Again With The Cats

One day Mike was trying to avoid Al the Author but she got mad because he was avoiding her and it is impossible for him to do that since she *IS* an author and controls all his actions in the story so she strung him up like a puppet and made him dance like Davy which doesn't work except for Davy and he looked ridiculous.
Mike was near tears when Micky walked in.
"HUH!?" he said and fell to the floor in fits of laughter.
Peter walked in and stared. "What are you doing Mike!?" he asked in horror.
"NOOO SOMEONE IS HORROR!" shouted Sassip and ran everyone over.
Finally Al the author got bored of writing about Mike so she started writing this and this and this and THIS and ugh.
Anyway, I digress.

So Micky rolled around til midnight when he decided that he must brush his teeth. Something told him that he must. It was his teeth. They were tartary.
So Micky cleaned his teeth and they were nice and impeccable. BT saw this and tried to crawl into his mouth. But Micky was tired and flung her off the balcony. So she hit her head cause she's a fooper and she would.
So she came back. And Micky kicked her and she mewed.
So Micky got freaked and pushed her and she mewed again.
So Al came and tried to fine tune the empty space in her head but it didn't work.
"What's the matter with her!?" asked Micky as BT was walking around on all fours and mewing alot.
"Uh, I think she turned a bit cattish." said Al, staring at her with a quizzical look.
Davy tralala-ed in and tralalala-ed out.
"Okay, that had no purpose, huh Al?" asked Micky. "Uh, Al? Where did she go?"
But you see, Al had tralalala-ed out after cute Davy.
So Micky was stuck with BT the cat figment thing.

"No BT get offff!" said Micky and tried to get away. She was rubbing his legs with her cheeks and then her side and then butting her head against his knees. She did that in the back of his knees since she was so big and not really a cat and his legs gave out and he fell on her.
"MREWOWOWOWOW HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" she said and tried to claw Micky's eyes out but she had this horrid habit of biting them so she didn't have any and Micky giggled but looked perturbed at the same time and skeedaddled the heck out of there.
BT looked confused. But she pretended she wasn't and curled up and went to sleep.
Just then Mike walked in and picked her up and threw her out the window and left.
Just then Peter walked in and brought her back and tried to ask her for a popsicle but she just looked at him condescendingly cat-like and mewed quizzically at him.
"NO, PLEASEEEE BT! I want a popsicle! Not a Mew!" said Peter.
"Mew?" asked BT.
"NOOO! NOOO!" said Peter in distress.
"MEow." said BT and she curled up and went to sleep on Peter, whom she had knocked over unsurreptiously.
"Ugh." said Peter and fell asleep too cause he couldn't move and it was boring not to.
BT purred in satisfaction & shifted her position, going back to sleep.

Just then MT came in (he was not tralalaing, he was lalalaing & had a popsicle in one hand) & stared at Peter & BT in shock.
"MOMMYYYYY!!" he shrieked & then keeled over.
Al poofed in. "What?! Oh...they're CUTE!!!" she said & fainted.
Mike strolled in from a previous engagement (which we suspect involved chicken in one form or another) & promptly passed out as well.
Davy & Micky came in & surveyed the five prostrate forms on the floor. "What's up with them?" said Micky.
Davy looked at them carefully. "I think they let Peter & BT's cuteness get to them."
"What cuteness? Peter is a guy & BT is foopy," said Micky & went to have a coke & a smile. I mean, a coke and a BPFL.
Unfortunately Sassip picked that exact moment to come bouncing in, and she squooshed Micky.
"IS THERE CUTENESS HERE?! WHERE IS IT?!" she said, rolling her head back and forth frantically.
"Ohhh, rollyround," said MT groggily, sitting up. "Hmm, I am all a pancake."
"What?!" said Davy in confusion.
"I am attracted to the cuteness!! I must have it! Give it to me NOW!!" said Sassip, scooping BT & Peter into her pouch.
"What about me?" Davy said & pouted left-out-ily.
"OHHH!" shrieked Sassip & ate him.
Al and Mike slowly got to their feet.

"It was...too much...I couldn't withstand it..." said Mike.
"That was silly," said Al brushing her sleeves off.
"Why'd you do that? The floor's not dusty," said Peter popping his head out of the pouch. Sassip had forgotten to zip it.
"Bee-caaause that's what people do when they've been knocked down. They brush their sleeves off," said Al matter-of-factly & accidentally set herself on fire, but she quickly put it out.
"Uh-oh," said Sassip peeling Micky off the floor. "I squooshed him. Teehee."
"Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Micky groaned tiredly. BT popped her head out of Sassip's pouch & pounced on him, knocking him to the ground again.
"Mrrooowwwww!!" said BT & tried to lick his face but luckily Al poofed up a BT-sized kitty carrier and shoved her into it. Micky was shaking tremblily from shock and so Al sent him to bed with some soup & a Coke. Uh, soup and a smile. Well, she sent him to bed.
"Awww, cute kitty," said Peter, walking over & putting his hand through the kittycage bars to pat BT on her cute (Peter thought) little head.
"Aren't they cute?" said Mike.
"NO. I am," said Davy, extricating himself from Sassip's mouth. "Sassip you really have to quit eating things."
"I can't help it," Sassip said plaintively. "It's how I am," she said & ate Mike's hat.
Mike punched her in the gut and took his hat back just as her giant flipper punted him hard into the wall.
"Oh Sassip! You have to stop punting things too!" said Davy, tsking her.
BT purred at Peter but made faces at Al and Mike.
"Why me?!" asked Mike.
"Because you punched ME!" said Sassip huffily.
"Huh?" asked Mike.
"Sea monsters and cats get along so well it's thought that at one time they married." said Sassip as if it was common knowledge.
"That makes no sense..." said everyone and ignored Sassip who swore on her tail that it was true.

"So what do we do with BT?" asked Al, but just then she noticed Peter had wandered away and MT had opened the cage.
"NO MT UGH!" said Al.
"What Mommy?" asked MT stupidly, petting BT and holding her foopily.
BT made cat faces that cats make when little kids bother cats.
"OH SHE'S FUZZY CAN WE KEEP HER?" shouted MT blowing everyone into Sassip's pouch.
"How did he do that?!" asked Micky.
"I dunno! Didn't I send you to bed!?" asked Al.
"Hey wow he has some gift there that kid o'yours!" said Mike.
"It sure is light in here..." said Peter.
"You mean dark right? I hope.." said Davy.
"Yeh... I guess.." said Peter making faces.
They eventually found a way to get out of there.
He already did. But that's a different thing.
"Why did you write that?" asked Mike.
"Shut up!" said Al the author but didn't do anything cause he was in her pouch for a while and she thought that was punishment enough... for now. But I really love Mike. Really I do. He should just stop questioning my motives. I'm not insane. Oh sorry.

Anyway, they got out to find MT clunching onto BT so hard she was mewing futilely and gasping for air.
"No dearest MT baby thing, that's not the proper way to hold a cat.." said Al, trying to get BT away from him.
"NOO I WANT TO KEEP HER!" he shouted but Al managed to grab onto something so she wouldn't be blown away again.
"It just occurred to me why Sassip has a pouch.. is it for rearing young?" said Davy aloud.
"No," said Sassip.
"Well then what is it for?" he asked.
"It's for keeping things I love in there," said Sassip, shoving him in.
"Ugh," Davy was heard to utter.
"Yes MT sweetums we can keep her because she IS BT after all..." said Al all wombly like.
"I'm not even going to go there.." muttered Mike and strolled out of the room.
"So if BT is a cat and I am Micky, then Micky is a cat?" asked Micky.
"No, dearest Micky thing, you is a cat," said Al.
"That's what I said," said Micky.
"What!?" said Al.
"What?!" said Micky.
"You confused me," said Al. "I think you am is are was a Micky before this. Wasn't you?"
"I think I are," said Micky, scratching his head.
"I were being a figment.." said Al confusedly.
"WHAT!?!" shouted Davy from inside Sassip's pouch.
"I LOVE DAVY!" shouted Al and then made a dumb face and ran around.
"Oh, I must be Davy!" said Micky stupidly.

"What's up with this story?" asked Peter being smart for once.
"I dunno. I feel weird. I think some guyness is left over.." said Al, rubbing her head. "OMIGOSH I must have been as messed up as Micky!"
"WHAT!? WHY!? NOO!" said Micky.
"Oh well I just meant since we kinda were being dumb about the same thing..." said Al.
"She's whacked." said Mike, making cuckoo motions.
Al sighed and tried to wrest BT away from MT.
She succeeded in getting a limp figment cat thing and plopped her onto the couch.
BT looked at MT with a wary look and huffed a bit cause it was hard to breathe because all her air was gone.
"No MT you can't squeeze things that breathe like that, see honey?" said Al calmly.
"K MOMMY!" shouted MT happily and blew Al away into Mike and Sassip.
"Eww Al get AWAY from me man why are you all over me lately!?" shouted Mike and blew her into Davy and everyone was happy for the moment except Micky who was still confused as to whether he were be a Micky or a cat.

"So if I is a cat but was am being a Micky.." he started.
"NOT that again PLEASE!" pleaded Al grabbing her head and swinging around weirdly. "OH!" said Davy and caught her and then Sassip got mad and stuffed her into her pouch, but she meant to get Davy and stood there for 5 minutes wondering why Davy was looking at her funnily.
"Aren't you sposed to be in my pouch?"
"Well then who is this if its not you!?"
"It's Al."
"EWWWWWWWWWWW GET HER OUT GET HER OUT!" screeched Sassip and ate Davy.
Then she made a terrible face & spit him out. "UGH!! Davy tastes nasty!"
Davy looked offended & then sighed with relief. "I'm wearing BPFL cologne so you will quit eating me," he announced.
"OOHHHHH!!" said Micky & went & stuck his nose in Davy's hair.
"UGH don't snort Davy hair!!" said Al & kicked Micky violently.
"Ow! Why did you do that?" said Micky annoyedly.
"MRREEOARWWW!" said BT, having gotten her breath back, & launched at Al, who calmly turned BT into a pile of mustard.
"OH EWWW you'll stain the carpet!! Quit doing dumb guy things!" said Micky.
"Oh, sorry, Puma didn't do a very good job," Al sniffed & turned BT back into herself before she got stuck in the carpet.
"Pret-ty kit-ty," said MT & pulled out a brush he got from who knows where and proceeded to brush BT's, hair. "La la la, what should we name her mommyyyyyy?" he said at Al.
"Uh, her name is BT and she's your...uh...sister? Cousin? She is a figment that you already know, she is not a cat," said Al.
"She isn't a chicken either," said Mike.
"We know," said Davy.
"OH!" said Sassip & ate Peter who looked distressed so she just put him in her pouch.
"I love Pita!" she said. "Oh and you Davy sweetums thing thing," she said because he looked ticked.

"MY baby kitty!" said MT & put BT in his lap & kept brushing her hair the wrong way until she looked like...uh, BT with really messed-up hair. Her expression grew sullen & irritable.
"MT sweetie why don't you give me the kitty thing," said Al, stooping to pick BT up.
"Oh my, I didn't think she'd ever stoop to doing anything like that," said Micky.
"Just...take him...somewhere..." Al said in a headachey voice & Mike & Peter escorted Micky off to make him be quiet & docile.
"No!!! MY kitty," said MT, squeezing BT. She made a whimpery meow gasp sound.
"MT, give her to me NOW or you'll suffocate her," Al said warningly.
"FART," said MT & released BT. She darted across the room, knocking things over until she came to rest on top of the refrigerator.
"Don't say that word!!! Who taught you that anyway??" Al demanded.
"Uh...nobody nobody hmm I have to go find Lemmyade Pops!" said MT & scampered off scamperily.
"He's scamper-iffic," said Davy.
"UGH. I wonder if he meant the figment or the food?" said Al.
"FOOD? WHERE?!" said Davy.
"Oh quit being a guy," said Sassip & shoved him in her pouch.

One day.. no wait.
No. Wait.

Later that day which just happened, everyone ..
no wait.

Al made a face at Davy who was being guy-ish and then made a face at Sassip who was being dumb and then went to get BT off the fridge.
"GET OFF THE FRIDGE! SHOOOOO! SHOOOOO! Or I'll give you back to MT!" said Al.
BT reared up and hissed and got off fast.
"Thought so." said Al but BT had attached herself to Al in fear and Al couldn't get her off.
She flopped around and flopped around and fell over and rolled around and laughed and then cried and then did things and then died and then came back to life and then stopped.
"Wow." said everyone and stared.
"GET HER OFFFF!" shouted Al sitting still.
BT looked around casually and sniffed.
Davy wrenched her off and BT let him.
"Okay. BT. You HAVE to turn back into BT and not BT the cat thing." said Al irritably.
BT looked at her funnily and yawned in her face.
"Ugh.. Micky has to kick her." said Al huffily.
"NOOO!" said Micky from behind things where BT could not see him.
BT suddenly sat up & stared off into space wide-eyed & grinny.
"What?" said Davy bending down & looking in the direction she was staring. There was nothing there.
"There's nothing there," said Peter.
Then BT pounced on the carpet & rolled around & clawed at it & then sat up & acted perfectly normal as if nothing had happened. She banged her head into Mike's leg a couple times and meowed at him.

"Yeah, well it ain't ME, shotgun," said Mike.
"You understood her??" said Al.
"I'M CONFUSED," said Micky but BT jumped on him so he flung her across the room & she stood up & hissed so Micky hid again.
"Guess she was just a one-time fling," said Sassip.
"NOBODY ASKED YOU!" said Al & put flypaper over her mouth.
"Al that wasn't nice," said Davy but Al just twinkled at him so he shut up fast 'cause he was not in a liking mood.
"Kitty is sooooo cute," said MT wandering in.
"But you never left!" said Peter.
"Yes I diiiid silly Pita," said MT & patted BT. She looked up at himstiffly & flattened her ears out & darted off to hide but unfortunately she had picked Micky's hiding place so a big chase ensued. Many lamps were broken.
"How the heck did she flatten her ears out?? She's still HER!!" said Mike.
"Uhhhh...uh...." said everyone but nobody knew anything. Not even that Lincoln was the capital of Nebraska, not even that it had an annual chicken fry.
"Oh yeaaah!" said Mike & rolled off to you-know-where.

"OH ALRIGHT," said Micky & kicked her. But he kicked her really hard, in fact it was almost a punt, so she flew out the window & it took her a week to get back to the pad because her guyishness hadn't worn off. Consequentially she was too dumb to realize she could poof back, and when she did get back her hair was muddy & her clothes were torn & she was starving and everyone made fun of her because she could have just poofed stuff up. Silly girl.


Next Issue: Davy's head turns into a balloon.

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