Antler Angst

"Ohhh I dislike this MUCHLY," said Davy and hid in a box.
"Okay, that's seven bags of M&Ms for an ounce of raviolios," said Mike, filling out a check and handing it to BT who smirked.
"I like building sandcastles!!!!" said MT. "Let's live in one!!"
"Little do we know," remarked Al.
"That is right, you know very little," said Link.
"Oh, poor Mike is taken in by inflation!!" Peter said in horror.
"OH!! TOKEN HORROR, TOKEN HORROR!!!!" Sassip screamed, and token punted Peter.

Meanwhile, Micky was scratching his head furiously.
"Don't do that man.." said Davy and brought over a sharp stick.
"Oh thanks man!" said Micky, snatching the stick and poking his head with it.
"Ouch it looks painful!" said Al from her sandcastle. MT had set fire to the last one so this was a new one.
Just then Sassip, who had a nice overhead view of Micky's bonce shrieked in horror.
"OH HE HAS STICKS GROWING FROM HIS FUZZY ROUND THING!" she shouted noisily and fainted dead away.
Link snigged and poured five pounds of ice into her pouch.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK!" shouted Sassip, leapt up, crushed the ice and provided everyone with snowcones for a month. MT was pleased but there was no lemonade in the fridge and he was sad.
"OH NO!" shouted BT and gave him lemonade. But she was soon stick as a result of her kindness.

Meanwhile, back to Micky...
"Yeh! Back to me!" said Micky, scratching wildly.
"OH he has.. ANTLERS!" said Link in horror.
"NOOO HORROR ICE BOY!" shouted Sassip and smacked him.
"Punted." said Peter.
"Since when were you Mr. Continuity?" asked Mike.
"Sine you shirked in your continuityieieidiieiieidi duties!" said Peter in a hurt tone.
Mike shrugged and shirked away.
"SEE!?" shouted Peter but no one was paying attention because Micky's "sticks" had grown larger.

"Ouch ouch ouch they hurt and itch!" he whinged.
"Shut up!" said Poundcake.
"Who asked YOU!?" asked Davy, but then regretted his harsh tone and wrapped him in bubblewrap. It was a luxury.
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MY HEAD!?" asked Micky in distress.
"Oh oh ick ick Micky icky Micky ick is distress..." said Sassip to herself and rambled around the room randomly.
Micky had indeed sprouted two very large and branched antlers from his head and as a result was having trouble keeping his head up. They were still covered in velvet and he was scratching at them furiously.

"Don't pick it it'll never heal." said Mike nonchalantly.
"Pick what, Mike?" asked Peter.
"Okay, man, will you *STOP* that!?" asked Mike.
Al and MT came strolling in around 4 PM and stared at Micky.
"AL! BT! *DO* SOMETHING!" he shouted in angst. Having procured a sapling he was mercilessly rubbing his antlers against it, not with out much trouble.
"WHERE DID HE GET THAT!?" asked Sassip in suspiscion.
"Is she talking to herself?" asked Davy.
"NO I AM TALKING TO YOU!" she shouted and punted.
Davy flew threw the air and landed on a sticky-outty nail over the door.
"Huh." said Davy and hung there.
Al was so pleased with this that she poked him and then rolled off squeeing uproarishly for 8 years until she ran out of breath and normalized.

Five minutes later MT was whinging for some pops and Al rolled in with a boxful.
"ME!" said BT and grabbed one.
"ME!" said Micky and grabbed one, but rubbed it on his antlers. "AHHH" he said in relief.
"So.. why does Micky have antlers?" asked BT, eating her pop.
"I dunno he is a thingy Mommy!" said MT and poked at Micky who fell over because he was out of balance.
"Why why why doesn't HE have antlers!??!?!" shrieked Micky. He suddenly got the urge to butt things with his antlers.
Having sited Al's large tush he made a run for it.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO" shrieked Al and hid in Sassip's pouch. Unfortunately the crushed ice was still inside.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK!" she was heard to yell.
"Oh, warm yummies in my pouch." said Sassip vaguely and curled up.
Micky, upon seeing the large punty buttable sea beastie, charged her.
"MICKY! What's up with you?" asked Davy from his perch above the door.
"I dunno! I just wanna... BUTT THINGS!" he shouted and ran around in circles.
"Oh!" said Sassip upon being hit in the tail by Micky's antlers.
"OH!' said Micky and hit her more.
"OH NO NO NO! YOU MAY NOT BUTT ME!" shouted Sassip and punted him.
"EEEEEEEEEE!" he shouted and was stuck next to Davy. Poor Davy got his tush butted alot until he fell off.

"OUCH! MICKY!" he shouted in a hurt tone and stalked off to get a book. "Are you hungry?" asked MT.
"HUH!?" said Davy with a confused look on his face.
"Mommy said if you are hungry for knowledge you should eat a book!" he said.
"No no no Mommy said if you are hungry for knowledge you should *READ* a book!" corrected Al.
"But but but but but... but.. but if if if if.. if.. " said MT and scratched his head.
"NOOO HE'S GROWING STICKS FROM HIS FUZZY ROUND THING TOO!" shouted Sassip and made to punt him but Al turned her into a fuzzy green cat.
"If.. if if..." sputtered MT. "If you is hungry though, why don't'n you eat?"
"Becaaauussee!" said Al who was being cut to shreds by Sassip cat.
"OH OH OH! MOMMY OH!" said MT and pointed in horror.
"NOOO HORROR!!" shouted Sassip but Al had her by the tail.
"What is it MT?" asked Al.
"MOMMY! SANDY HOUSE GO MELTY LIKE POPS!" he shouted and ran off.
"OH!" said Al and ran after him, dropping Sassip cat, who Micky grabbed up with a stick (no one knows how he got it or how he grabbed her with it) and used her claws to scratch his antlers which were still very velvetty and itchy.
"I wish I had velvet antlers," remarked BT from atop Mike's head.
"HUH?! How'd you get up there?!" Mike demanded, flinging her off at once.
"I was being your hat," said BT in a huffy tone and dusted off her sleeves because....... Because she could. And if she wants to dust off her sleeves, nobody can stop her. It's her affair, and you shouldn't go bothering her about it. It's just SLEEVES! Leave her ALONE about it already!! IT... oh, anyway.

Then BT was mad and gave Mike antlers but he rolled off to a chicken fry... WITHOUT DAVY. Naughty, naughty Mike.
"Mike was a bad boy and will get his comuffings," announced MT and strolled in with a pop and Al in tow.
"Nice little MT boy thing should not be here because there is scary stuff," said Al, eyeing Sassip (who was still clawing at Micky's antlers) and Micky (who was flailing around trying to get rid of Sassip) warily.
"Too many parentheses," said Peter, shaking his head.
"Oh you hush," said BT crossly and rolled off to a thingy fry though we all know she isn't allowed.
"I will stop them," said MT and proceeded to get Micky & Sassip so sticky they were stuck like a statue.
"BT, you missed your cue!!" yelled Peter.
"Oh oh oh, sorry," said BT and rolled back in. Then she took a picture cause it lasts longer, and rolled back out.
"That wasn't worth calling her in here," Peter grumbled.
"Oh you shouldn't grumble!!!" said Poundcake from in the fridge but NOOOBODY heard.
"I want not to be a cat," said Sassip distinctly and pried herself away from the sticky mess that was a Mickysassipstatue.
"Ew," said MT and poked at it with his shoe.
"HUH?!" said Al and made things.
Just then Link strolled in from no one knows where cause they thought he was there the whole time.
"Oh, he's still a goat!" he said disgustedly.
"NOOOOO he is not a goat he is a MICKY!" said BT angrily and kicked at Link. But then she remembered Link was cute and desisted.
"Yeh you better." said Mike and put some M&M's on the table and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
BT perked up and ran into the kitchen.
In about 15 minutes Mike was eating a hearty bowl of raviolios and BT was crunching on M&M's happily.

"That was pointless but I want some!" shouted Micky and lunged, but his antlers got caught on the stair case railing and he was horribly tangled.
"HAHAHA!" shouted Mike and ate with a flourish. BT felt bad for Micky but Mike told her that if he didn't pay her in M&Ms or Oreos he did not have the privilege.
"I WILL *NOT* GIVE YOU MY OREOS!" shouted Micky.
"Oh well." said BT and poofed out to the beach to see what became of Al and MT's sandcastle.
MT was smelling the roses and Al was mixing up a potent portabella potion.
"Huh?" said Micky who had binoculars and saw all.
"YOU NOT PERMISHED TO SEE ALL!" shouted MT and ran in to take them from Micky.
"Hey you have no binomials," said MT in protest.
"HUH?!?!" said Micky stupidly.
"Binoculars," Mike corrected through a mouthful of raviolios.
"BINOMIAL NOMENCLATURE!!" MT sang happily and went off to study botany with his mommy.
"I am deeply afraid," announced Mike and put down his fork.
"OHMYGOSH NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," BT screamed and came rushing in. She promptly tackled Mike and grabbed the fork.
"You never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER eat raviolios with a FORK!!! SPOON SPOON SPOON!!!!" she screeched.
" sorry?" said Mike in a small terrified voice.
"Are you horror?!!" said Sassip suspiciously.
"Hey you're your normal self," Peter remarked from a pyano bench that nobody knew where he got it just exactly although WE did our homework so WE know he got it down the road at a pawn shop for $10 during the last scene. He snicked off and... I'm digressing. I know I am, you don't have to tell me when I'm digressing. It just... happens...

"The author is causing me grief," announced MT.
"Huh?" said MT and made her sticky.
"Oh GROSS GROSS!!!" BT cried and ran around the pad until everyone and everything was sticky.
"You fool!" said Mike.
"Oh he said fewelllllll," said Al and swooned.
"OH HEEHEHEEE," said Link and laughed at something.
"What is he laughing at?" asked Peter.
"Probably you," said BT huffily. (She was still mad about the fork incident.)
"I said SORRY," Mike said and huffed of.. uh, rolled off to a chicken fry.
"I WANT DAVY!!!" yelled Sassip and ran off until she found him. Then she returned with him in her pouch.
"No ice," said Sassip and glared at Link who was as innocent as BT.
"OH I think not, I am so innocent," said BT sweetly and danced through the pad wearing a tiara and a pink tulle tutu.
"Oh my... I am violated..." murmured Davy and kicked her out.
"But you're in the pouch," protested Sassip. "MY pouch. MINE MINE MINE! Ugh, do you know what? BT reminds me of ... PINK THING!!" she said and punted her to kingdom come.

"SEA LILY SEA LILYFRONDY DID YOU CALL MY NAAAAAME?!!!" sang Pink Thing, bounding in.
"No," Sassip said crisply.
"Crispy critter," muttered Micky, who was hiding in a corner and de-stickifying his antlers. Antlers require a LOT of maintenance, and they're very obtrusive. OBTRUSE OBTRUSE OBTRUSE!!
"STOP BEING OBTRUSIVE!!!!!" screamed Sassip. "Now then. Go away," she said. "Would you show Pink Thing the door, Peter?"
"Oh, there's a door here, and this door, and... Well let me get the catalog," said Peter, leaving. He returned shortly with a huge catalog, which he propped up on Micky and began turning the pages.
"Grammar, grammar, horrid grammar," clucked Mike disapprovingly. He went to share his chicken fry loot with Al & MT who were out on their botany study. (Actually they were just building more sand castles, but who cares?)
"Now. There's a door here, that's nice... and this one... and this one... and this isn't a door really, it's more of... a window, sort of thing, and-" Peter rambled. Pink Thing was bored and disgusted and left.
Sassip rejoiced and did a celebratory punt for everyone in the room.
She forgot who that consisted of because she has a short memory but whatever.
Peter was having a joyous time reviewing his catalogs and such.
"Peter get these catalogs and such from off my back!" shouted Micky.
"Uh...." said Peter and ran off. Micky was stuck with catalogs on his back.

"HELP HELP SOMEONE HELP!" shouted Micky and thrashed about.
"Oh he is thrashing! Poor baby!" said Sassip and helped him out of his dilemma.
"OH! Thanks Sassip!" remarked Micky happily.
"OH EWW IT'S NOT YOU!" shouted Sassip and ran away.
"Oh.. huh." said Micky and had the butty urges again.
"Stop calling it butty." said Peter.
"Oh.. uh..." said Micky. "Hey I never aid "butty" or anything close to it!"
"You did now!" said Mike and whonked him on the bonce with a stick.
"Oh yeh Mike Mike get my antlers man they still ITCH!" shrieked Micky in delight.
"Ugh." said Mike and was promptly speared in the tush.
"No no see, speared is NOT the right word!" Peter tsked the author.
"Well, then YOU come up with a better word!" said the author and made Mike eat raw fish.
"WHY ME!?" shouted Mike when he returned.
"Uh.. cause I said so! HA.. uh.. so Micky should.. push? Stab? Whack? uh... huh?" asked the author.
"I guess push is good enough.." said Peter unsuredly.
"Well okay then."

So anyway, Mike was pushed in the tush. Oh hehe it rhymes. Push tush tush push push tush er..
"So Peter do you..." asked Mike and was pushed one more in the tush.
"OH MIKE SHRIEKED!" Peter shrieked.
"So what do we do about Micky and his pushing?" asked Mike.
"I say we .. PUNT!" said Sassip with bloodshot eyes. She so very much craved punting.
"OH SHE'S SCARY!" said BT who had strolled in.
"PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT THE RUNT MWEHEHEHEHHE!" shouted Sassip and wheeled around at BT.
"YEEEP!" shouted BT, who resented being called a runt because she was not one, and she promptly threw jam in Sassip's face and poofed out before Sassip got a-puntin'.
"So what do we do about Micky?" asked Peter who was being pushed in the tush repeatedly.
"I say we wait til molting season." said Mike.
"OH! Good idea!" said everyone and they waited and waited all summer long.

"Who said it was summer?" asked Al suddenly.
"Who cares it is now." said BT.
"Well I want air conditioning!" said Sassip, panting heavily and drooling everywhere.
"Ewwwwwww" said Link and made MT provide air conditioning. Unfortunately MT was a bad choice and he poofed them all 5 feet of snow.
"Anyway." said Al, who was an ice cube. "Micky oughta molt soon enough!"
And sure enough he did in three weeks. Anyway, Mike made a nice antler stew and though no one ever figured out what prompted unusual antler growths, it never occured again. Or did it? *Dun dun DUN!*

The End

Next Issue: Peter finds a magical wishing bird and wishes he was a figment.

Back to the scary raviolios thing
On to the next scary thing
Back to the main page
Hosted by