A Link To Horror
(Click If You Like Horror)

One night Al somehow got hold of a VCR and a tape and no one knows what these things are back in the day cause it's too early for them to be around but Al somehow had one anyway. Soooo she was watching The Legend of Zelda cartoon and snigging at the antics of those crazy ppl when MT wandered in.
"Mommy can I have a pop?" he asked.
"Hmm?" said Al obviously engrossed with the show.
"POP! Mommy I wanna pop!" said MT loudly.
"Go to the bathroom with that.." said Al and was in a trancelike state. MT shrugged and sat down with her.
"Ooooh its funny movey thing!" he said and made Link come out of the TV.
"Huh?!" said Al and Link.
"MOMMY I HAVE COMPANY!' said MT and dragged Link away.
Al was watching the TV still and Zelda was wandering around wondering where Link went.
"Oh, sorry.. I'll have him back." said Al sticking her head through the TV.
"Uh..... okay.." said Zelda and shied away.

Meanwhile MT was dragging Link around the Pad and introducing him to people. He got to all the Monkees and was just about to take him back to Al when he remember BT.
BT was sitting at Micky's drums making a horrible racket.
"Geez, BT, that racket won't even hit a dust bunny, let alone a tennis ball!" said Micky, watching over her shoulder.
"SHUT UPPP!" said BT and attempted to hit him in the face but it crumbled.
"What happens?" asked Micky snigging.
"WHEN YOU ARE RIGHT UGH!" said BT and huffed off when she saw MT and Link running around.
"Oh oh oh who's that MT?" she asked.
"Uh, this is Linky!" said MT and shoved him at her.
"AUGH noo!" said Link and tried to back away.
"Oh he's smart!" said Micky.
"Shut up!" said BT and walked over to Link. "Ahhh you're cute! GIMME A KISS!"
"HUH!?" said everyone.
"Uh.. I mean HI!" said BT and grinned at him.
"Ahhhh where's Zelda!?" said Link and shuffled a little ways away until he was hampered by BT clinging to his legs.
'I LIKE LINK!" she shouted.
"WHAT!?" said everyone except Micky who was giggling and hiding lest she suddenly remember him.

Al walked in to find BT attached to Link. "BT! Get off of him this minute! He has to go back into the TV!" she said.
"TV?" said BT. "But he's new prey! I mean.. uh.. material.. er.. I mean he's CUTE!" said BT and swooned all over him.
"ICK!" said Link and threw her off his leg.
"EHEHE he's so cute when he's angry!" said BT.
"But you've not even known him that long!" said Al.
"Hehehe" said BT.
"Well if he was gonna stay he'd be mine anyway!" said Al and huffed off.
"Yeh right!" said BT and ran off after her.
"What about MEE?" said Davy.
"Mine!!" said Sassip, bounding in and stuffing Davy in her pouch. Then they went to the amusement park for an hour and scared all the kids off the kiddie rides. That crazy pair, they always were the wildest kids... anyways.

"Micky, shut up!" said Mike, who was on the verge of a seizure from all the high-pitched giggling. "Or have your vocal cords altered, or somethin'."
"HEEHEE!!!" shrieked Micky until Mike duct taped his mouth shut and then he was really quiet.
"I wanted to go to the amusement park," BT snuffled, trudging back into the Pad & weeping noisily.
"You, too," said Mike and duct-taped her mouth shut and she put up a terrible fuss & bit & kicked until Mike promised she could have Micky later. She was very gullible.
"Where'd what's-his-face go?" said Mike, peering under the sofa, where Link was cowering.
"Is the THING gone?" he whispered.
"What, BT? She's harmless unless you set her on fire, in which case she starts setting other things on fire and it's just a mess. I think we need to go find Al and try & get you back wherever you came from," Mike said, and then launched into a long-winded speech about the benefits of Chicken Fry Parties.
Link was just starting to sway back and forth from being over-lectured when Al came and carted him off.
"AL HAS A CRUSH THE SIZE OF A BIG THING ON YOOOOU, LINKYMUFFIN!!!" BT screeched, having rid herself of duct tape.
"Mmmmfffffffff!!" Micky whined pitifully.
"Kiss me!!!" offered BT.
"MMNNGGGG!!!!!" Micky said vehemently, shaking his head frantically.

Meanwhile Link was running off back towards the TV room.
Well the room with the TV in it.. which was the room he was already in. Okay he was running towards the TV.
Anyway, he got there and tapped at the screen and Zelda who was calling for him.
"MOMMY MOMMY LINKY THING GO INTO TV!" shouted MT. Link panicked and lunged for the TV.
Unfortunately it didn't quite work that way and the TV broke and he landed on the VCR and messed up the tape badly.
"Oooh Mommy isn't gonna be happpyy!" said MT and ran off.
"Shoot!" said Link and got up and brushed himself off. He heard a horrible screeching noise and got out his sword. BT and Micky wandered in... well Micky wandered in and BT was clinging to his face.
"MMMMFFFPPPP!" said Micky and flailed about trying to dislodge her.
"Oh man that weird... thing has that guy!" said Link and zapped BT.
"YEEEOOWCCH!" shrieked BT and fell off.
"Oops.." said Link realizing it was BT.
"AHH LINK! I HATE YOU!.. no wait.. YOU ARE TOO CUTE!" she shrieked and ran for him.
"Hey don't touch him he's mine!" said Al and put up a nice sturdy plate of glass in front of her. She hit it and went flying.
"OUCH!" she shouted unneccesarily. Al snigged and turned to Link.
"Yes well I dunno what happened to the TV and VCR but I guess um... you're stuck here." she said quietly.
"WHAT!?" shrieked Link and ran about the place in a fit of insanity.
"Oh my I guess I shouldn't have told him.." said Al, watching him slash her favorite tapestry to pieces.
"Since when did you have ANY tapestry?" asked Peter.
"Oh sorry that musta been yours." said Al the author.
"WHAT!?" shrieked Peter and joined Link.
Eventually Link calmed down enough to sit on the couch and sulk.

"HIIII!" said BT noisily.
"Ugh.." said Link and put up his shield right as she flew at him.
"OOF! Why.. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS FIND THINGS TO DEFLECT ME!?" shouted BT and stalked off angrily in search of her other prey.. er.. Micky.
"So.. want some poundcake?" asked Al and sat down next to Link.
"Get your filthy love paws away from him!" shouted Mike and booted her across the room after BT. "You really should eat some chicken. The benefits of chicken far outweigh that of poundcake any day!"
"MIKE!" shouted Davy in horror.
"Oh, Davy, please, we agreed on this already!" said Mike.
"SOMEONE IS HORROR!" shouted Sassip and ate Davy's hair.
"Oh man.... this is really weird.. I think I'd rather be trapped by Ganon.." said Link and went to hide in the closet with Peter.
"So hey, you do this a lot?" he asked Peter.
"Yeh, they get so wild," said Peter.
"That little one is scary," Link said suspicously.
"What, Davy?" said Peter.
"Noooo, that... GIRL... thing," said Link shuddering.
"Oh, BT. She's stupid and evil and has a rabid appetite for cute male things," Peter said nonchalantly. "You wanna see my Oreo stash?"
"HUH?!" said Link and was scared so he left the closet and hid in the bathroom where he severely depleted Micky's Oreo stash until Micky ran in and locked the door and was horror.

"IT'S HER!" he shrieked in a traumatized manner. "Gimme an Oreo!"
"There aren't any," said Link with a chocolatey face.
"You're being stupid, come outta there," said Al and poofed the door away and proceeded to drag Link off kicking and screaming.
"Al li-ikes Li-ink, Al li-ikes Li-ink," BT sang brattily until Sassip came back from her outing and punted BT to Never Never Land.
"Oh, Linkypoo is still here," said Davy.
"Oh, well, erm, uhhh, erm... well see BT was telling-" Davy began.
"DIE!" screeched Al and was going to punt BT but she was already gone. Link was hiding somewhere.
"Linkypoo pway Hide And Squee!" MT said, clapping gleefully.
"No no it's hide and seek," Peter corrected him.
"Speakyhides timings for them!" said MT, stopping, dropping, and rolling.
"Al... uh... have you considered attending those parenting seminars?" Micky suggested.
"Shaddap or I'll punt you where BT went," Al said menacingly & Micky shut up just REAL fast.
"Oh!" MT said suddenly. "Infinininite Linko never had BREFFAST SERALS!" he said, getting a box from who knows where (you know kids) and heading for Link at an alarming speed.
"No no no no!!! Leave Link ALONE!" Al yelled, chucking the breffast serals at Micky out of suppressed anger.
"Mommy mad??!!" MT said, and got all quivery-lip-y.
"Oh nooo of COURSE not," Al said, dripping sarcasm. Davy caught some in a glass & sold it at a lemonade stand, but that's another story. Well, I mean not another story we're going to WRITE, but... oh, anyway.
"Oh okay," MT said happily and went to make a sword out of Tinker Toys because Link was his new idol.

"I haven't turned into any strange animals yet, have I?" Mike said out of sudden suspicion.
"No..." Al said.
"WHAAAAAT?!" said Link.
Then a knock came on the door and Davy opened it and it was a telegram from BT saying "CUUUUUUUTE LINKYMUFFIN" and Davy threw it out without reading it and went back to preparing Al Sarcasm beverages. Anyway.
"Oh, good. Davy! C'mon, I'm going to a party!" Mike said, stopping dropping and rolling.
Just then Mike turned into a giraffe and got his neck tangled around Davy.
"Oh foop!" he said and sulked off to the bedroom.
"Miiiikkeee! I'm still attached!" Davy was heard to screechin horror.
"NO HORR... huh?" said Sassip who was about to roll all over Davy but noticed an odd thing on the floor. Link stupidly looked past his shield.
"OH IT IS A CUTE BOY THING!!" shouted Sassip and snuffed at him.
"AH! A MONSTER!" shouted Link happily and zapped at her.
"OUUUUCHHIIEEE!" said Sassip stupidly and grasped her muzzle.
"Cute boything HURTS!" she muttered and stared at him.
"Link! Don't do that to Sassip!" said Mike, sticking his head out the door. "If you are that hungry there's some chicken fry in the fridge!"
"HURRY MIKE HURRY! I'm STUCK!" said Davy just as the door closed.

"Oh man..." said Link and stared at Sassip who was in between punting him because he was evil, punting him because he was cute, eating his hair, or putting him in her pouch.
"I will put you in my pouch baby cute thing!!" said Sassip happily.
"WHOOAA!" said Link and he was shoved into her pouch.
"Sassip put him down!" said BT. "He's mine and everyone knows that!"
Sassip expelled him and sure enough, stuck to his back was a sign that said "Property of BT" taped there.
"BT you rude thing that's no way to treat guests!" said Peter, removed the sign and put BT into Sassip's pouch.
"Man.. are all youpeople ALWAYS this weird?? And what's that about not getting back to where I'm supposed to be?" Link asked.
"Sorry, but it seems the TV got broke and the tape your show was on too." said Peter.
"Show!? What's that?"
"Uh, nevermind."
Just then BT appeared. "HI LINKY I LIKE YOUR HAT!" she said snatching it and running off in a gigglypot.
"Huh? WHAT!? HEY!!!!" shouted Link and was about to make off after her but Al got in his way.
"Heeeyyy Link where's your hat? You have nice hair did you see BT? I want to go out and get some grub but Mike shoved 3 whole chickens down my throat but are you hungry cause I could take you out you know teehee," she said.
Link looked about to be sick.
"No no no!!! You're going to make him sick!!" Sassip said, stuffing him in her pouch. "He just needs a nap," she said, rocking back and forth.
"Oooooooh, comfy," Link said drowsily & fell aslee.
"Oh!!! Someone who appreciates my pouch!!" Sassip said tearfully.
"Ooooooo!" BT said, drooling, and tried to crawl into Sassip pouch with Link but got her hand slapped with a big flipper, and went to find Micky because he didn't have large things with flippers protecting him. At least... not that we KNOW of. I wouldn't put anything past that boy, would you? Anyway.

"Alllll can't you just poof up the tape and the VCR or whatever they were again?" said Peter in extreme confusion.
"I dunno," said Al.
"Al?" said Mike.
"I'm a muskrat."
"OH MY GOSH!!" said Micky rolling in, and proceeded to cackle his head off, but then quickly got control of it as he was afraid his hair might rebel and start eating things again, even though he hadn't had any trouble with it since last Thursday when it tried to eat his comb.
"I'm trying to sleep!" Link said irritably, popping his head up. "Does anybody have my hat?"
"I think BT put it in a glass box on her mantelpiece," said Davy.
"BT doesn't HAVE a mantelpiece," said Al.
"She does now," insisted Davy.
"Oh, well," said Al and poofed a new hat onto Link.
Link smiled and ducked back down. "That's better." he was heard to say.

Suffice to say for some reason Al got the tape from a wandering magician who could transcend time (don't ask) and she couldn't procure another copy for another thousand years. Link was thoroughly peeved by this but as no one could do anything about it either as for some reason it could only be undone the same way it was done (no one even knows why) Link was stuck there for another thousand years. So he slowly began to accept the random funkyness and learned to tolerate it just like other people. He still kept his shield and sword at ready in case the weirdos got any weird ideas though!

The End.

Next Issue: Mike's hat rebels at the fact that there is yet another green hat trying to take its place in the Chronicles. Then Micky's old hairy fro thing comes in and stops the fight in evilness.

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