Hats Do Wonders For Your Love Life

One year, one day, sometime out there in time and space thing thing thing, there was this thing and it did things....

Oh, sorry. One day Mike.. yes yes.. that's how it went. Okay. Mike. He had this had thing. It was knitted you see. And one day he lost it somewhere and went into withdrawal.
"Hey, Mike, what's up?" asked Davy, stuffing a slice of poundcake into his mouth.
"My haaattt!" Mike wailed. He'd lost all will to roll and had given up chicken fry parties altogether. Davy and Micky were worried.
"Why isn't Peter worried?" asked Sassip.
"I am. I'm late. Sorry," said Peter.
"Okay then!" said Sassip, punting him.
"Oh what a cutie!" said Davy.
"Don't spray me with crumbs!" said Sassip, punting him after Peter.

"WHERE IS THIS STORY GOING!?" asked Al who had just poofed in.
"Oh right. AHEM... er.. Okay. Hey. Mike. Hi. Why are you crying?" asked Davy.
"I'm not.." said Mike looking confused.
"Oh. Well why are you all upset?"
"My HAT! I just told you!" said Mike.
"Oh, well get a new one!" shrugged Davy and hit Micky up for some more poundcake.
"I don't have any!" said Micky.
"Yes yes you do I KNOW you do someone does I SMELL it!" said Davy sniffing around the pad frantically.
"I do," said Sassip seductively. "But you have to come into my pouch."
Davy looked unsure.
Davy shrugged and headed for the pouch, with Mike, Micky, Al and BT all tugging on him.
"Can't... quite..... reach...." he muttered and collapsed. Everyone got off and he jumped up full of glee and dove into Sassip's pouch.
"OH NO! DAYVEEEEE!" shouted everyone. Davy was sorry because there was no poundcake in there and it was smothery and dark.
"Hehehe," chuckled Sassip and sat on him and took a nap.
"NO NO NO!" said Al and beat her til she let Davy go and then she caught Al and drooled on her and then threw her into Mike.
"AL! UGH! I am upset." said Mike, rather forlornly and stalked off.
"*I* know!" said BT. She popped out and brought back a funky looking blue hat with a thing on it.

"What's that thing on it?" asked Peter.
"I dunno." said BT and she dusted it off. "I found it in our pad."
"Hey, why don't you make it green like his old one. It almost looks like it.. except for that weird thing." said Al, not looking up.
BT shrugged and popped out and came back with a green had with a thing on it.
"MIIIIKKKEEE!" shouted BT. Mike was standing close to her though. So close in fact he was on her foot.
"WHHHAAATTT!?" shouted Mike.
"GET OFF MY FOOOTTTT!" shouted BT. Mike obliged and then was handed the hat.
"FOR MEEEE!!??!" he cooed happily.
"Yes. Now go!" said BT.
Mike giggled and ran off to put on his new hat with the thing on it.
"What's with this thing?" he called out from his room.
"Dunno, but its virtually the same as the old hat!" said BT.
Mike tralala-ed back in with his spiffin' new green hat with the thing on that was almost identical to his old one except for that thing.
"Well it'll have to do!" he said.
So everyone was happy and that's the end.

NO. Wait it's not. Sorry. I was thinking of something else. Yes. Well, anyway, they all did things and then everyone went to bed.
They went to bed early. Because.. I dunno. Anyway, Mike woke up for a drink of water. Having spied himself in the mirror he gave a loud shriek.
"WHAT!" shouted everyone except Peter, Al and BT who were all in a catatonic state for some unknown reason.
"OMIGOSH IT'S A CHICK!" said Davy and got all twinkly at Mike. Mike looked scared.
"Don't tell me. It's another gender switch story. Oh GEESH these authors!" said Mike, kicking things about and generally carrying on in an unsavory manner.
"Unsavory? Like that chicken we had last night?" asked Peter, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Nevermind Peter." said Micky putting his hands over his eyes.

Then BT came flying through the room dragging some thing with her but she instantly dropped it & firmly attached herself to Micky's leg before he could do anything about it. He promptly fell down.
"UH-OH, FALL DOWN GO *BOOM*!" said BT cheerfully.
"My legs, I can't move my legs," Micky whined.
"I can't move your legs either," said Mike in a distinctly feminine voice.
Al stared. "That sounds SILLY," she said & broke into hysterics. Mike looked displeased.
"But...but...seriously, guys, I CAN'T MOVE!! She's PARALYZED me or something!" Micky carried on and on.
Peter gave him a blank look, exchanged a quick glance with Davy, who was staring at Mike but paused for this glance, and then looked blankly back at Micky.
"Pleeease can't you write things that make more sense? It's confusing," Peter complained to the author.
Peter looked at Micky blankly.
"Much better."

Anyway. "Micky...um...you're a *subplot*. Nobody cares or notices. You'll have to wait until you're the main focus of a story before we can fix you. Sorry, buddy."
"WHAT?! But...but...she...but...you...why...MIKE gets...always...never...WHAT?!" Micky freaked.
"Ew, he's gonna get all foopy in a minute I bet," BT said with distaste and got off him. "Bye subplot thingy!!" she said tra-la-laing off to climb on Davy.
"'Ey get off," said Davy, brushing at BT, but he was still staring at Mike chick.
"Um...Davy...stop that. It's weird. This is worse than that time YOU were a girl," Mike said nervously.
Al stared intently at Mike.
"WHY IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME?!" he (she?) said.
"That...that hat looks REALLY funny on you as a girl," she said sleepily.
"And when did you get here anyway?" Mike continued. "I thought you were in a state of cataleptic euphemism, or at least Oregon."
"Catatonic state," Al corrected him.
"Oh...well...OH NO!" Mike started. "None of my friends from the chicken fry parties will recognize me like this!! What if...what if...they stop letting me come?!"
Peter sighed. "Al, BT...do something," he said sort of grinning evilly.
"OKAY!" said Al happily & put Micky in a soundproof thing.
"That wasn't nice," said BT but she was engrossed in the fact that Davy did not notice or mind being climbed on.

Sassip sniffed at Mike. "Who's this huh?" she asked.
"It's Mike...." said Davy dreamily.
"Um, Davy, Mike's a BOY. That's a GIRL!" said Sassip huffily.
"Yes.. isn't it great?"
"NOOO!" said Sassip with punts.
"Mmmmm.. cute chick.." Davy mumbled as he sailed through the air.
"ACK YOU! DO SOMETHING!" shouted Sassip, punting BT and Al after Davy.
"Well if you keep PUNTING us we can't do anything worth a BEAN!" said Al angrily.
"Oh, that bad huh? Not even a bean's worth?" said Sassip worriedly, wringing her flippers.
"LOOk! MAKE ME A GUY AGAIN!" shouted Mike at the top of his lungs.
"Oh.... my..." said Micky but no one could hear him.

MT had since wandered in.
"OMIGOSH! WHO IS THAT!?" shouted everyone.
MT looked confused. "HIIYYEEEE GUYS! It's *ME!* MTEEEE!" he shouted for some unknown reason.
"Oh right.. cute son thingy," said Al, distractedly patting him on the head. Which was hard as he was so tall.
"Ugh she thinks MT is cute but not Micky?" said BT to herself.
"I HEARD THAT!" said Micky. BT looked around but could not fathom where that sound came from.
Micky giggled as he was seeing what Al was thinking and she was thinking something about chicken fries.

"MICKY KNOCK IT OFF! AND I NEVER WENT!" Al shouted sporadically, freaking out MT and making Mike punt her.
"Ugh, Mike punts are horrible. Here's how it's done," said Sassip, demonstrating on him.
Micky snickered.
Al grimaced.
BT giggled.
Mike sighed angrily.
Peter dreamed about something and fish.
MT demanded to know if there were lemonade pops and could he have any and all that were available.
Sassip fell asleep and drooled.

"So." said Al, shuffling.
"I know I know what you're thinkkkiiinnngg!:" said Micky and snickered.
Al sighed and took away the box and jumped on Micky a few times.
Micky, not being able to move, shut his trap super fast.
"Better not tell or you're a frog and I'll make BT kiss you to turn you back!" said Micky, causing grossed out looks from the two of them.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW," BT said distinctly & grimaced at Al, who was making the Worst face (yep, that one).
"Hey! It's POUCH TIME," said Sassip & randomly selected Mike-the-chick, Peter, and BT, shoving them all into her pouch & zipping it up tight.

"'Ey!" Davy protested, coming out of his mesmerized state. "Bring the gehl back!"
"Gehl? You never said gehl before you always said girl," Micky said confusedly.
Micky looked terribly utterly perplexed & shut up quickly.
"Well...uh I know I said girl but I said it 'gehl', you know?" Davy said, earning a blank look from Micky. "Uh...no, no you don't...'ey what's with all the blank looks in this story, eh?? And where'd the chick go?"
"DAAAVYYYYYYYYYYY how come you never call me anymore?" said Sassip making foopy eyelash faces.
"Ooh methinks I shall be ill presently," stated Al & began to play handball.
"He LIVES here, Sassip," said Micky.
"Hmmm...Oh of course," said Sassip, punting him.
"HEY!" he protested.
"You're a willing punt victim, you can't do anything about it. MWAAHAAH!!" said Sassip.
BT was disgusted & turned Sassip into a large bean, thus removing Mike-chick, Peter and herself from the pouch.
"Ugh, we were in a BEAN pouch," said Peter.
"No, I turned her into a bean after I got us out," explained BT.

"Oooohhhhh...hi," said Davy getting starry-eyed at Mike.
"Davy, knock it off," he sighed.
"So...uh..." Davy stared. "You..uh...live around here....much?"
BT just watched & then burst out giggling & rolled away somewhere. MT entered shortly (nobody knew when he left, why he left, or where he left to), breffast serals & BT in tow.

"Who wants breffast foodies?!" he asked gleefully.
"Ugh, MT it's not morning yet," said Al. "Go sleepies, honey."
"Everybody ELSE is awake," he whined. "How come Davy thingy likes the girly thing?"
"I'm MIKE, I'm not a GIRLY thing," said Mike in disgust.
"Ooh well how come you have a funny hat?"
"I...it...long story," Mike said.
"How come you're sitting on the floor not doing anything?" MT asked of Micky.
"Go away," said Micky sulkily.
"How come you're not all over him?" MT asked of BT.
"Cause he's being a fooper."
"How come you're a bean?" MT asked of Sassip.
"Oh, right," said BT & turned Sassip back into herself. She immediately punted BT to heaven knows where.
"YOU KEEP COMING BACK AFTER YOU LEEEEAVE," she screeched & then turned her full attention to Davy.
Al gave MT some pops to shut him and his horrid kiddie questions (dun dun DUN!) up.

"Al make me move again!" said Micky groggily.
"Next issue my dear," said Al condescendingly.
"NO NOW!" said Micky trying to throw a hissy fit. However, lack of movement prevented the full affect and he went hoarse in no time.
Micky sighed and went back to being a plank.
"Such a cute plank..." said BT re-entering and quite muddy.
"So... do you like.. things?" asked Davy, twinkling all the way and back at Mike.
"All the way to WHERE?" asked Mike.
"You don't want to know its that bad!" said Micky.
"How do YOU know?" asked Al.
"Cause you know and I know everything you know and I am EVIL!" said Micky.
"Shut up plank boy," said Al and fuzzed up his hair.
"NOOO ALLL! He's HORRIFIC NOW!" shouted BT and kicked Al until Sassip noticed the horror and ran around knocking BT into the ceiling where she stuck for most of the rest of the story.
"UGH," said BT in disgust.
"DAVY STOP IT NOW ITS *ME*, MIKE!" shouted Mike.
"Sure it is," said Davy dreamily.
Mike sat down frustrated and began to pluck at his guitar. Unfortunately he couldn't sing his songs as his voice was too high.
"UGH!" he shouted and put his guitar down.
Peter looked at him in sympathy and Davy twinkled at him and Micky was a plank and BT was lodged into the ceiling and Al was thoughtful. Suddenly Mike was back to normal.

"WOW!" said everyone, blinking.
"WHAT!?" said Mike evilly.
"You.... oh MIKE am I glad to see you! Where've you been!?" asked Davy, hugging him.
"Oh man.. Davy get off... PLEASE." said Mike. Then he noticed his voice was back to normal.
Al sidled over to Micky and shoved him to the farthest corner of the room away from BT.
"Bad girlie!" she said, wagging a finger at BT.
"Whew, thanks Al that's all I could think about.." said Micky.
"You *DO* still have your crystal you know, you boofer.." said Al, and tralala-ed off, only to have 5 boxes of breffast serals shoved down her throat before she could escape.
So anyway, everyone slept the day away as it was an eventful night. They al thought it was a freak accident, but the next night...

"Mmm, I'm stuck in the ceiling, and nobody CAAARES...ugh ugh," BT whined and whined.
"Oh fudge he's goin' orff again," thought BT. "Well, well, well YOU'RE a subplot at least, I'm just a fooper."
"YOU'RE EVIL!" shouted Micky.
"SHADDAP!" yelled Mike.
"Oh blimey he's a chick again, don't tell Davy," said BT.
"Blimey?" said Micky and snorted.
"Shaddap! Ooh, what in blue tarnation?!" Mike exclaimed.
BT sighed. "AAAAAALLLLLLLLLL, he's a CHICK again," she screamed.
"Dang, will you cut that out?" said Mike.
"No," said BT bluntly.
A minute passed but Al didn't show up.


"CRIMENY!!!" shouted Mike and Micky.
"Doooon't dooooo thaaaaaaat," said Micky.
"That was my line," said Mike.
"Nuh-uh," protested Micky.
"No, Crimeny was I mean."
"Oh, sorry."
"No you're not," Mike griped.
"Al, where?" said Davy walking in sleepily. "Ooohhh, YOU!!" he said and was at Mike's side in an instant.
"Oh, dear figments above..." said Mike.
"Hey, that's not funny," said BT.
"But it was dumb," said Micky.
"Ooh, I think it was funny!!" Davy said with great enthusiasm.
"Fish is funny," muttered Al, entering.
"It really was REALLY funny, I think! I mean, yeah that's what I mean!" Davy said blinking rapidly.
Mike made a helpless face & threw himself up to the ceiling, to which he stuck.

"Ooh, it's kinda fun up here," (s)he said.
"Not twenty-four hours," BT said in a bored tone.
"Oh. Well...anyway," Mike said, dislodging himself & plummeting downwards where he unfortunately fell into Davy's arms.
"Ooh, I didn't know you cared!" said Davy, staggering under Mike who was considerably taller than himself.
"Uhhhmmm, whoa, uh..." said Mike, squirming & trying not to break limbs in the process of getting down.
Al sighed. "Ohhh, SAAAAASSSip..." she called.
Sassip immediately came thundering in. "YOU'RE FRATERNIZING WITH THAT GIRLY THING FROM TEXAS, AREN'T YOU?!" she barked at Davy, who was staring at a perplexed & frightened Mike.
"How come *I* can't dislodge myself?!" BT thought. "And where is Peter?"
"He's not...we're...I'm not...HELP!!" yelped Mike.
Sassip surveyed them carefully, as if deciding which to punt.

"PUNT DAVY!!!!!" shrieked BT.
"Hush," said Sassip & punted Mike.
"'Ey, why'd you do that?! We were gettin' on beautifully!" said Davy.
"UGH," said Sassip & stuffed him violently into her pouch & zipped it tightly.
"How can you zip something tightly?" said Al.
"Huh??" said Al, still sleepily perplexed.
"Micky iiiiiissssss," said BT.
"I don't know HOW, with all the racket you make," said Al & threw beans at BT until she grew bored of it.

Micky was smiling in his sleep. Al ventured to see what he was dreaming. Soon she was whonked out and smiling dumbly as well. BT poked Al.
"What is he dreaming about?" she asked, her heart all a-flutter.
Al looked at BT dreamily, then snapped out of it and looked at BT as if for the first time. "Oh my.." she said and snickered evilly. Then she went back to her dreamy Micky thought reading dream state.
BT poked Al some more. But then she accidentally hit Sassip.
"STOP IT!" shouted Sassip and threw a bit pea at BT.
"EWWW A PEA!" shouted BT who threw it back at Sassip. They soon had a jolly old game of pea-pong going.
"Where did you get that big pea and are there more!? I'm famished!" said Micky, waking up. Al snapped out of her trance and looked at Micky who looked back and then they both looked at BT and snickered evilly.
"WHAT!?" shouted BT who caught the look, but missed the pea, and got beaned in the head.
"STOP WITH THE VEGGIBLE REFERENCES!" said MT loudly and squashed the giant pea. Micky was non-plussed, but then was furious as he wanted to eat it.
MT shrugged and shoved 60 boxes of breffast serals down his throat. Micky was satisfied.

Davy was brushing Mike's hair with Mike gritting his teeth.
"REALLY, Davy, PLEASE stop or I will have to hurt you!"
"HEY! HOW DID HE ESCAPE MEEEE!" shouted Sassip, searching in her pouch.
"A man in love is craftier than zippers!" stated Davy. Everyone looked at him as if he was off his chump. He was.
"You must be joking!" said Al.
'That's my line," said Davy. "I must be .. oh wait... uh.. anyway.. I LOVE you Mike!"
"DAVY! You *KNOW* I'm a boy right?" said Mike.
"Uh-huh!" said Davy happily.
"Well, then, STOP!" said Mike running around foopily.

"Hey, I know. It's the hat!" said Al, suddenly.
"Oh, no it can't be!" said BT.
"Well it is... what did you do with it!?" asked Micky.
"I just dyed it," said BT.
"With what?" asked Peter.
"With green dye!" said BT angrily. Then she fell and hit Sassip who fell asleep and drooled on her because she was pinned under Sassip's head.
"OWWWWWYUCH!" shouted BT and flailed around.

"Where did you get the dye?!" Al demanded.
"From your room... from that shelf with all the dyes on it!" said BT, gagging.
"UGH BT that was a switchy potion!" Al sighed.
"WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!?" said BT, who was punching Sassip.
"HAHAHAH!" said Micky. BT shot him a look. "At least *I* can move!" she huffed.
"CHEAP SHOT!" wailed Micky and moaned and whinged softly to himself.
"BT YOU COULD HAVE JUST *POOFED* THE HAT A DIFFERENT COLOR!" everyone but Micky and MT and Sassip shouted at her.
BT turned bright green and hid under the drool.
"Yucky!" said MT, sticking out his tongue.
"Okay, well, Mike, wait til morning and then take off the hat." said Al.
He did so but then was nostalgic for a hat again. Then the day after that, BT came out giggling dumbly.
"Uh.. Mike... your hat.. Sparkplug had it cause she was lonely and you never come to visit anymore.." BT giggled dumbly.
Mike blushed and rolled off to his chicken fry, after grabbing the hat from BT.

Next Issue: Micky is dealt with in a firm unyielding way.

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