I had always imagined a scorpion as a sort of giant crablike combination lizard/hippopotamus/lobster snorting flames from a poisonous tail, ready to strike at all times. �The poor insignificant creature so readily squashed with a broom handle made me feel sorry for it, although I'm certain that had I found this same creepy-crawly in my bed or shoe, my heart would not have gone out to it.

The point here is that Scorpio people bear a very close resemblance to the scorpion in this story. �At first they seem all shiny and cute and not too significant. �They give the impression you could do them in with a toothpick. �They are sensitive, retiring, reserved and mysterious. �If you see Scorpios at a party or in public, you may hardly notice them at first. �They don't seem to pose a threat. �But find a Scorpio in your bed or even in your shoe, and then you'll start to notice the little darlings.

It is said Scorpios are self-destructive. �I don't know many completely self-destructive Scorpios. �In fact, with the exception of my cousin Phyllis, who is addicted to chocolate bars and hates real food (for all kinds of complex psychological reasons I won't bore you with), and my old friend Gladys, who drinks rather more than she should, I only know positive, go-ahead Scorpios. �And even my two "self-destructors" are busy bees, always doing things and making things happen around them.

One of my Scorpio friends is a famous food person in the United States. �She's made a million dollars a minute since she started a business a few years ago. �She's unbeatable. �Another one is a lawyer. �Every time I hear from him, he's had another promotion. �My brother John's a Scorpio and at age thirty-three practically owns Xerox. �I know sculptors and photographers and chefs who are Scorpios. �They are all in positions of authority and know how to take responsibility.

The reason I defend Scorpios so heartily is that I am one. �From the moment I knew I was Scorpio (about twenty years ago) I've heard people say awful things about my sign. �Some say we are cruel. �Some claim we are dictators. �Others tell us we're vengeful and attack only the weakest spot in others. �In fact, it got so bad at one point that whenever people asked me my sign and I answered, "Scorpio," a look of horror would seep in from behind their eyes. �From that moment on, they treated me with great deference, as though I were a hungry boa constrictor. �"A Scorpio?" they would whisper reverently. �Now, when people ask my sign, I say, "I am an inoffensive Scorpio."

Because Scorpios have the reputation for being ultrasexy, I have also noticed that certain insecure folks are always adding, "I have Scorpio rising" to their astrological IDs. �It sounds so terrific to be a Scorpio. �But let me tell you that just because Scorpios are sexy doesn't mean they have more fun. �Imagine all the tight spots being sexy gets you into. �Think of all the people who end up hating or being hated by you. �Try to conjure the responsibility of having to fulfill the sex-bombshell image of Scorpio when you have a headache. �Being a Scorpio is not what it's cracked up to be. �It's a lot of hard work.

Scorpions are definitely vengeful. �And they are domineering and self-centered and, well, colorful. �Scorpios like to see inside other people's heads and then see how they can direct that person's life. �Scorpios are self-confident to a fault. �They love the occult and crave mystery and intrigue. �They are determined and impulsive. �Frankly, I think Scorpios are adorable. �But I concede it's a matter of opinion.