Salvation Through Gravy

One day Sassip punted BT, because it was a fresh new way to start a story.
"UGH UGH SHE PUNTED ME SHE ISN'T NICE!" BT shrieked moronily & ran around in circles.
"Oh for cryin' out loud we know she isn't nice," said Micky walking in.
"MICKYYYY!!" shrieked BT & attached herself to him.
andcuddlyandoohhhhhhhIjustloveyouandloveyou-" she started.
At that precise moment, something in the back of Micky's mind finally snapped & he fell down went boom.
"MICKY GONE NAP???" MT said, entering from the kitchen.
"I dunno," said BT, getting off him & poking him. "MICKY???" she yelled in his ear to annoy him, but he didn't move.


"Whhaaatt??" Al said, poofing in & looking exhausted.
Al sighed & made a face, glancing at Micky. "Yeah, he's kicked it."
"I don't know, I wasn't here!"
Peter & Mike came in with Davy standing on their shoulders, but he fell off when they came through the door because he wouldn't fit.
"Davy was too tall to fit through something!" Sassip said giggling.
"Micky is DEAD!!!" BT screamed & immediately poofed on funeral dress a la Sassip.
"Oh, really?" said Davy in an interested tone. "So do I find a sentient BPFL in this story, or-"
"NNOOOOOOOOOO!!" screamed everyone.
"I was just askin', man. It's 'cause I'm short," Davy whimpered and went to be comforted by Sassip.
"Davy had a ghost when he got fallen on, maybe Micky has one!" Peter suggested helpfully.
"OH!! YES!!!" BT shouted & immediately started streaking around the pad "What?! This is a KIDDIE story!" Mike said in horror.
"Oh! HORROR!" said Sassip & punted Mike.
"Streaking as in light," BT said painfully.
BT immediately started streaking around the pad in the form of a green light.

"He's not here...he's not here...he's not here...he's not here...or here...or here..." she said, tearing up the drums and the couch and the walls and looking in record sleeves and the refrigerator & Mike's hat and anything she could find.
"He doesn't have one," said Mike in a bored tone.
"But...but...NOOOOOOOO!!" BT sobbed & flung herself on Micky, wailing and carrying orn.
"Good grief, maybe we should off her for this story, too," suggested Sassip.
"Nooo," said Al in disgust. "We've had two of us die off already, we can't do another one."
"Bee-caaause we've DONE that!!" Al cried.
"Oh...well...ohhh he CAN'T really be dead!!" said BT & tried to begin mouth-to-mouth resuscitation but Al yanked her away & carted her off shrieking & kicking to Peter's mind, lecturing her all the way, muttering something about necrophile figments.

" he dead?" whispered Peter in an awed tone.
"I dunno but for heaven's sake don't tell LP, she'd come unglued," said Mike.
"Lemmyade Pops is here??" said MT.
"No no no," said Davy.
Sassip walked over & tried to get Micky's pulse but she couldn't pick his hand up with her giant flipper so Davy did.
"I think he's dead," said Davy. Al popped in after sending BT to bed with some warm milk.
"He's not dead. He's just playing one on TV," she said boredly and went and fixed some gravy.
"What'dyou mean?" asked Davy.
"She's wanting some gravy, that boofer," said Al.
"No no about Micky," said Davy.
"Oh, him. Yeh, he's playing dead. BT snapped his mind. Its a natural reflex. I've seen it 12 times before," said Al.
Everyone stared at her as she took her gravy back to BT and forced it down.
When she came back they were still staring at her.
"DO something! We need a drummer!" said Mike.
"I can't! We have to keep BT away so maybe Micky'll snap out of it," said Al.
"That's impossible!" Sassip giggled.
"Yeh I know. I fed her three pounds of gravy. That usually keeps her asleep for a while," said Al.
"GRAVY!? With a hair in it?" asked Davy.
"Nope," said Al, and showed him the cans.

"Anyway, so what?" asked Mike.
"Well, first..." said Al, poofing Micky onto the couch. "We make him comfortable. Then we try to get him to snap out of it..."
Al poofed up a large BPFL that was fresh out of the oven and stuck it under Micky's nose. He twitched a little but was still deadish.
"Oh wow not even a BPFL!" said Peter in awe.
MT snatched the sandwich and devoured it.
"No no MT! That's for Micky.. welllll.. it WAS..." said Al, scratching her head and poofing up another, and setting it under Micky's nose again. "Don't eat, K?" she told MT.
MT sniffed and sat down and went to sleep on Sassip.
Micky twitched a couple times & Peter thought he made a sound but he didn't, so they discarded the BPFL idea.
"Man, she must've fooped him up BAD," said Al in thought.
"Maybe you could punt him sweetie," said Sassip.
"Huh?!" said Davy.
"I meant maybe I could punt him," said Sassip.
"You'll break his neck or somethin'!" said Mike.
"Well it's worth a try," said Sassip & punted him before anybody could do anything.
"SASSIP!!" said everyone in horror.
"OH NOOOOO," said Sassip and did the freaking-sea-monster-dance all the way outside to the ocean.

"If Bee-teeeee was here, she would whinge about Micky's hair," said MT, because Micky's hair was really messed up.
"Mommyyyyyy???" said MT.
"Shh...we can't talk about BT 'cause she makes Micky go all whonky, okay?" Al explained.
"Oh, okay!" said MT & rolled off to a hopscotch festival.

They moved Micky back onto the couch so he would be nice and comfy in case he freaked out when and if he woke up.
"Maybe pound cake. Gosh, I love pound cake. You know, there are so many ways to make pound cake..." Davy began.
"No no no," said Al, & poofed up a pound cake & waved it under Micky's nose, getting no response. She opened his mouth & shoved a pound cake in, which he happily ate.
"MICKY!" said Al, but he was apparently not quite back.
She poofed up a BPFL, & everyone crowded around the couch to watch.
"Back off," said Al, & they did. She poked Micky with the BPFL & he ate that too.
"'Ey, Al..." said Davy.
"What?" said Al, turning around but she actually whacked Micky in the nose as she did & he tried to eat her.
"EEOIUWRGHHH WHAT????" shrieked Al yanking her arm away as Micky stood up & started wandering around like a zombie.
"He'll eat anything he comes into contact with!" yelped Mike jumping away.
"Well, uh, it's a start," said Peter.
Just then Sassip re-entered the pad. "Hey I found BT's record collection she lost 2385 stories ago!" she said & Micky immediately returned to his normal dead state.
"Sassiiiiiiiiiiiip!!!!!!" everyone said.
"What? Where's Bee-"
"SSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" said everyone.
"You can't talk about ... her.... because it makes Micky whonky nuts," Davy explained.
"Whonky nuts? You must be out of your bird," said Sassip incredulously.
"That's my line," said Davy, a bit annoyed.
"Oh, sorry luv. Hey, can I eat the whonky nuts?"
"Noooo," said everyone in disgust.
"Aw," said Sassip & went to dig for clams 'cause that's what they did in them days.

Just then Al had an evil idea & waved BT's record collection in front of Micky's nose & he ate it.
"Mwahahaha," said Al.
Then he spit it out but it was all drooled on and bitten.
"Hey that was a good evil idea!" said Mike in awe.
"A what?" asked Davy, scratching his silky hair.
"Oh, Davy silky hair!" shouted Sassip and ran in and defiled it with her spit.
"Oh, sorry. What I should save you some?" said Sassip.
"Uh, no, not NOW," said Al and turned back to Micky with a sigh.
"Micky Micky Micky what ARE we going to do with you?" she said staring at him.

Then Al looked up, freaked, got out 5 more cans of gravy, heated them up in a hurry, grabbed a large funnel and popped out quickly.
She returned looking smug.
"Daaavvvyyy if you ever loved Micky you'll go to the store and get 100 cans of gravy!" said Al.
Davy made faces at her.
"Daaaavvvyy if you ever loved me you'll go to the store and.." but he was gone before she finished.
Al shrugged, and got punted by a jealous Sassip.
"I know.." said Peter and fetched a large feather and began to tickle Micky. He giggled a bit but didn't actually wake up.
"Ugh," said Micky.
"I heard him! I heard him!" said Peter.
"No, that was a typo. I was sposed to say that." said Mike.
"Oh..." said Peter and sat down. Suddenly he popped up. "Hey! Let's go into his mind and fix his .. mind!"
"Wow, that's a good idea.." said Al.

So they off and went. Al was most accustomed as was Davy so they wandered around a bit. Al found Micky hiding in a closet full of food, stuffing his face and shoving pins into a little BT Voodoo doll.
"Micky!" said Al.
"EEP!" said Micky and shut the door on Al's nose.
"HERNK!" said Al and pulled it out, falling over backwards.
"Hernk?" asked Peter.
"Ow.. shut uwp... he huwt my dose!" said Al, with a mild nosebleed.
"DOSE!" said MT and giggled stupidly.
"Micky, where did your mind snap?!" asked Al, regaining her normal speech.
"I dunno I am SCARED mannnn!" said Micky getting up spilling food everywhere and running around like a chicken.
"CHICKEN FRY!" shouted Mike but Al shot him a look.
Al looked at Micky. "What happened in here?" she asked.
"No that's my line." said Davy.
"Well well well well I was like outside and then BT jumped on me and my head hurt and then I was in here and there was a vaccuum and it sucked me over here and I hid in the closet and stuff." said Micky looking around.
"She's not here. I fed her gravy." said Al as if that was common sense.
Micky looked more confused and suddenly his hair poofed up. Al shrieked and jumped on Davy who fell over and hurt his tush.

Mike was exploring the mind pad and he found a big hole. "Hey guys! There is a big hole!"
"Yes, we said that," said Mike.
"But...gravy and BT and chicken fry parties and HUH??!!" Micky said looking as if he might freak out.
"Oh ugh no don't do a funny Micky freak thing," Al said disdainfully.
"But but but," said Micky.
"Okay...gravy keeps BT asleep."
"OH can you make it a part of her regular diet???" Micky said, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.
"NO, I haven't the time or the energy," said Al, but Micky was hiding in the closet again.
"Noooooo come out of there," said Peter & Mike dragging him out.
"Micky is scawed of a little girl thing," MT said and pointed and giggled at Micky, who looked as if he might curl up in a ball and hide and whimper strange things.
"He's not psychologically stable," announced Mike.
"I wasn't psychologically stable to make it worth your while," Davy sang.
"WHAT?!" said everyone.
"Uhhh, nothin'," said Davy.
"We need to fix the hole in his mind," said Al firmly.
"DUH," said Micky.
"Don't say that, it doesn't suit you," said Sassip, slapping Micky lightly with her flipper. Unfortunately it knocked him across his mind & he fell through the hole.
"EEK!" said Micky until Mike came and pulled him out.
"Hold still," Mike said in an annoyed tone.
"Yessir," Micky said & stood meekly.
"Aw he's meekly," said Sassip.
"Ahem," said Davy.
"Sorry luv," said Sassip.
"I KNOW!" said Al & poofed up some chewing gum and twine. "You can fix ANYTHING with chewing gum and twine. I'm fixing a hole where BT gets in..." she hummed as she started pasting it all over the hole.
"WHAT THE HECK?!" said Peter & rolled off to a chicken fry festival.
"Oh dear," said Davy.

Al took out some straws (the bendy kind!) and some paperclips and some all purpose glue and began happily humming away and patching up the hole. Then she turned into a giganto spider and sewed up the hole extra good with some nice sticky web, then she took out the dry wall and stucco. And then it was good as new.
"Why didn't you skip the gum, the straws and all that other junk and just.." started Mike, but checked himself and decided to ignore the whole thing.
Micky seemed to establish a sound state of mind, having his hole patched up verrily. "Wow guys, I'm hungry! Let's get some grub!"
They all cheered to have Micky back and clapped him on the head and shoulders though he didn't know why.
When they got back they found BT wandering around drowsily. "Wow what a sleep..." she said.
Then she spied Micky, shrieked and was about to leap on him when he took out the voodoo doll and stuck 5 pins in.
"YEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWCCHHH!" shouted BT and ran back to bed.
Micky sighed, and scoffed up all the BPFL that Al could poof up and then stole Davy's poundcake stash, until Sassip figured it out and punted him to kingdom come. The End.

Next Issue: Somehow everyone gets turned into cartoons.

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