooo excitedable!" tsked Sassip and attempted to punt them, except they weren't int he room anymore.
"Uh.. MEMEME" said Peter jumping up and down.
"Oh right!" said Micky and poked at Peter.
"When did you get back!?" shouted Mike.
"When did YOU!?" shouted Davy.
"DAVY YOU'RE BACK!" shouted Sassip and ate him.
"Hey, weren't you, BT and someone in her pouch?" asked Al.
"Didn't you go cart MT off?" asked Davy.
"Yeh but I came back." said Al.
"Well where's MT?" asked Micky.
"In my hair.." sniffed Al and shook her head. MT promptly fell out.
"Owie! Mommy make me fall down go boom!" he said and got up and hugged her.
"OOFFGH.." said Al.

Meanwhile, Peter was fear and poofed out unconsciously.
"OH OH OH!" said Micky and went spazzy.
"OH!" said Mike and hid.
"OH!" said Davy and got out chicken fry.
"OH!" said MT and pinched Al til she rendered pops.
"OH!" said BT and stole some pops from Al when no one was looking.
"GET YOUR OWN YOU FLORT!" shouted someone.
"I'm frightened.." said BT and was annoyed at being called a flort.
"MICKY What is wrong with you?" asked Mike from somewhere safe.
"IDUNNOIJUSTFEELTHENEEDTOSPAZZZZZ!" said Micky and rolled around on the floor.
"He never did that before..." said Davy, scratching his cute lil bonce.
"OH OH OH! YOU!" shouted Link and was expelled from his hiding spot by Mike.
"OH LINKYCUTENESSGIMMEGIMMEMUSTHAVE!" shouted BT and lunged. She woulda gone for Micky but he was an elusive quarry at the time being.
Link, however, was unspazzy and totally stationary, until, of course, BT was attached to his arm.
Al sighed and poofed into Micky's mind.
"Ouuuuw.." said Micky as his head suddenly got very heavy.

Meanwhile, Al was searching around. There was the closet Micky had hid in that time lala and there was that hole they had patched up with weird things.
"Heeeerreee Pita pita pita pita.." she said and proffered some buttery toast.
"OOH BUTTERY TOAST!" shouted Peter and ran out and grabbed the toast and ran back away.
"Darn!" said Al and put out a Pita trap with more buttery toast.
"OH!' said Peter and grabbed up the buttery toast, but was caught in the trap.
"AHA!" said Al and carted him back out into the open pad.
"No MT darling you like breffast serals remember?" asked Al.
"NOOOOO MOMMY I AM MT!" said MT tugging her thingypants.
"Wait I have no anyway, huh? Oh.. MICKY wants buttery toast... huh.. that's odd I wonder why Micky goes nuts when Peter's in there. He should act normal!" said Al.
"Normally when he's in my mind I have the sudden urge for chicken fries." said Mike.
"Uh, Mike, you ALWAYS have the sudden urge for chicken fries.." said BT from atop Link's bonce.
"WATCH THE HAATT HEY WATCH THE HAATTT!" shouted Link and wavered to and fro for she wasn't so little.
Mike sympathized with Link and his poor poor hat.

"HIT HER WHERE IT HURTS!" he shouted.
Everyone stared daggers at him.
"Uh.. hehe" said Mike and whistled innocently and looked up at the ceiling.
"Mike I have no hurty places." said BT.
"Oh yeh?" shouted Mike and started to kick Micky.
"NOOOOOOO!" shouted BT and fell off Link.
"Ow I don't like falling off people's heads," she mused as it had happened to her manymany times before. MT sympathized and decided all BT really needed was some foodies, so he took it into his kind little heart to go and stuff sixty-teen boxes of breffast serals down her throat and nobody heard from her for awhile. HA! Uh...

"Micky, stop spazzing!!" said Davy, and pointed at Micky.
"Huh?" said Micky and sat in the floor stupidly.
"Oh man Davy you were SO late with that line," said Link and snickered.
"HE SAID MAN, he said man, he is picking up on our lingo," Al said and wiped a tear from her eye.
"Mike?" Micky asked.
"Stop kicking me please."
"Oh, okay," said Mike and left to go about his business. Or maybe someone else's. Knowing Mike...
"MICKY MICKY I CAME TO SAAAAVE YOOOOOOOU," yelled BT and dragged MT in because he was hanging onto her leg.
"You're late," said Davy and begin giggling insanely with delighted glee.
"What's with him?" said BT.
"Oh, he was late and now he thinks it's funny someone else's late," said Peter.
"Oh," said BT. "Well, OK," she said and whacked Davy over the head with MT.
"OW!" they said.
"OH MY POOR BABIES!" said Al and was maternal.
"I'm not yours!" said Davy.
"OH MY POOR BABY!!!" said Sassip who had not have a turn for whiles.

"Phillips is a German and he have my pen," mused Peter cutely.
"Ow," frowned Micky. "Quit musing."
"Oh, okay," said Peter and cogitated.
"OWWWW IT ITCHES IT ICHES IT ITCHES," said Micky and started scratching his head wildly.
"Uh uh uh..." stammered Peter and ceased cogitating.
"Wasn't that dumb," announced Link.
"That's my line," snapped Micky.
"Oooo WELLL, aren't WE tetchy today!" said Link haughtily and rolled off to a deep fry.
"That was my linebucket," Al said resentfully. "But it's OK, cause he's cute."
"OMIGOSH WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT!" shouted Mike in a womanly way.
"YOU STOP THAT!!" yelled Al.
"But I'm cute," said Mike.
"Well... well... well... you're also... chickeny," said Al and wenty to do the things.

Meanwhile, in a parallel dimension the plot was progressing nicely. Not in this one.

"Where's Micky?" said BT suspiciously.
"I dunno, he went somewhere," said Peter.
"Shouldn't you know?? You're his figment," said BT suspiciously.
"No... you don't always know where Al is and you're her figment," protested Peter.
"Oh yeh," said BT and climbed on Sassip, everyone's favorite piece of playground equipment fun fun fun in the sun.
"It's raining," said Davy gloomily.
Then Micky walked in dressed like Peter. He had dyed his hair blond and cut it in a way that was meant to look like Peter but didn't really.
"ACK ACK ACK ACK!!" screeched BT and hid in Sassip's pouch and everyone else stared in dismay.
"Oh oh! I wenty to get haircuttins to look like Micky thing because I am him!" MT said happily.
"Ohhh no no, no son of mine is going to look like... uh... Petermicky!" Al protested and stopped MT in his tracks.
"I make no tracks," said Sassip egotistically.
"So if that's MT where's Micky?" asked BT.
"You should shut up about Micky." said Sassip and ate her.
Later that evening there was an egg. But that time is not now. So there is no egg.

Anyway. Al. Yeh, she was staring at MT.
"MOMMY!?" asked MT and poked her in the eye.
"YEOWCH!" shouted Al and replaced her glasses.
"WHAT ARE THEY DOING!?" shouted Mike and was afraid for his very hat.
Just then Micky walked in and was obtrusive.
"WHEN DID YOU LEAVE?" shouted Mike.
"Man.. I'm deaf..." said Davy boredly and rolled around in circles.
"Davy.. Davy...? DAVY STOP!" shouted Mike.
Davy kept on rolling for he was deaf.
"Ugh." whispered Mike and decided shouting was not for him. He returned it with a 7 day money back guarantee.

Meanwhile, Micky had stopped being obtrusive and wandered around idly poking at things.
"What's with him?" asked Mike.
"I dunno." said Poundcake.
"YOUOOOOUU were not asked!" shouted Sassip and closed the fridge door pointedly.
"I think it must be Peter affecting him." said Al.
"PETER?" shouted Micky and leapt up.
"Huh?" said Peter.
"QUICK! GET IN!" shouted Micky and bashed his head up against Peter.
"What the...???" said everyone and stared.
"QUICK QUICK HURRY HURRY!" shouted Micky and stood.
"Why aren't you spazzing?" asked Peter suspiciously.
Everyone ignored her.
"I can't spazz without you in my head mannnnnn and and and this girl I met last week said I was cute when I spazzed!" said Micky.
"Yeh, that was me teehee." said BT.
"UGH..." said Micky and went into the bathroom to do who knows what.

Five minutes later Micky returned with oreo smeared all over his face and the front of his shirt.
"My but he's a binge cookieeater.." mused Sassip and licked him. "Mmmm oreolicious!"
"YOOOUUU MAY NOT LICK HIM!" shouted BT and threw Nerf balls at her.
"OH! OH OH!" said MT and turned Mike into a bowling ball and Micky into a super ball and Peter into a pingpong ball and Davy into a Nerf ball. He also turned himself into a golf ball and BT into a Peapong ball and Al into one of those badminton birdie thing.

"Oh oh Al is a bird." snigged Davy and rolled into her.
"EWW get off, squooshtush!" shouted Al and hopped away.
"EWW I AM A PEAPONG BALL!" shouted BT and bounced around unhappily.
"WHEEHEEHEHHEHEHE!" shouted Micky and spazzed about.
"Ouch. WHat the.. OUCH.. heck is.. OUCH.. going on.. OUCH MICKY STOP HITTING ME! HOW in the world do you keep hitting me when you are a tiny super ball and the pad is HUGE!?" said Mike with a slightly raised voice.
"Ohhh..." sighed Peter and rolled off.
"FIVE!" shouted MT and launched himself into the air, and almost down the drain, but Al poofed a cover over it.
"NO holes in one deary." she said sternly but sweetly.
"K MOMMY MOMMY BIRDIE THING!" shouted MT and launched himself at Mike, but was intercepted by Micky on the way over. Micky ricocheted off the staircase bannister, and slammed BT in the .. uh.. self.
"OH HEHE." said BT and swooned. She rolled into Sassip and was eaten again.
"HOWWW did you get OUT?" asked Sassip. "YOU are to be an egg later! TSK!"
"I forgot." said BT muffledly.
"DON'T POOF HER OUT THINGY CHILD!" shouted Sassip at MT.
"K SASSIP THING!" shouted MT and launched himself happily at her eye. Luckily she had turned her head at that time and it hit her in the cheek.

Meanwhile, Micky had slammed into Peter and then Peter slammed into Al and it was a very bad affair. So Peter turned them all back but BT because he forgot about her.
"Oh, thank the figmental powers that be!" shouted Al and fell asleep where she fell.
Davy was wandering to the bedroom and Micky followed him and then Davy fell asleep standing up and Micky fell over and died.
"No he did NOT" said Al and tsked.
"Riiigghhtt.. he went to slee" said the author and Mike was made to eat fish.
"UGH STOP STOP STOP CORRECTING *THAT* AUTHOR!" he was heard to shout in anguish from outside.
"It's OK we have a new author now," announced Peter.
"Oh, good," said Mike of relief.
"You mean IN relief," said MT sweetly and coquettishly played with things.
"OH MY GOSH HE IS SO CUTE!" shouted the author and made Mike eat breffast serals.
Then because the author caught the MT virus everyone had to eat breffast serals for a full week. *The next week...*
"Ugh. I don't want to eat again for years," said Micky.
"OMIGOSH THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!" yelled Sassip and ran around and around.
"Stop it," said Davy.
"Okay," said Sassip agreeably and laid BT in an egg.
"SITTING TIME!" announced Sassip and seized Micky who was too woozy from breffast serals to protest so BT hatched shortly afterwards and punted him to kingdom come.
"Mommy mommy Micky wenty to the things he wenty to them!!!" MT said disturbedly and tugged on Al's sleeve.
"Yes I know dear... please don't ever infect the author again," said Al.
"Heehee, I escaped the breffast seral epidemic by being in Sassip," said BT.
"Well you are a sly little boofer idiot boy thing," said Sassip with disdain.
"OH OH MAN I AM SO NOT A BOY I AM THE UNBOYEST THING THAT EVER WAS!!! I'll curl my eyelashes!! Then you will believe me!" said BT and went off to curl her eyelashes but she acccidentally dyed them purple by mistake so she had purple eyelashes for weeks and everyone made fun of her.

"ACK OH EEP IT'S SPAZZING TIME!" yelled Micky and ran around in circles.
"Oh my, he is under the influence of Sassip..." murmured Peter.
"I better get a-rollin'," said Mike and got down on the ground.
"UGH man aren't you full from all the ... youknowwhats?" said Davy.
"Yeh, but I can't let season tickets go to waste!! I'll bring it back and put it in a deep freeze meat locker thing," said Mike.
"Oh, I got stuck in one of those when I was a kid once," announced Micky.
"Hey hey you're supposed to be spazzing," said Al suspiciously.
"Oh, right. BLAHDLF;AHSFYSoief," said Micky and rolled around.
"Much better," said Al contently and leaned back in her chair.
"Wait no no only I am suspiciously!" said BT, eyeing the spazzing Micky with distaste. "Where is Linkypoo?"
"He's sleeping off the serals," said Peter.
"Oh," said BT and went to sleep.
"Make him quit spazzing! He keeps knocking things over," complained Sassip.
"You knock things over every time you MOVE," said Mike.
"You're supposed to be at a chicken fry!!" yelled Al.
"Oh sorry," said Mike and rolled off.
"I have not either knocked any thing over, I never-" said Micky, standing up.
"But now you're spazzing," said Micky in distress.
"Oh sorry," said Al and was composed.
"I composed her myself," said Peter proudly and began to bang out a lovely Bach three-part invention on the 'ahpseechohd.

So, as it was Peter got his wish, and remained a figment until times unknown, or whenever the authors get bored and tetchy at his kind figmentness. After all, one can only take so much beneficial power usage!
Anyway, there was a great to-do and all the locals were invited, and lo those many moons they had a great shindig with chicken fry aplenty, and they ate and they drank Micky's stash of Coke to wit he became homocidal again but they soon quelled that and turned him into a super ball and he ruined the shindig and was eternally sorry because there was a chick that fancied him there but he later found that it was BT in disguise and so well had she disguised herself that they truly thought she was a girl, and then Micky was disgusted to find that it was her.

Meanwhile, Al also had gotten horribly drunk on Coke and went about hitting on anything that moved. In the end she married Sassip, Pink thing, Davy, Micky, Mike and MT, who she later had to divorce on grounds that her brain had flown the coop, to wit it did, and so all the marriages were null and void, also the fact that monogamy is illegal in 55 states and Peter's mind and so she was dejected and lonely for all of two minutes until MT crammed 67 pounds of breffast seral down her throat and she has a terminal case of breffastseralitis now.

Davy, after having married Al, became disillusioned at this prospect and though Mike would be a better bride. But lo and behold Mike was off refurnishing the chicken fry table, for there would be much rebelling if the table was found empty, and so Davy sniggered evilly and hitched BT to Mike's hat, which we all know are both boys, and there was a big scuffle and the hat with the thing and Link's hat were very very jealous and transpired against BT, and BT was very scared for her life and went to live in Mike's mindpad, and since it was a common practice of Mike *NOT* to have a mindpad, it was in a horrible disarray.

"But it was sold to me as a fix-er-upper" BT explained to everyone and spent millions of dollars only to find that Mike's mind was indeed a fickle fickle place and one filled with chickens and chicken fries and horrible frenchfries with long hairy hairs and huge spears in which to jab and poke and jab and hurl so BT regrettably moved out and totally forgot what she was afeared of until one day the two hats tried to smother her in her sleep but Al thought it was a cat and tried to pet BT's face only to have her best shirt eaten off and in fits of hilarity ran back to her room screaming bloody horror to wit Sassip appeared and punted the lot of them. Luckily Al had on 72 shirts and one missing was not so bad at all since she was hot anyway.

Oh, and back to the plot at hand, Micky's figment (that's Peter you know) and Micky were very very happy, and they did many many things together since Mike and Davy were always off at chicken and poundcake fries (they really thought poundcake fries were nasty but whatever floats your boat you know) and thus, Peter stayed a figment for lo so.. oh wait we were already through that.. yeh.


Next Issue: (crap not lalal) Peter thinks its better for MT to actually *BE* a little kid.. little do they know *dun dun DUN*

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