Sheena's  Nightmare amputation

Last month (December 1999), Sheena started limping. We knew she needed to have her cruciate ligament repaired, so we naturally assumed this was the problem. Well a few days before this surgery was to commence, I noticed that she did not put any weight on this hind leg, and it looked broken. She never shows any pain, so I did not know the serious, and heart breaking decisions that my husband and I would have to make.

First of all, we do not want our pets to suffer, or to put them through treatment that will not help. Your first impression may be to put them to sleep. This was mine, and it was the most heart breaking thing to even consider. I love this dog so very much. The thought of making her suffer on my account, because I could not live without her, Then I thought, what if I am not giving her a chance, and what if she still wants to be with us? There is a large amount of thought and soul searching that went with everything we have done so far. I had to make sure that I was not using my personal feelings, in my final decision. I also had to hear my husband's personal views and fears about what was to be the next step.
 

January 21:  We had Sheena x-rayed, and it is a fracture caused by the cancer.
I was not prepared for this, and am still really hoping that
someone will come and wake me up, from this terrible dream.

I have fought tooth and nail for my girl, she means more to me
then anything else in the world. My Grump has been everywhere
with me, and has always been my right hand dog. There are so many
people that she has met, and I can't picture the day she isn't in
my front seat, looking out the window.

I know that I am taking this abnormally hard, but she has been
with us for long. When we first had her, we lived in a crappy
basement suite, and owned nothing. Now we are successful, and
bought her a brand new house to live in and a SUV to ride around
in. She never cared  whom we were, or what we had, as long as we
loved her. She is still trying to be brave for me, and tries to
get me to steal her carcass from her.

We took her for a nice truck ride tonight, and we stopped at the
park. She hopped three or four steps, and sat down, to tell us
she couldn't walk anymore. She gave me this helpless look, that
made me hug her and cry in her neck. My husband was bawling with
his back to us, ashamed of himself. He loves the Grump, and I
feel worse for him, then I do myself.

We have one of two choices, to amputate, or to let her go...

This is a very tough decision to make, as I can't ask her what
she really wants. The cancer in the back leg is so bad, and I
knew it is waiting somewhere else in her body, to finish her off.
She seems so much the same right now, as she still has that
sparkle of life in her eyes, and shows endless affection as
usual. I always noticed that she had a special lust for life, and
it still is there.

I don't want to be selfish in either one of my choices, but my
broken heart is getting in my way. Just seeing her in the park,
trying to get by on her three good legs now,  made me realize
that euthanizing her is the best thing for her. I know a lot of
dogs can deal with this, but am I being selfish to make her pay
such a price for six more months? Am I underestimating her Rottie
heart and courage.

But then again, am I being selfish for euthanizing her? She is
still the same dog I always had, just right now, she is eating
snacks in our bed. Normally I would be doing back flips, but now
I will even bring more snacks to her, or better yet, an stinky
carcass. I'll sleep on the bloody floor beside the bed, if she
wants to stay.

Will I deeply regret either decision? I believe that I will. I
have always made any pain or sadness she had, go away, and I know
that I am letting her down now. I know she expects me to make
this go away, and I can't, unless I let her go. I have fought for
her all her life, and I feel like such a failure. How do I know
if she wants me to fight anymore? Part of me says to fight, and
part says don't let her suffer. The cancer will kill her
eventually, no matter what.

My Grump has always been such a wonderful representative to the
Rottweiler breed. She never showed aggression, or had a menacing
manner. So many people have fallen in love with her, and she has
put countless smiles on endless faces. We are together pretty
much 24/7. She may be alone two hours out of an entire week, and
that's because I am getting groceries. Everything that I decide
to do in a day, involves her and the other two dogs.

I do not want to contribute to her suffering, but I also don't
want to throw in the towel. She trusts me so much, and I don't
want to deal with her life and happiness being in my hands. I
know I can't expect an answer from anyone, on what I should do. I
was just hoping to find the answer within myself, while I typed
this out to you all. It didn't happen.

I just can't imagine the house without her here. We have been to
every park in the city, and driven millions of miles, with her
head out my window. How will I hang her seat belt harness for
good? What will I do without her snoring beside my side of the
bed. How will I live without her herding me out of the house, or
fussing at the GSD next door. The GSM calls for her to come out
and fuss...

I know we all have to deal with their deaths sooner or later. I
was just honestly unprepared for this. I always imagined it to be
a beautiful summer day when she left me...

Sorry this is so long. I am bawling like a moron, so I will stop.
It just makes me feel better to let this all out. All I know is
that I LOVE my Grump more then anything else, and there was so
much let for us to do together.

January 22: I have calmed down, to some sort of semi reasonable state now,
and due to the many letters of advise, I am going to have
Grumpy's chest and organs x-rayed ASAP. If she is clear, I will
then take the next step necessary, and have her leg amputated.

This is a hard thing to decide, because I do not want her to
suffer. BUT, I look at her, and besides the broken leg, she still
is the same dog. She still WANTS her truck rides, walks, food,
and to play her "fussin'" game. She is downstairs, right now,
terrorizing the other two dogs, and is loving every minute of it.
All I hear is the " ARRRGGGHHH, AAARRGGHH, AAARRRGGHHH," and the
happy panting that goes with it.

She is the toughest, and has the biggest heart I have yet to see
in anyone. She has not cried or whined about the broken leg. She
is happy, when we are happy. Once several of you made me realize
that I still had another chance, my hubby and I came into the
ring fighting once again. HOPE is an amazing thing, and HOPE has
lifted an enormous weight off of all of us.

We took the Grumps to her favourite hiking spot, thinking she
would be happy just to sit out there. She started getting so
excited, she actually whined, and couldn't get out of the truck
soon enough. She was running for all she was worth, on three
legs. Unfortunately, we had to stop her, to his dislike, as the
useless leg was bouncing uselessly. I almost had a heart attack,
as it looked so painful, but she never indicated it. At first I
was so ANGRY at myself for having this stupid idea, but I saw how
she tried to go for her hike, with only three legs, and the pain
of a broken limb, bouncing uselessly. Please no flames, I never
in my wildest dreams expected her to do this. Shame on me for
underestimating her like that.

I can't believe we even considered putting her down tomorrow. I
knew in my heart that it would be a mistake, but I just don't
want her to suffer due to the fact that I NEED her.

It is so overwhelming to see the x-rays, and even think of any
possibility of her living. All I know is that she is not ready to
leave here yet. DAMMIT, she is getting those x-rays and if she is
clear,  I will be the proud friend of a cute tripod.

I do need to know from those of you that have gone through an
amputation with their Rotties, what to expect.  What will she be
like at first? What precautions should I take? How will she go
potty? What kind of pain will she be in? Will there be phantom
pains? Will I regret doing this at first? I need to prepare
myself, and my husband for everything. We are already going to
rip out all our landscaping so I can back my Blazer up to the
front veranda. She will walk out the front door, straight into
the truck.

Thank you all once again for helping me come to terms with this.
I am hoping and praying all her x-rays come clear. They have to
come clear. GEEZ, I hope they are clear. The Grump is not ready
for the Bridge yet...

January 23 (in the evening): Sheena is in very intense pain. We are taking her to the emergency clinic right now. We will see about pain control, and have the x-rays done immediately. I can't let her wait another second.

January 24: I got to see my little Grump today. This animal hospital has
visiting hours between 8-9pm. Out of all the animals in the
place, only my husband, myself, and a sweet woman came to see our
beloved pets.

Her poor twelve year old lab is dying, and has oxygen and tubes
everywhere. I felt for this woman, and she had brought this poor
girl a blanket, and read to her dog from a book. Even in the
sickened state this dog was in, you could hear her tail thumping,
every time the woman spoke to her.

I then realized just how lucky we were to be only facing an
amputation. A missing leg is minimal compared to leaving the vet
clinic, wondering if this will be the last time you were
together. I could tell this woman had nobody else but this dog,
and my heart went out to her.

Sheena was RIGHT out of it still, but it was so wonderful seeing
her resting so nicely. She had puppy pads under her bummy, in
case she peed her pants. She did. I have no idea of how I'm going
to clean her up when we get home, she has been revelling in being
in our bed at night, and now that  I know she is going to live, I
think I will do a back flip if I saw her dirty little bum in my
bed.

I Think  that the surgeon did a very clean job. She does not
look all that bad. I can say that they should learn more about
shaving dogs, as she looks rather "interesting". I was scared she
would not have her cute little butt cheek, but it is still there.

I know Frank will be her royal butt scratcher, as it is shaved
REAL nice. I want to scratch my own ass for crying out loud when
I look at it.. He did not even spare her little pubic hairs (I
don't know who is going to scratch those, they will be itchy).

All in all, she does not look all that bad. It was not nearly as
bad as I thought, and I feel sheepish for being so worried about
it. I have not seen her standing, since she was still dreaming
when we there. I know she knew we sitting beside her, but she was
really doped up. I was actually really happy that she was staying
overnight, I have no idea of how we would handle her. I'm so glad
it is almost over.

I have hardly slept a single wink since last Thursday, and I look
like absolute death. I never knew a person could have black rings
and bags under their eyes without special make up. I think I
would scare the grim reaper himself right now. I know I won't get
any sleep tonight, since Grump has never been away from me at
night before. I know she is in good hands, but it just is not
right in the house without her.

I hope they drug her up nice for when I pick her up at 5pm
tomorrow, and then maybe give me a shot or two. Like Judy said, I
will probably sleep for two days straight. As for vet records, I
need some rest and to put my mind on getting the Grump back in
business. All that can wait. I think I have enough on plate for
now.

January 25: We picked Sheena up a 6pm tonight. She could not wait to get out
of the truck, and stood in position for "pick up". She was so
ecstatic to get into the truck we took the scenic route home. She
just sat there, with her big happy face. She even came towards
the front seats, and put her head on the console (the seats are
always folded down).

She wanted to jump out of the truck on her own, but Frank picked
her up. She was even going to take the steps into the house, but
Frank carried her, just in case. Her first stop in the house was
to the toilet (dammit, she has her own water cooler), and drank
for a few minutes. After that, she hopped over to the couch, but
then decided the dog bed was better. She was asleep before her
head hit the pillow, and stayed like that for a few hours. She
looked so peaceful, and for once her breathing wasn't laboured
from pain. I feel awful for the huge pain she must have endured
for the past period of time. I will make it up to her anyway that
I can.

When she woke up, I gave her a nice serving of lean ground beef
with garlic and raw veggies. I had to slow her down by feeding it
to her by hand. She was ravenous. I guess she didn't like the
hospital food. <g> She even had enough grouchiness in her to take
the tennis ball from the other two dogs, and play a small game of
growls. That was the best thing I saw all night. I love her
"fussin" game.

She then went back to sleep, only waking up when the drains would
get her wet. Frank and I have been by her side all night, and
would gently wipe her down with a soft warm cloth. Her butt is
getting itchy from the shave job, so I need to figure out a way
to make it not get itchy. Any suggestions?

Her drains come out on Sunday, and the stitches go the following
Friday. The surgeon did a very nice job, and she does not look
mutilated at all. She is however, very bruised up, and I don't
look forward to the discomfort she will have when that starts
healing itself. I'm there for her, and do not plan on leaving
this house for any reason, until she is ready to go with me.

She is very worried about getting up or navigating herself at
this time, and does not want to go out for bathroom breaks. I
can't say I can blame her, so I have a towel under her bum, and
wipe her frequently. I can't blame her for peeing her pants now
can I? I have no human children, but I sure feel like a mother
right now. This kid can't complain, and just wants to cuddle
though. I have been laying beside her dog bed, on the cold tile
floor, sharing a pillow with her. I can honestly that there is
nothing I can think of that I would rather be doing.

As for the other dogs, when Sheena is better, I am going to tell
on them both. Nothing was sacred when she was gone. They enjoyed
laying in all HER spots, getting into HER carcass stash, and
trying to get HER share of their snacks. Damian even took the
front seat (forbidden) of the truck when she was away. It is
funny how dogs are so insensitive, and try to take over pack
positions. The disappointment in their faces when she came home
was absolutely priceless. She will be kicking a couple of asses
very soon. <VBG>

Well I have been away from her too long now. I have to figure out
how to get her up and outside before bed. Frank is probably going
to sleep downstairs with her, since she has no interest to get up
now. I am probably underestimating her again, and I'm sure she
wants her bed beside our's.

I want to thank all of you that emailed me both in private and on
the list. You all gave me so much support and advise. I really
needed it, since I was due for a melt down soon. I really want
you to know she may not be here, if it were not for all of you.
All the stories and pictures that were sent to me, meant so
much... you have no idea. I have kept every one of them in a
special file for Sheena. If life ever gets me down, I will look
at them all, and know there is hope for mankind.

I am trying to email every one of you, and will get to you all,
with my sincerest thanks for all the help. There were so many,
and now that Sheena is back, I can't stand being away from her
for one minute. I think it is like watching a child's first step
all over again. Every thing she does now, will be a first for us all.

January 26: Sheena's pain patch came off tonight. Although it eased any pain, it seemed to get her very depressed. She did not really want to try to do anything. She seemed so sad, that I thought I had made a mistake in putting her through the amputation. She still did go out, and had her truck ride, but she was just not into it. She did not want to eat either.

January 27: She is a totally different dog today. The medication in her pain patch must have wore off overnight. She wants out, to go fuss on the deck, and is harassing me for a truck ride. I cannot believe this is the same dog from yesterday. I am truly relieved. Aside of her drains bothering her, she is very happy and pain free. I have not seen her like this for a very long time.

January 28: Well last night Sheena had a couple of stitches come out. I came
downstairs to see blood everywhere. I almost had a coronary! She
had already come to bed, and was acting like nothing happened. We
were off to the clinic at two in the morning.

She had already stopped bleeding, and demanded to march into the
clinic. She hopped up the stairs and through the door so fast, I
could not keep up with her. The way she pranced around to "show
off" was priceless, and really made all of this worth it. All the
staff LOVES her, and the smiles on their faces were worth a
million dollars.

We took off her pain patch the night before last. The dog that
woke up that morning was my old Grumpy. The drugs in the patch
must have depressed her, and made her feel unstable. The nights
sleeps must have worn off the drugs, and she was just so busy all
day. She was fussing at the GSD next door, like nothing ever
happened. She was fussing at nothing in general, just to say "I'm
back" everybody. She then was the usual pain in the ass,
harassing me into taking her for a truck ride. I will not let her
jump in, as the truck is on a lift kit, and is very tall. I had
to use my truck to smash frozen rocks out of my landscaping, so I
could back up to the house. Now the front door gets opened, and
she walks right into the Blazer. The neighbours must have thought
I flipped my lid, because I keep our house so nicely groomed, and
all my shrubs are flat and rocks are off to the side. I have all
summer to fix it though, and Sheena can bask in the sun and
watch. <VBG>

She is doing so well, and can she ever move quickly on three
legs. She is much faster then she was ever before. Seeing her
pain free is so wonderful, and after her trip to the vet last
night, I scratched her butt until five in the morning. Funny, I
have been up for a few hours now, and she in still asleep in our
bed. I have not seen her get in the bed, but she obviously has no
problem getting in there at all. She looked so proud and happy to
be in there. Of course I am always running after her, to put a
towel under her behind. <G>

The stitches and drain come out Monday morning, and then she well
get to go to the park. I am sure she is ready now, but I want her
to heal up first. The drain is really bothering her, and seems to
tickle her some how. It really annoys her, but I don't think
there is anything that can be done for that. It seems to tickle
from under the skin (gross). It is funny how I was so grossed out
by the thought of all of these things, but because she is my dog,
I clean her up after the drains leak, and gently scratch the
stump of her leg.

I can't wait until she able to lay on her bad side. I see her
frustration now, because she can't reposition herself to
comfortable. I had never thought of this before.

Thank you all, once again. I am so happy to have had all the
wonderful advise, and words of encouragement. I owe this list a
heck of a lot. I have no idea of what I would have done without
all you. Words cannot express my deepest appreciation.

January 29: I can say one thing to anyone going through this. Please ask the vet about the drains on your dog. I heard three different times of removal at the clinic. Sheena is scheduled for Monday. These drains have been driving her insane. The other night, when I took her in to get re stitched, they were supposed to leave a drain in. Instead it was stitched right up, and I did not know any different. Well today, it got to her so badly she was trying to tear the drain out, and where she was re stitched, it split, and black blood was all over the place. I am glad this happened, since it must have been getting infected, but I feel awful that she has to go through this. I have called the clinic and they blow me off, or don't have any idea of what I am talking about. Of course the surgeon is not there, so we have to wait.

We also noticed Sheena's other drain is gone. We do not know if she pulled it out, or if it some how slipped inside her incision. Of course I called the clinic, they have no idea, and I have to wait until monday.  I think vets should give much more specific instructions when amputations are done. This is not a regular neuter or spay operation!!!

January 30: Sheena's recovery has been going beautiful, until tonight. We let
her out, and suddenly she started spewing blood everywhere. Frank
was trying to stop the bleeding while I called the emergency
clinic. They told me she was probably just draining. The vet
talked to Frank, and basically blew him off.

Frank tried desperately to stop the bleeding, and Sheena started
going hysterical, and tried to run to our bedroom.

I got a blanket, and got the truck ready, while Frank was trying
to bring her out. I have blood sprayed all over the walls.
floors, carpets, furniture, and both Frank and I. She started
having trouble breathing at the vet, and the could not get an IV
into her. I watched my dog almost bleed to death while they took
half an hour to get fluids into her.

We get her on the operating table and another dog came in. We had
to wait another 45 minutes while we tried to stop the bleeding.
She is being operated on right now, and Frank stayed there to
watch. I had to come home to check on my other two dogs, as they
were so upset about it all. I just cleaned the blood off the
floors and walls, and have to do the carpets. My entire truck is
sprayed with blood, as is the driveway and side walk.

I don't know what happened, but we had her stitched up a couple
of days ago, as a few stitches tore out. The vet stitched it
right up, and said we did not need the lower drain anymore, and
he did not know if there was one to begin with. From what I saw
with the bleeding, it seemed to come out of where it was stitched
up in place of a drain. When she started bleeding, it was like a
huge explosion. I have never seen so much blood in my life.

Please have prayers for her. I hope she will be okay. We have all
been through way too much to lose her now. I can't lose her now.
I am off to the vet again. I hope I don't get pulled over at $ in
the morning with myself and my truck covered in blood.

I can't believe this is happening. Sheena has never done anything
to deserve any of this. I hope she still can fight for us. She
was so weak and hysterical. I have never seen her like this in my
life. My poor little Grumpy... I love her so.

Same day, after surgery:  Sheena's situation is very grave, but I will not lose hope for
her. I have been clenching my fists, talking to her through my
mind, since they made us leave the clinic.

The vet did emergency surgery on Sheena. They had to completely
reopen her incision. She had a huge hemotoma(spelling?) When the
put her under, I left, but Frank stayed in the operating room
with her. When I came back right after the surgery, I saw all the
blood matter on the floor and in the garbage. I have never seen
anything like it.

I was concerned about Sheena's breathing at that time, but we
were told she just came out of the anaesthesia. We went for
breakfast, fully expecting her to be ready to go home when we got
back. She was the same, but in a worsened state. I called the vet
over and said that she was in trouble. I know my dog, and I knew
although she was knocked out, she was distressed. I talked to
her, and tried to make her wake up, to no avail.

The vet gave her a shot, that was supposed to reverse the effect
of the narcotics. She came around for a couple of seconds, and
gave me this terrified look that I will never forget. I know she
wanted me to help her. She went back out again, and I was nudging
her, and Frank was sponging cool water on her face. Nothing. The
vet gave her another shot, I didn't even feel right about the
first shot, but I did not know how to help her myself. I got a
hold of the vial, I can't remember the name of the drug, but it
is used to treat colic in horses. It also said not to use it on
horses that are to be slaughtered. As disturbing as this was, I
had no time to ask questions.

The vet was taking her to the ICU area, and I saw her die. I
started freaking out saying that was dead. I knew right away she
was gone, I could feel her leave. I don't think they believed me
at first, but then I was hustled away, and the doctor started
yelling at people to help. Frank stayed there giving her mouth to
mouth as the doctor gave her CPR.

I was sitting in a corner, curled up with my fists clenched,
cheering Sheena on and telling her not to die. I had my eyes
closed, and I was trying to talk to her with my mind. I am so
close to her, I can usually read her like a book, and she is the
same with me. I hope that she could hear me.

They got her back and I was so happy, and wanted to go talk with
her, and cheer her on. The vet then dropped the bomb.

He said she was dead for at least three minutes, and there is a
very good chance that she has severe brain damage. I ran over to
her, and the lights were on, but nobody was home. He said her
pupils are dilating, but I saw no recognition in her eyes when
she saw me. I ran home and brought Damian to her, and she was the
same.

I am living a nightmare and don't know what to do. I will not
give up on her, and I hope she was strong enough to be okay.
There is a good chance she may have heart failure again as well.
It is 10:30 in the morning and I still have not heard anything
from the clinic. They made us leave at 8 am. I did not want to
leave her, just in case she could hear us talking to her. Now she
is alone.

They say that her cancer is what probably started all this, but I
disagree. I had paid a large sum of money to have her x-rayed from head
to toe, blood work, the whole nine yards. She was great until now! It took us
30 minutes to try to get her in the truck and get to the clinic.
They made us wait in a room with her that
had pet loss support flyers and posters everywhere. We were there
for 45 minutes. After that, it took them about 40 minutes to get
the @$# damned IV needle into her. Then as they were about to
start her surgery, a dog with a broken leg came in. He made us
wait an hour while he took x-rays. In the mean while she was
bleeding profusely. Before getting her to the truck we used two
large hand towels to soak up the blood, plus all the blood that
was everywhere else. It took one bath towel for the trip to the
clinic. It took two towels in the room, another two while they
were trying to put the IV in, and three more while we waited for
the vet to start surgery. They put three litres of IV fluid into
her, but I think she was close to bleeding to death. I think they
gave her too much drugs for the amount of blood she lost, and now
she is on the very brink of death.

Now I have to worry about her making it, but what if she is a
vegetable? She has been through so much, and now it could all be
over due to this. I have no idea of why her artery burst either,
she was not doing anything. I have never seen Sheena so afraid in
her life, and feel like I let her down, why did this have to
happen to her? Was the cancer not enough for her? We had so much
fun for the past couple of days too, and we were looking forward
to our first trip to the park, after her stitches were out. I
don't even know what else to say...

January 30: Frank received the call from the vet. She has died. In our efforts to save her life, she ended up dying. We went to see her for one last time, and although she was dead, I could not stop hugging my Grumpy. I don't understand what happened. She was doing fantastic, and then she started bleeding to death. We fought to keep her strong, but the clinic sent us home, against our wishes. She died a couple of hours later.
 I "felt" her die. I knew what had happened, and when the phone rang I was terrified that I was right in my feelings. Sheena was my closest friend, and soul mate. Until that call... I was in denial, now I don't have it to hide behind anymore. She is gone...forever. It it their fault, I know it is. I know that I have so many memories, but it does not help the huge hole in my heart. I have not slept in 40 hours, and am sick to my stomach. I don't know what I will do without her. She was that once in a life time dog.

My husband Frank, spoke to the vet today. He looked at Sheena
before she died, and he believes that her cancer spread to her
stomach or other internal organs.We paid to have this all checked out.
She really did seem fine, but
there were some very minor changes in her before her amputation.
I thought she was in pain due to the leg, but some things never
went away after her amputation. I thought she just needed time.
I honestly think the vet was to blame for her death, due to his neglect,

 When she started bleeding, it was not even an artery, it was
just a vessel. I had no idea that a vessel could bleed so much.
Since I did not talk to the vet personally, I do not have all the
details, since everything was so complicated for Frank to
remember. I guess that there are some rare instances of a
condition called DIC. Of course this is an abbreviated medical
term, and Frank could not remember what it was. He said it was a
long one though. I do believe that they they let my baby bleed to death!
They killed the thing I loved the most in this world.
They never cared for her like we did, so why should they feel bad!

It is very hard to believe that we went through so much to save
her. I had a feeling that she was dying that night, but refused
to admit it and kept encouraging her to fight. No matter what my
personal feelings were, I had always promised to fight for her,
and never give up. While she was getting fluids on the operating
table waiting for her surgery, I made every second count. I was
kneeling on the floor beside the table, supporting her big,
beautiful head on my shoulder. I spent a good forty minutes
hugging, kissing, and softly singing our special little songs to
her. She was so relaxed in my arms, and was gently breathing in
my ear. I made sure that I stroked her ears, jowls and around her
gorgeous face. I knew she was happy before she went to sleep. I
took comfort in knowing she felt at peace and had my
unconditional love. Frank was there, trying to stop the bleeding,
but he was reassuring her and telling her how much he cared for
her as well.

She never really woke up after that. I know she knew that we had to fight for her. We always
promised that we would never give up on her, and we had gone so
far, we had to give her that final chance at life. She is the one
whom decided that she could not take it anymore. I had no idea of
how bad she was, as she never showed any pain. She never liked us
to be sad, and enjoyed her time with us, right to the very end.

Do I regret the amputation???

Not one bit. She was not ready to go yet when it was done. It
would have been so cruel to leave her with a broken leg and leave
her in pain.  Sheena was so happy, right until the bleeding
suddenly started, then it was over pretty quick. We did not find
any other places where the cancer had gone, so we did what we
believed was the right thing.

We may have had only five days after her amputation, but it was
the best five days we ever had. Frank and I stayed with her 24
hours a day. She was never once left unattended. We hardly slept,
because she was sprawled across our bed, with the fan blowing on
her, as we scratched her butt. She was treated better then
royalty, and she got her truck rides, without fail, everyday
after she came home from the vets. I know in my heart that she
was very happy, and knew that she was loved and adored. I will
never in my life understand why the sudden and cruel twist of
fate.

What I do regret is that we trusted a vet with my baby's life,
and he did not care enough to do things right. When she had complications,
they should have done all they had to do IMMEDIATLY, not make us
wait for hours! The panic I felt that night is nothing that I ever want to feel again.
I was helpless to do anything, and I watched her life get slowly soaked
up into the numerous towels we used that night. Why did this have to happen... to my Grumpy girl?
She was such a good girl, and so full of life. There are millions of
unwanted animals in the shelters. As mean as it sounds, why not one of them. Why my Grumpy girl?
She was needed and wanted by all those whom knew her.

I try to find peace in all of this, but from the second that she
died, a piece of my heart and soul went with her. I wander around
the house looking for her. I am taking this much harder then I
ever imagined. I guess I have my grief, Frank's grief (he is
devastated), and Damian's grief as well. My poor Damian is lost
without her. Sheena was his guide, and window to the hearing
world. He has no idea of what is going on now, and is very
distressed about Sheena being gone. He always would look at her
to see what was going on. I never realized how much he depended
on her. They have been together for so many years, I guess you
just don't notice. He saw her at the clinic before she died. He
did not even recognize her. Strange how dogs are with things like
this.

Thank you to all  of you list people whom sent support and
condolences for my family. The greeting cards were wonderful, and
I have saved every  email in a special file for my Grumpy.  I
want you to know how important your support was to me, and I look
at the emails to let myself heal. I am, by far, not even close to
being out of the woods. But without this outpouring of support, I
don't know where I would be. Most people do not understand a bond
like I had with the Grumpy. She was so very special... I am glad
that there are those of you, whom understand the special love a
special Rottweiler can give.