Don't Count Your Peeps
Before They're Hatched


Okay so one time Peter Tork's figments got stuck in an elevator - and they were in there so long they became skeleton people.

Um.

Yeah so once MT was BEGGING Al to make taffy and he finally used the most deadly of Whiny Kid Tactics. The most hidden, secret weapon of Whiny Kid Tactics ever even discovered by top scientists and bottom scientists alike. In fact, it's so deadly and secret... that we can't tell you what it is. So Al gave in and they made taffy and MT got sticky.

The End

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO crumb no no no no. So they were making this taffy, and... uh... and they were pulling... and pulling along, with taffy, and their fingers, and uh...
And then they came across the Wicked Stepfigment. Uhhh, I mean BT. I mean Sassip. Uh.

"Hello," said Sassip congenially. "Oops I'm congenial... hold on whilst I adjust my headspikes," she said, popping into the little sea beasties' room.
"I say, I do believe BT has let her writing talent become moldy over the hol-li-dayyyys," remahked Davy.
"WHAT?!!!" screeched MT, promptly dropping his half of the taffy.
"No no no!" said Al and made him dust it off. "You keep holding it or there won't be any taffy!"
MT made a pouty face but dusted it all off. Then he turned Mike into a cow.
No one noticed, not even Mike, for the longest time.
"Mike, you're a cow!" said Peter after a while.
"Actually he's a bull because he can't be a cow cause cows are girls," said Micky eating a BPFL.
"Oh right," said Mike with much sarcasm. "I'm SOOO relieved."
Davy snickered and poked at Sassip who had returned from the room where she went.
"DON'T POKE ME!" screeched Sassip and began stuffing her face with Peeps which someone left around to harden.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Micky and kicked at Sassip.
"Ouch!" said Sassip and ate Micky as well.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said BT and kicked at Sassip.
"OUCH!" said Sassip and irately ate BT too.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said someone and snickered some more.
"Okay that was just weird!" said Davy.
Just then Sassip began to cough and hack and spit out Micky and BT. Then she became a nice big huge green Peep.

"YOU DID THIS!" she shrieked at BT and punted her but BT only got stuck to her now semi soft marshmallow flipper.Thinking she had punted BT she turned around to see where BT had landed, but finding nothing she put her flipper down solidly on the floor.
"MMMMMMBBFF!" said BT and took a bite.
"OUCH!" screeched Sassip and managed to throw BT off into Micky and Peter who were lusting after the large peep that had since appeared before them.
"Oh my oh my she'd make enough Peep to last a week!" said Micky.
"Hey that's a good slogan!" said Peter and got some forks.
"NO NO NO!" shouted Sassip and sobbed liquid sugar.
"Wow that's neat!" said Davy and ran to get a glass.
"That's disgusting!" said Mike. "Turn me back!"
"Oh yeh, sorry Mike." said Al and turned him back. MT frowned but began to console himself in eating the taffy. Al turned back around to find he was gnawing on her fingers.
"MT honey, don't do that huh?" she said exasperately.
"K!" said MT and tralalaed off to try and drink Davy's glass of sugar tears.
"EWW!" said Mike and grabbed MT and carried him off to Peter's mind.

"Sooo... nowwww.. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEE!?" shouted Sassip and wobbled around in annoyance.
"We could eat you!" said Micky and Peter.
"NO that is not an option!" Sassip huffed.
"Oh man," said Micky and sulked off.
"Now look what you did!" said Peter and went to console Micky.
BT would have but she had bit off a large portion of Sassip's flipper and was having trouble gnawing at it because she was drooling all over it and it was stuck to her.
"That's nasty and disgusting!" said Al and punted BT about 2 inches.
"Mmmffff!" said BT and licked at her arms happily.
"Yick she's a cat!" said Davy and stared because it was a horrific thing.
About an hour later MT and Mike returned from playing with tinker toys, BT had finished licking the goo from herself, Al and Davy were finished being revolted by it and Sassip was going stale.

"I AM GOING STALE!" she announced loudly.
"We knooowww we knooww!" said everyone.
"You are good and I want more." said BT and took one of her headspikes.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Sassip and ate BT.
"OH YUM!" said BT and began to munch on some spleen.
"OUCH OUCH OUCH!" said Sassip and laid her in a sugar crystal egg.
"Wahhhkjdsfasd," said BT unhappily.
Micky giggled but was then planted firmly on the egg by an evil Sassip.
Micky shrugged and began to lick at the egg.
"NO NO NO MINE!" said Sassip and glued his mouth shut with some sugar she found somewhere.
"MMMMFF!" said Micky unhappily and sat around.

After a while BT decided to hatch out and was a nice little lime green peep.
"AHH!" said BT when she saw Micky eyeing her hungrily. "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!" screeched BT, because everyone knows when you are experiencing times of trouble, you screech the name of... Mike! Dun dun DUN! Uh.
"I'm GRAZING," Mike snapped irritably.
"But Al turned you back!!" shrieked BT, cowering in fear from people's teeth.
"Then someone turned me front again," complained Mike.
"I don't follow this at all," said Davy, and left.
"MMMMMMMFFFFFFFF!!!" cried Micky, and was horror because he couldn't eat any of the Peeple. Uh, people. Uh... yeah.
"He can't eat us!" shrieked BT to Sassip happily.
"DUH, YOU STUPID PEEPCHILD!!!" Sassip screeched, and then punted BT and ate Micky, who she laid in an egg, but then realized she didn't have anyone to sit on it, so she grabbed MT as he was the next best thing.
"MICKY EGG?!!" he screeched.
"MMFFF," said the egg.
"You kicked a hole in meeeeee!!" wailed BT, squurping back into the room.
"Squurp?" said Al & Davy in Unison, where they had gone for summer vacation.
"How come you didn't take me?" said Peter in a hurt tone.
"Because you just went dearie," said Al and ruffled his hair.
"Don't do that," said Peter.
"Oh sorry... Oh My Stars whatever seems to have come over me," Al said without feeling, and left.
"That was stupid. Everyone is getting stupid," said Mike, who was now the walrus.
Then Micky hatched and everyone stood over him with bated forks but he was all gluey so nobody wanted to eat him.

"Ha. Ha ha ha," laughed BT and Sassip.
"Ha ha," said Mike.
"IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE TO LAUGH!" yelled Sassip, and punted him to kingdom come, where Hat was ruler.
"I'm getting stale!!" screeched BT and tried to punt Micky and then tried to punt Sassip but they were too big.
"What color is Micky?" Peter wanted to know.
"Miss BT Aufow said," MT said, mouth full of Sassip's tail.
"No she didn't," Peter protested.
"Did too!" growled BT.
"Don't growl, love," said Davy and punted BT.
"Hey hey hey!! You can't do that!!" said Al and bopped him o'er the head with the trophy they won for sack-racing while vacationing in Unison.
"Mmmff mfmfbbff ggg rrrrrrrrrd mmffmffgg," said Micky, but nobody understood him.
"I can't move," whined Sassip.
"Ooooooooooooooooooo stale Peeeeeeeep," drooled MT and became a kiddie zombie.
Someone told Micky to get out of the sun.
"Oh.." said Micky and began to firm up again.

"Soooo..." said everyone and stood around stupidly.
"OUCH!" said BT as MT took a big bite out of her back.
"We are not safe, stupid child thing." said Sassip matter-of-factly and put her into her pouch. Unfortunately the pouch was stick and they both stuck together.
"Ugh nice going Peep brain!" said BT and tried to wiggle out.
"HMPH! I tried to SAAVVEE you!" shouted Sassip and promptly sat down.
"Ughnnsjfd" said BT and was stuck more.
"HELP HELP!" shouted Micky and ran around trying to escape MT.
"I just wanna a liiitttllleeee!!!" he screeched happily and got tripped up on Sassip's tail.
"Don't eat my rude little stupid babies!" she shrieked and almost punted him but remembered just in time about that time she punted BT.
Then Sassip shoved Micky into her pouch and got stuck to him and BT.

"EEK!" shouted Micky.
"YAY!" shouted BT.
"NOISY!" shouted Sassip and sat on them again.
"Ugh" said Micky and BT.
"That's better." said Sassip and wandered around the pad. Mike had no interest in peeps. Davy was too busy scoffing poundcake to notice and MT was off playing with his tinkertoys.
Peter liked Peeps but was avoiding becoming part of Sassip, BT and Micky. He'd much rather not.
"Good boy!" said Davy.
"Don't condescendingly me!" said Peter and huffed off with Davy's poundcake. Davy shrugged and started on a large vat of fried chicken.
"WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?" shrieked Mike who was now an antelope.
"Hum.. Mike.. you really have some weird shapeshifting problem tonight, I hope you know.." Davy mused while shoving chicken by the leg into his mouth.
"WHAT!?" said Mike, and looked down at himself, bonking Davy on the head with his horns.
"OUCH! Watchit!" said Davy and reeled backwards.
"MY BABY!" shouted Sassip and tried to eat him.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Davy and ran off with the chicken.
"ACK!" said Mike at the realization he was indeed an antelope and ran off to cover himself (like it would do any good).
"Oh!! They're kicking my pouch!! I'm having babies!!" Sassip yelped, bouncing with glee.
"Noooo!!!!" yelled Micky, sticking his head out of her pouch and biting her.
"OW!!" she shrieked & stopped bouncing.
"You're just making us squishiered together! We are never going to get out of this pouch!!" BT shrieked and tried to bite Micky's head off but it was larger than her own so it wasn't really feasible.

"What are they DOING?!" Peter mused out loud.
"Who?" said Sparkplug.
"Heyyyyy get out of here, you live outside," said Al.
"I don't," said Sparkplug and flounced out.
"Sassip, you need to eat us and lay us in eggs again," BT said in a pained tone.
"ME FIRST!" screeched Micky.
"Nooo meeeeeeee!!" whined BT.
"ME!!!"
"MEEEEEEE!!"
"Oh shut up," said Al and turned them into themselves, but they were still stuck in the pouch.
"Oh thanks AWFULLY, Al dearest," BT said & sulked but then remembered she could eat pouch.
"You IMBECILE!! Why didn't YOU do that?!!" Micky shouted.
"I dunno," shrugged BT with a mouthful of Sassip Peep.
"My babies don't love me!! First they take my pouch space, then they try & eat me out of house and... uh... Oh heheheeeee!!!!" Sassip started giggling and rolled around, and Micky & BT disappeared into the mass of Peep, never to be seen for a few lines again.
"Why is funniness?" Davy said.
"HUH?!" said Al who was not a LITTLE perturbed by the goings-on.
"Oh, if Pink Thing came here I would giggle," Sassip said, righting herself and adjusting her headspikes. Little pieces of her were all over, cause she was so stale that rolling around made her breakable.

*Meanwhile, inside Sassip...*
"I can't see anything," said Micky.
"Me neither," said BT.

*Back in the pad*
"Gee, I wonder wherever Micky and BT got to," said Mike, returning in the guise of a penguin.
"HEEHEE!!!!!" laughed MT and rolled.

*In Sassip*
"Sure is dark," said BT.
"Duh," said Micky.

*Pad*
"Hey, you wanna play Monopoly?" said Davy excitedly.
"MONIES!! PLAY MONIEEEEEES FOR MEEEEEEEE," shrieked MT and wreaked havoc until Al made him stop.

*Sassip*
"STOP WITH THE POINTLESS TRANSITIONS ALREADY!!!! YOU'RE JUST DOING IT TO TAKE UP SPACE!!!!!" shouted Micky and BT in Unison, until they remembered they weren't in Unison, they were in Sassip.

*Pad*
"Unison is a concept by which we measure our pain," Peter intoned solemnly.
"Somnaly?" MT wondered out loud. "Mommy whassa a sommily?" he whined, tugging on Al's sleeve.
"I'll tell you when you're older, strange Micky kiddie thing strangeness," she said, looking at Davy funny because he was wearing a dress.
"WHAT?!!! I am not!!!!" screeched Davy, but he was, so he went to go change.
"I'm a SHREW!!!" shrieked Mike.
"No, BT is," remarked Peter.
"No no no," Mike whined.

"Hey where's Sassip?" Davy said suddenly.
"She went stale," said Al pointing to her remains.
"Oh no, my love!!! I must restore her with a kiss!" said Davy.
"Not in that dress, you mustn't," said Mike, biting Davy's ankle.
"OUUCCH!" he shrieked in a feminine tone.
"I think Davy's a girl," said Al suspiciously.
"Hat thing?!!!" MT screeched.
"I'm not dead," said Sassip.
"I suppose we ought to bury her or something," said Mike.
"I'm not DEAD..." said Sassip.
"MFFFMFMFmFFF!!" said BT who had almost eaten her way out.
"Stop that," Sassip scolded.
"I don't think she's dead," said Al.
Peter poked at her with a stick. "She sure is stale. We'll have ants everywhere."
"BT just POOF us out!!!" Micky could be heard faintly through layers of Peep.
"Oh," BT said sheepishly and poofed out, but left Micky there because she was mad because she didn't think of it herself, because she is a STUPID fickle teenage girly thing.
"Ficklety? Mommy, BT is a cowwege teachew?" MT wanted to know.
"WHAT?!" said Al and left to consult her books on BT.
"You have books on meeee!?" BT shrieked.
"Don't shriek!" said Peter and hit her with a lamp.
"OUCH!" said BT but quieted down. "Uh.. why is there an aardvark?"
"IT'S ME!" said Mike irately and bit her.
"Grrr." said BT and ran off to find Al and those so called books about her.

"Why don't they just fix us!?" asked Sassip and thrashed about.
"Oh yeh..." said Mike Al came back with BT close on her heels and a large red bound book.
"How do you bound a book in red?" asked Davy.
"Don't," said Al and eyed Sassip and Mike. Closing one eye and sticking out her tongue the two turned back to normal.
"YAY!" said Sassip and ran out to the sea because she wasn't in danger of melting now.
"Whew!" said Mike who was a flying squirrel.
"Hey that's weird!" said Al and pointed until Mike bit her finger.
"OUCH!" said Micky.
"Why did you say ouch!?" demanded Al.
"Cause I just managed to extricate myself from Sassip's gut and had to swim all the way back to shore," said Micky and fell on the couch in a dead slee.
"Huh that Micky!" said everyone and laughed and laughed at him til he woke up and got mad.
The end.

Next Issue: Al is watching The Legend of Zelda Cartoon which won't be around for like 30 some years or more but somehow she got a copy and MT drags Link outta the TV and everyone is horror.

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