Jokes R us
Q: What's the difference between a dog on the back porch whining and your
wife on the front porch whining about your motorcycle?
A: When you let them in, the dog stops whining!
Q: Why is a motor scooter like a fat girl?
A: They're both fun to ride, but you don't like to admit it.
Guy walks into a bar . Orders a beer. bartender gives him the beer. The guy
slugs it down, turns to his right and says,
"M' fucker sure could ride", then "Ptooey" spits ten feet into the
spitoon.
Guy orders another. Barkeep brings it. The guy slugs it down, turns to his
right and says "M'fucker sure could ride" then "Ptooey" spits ten feet into
the spitoon.
Barkeep is starting to get curious. Guy asks for one more beer. Bartender
brings beer, hands it to guy and asks "Care to explain your unusual
habit?".
Guy says "Sure, When I got into my car to come to the bar today, the
battery was dead. So, I figger that I'll just hitchike into town. Well this
dude on a BMW stopped and picked me up."
Bartender says "Ok, what happened?"
"Well, you know that big curve outside of town".
"Yeah"
"Right in the middle of that curve there was a stalled 18 wheeler blocking
the whole road. There was nowhere to escape to and I knew we were gonna
die."
"Well, what'd you do?"
"I tapped that biker on the shoulder, and told him if he got me out of this
alive, I'd suck his dick! Well, Ptoooey! "M'FUCKER SURE COULD RIDE!"
A member reported at a general meeting that his motorcycle had been stolen the previous
weekend. He then added the thieves also stole the trailer the bike was on, and the car that was
pulling the trailer.
Two fleas meet every year in florida for winter vacation. The First flea
(JJ) sees the Second flea (Marty) & asks him why he is so cold. He
replys that he got to Florida by ways of a biker's mustach & that he was
so cold because he wore no face gaurd. The first flea (JJ) Said, "do
what I do, I go to the airport, sit in the bar, have a few drinks & wait
for a hot stewardess to come in. I go to her & climb up her leg, all the
way up to a nice nest between her legs. From there the ride is home
free." The second flea (marty) says he will try it. A year goes by & JJ
sees marty and once again he is cold, he asks him what happened & if he
tried what he had told him? The second flea (marty) replied, "I went to
the airport, got to the bar, had a few, & found a nice stewardess, I
climbed up her leg & was home free, But along the way she met Peter, a
biker, & I wound up riding down here in his mustach!"
Star Wars or Rolling Broccoli Riders
Luke: "You fought in the clone wars."
Ben: "I was once a Jedi Knight the same as your father."
Luke: "My father didn't fight in the wars. He was a navigator
on a space freighter."
Ben: "That's what your Uncle told you. He didn't hold with your
father's ideals. He thought he should stay home. Not gotten
involved."
Luke: "I wish I had known him."
Ben: "He was a cunning warrior, and the best star pilot in the
galaxy. I understand you've become quite a good pilot yourself.
And he was a good friend. For over a thousand years the Jedi
Knight protected the galaxy. Before the dark times. Before the
Empire"
Luke: "How did my father die?"
Ben: "A young Jedi Knight named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of
mine until he turned to evil, helped the Emporer hunt down and
destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father.
Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force."
Luke: "The Force?"
Ben: "Yes, the Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his power. It's
an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us.
Penetrates us. Binds the galaxy together. Which reminds me. Your
father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your
Uncle wouldn't allow. He thought you'd follow Obi-Wan on some
idealistic crusade."
Luke: "What is it?"
Ben: "It a lightsaber. The weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as random
or clumsy as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized
age."
Now the interpretation, as a conversation I never want to have with
your son...
Luke: "You were in the Rolling Brokkoli Riders?"
Ben: "I was once an RBR, the same as your father."
Luke: "My father didn't ride a Beemer. He was a Yuppie."
Ben: "That's what your mother told you. She didn't hold with your
father's ideals. She thought he should stay home. Not ride around
on his BMW drinking till 4:00 in the morning and Brokking things."
Luke: "I wish I had known him, when he was a Brokkoli Rider."
Ben: "He was a RBR, and the best rider in the
club. And he was a good Guy. I've never seen someone drink so
much Jager meister. And he never got caught Krustying! I
understand you've become quite a rally-rat yourself. For over
five years he got so safe he could hardly function. Before the
dark times. Before, his girlfriend.
Luke: "How did my father become a hoser?
Ben: "A young chick, namely your mother, who was pretty cool
herself until she turned to evil, helped other women hunt down and
destroy the coolness in men. She de-brokked the man who
was once your father. Your mother was annoyed by the dark side
of Brokkoli, Safety and Beer"
Luke: "Brokkoli, Safety and Beer?"
Ben: [smiles] "Yes, Brokkoli, Safety and Beer is what gives a RBR
his livelihood. It fucks us up. It lets us yell stuff like Rock
and Roll while we dance naked around campfires. Which reminds me.
Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but
your Mother wouldn't allow it. He thought you'd hop on a bike
and become a Rolling Brokkoli Rider.
Luke: "What is it?"
Ben: "Your father's toilet paper roll. The ultimate tool of an
RBR.. Not as random or clumsy as a pipe. An elegant device for a less
civilized age..."
Was it worth it
There was once a RBR and a Biker who lived next door to each other. The RBR owned a
hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Biker's
garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Biker pick up the egg. The
RBR ran up to the Biker and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned
the hen.
The Biker disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while
until finally the RBR said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you
in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how
long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Biker agreed
to this and so the RBR found his heaviest pair of motorcycle boots and put them on, he took a few steps
back, then ran toward the Biker and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls. The Biker fell to the floor clutching his nuts and howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Biker stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The RBR said, "Keep the fucking egg."
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