Chef-Boy-BT

"DAAAYVEEEEEEEEEE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEEEEEN?!!" Sassip screeched, bouncing around and picking Davy up in her mouth.
"Ewwww," remarked Peter with distaste.
"WAIT wait wait," said Mike, holding up a hand. "You didn't do an introduction."
"Oh well see, our introductions are always ... how should I put this... Lousy," BT the author said.
"Oh, good point," Mike said, smirking.
"Hmm, odd how he agreed so fast," mused the author. Mike was subsequently made to eat raw fish.
"Ohhh, I'm hungry," Sassip drooled.
"You're gonna DROWN him!!" BT shrieked.
"Who, little seabeastie male BT thing?" said Sassip, oblivious.
"Davy!! And I am NOT little male seabeastie thingyousaid!!"
"Oh," Sassip said vaguely, opening her mouth and letting Davy drop out.
"OH I MUST ADMINISTER CPR!!" shouted BT.
"Ugh, no, pleease," Davy whimpered.
"OH HE'S SO CUTE!" shrieked Sassip happily and put him in her pouch.

"You know, I wish this story had an introduction," said Micky.
"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!" Peter shouted, clearly unnerved.
Micky blinked. "I live here."
"OH!" said Peter as if that was obvious, and rolled off to some.......... thing. Yeeeeeah.
"I want to play No Time," said BT, and began to bang out a charming rendition on the pyano with her flippers.
"No," said Mike, putting her in Sassip's pouch.
"Oh, I want not to be here," she said vaguely.
"I want her not to be here," said Davy vaguely.
"I want..." Mike trailed off. "I want a thing."
"Ick," said Micky and left. Then he came back.
"Noooo, I'm MT!! Silly author thing," said MT happily and climbed into Sassip's pouch, followed by Peter, Mike, and Micky (Poundcake was dormant, and Sparkplug is stationary).
"Where's Link? I want his cuteness," pouted BT.
"Mmmmgmgpghmgm," said Link, who had been in Sassip's pouch aslee before Davy was made to be there.

Then Al tralalaed in with a clarinet and set everything right. Nobody was in Sassip's pouch, Davy was drool-free, Mike & Link's hats both were intact and on their heads firmly, not to stray from their precarious perches atop the bonces of Mike & Link from which they would never stray, and BT was herself, like the foopy boy she is.
"I AM NOT A BOY!!!!" she protested violently, and tried to punt Al for not making people think she was a girl, but she was no longer a seabeastie.
"Ugh I have decided you.... you... I will.... you... I will..." she stuttered.
"Well?" said everyone in bored and insincere antisassipation.
"ANTISASSIPATION?!" cried Link perturbedededly.
"I will make you PIE!" BT said happily. "MT, help me!!"
"Ugh," said Al, who would have protested, but had decided she rather fancied the idea of being baked in a pie, as it would be a new experience for her figmental resum´┐Ż. And so she was carried off by MT and BT, and wheeled back into the Pad on a large cart.

"It is my AL pie!! Anyone wanna slice?" BT offered generously.
"Ew," said people and turned up their noses in disdisdisdistaste.
"Your author stutters," remarked Peter.
"SHUT YOUR NOISE, YOU!!!" commanded the author vehemently, and Peter was made to eat bean sprouts only for a week.
"But I DID want some pie!" he protested.

Meanwhile, the pie was put oin the back burner (not literally) while BT tried out other culinary delights. She tried various dishes with the oh-so-abundant chicken fry chicken but Mike got highly annoyed and offended and commanded Sassip to punt her. Sassip followed his ever command becaus he had placed his hat at a jaunty angle to wit she could not resist.
"So, where is that pie?" asked Micky who was not reading the story correctly.
"Its on the back burner." said BT in a distracted tone.
"OH!" said Micky and ran over to the stove and took a big bowlful of things.
"What are you doing?!?!!" shrieked Mike.
"I'm eating pie!" said Micky.
"Okay, first off its an AL pie. And secondly that's my CHICKENFRY SOUP ON THE BACK BURNER!" shouted Mike and commanded Sassip to punt Micky. "DON'T PUNT HIM!" shouted BT tetchily, dropping her pasta.
"Heeeyyyyyy!" said Mike and had Sassip punt her too. Consequently they both returned sometime later, Micky through the front door and BT through the back. Both walked in and resumed their activities silently as if they were never punted.
"Mooommmmmmyyy!" shouted MT. But Al was in a pie so she did not answer. "Awwwwww poor thingy!" said Sassip and ate MT and laid him in an egg. "Now he has a mother!"
"NOOOO!" shouted MT who was a funky green thingy.
Link, who was sharpening his sword was not amused and moved out to the deck.

"Okay, Micky, here, try this!" said BT and shoved raviolios into his mouth.
"MMMPHHHHFFFGG" said Micky but his face lit up after tasting it.
"What is it?" asked Peter, poking at the pot.
"They're raviolios!" said BT proudly, shoving more into Micky's mouth and a whole bunch into Peter's, and Mike's, who had the unfortunate luck to stroll in.
Mike spit his out. "I WILL EAT NOTHING THAT IS NOT CHICKEN FRY!" he shouted and stalked out tetchily.
Micky was beaming. "Hey these are really good! Are they ravioli?" he asked, grabbing for more.
"NO NO NO! They aren't ravioli." said BT, and smacked his hand lest he get more.
"AWWWWWW Why can't I have more!? You can make more and you havea huge pot!" he said, grabbing at them futiley.
"NOO!" shouted BT and spooned him liberally til he quieted down.
Peter had snitched a big bowlful and snigged off into the back room.
"ARGH!" shouted BT and tried to chase him down, but he slammed the door into her face.
BT was annoyed, and returned to find Micky with his head in the pot and every last raviolio gone.
"ARGH!" she cried and poofed off.

Meanwhile, Micky and Peter were soon eaten, having been seasoned by the yummy raviolios. Do you even need to ask who ate them? Well I'll tell you. It was Sassip.
BT was busy making more raviolios and Davy was trying to get at them in every stage of her making them.
"Well, that was a horrible sentence structure." muttered Mike, strolling in with a fresh bag of chicken fry and being attacked by Davy temporarily. BT sighed, snatched the bag and emptied the contents into her raviolios. She then commmenced making them.
nyway, she shooed Mike, Davy, Link, and MT seabeastie thing out of the kitchen, and let them bake and then dumped them into the secret raviolio sauce. She then called them all to supper.
"OMIGOSH!" said Mike, cramming wads and wads of chickenfryraviolios into his mouth. "THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD!"
"HEY! Save some for me, Greenhat!" shouted Davy tetchily, trying to grab his share but failing because he was short.
"Are you talking to ME!?" shouted Link, and burnished his sword.
"NOoO!" shouted Sassip and rushed in. Everyone scattered. Sassip ate them all, and the raviolios remaining, and the bowls and plated and forks and spoons. However, she ate so much she spit EVERYONE out and that was that. SHe had to go lay down.
Everyone eyed BT. Then everyone made a move to sidle up to her.

"Niiiicceee little boy thing..." they all cooed suspisciously. BT eyed them back.
"Uh, what do you want?" she asked.
"Weeelll we jsut wanna be your friend yeh yeh yeh allaa." said Mike.
"Oh, right man.. just your friend! What do you say, BT?" asked Peter.
"Hey, you can be my friend, but not theirs see?" said Micky, staying away from her spoon.
"Uhhhh..." said BT, backing up to the oven.
"BEETEEEE CAN I HAS SOME MORE RAVOLIOS?!" screeched MT. Everyone gavehim dirty looks as he gave away their "foolproof" plot.
"Oh.. I wish Mike were here...." BT muttered.
"I am BT!" shouted Mike and nearly grabbed her but for her sidestepping him.
"NO I mean Al..." said BT and tried to find the pie, but no one knew where the non-literal back burner was.

Everyone advanced on BT and BT began to wish they all hated her again.
"But we never *HATED* you BT. It's just you're a weird obtrusive boy thing." said Sassip, who suddenly had no interest in raviolios because she JSUT now remembered she liked fish instead of chicken.
"I'M NOT A BOY!" shouted BT and cowered in the fridge with Poundcake.
"HEY! How do *YOU* like being a yummy comestible?! HUH!? HUH!?" he shouted at her.
"But I'm noooootttttt!" said BT.
"Sure." said Poundcake, taking a bite out of her.
"YEEEOOOWCH! What's gotten into everyone!?" shouted BT.
"I'llll marry you!" shouted Mike.
"NOOOO *I*'ll marry you!" shouted Micky.
"NOOOO You're *MY* figment!" whined Peter.

"Mommy says you has to give me ravolios!" said MT loudly.
Everyone eyed him evilly again.
"She did NOT!" shouted BT and cowered more. Just then Micky tried to grab her up but Mike got her first and ran off to the beach.
"UGH PUT ME DOWN!" whined BT obtrusively. "You KNOW I'm friends with the author. You KNOW what SHE'LL do to you," said BT, wriggling out of Mike's grasp and sticking her tongue out.
"BT!! GIVE ME RAVIOLIOS!!!" he said zombie-like.
"Uhh uhh uhh uhh uhhhhhhhh..." BT said.
"Weeeellll?" Mike said impatiently.
"You know what the secret ingredient is?" BT said.
"Whaaaaat?! CHICKEN?!"
"Nope...... it's... SASSIP DROOL!!" BT announced triumphantly.
"You're only kidding, you're just saying that so I won't steal all your raviloliolios things," Mike said craftily.
"A man in love is craftier than chicken fry!!" said a passing fish.
"WHAT?!!" screamed BT. "Anyway... OK well you're right. You know what the secret ingredient really is? It's FISH!"
"Oh, EWWWWW!!! I hate fish... raw fish... the author, she scarred me... she she it the things and the fish and OHHH!" Mike groaned, clutching his hat to his head and rolling off down the beach. He received ten hours of live news coverage, because absolutely NOTHING else was happening.

BT wandered back into the pad to find everyone gathered around the TV. "What's on?" she said plopping down in front of the set and blocking everyone's view.
"Mike! Move over!" Link said frantically.
"But... but... but... I thought you were all fascinated with my uh... whatchama... Raviolios!!" BT sniffled.
Everyone sat up. "OH, THAT'S RIGHT!!!" said Davy, and everyone jumped on BT.
"Ow," she said and poofed away.
"BT BT!! Mike tells me the secret ingredient is FISH!!!" Sassip said excitedly, bounding after her.
"I LIED!" said BT.
"Oh," said Sassip uninterestedly, and went to watch Mike's news coverage.
"BT I'll give you my sword!!" said Link.
"No!" she whined.
"And my hat!"
"I'll give you my uh my uh my tambourine!!" said Davy.
"Why?" said BT.
"Uh... I dunno... 'cause I don't have a sword..." said Davy.
"Ugh you people make no sense," said BT, and left.

Everyone sat around, wallowing in their own self-pity and bored misery.

BT returned shortly afterwards with a box.
"I invented Raviolio snack crackers!" she said proudly.
"OH!!!" cried everyone and started for her Raviolios box but she hid it.
"Where did you hide it?" said Micky.
"It's behind her back, obviously," said Davy.
"No no no it's in her shoe I saw her put it in her shoe I'm SURE it's in her shoe I know that's where it is man!!" said Peter, jumping up and down.
"How... how unlike him," Link muttered inconspicuously.
"Bee-fore I swing for the bleacher seaties, I get the eaties for my Wheaties," MT hummed idly.
"OHMIGOSH WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT?!!" shrieked Al-in-a-pie.
"Nobody can have my Raviolios because they are mine," BT said sullenly and sat down.
"Why did she sit down?" Peter whispered.
"I dunno," whispered Micky.
"I know," said Davy.
"Why?" said Link.
"SSHHHHH YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WHISPER!!" yelled Micky.
"Well, you're yelling!!" hissed Davy.
"Oh he HISSED," said Peter in disapproval.

"Hey BT what do you put in those raviolio thingies anyway?" asked Davy.
"Oh, just... things," said BT.
"Like what?" asked Micky impatiently.
"Stuff."
"WHAT STUFF?!!" said Link tetchily.
"Um... um... um... um... youdunwannaknow," BT said and ran off. Of course everyone stampeded after her.
"No more running!!!!" she said. "I'M TIRED AND MY HEAD HURTS!!!"
"Oh I will get you pillows!" said Peter.
"I will get you Ibuprofen!" said Davy.
"I will get you a cat!!" said Micky.
"HUH?!" said Link.
"Ugh youy people make me sick," said BT and left the stories.
"Wait no, you can't do that, you're under contract," said Mike stolidly.
"Oh bleck," said BT and stuffed Raviolios in his hat.
"I WILL GET YOU CAFFEINE!!!!" said the hat.
BT ran off and hid in Peter's shirt but then he made her get out because we JUST don't DO that sort of thing. Hmmph.

Then a major court case went down in history, it was Mike against his hat over who wound up with custody of the raviolios. But BT sued them both and won for stealing her patent. So now she is a millionaire with twenty-five love slaves who all look like...... Well anyway. That does not come into the story, and in fact never occurred, so I don't know why I'm writing this but... ANYWAY.

"GET OUT OF MY SHIRT!!!" yelled Peter.
"You're no fun anymore," sniffed BT and went for a nap in Sassip's pouch.
"I'm so bored, I get NO lines in this story, NO good funny parts that are funny, no twinklies..." Al complained.
"OH twinklies!!! BTBTBT I will give you twinklies for some Raviolios!!!" said Davy.
"I will MAKE twinklies at you!!" said Micky.
"Ewwww man she's a boy," said Peter.
"I am NOT!!" protested BT.
"Can I have raviolioliolios?" asked MT cutely.
"Awwwwwwww, he's so CUUUUUTE!!!!" screeched BT, and proceeded to chew on his hair.
Mike made Sassip punt BT before she ATE hair because she might change into something stupid.
"NOW. What do you want for a lifetime supply of raviolios? I'll give you Micky's hand in marriage!" said Mike, proffering Micky.
"NO NO NO! I'll give you my hand in marriage and you can.. wait.. she's a BOY!" said Micky in disgust.
"Hey man... this isn't about the boy/girl thing its about *FOOD*" said Peter.
"Oh yeh yeh FOOD FOOD!" said Micky and proffered his hand.
"Oh, well his hand is nice..." said BT, rubbing it cutely.
"EWWW SHE IS RUBBING MY HAND CUTELY!" shouted Micky, and was sick.
"Hey, I don't want him. He's sick!" said BT. She crossed her arms and turned around. Mike got mad.

"I'll.. I'll.. I'll give you my hat! My gueeetar! I'll give you my Chicken fry ticket..." said Mike, and suddenly he couldn't speak because the mention of giving away his lifetime chicken fry ticket overcame him with much grief.
BT turned half around. "Hmm.. I'm listening.." she said evilly.
"OOOH she's EVIL!" said Davy, nudging Link.
"HEY no nudgey!" Link whined and punched Davy.
Davy and Link started fighting and missed out on haggling with BT.
Mike was violently crying all over the place as he proffered his hat, his ticket and his gueeetar.
"Hmmmmm." said BT with an evil evil sly little look on her evil evil sly little face.
"HEY BEETEEE SCARESSS ME!" shouted MT and ran around lobbing piecatchers at her.
"Ow! Okay Mike OW I accept your OW offer. But I need 6 5 hours breaks in the day and unlimited chicken fry to put into the raviolios." said BT.
"But.. you have my ticket!!!!!" shouted Mike.
"Tough! I'm not wasting *MY* chicken fry for OW your ravioliOWS..."
said BTJust then in addition to piecatchers a giant obtrusive Al pie flew into BT's face.
"OOFHGHG." she said and fell over.
"HA!" said Al and got all messy on BT.
"NOOOOO! NOT THE SHIRRRTTTTTT!" BT languished.
"HAAA!" said Al and smeared herself into BT's shirt more.
"OH NO THE STAIINNSSS! THE HORROR!"

"HOOOORRRROOORRRRRRR!!?!?!!?" shouted Sassip in horror. Realizing she was horror and that there was horror permeating every pore of this story at this point she went COMPLETELY ballistic and bashed everyone. Including herself. Somehow, this totally solved the raviolio fetish and people were able to enjoy the immense culinary delight without trying to catch BT into an evil raviolio slave pact. Mike was so happy to get his ticket back he punted Sassip for a change and rolled off pronto. Al turned herself back and turned MT back as well, because MT had picked up NASTTTYY habits from that rather uncouth green leviathan. BT was downtrodden to have her culinary wonder merely praised and not killed for, but she settled for this and made it every night. Unfortunately people got so used to it, they didn't care anymore. Until.. one day.. BT stopped making it.. and there was a RIOT!!!! A RIOT I tell you! And then there wasn't because she started again.

Anyway, everyone got to keep their stuff, except Al, wo was half eaten by Micky who was starving and had come to aid BT with her staining problem (not cause he wanted to help BT but because he was hungry and heard there was Al pie apan.)

The end.

Next Issue: Micky grows a pair of antlers, and has the sudden urge to horn things in the tush. Davy dislikes this muchly and hides in a box nearly the whole story. Mike pays BT for raviolios in M&M's, and MT and Al decide that they like building sandcastles so much that they move into one. Little do they know....

So, see which plots, if any, we decide to use, next issue! YAY!

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