You Are Not My Mother, You Are A Snort!

One midsummer morning MT was tugging on BT's sleeve, which was dumb of him because he was much taller than she was. "Mommy? Mommy? MOMMY!!" he shrieked.
Finally BT turned around from her book thing she was sort of reading. "WWWWHHHAAAATTTTT???!!!!!" "Mommy?"
"Yyessssss??" said BT through clenched teeth.
"Mommy, whatcha doin'?!"
"I'M PERFORMING BRAIN SURGERY!" shrieked BT, standing up & stalking toward him. "I'M WRITING A SYMPHONY! I'M WATERING MIKE'S SPARK PLUG! I'M STANDING ON DAVY'S HEAD!!!!!" she kept shouting dumb things as MT backed away scaredly. Finally he burst into tears.
"WAAAHH!!!! I don't like you Mommy I like Al better!!" he said sniffilily.
"Well then why doesn't AL be your Mommy," said BT huffilily.
MT seemed to cheer up a bit. "Okay...YES!! Aaaaalllllll is my new mommy now!!! YAY! Pi-ta, pi-ta, pi-ta..." sang MT in a stupid kiddie way as he wandered off to find Al.
"Huuuuuhhh?" said BT.
"What'dja say that for Micky?" said Mike from the corner.
"Micky?! Where?!" shouted BT.
"Oh, Micky's not here...that sounded like him," said Mike & peered at the ceiling through a pair of green binoculars.
BT blinked, looked confused, & opened her mouth as if to say something, & then shrugged it off & chased after MT.
"MT MT MT Micky Two thing baby sweetie doll lump in a Petri dish type thing WAAAAIT...I didn't really mean that, uhh, Al doesn't need to be your mommy what about when she turns into a kid?!" MT stopped & turned around, beaming happily. "I like Mommy when she's a wittle kid! She's all cute and fun to play with and my friend!" Then he frowned. "You don't ever turn into kids."
"KidS?" said Al in alarm, appearing.
"Oh, Al's alarm appearing!!" said Sassip.
"GO AWAY," said everyone, and Sassip did.

"Hi Aaaaaallll!! You're my new Mommy!!" said MT, & he went over & banged his head into Al's shoulder like a kitty.
"No no no he's just being silly," said BT.
MT frowned cutely. "I don't like you, you're always mean and boofy and loud," he said thoughtfully, & then hugged Al cutely. "Mommy!!"
"Um...well..." said Al uncertainly.
"MY BABY DOESN'T LOVE MEEEE!!" wailed BT & went to whinge at Pita. Erm, Peter.
Mike sauntered into the kitchen, thought about the problem and started laughing hysterically.
"WHAT!?" said everyone.
"Well, its just that Al messed up so badly on BT, and now she's apparently got hold of MT.. and well, we can all see where THIS is going!" said he, and giggled.
Al made a face. "Its not MY fault she's such a boofer most of the time!"
"Um, well yes it is you MADE her!" said Micky.
"Well I made her to be ten. I didn't really raise her. Well I tried, but she used to throw forks into me. And that hurt alot. So I just let her eat with her hands." said Al huffily, trying to pry MT off her.
MT grinned and picked her up. "Me an Mommy are going to get some fooooooddd!" he said and lugged her upstairs into the bathroom.
"Um, where's he going?" asked Peter.
Al came out with her hair all out and poofed up in confusion and knots. Her glasses were all halfway off her face and she stumbled downstairs.
"MOOMMMMYY!" shouted MT and raced after her.
"Oh shooooottt!" said Al and ran around. MT giggled and chased her.
Finally Al sat down and just let him jump on her. Eventually he got tired and went to sleep in her lap, which hurt alot since he was heavy and had inflicted twenty thousand bruises on her but she was happy and then she went to sleep too.
MT woke up and began to cry.
"WHAT?!" shouted BT crankily.
"Beeeeteeeeee is mean!" he said to Al.
"Yeesss, yes she is.." said Al sleepily.
"He never crawled onto MY lap to sleeeppp!" she whinged.
"I like A.. er Mommmyyy betterrrr!" said MT and went back to sleep.
BT huffed over and grabbed him up and lugged him home into Peter's mind pad.

Inside, BT had sat him down and began to give him a stern talking to.
BT began to cry. "WHYYY?!!?!?"
"Uh..... because.... you're MEAN!" said MT.
"I'll give you lemonade pops!" said BT shoving 12 at him.
MT shook his head. BT stalked off to her room.
MT poofed out and went to sit on Al, who had went back to sleep.

"Ooof..." she said, looked at MT, sighed and went back to sleep.
"What's with them?" asked Davy, coming in from who knows where.
"MT thinks he's Al's kid now, and BT is mightily pissed." said Mike.
"Oh, is she then? Well, what do you think of all this Micky?" asked Davy.
"I dunno. One would think to be feeling sorry for her but well, she asked for it she's always mean to him." said Micky.
"Not ALWAYS." pointed out Davy.
"Well no, but when she's mean, she's MEAN!" said Micky.
"Yeh, you got that right." said Davy.
"Well, I think we should just let MT do whatever he wants. He'll probably grow out of his Al phase anyway." said Peter.
"Hey that's smart!" said Sassip.
"Thank you!" said Peter.
"Shut up!" said Sassip and punted him.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" said Peter and hit MT and Al who tumbled off the couch in a big weird heap. "MOMMY!" said MT and grabbed her and ran around squishing her.
"UGH! He never did this with BT!" said Al trying to breathe.
BT popped in and saw MT trying to save Al and got even more huffier.
Peter and Davy and Micky just stared at her and Mike began to mock her.
"Awwwww look at da poooorrr wittle figament!" he said stupidly.
"ARGH! SHUT UP MIKE!" said BT. She proceeded to walk over and try to hit him but Mike just calmly blocked her attacks.
"NOOOOOOOO!" she wailed and stalked off and kicked Al.
"ORRGHGHG!" she said as she couldn't breathe.
"MT?" said Micky.
"YEAH MICKY PERSON THING LOOKS LIKE ME WHAAA HUH?!" said MT hyperly, bouncing up and down on Al who looked ill.
"Maybe you should get off Al."
"Huh?" he said nebulously.
"MT is NEBULOUSLY? HUH?" said Sassip.
"OH knock it off," said Davy and punted Sassip, but he couldn't because she was big and he wasn't, he was teeny weeny lit'le David and so she punted him and he landed on Micky and a scuffle ensued.
"Get off her," said Peter.
"Mmkay Pita," said MT & stood up. Al gasped & sprawled out on the floor, slowly regaining her normal color.
"MT....howbout...wego...somewhere...Igiveyou...pops...lemmyade...keepyouquiet...andoffofme..." she gasped.
"LEMMYPOPS!! Ooyay," said MT happily. "I have a figment named Lemmyade Pop! She's-"
"WE KNOW," said everyone loudly.
"Mmkay," said MT & skipped off to Peter's mind with Al to have Lemmyade Pops. BT poofed back in shortly.

"UGH they're being so disgusting, all mushy MT's all like 'please mummy, thank you mummy, yes I'm wearing clean knickerbockers mummy oh please pass the pickled herring mummy dearest, no it's plenty, thanks awfully mommie dear thing'." she huffed & sat down on the couch angrily. And huffily.
Everybody stared at her. "HUH?" said Mike and Peter.
"HUH?" said Micky & Sassip.
"HUH?" said Davy.
BT sulked.
Micky bounced over & plopped down on the couch happily. "So, BT," he said grinning sunnily. "You just blew it at being a mother. What're you gonna do now?!"
"SHADDAP," shrieked BT & kicked him.
"Maybe if we leave her alone long enough she'll get sick of it and fall asleep," suggested Davy.
"NOT BLOODY LIKELY," she yelled.
Micky looked at Mike, who looked back at Davy, who looked at Micky again, who looked at Mike again, and they kept looking at each other.
"Well?" Mike said finally.
"Oh, I'LL do it," said Sassip, & punted BT, who returned some minutes later with her hair all messed up & looking as if she might kill the first person who said anything.
Mike took one look & then turned away trying not to giggle.
"Is something FUNNY," said BT sulkily.
Mike absolutely burst out laughing, & Davy & Micky started giggling too.
"WHAT?!" she shouted.
"You''re..." Mike gasped between giggles.
"You're so..." said Micky.
"YOU'RE SO LITTLE AND SHORT!!" Davy shrieked & everyone fell down laughing & BT poofed off to sulk & cry & be whingy.

"Aaaallll? Oops I mean MOOOMMMYYY!?" asked MT.
"Yes, MT?" said Al.
"Why are..." said MT. But Al interrupted him.
"Please, no questions, K MT?" said Al.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked BT. "He never did that beforeeee for meeeeeee!"
Al just looked at her and turned back to her book. "Come on, MT wanna visit the Monkees again?"
"YES MOMMY!" shouted MT.
"You don't have to scream it, love." said Al, rubbing her ear.
"KKK!!!" said MT still screaming.
Al took MT back to the pad and left BT all by herself to sulk.
Davy and Sassip were playing checkers.
"Sassip, you can't move ALL the pieces at once!" said Davy.
"Why not?" said Sassip.
"Because then I can't find my pieces!" said Davy.
"But my flippers are too big to move one piece at a time." said Sassip.
"But then you throw all MY pieces off!" said Davy.
"So???" said Sassip and tried to eat Davy but he ran off. Sassip shrugged and ate the checkers.
Al walked around attending to her business and MT quietly followed her not really bothering anyone or anything in the process.
"HOW?!" shouted BT who was spying not-very-welly from the cupboard.
Al made Sassip spit out the checkers. MT helped her clean them. Al fixed dinner. MT sat and coloured at the table while humming some of the Monkees' tunes.
Al cleaned up from dinner and MT watched TV with Davy and Mike.
Al went to sleep on the couch and MT played with some toys.
BT got mad and kicked him.
"WHAT!?' shouted Al waking up quicklyand looking around. "OH, its BT...." she sighed.
"GRRRRRRRR......." said BT and kicked Al and MT again.
"BT go away!" said Al lying down again.
"NOOOO I WANT MT BACK!" she shouted.
"Well, good way to go about it kicking people. You're just jealous cause you're all grown up now and I'm taking care of him instead of you." said Al and turned over and went back to sleep.
"That's not true!" said BT annoyedly. She looked at MT. "No fair!" she pouted.
MT looked at her. "Beeeteeeee is a grownup!" he giggled and rolled around on the floor.
"WHAT!?" said BT and tried to kick him but he was moving around too much.
"Beeetteeeee is jealous of MEEEEE!" shrieked MT and rolled around some more.
"Don't do that sweety pie thingy." said Al.
"K!" said MT and played some more.
"NO HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME LIKE THAT!" cried BT and went to attach herself to Micky for some consolance.
Micky however, would have none of that and kept putting up his shield.

T finally just sat down near him & started crying loudly and foopily.
"Well, that's because you are a foopy boofer twerp thing nit git who never shuts up and leaves people ALONE," said Micky. "I speak from experience. Now go away because I want to play checkers with myself."
"Sassip ate the checkers," BT pointed out sniffily.
"That's the challenge," said Micky.
"I don't get it," said Davy.
"Well if there's no checkers, that makes it harder to win," Micky explained.
"Oh, I get it!!" said Davy, & then looked at Sassip in utter perplexment & confusion.
"But if MT was gonna do this why didn't he do it ages agoooooo?" BT whinged sobbily.
"Aw come on, why does MT do ANYTHING?" said Mike.
Peter sat up suddenly as if in Deep Thought. "That is something to ponder," he said strangely.
"Don't do that," said Micky.
"Mmkay," said Peter & curled up & went to sleep.
"Because he's a stupid little boy thing child," BT said snitchily.
"That's why he doesn't like you," said Mike.
"Because you call him stuff like that! It's MEEEEEEEAN!!!" said Micky.
"Mickyyyyy!!!" whimpered BT swoonily.
"Oh, knock it off, willya?"
Then MT & Al poofed in.

"Hi," said Peter. "Al c'n I have a popsicle?"
"Okay," said Al & gave Peter a popsicle.
"Al c'n I have some pound cake?" said Davy.
"Okay," said Al & gave Davy some pound cake.
"Al c'n I have a BPFL?" said Micky.
"Okay," said Al & gave Micky a BPFL.
"Al c'n-" said Mike.
"NO!!!" Al shouted gleefully.
"Awww, okay," said Mike.
"Hey MMMTTTTTTTTTT if I be really nice to you & stuff will you come back & me my kid & stuff?" said BT pleadily.
Micky & Mike snorted & giggled.
"OH! They're snorted!" said Sassip.
"Mmmm.....uh-uh," said MT & plopped down on the couch happily.
"Don't do that, I already did that. And quit lookin' like me," said Micky.
"OOO-KAY!" said MT cheerfully.
"YOU'RE mean to him and he listens to YOOOOUUUU," said BT whingily at Micky.
"G'way," said Micky.
"WELL I HATE YOU TOO SO THERE!!" BT shouted at him & went to sit with Peter who was being nice and quiet.
Micky stood up & started dancing around. "OH MAN SHE HATES ME SHE HATES ME!! YYYAAAAAAYYYYYY," he said & danced around idiotically until everyone hit him with big heavy things like chairs and tables and Davy.
"HEY I'M NOT HEAVY!" said Davy, brushing himself off.
"Oh yeh!" said Peter grabbing Al.
"Hey put mommmmmyyy down PITA!" shouted MT.
Peter dropped Al and shrugged and walked off.
"Ouch." said Al and MT helped her up and then gave her a horribly powerful hug.

"Thanks..." said Al, barely getting the word out. Davy walked over and tried to snog her but she looked so shocked he was scared and walked away.
"Don't DO that!" said Al brushing MT crumbs off her. "MT, honey dearest, don't leave the crumbs of dinner, lunch and brekky on your shirt because it gets Mommy oh-so crumby..." said Al.
"KKKKK!" said MT and frolicked.
"No faaaiirrr!" said BT.
"Stop that!" said Al.
"NO FAAAIIIRRRR!" said BT louder.
"BT SHUT UP!" said Mike.
BT sniffed. "I want my MT thingy kid back!"
MT was dancing around. He sat down with BT and poked at her and giggled.
"WHAT DO YOU WHAT?!" she shrieked. MT barely blinked and giggled. "Beetee is spaaa-zzy..." he said and giggled some more. "It's more fun because now she can't hurt me cause I'm not her kiddy thing anymore like now." said MT.
BT promptly let her jaw drop and then collapsed on the floor.
MT giggled.
"STOOOPP!" shrieked BT in horror.
"OH! BT IS HORROR!" said Sassip and ran around terrifiedly in circles.
"Okay, that's .. there there dearie.." said Davy.
"Oh yeh.." said Sassip and punted him. "That's for trying to snog Al."
MT blinked at her. "Uh......." he said and scurried to Al.
"What is it MT?" she asked.
"BEETEEE!!" said MT and pointed.
Al barely glanced at BT. "Yeh? Did she hurt you or something?"
"Nooo she scareeesss me!" said MT.
"Oh yes, she scares us all gimme more poundcake!" said Davy cramming about 5 slices into his mouth at once.
"Davy, I saw you have more! Eat that first!" said Al.
"NOOO!" said Davy and quickly shoved about 3 loaves behind his back.
Al clucked at him and then said, "Oh yes, Davy's right about BT though."
MT looked confused, but shrugged and went back to being a good little boy.
Davy ran around looking at people. Peter ran around looking for Mike, who he passed 12 times and didn't even realize it.
Micky ran around being happy BT wasn't around.
"But I AM around," said BT from the floor.
"Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crumb," said Micky, & stepped on her.
"OOOFF!! Don't step on meeeee," said BT & curled up and started crying again.
"Oh stop it, you'll get waterlogged," scoffed Micky.
"Awwww, you went and made her cry," said Mike evilly.
"Whaaaaa?" said Micky & looked back and forth at BT & Mike frantically. "I didn't do anything!!"
"Ooooo, boy, he's in trouble," said Mike. And then Sassip punted Micky. But then she punted Mike too.

"STOP TALKING!! I'm watching Davy eat the pound cake," she said.
"Heehee, Bee-Teeeee got stepped on," MT said gleefully.
BT stood up & turned into the floor.
"That was dumb, you'll get stepped on again," said Al.
BT turned into herself & melted all over Micky's force field just to irritate him. It worked. Peter went and peeled her off it & she rematerialized again & said, "Pleeeeeeease MT can I be your mommyyyyyyy???"
MT shrugged and looked at Al and then looked at BT and then looked at Al and shook his head.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" shouted BT and began to cry and wail and whinge and whine and cry.
Al clucked at her. "You're scaring him for geesh sakes already chickie."
BT stared at Al funnily. "You're whacked you are!" she shouted and began to wail and cry and all.
"AHHH FORMER MOMMY IS GOING WHONKY!" shouted MT and clinged to Al scaredly.
"its okay, you know her, she's a boofer." said Al and then BT settled down and stared evilly at Al.

BT huffed back to the mind pad and poofed back in with everything she owned. Being a small bag of stupid things and her record collection which everyone hid because they didn't want to have to clean it up.
"What ARE you doing?" asked Al.
"MOVING OUT!" shouted BT and shoved everyone off the couch. "MINE!" she said and plopped down and set up a lamp and a little night stand and stuff around it.
Everyone stared at her but just let her.
Al shrugged and gave MT his own room, which was BT's old room.
And everyone but BT lived happily ever after until the next story where BT plots to kill off Al and make it the BT Chronicles where everyone loves her and Micky is her love slave or something and never uses his evil crystal again and she can sit all over him and play with his hair and all that yucky junk that we all just want to strangle BT for.
The end!

Next Issue: BT tries to make MT her kid again by making Al a kid, which is the sort of dumb thing she would do, the foopy boofer.

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