http://geocities.com/FilmDweeb/topten/list2002.html
FilmDweeb
The Web Site of the Anonymous Movie Theatre Usher ("Amtu")

Top Ten Lists of 2002
Top Ten Lists of Way Out Movie Topics * Site Map (bottom of page)

"What's the best movie here?" - Clueless Customer at the Metropolitan Googleplex
It's the one that starts next!" - Amtu's annoyed retort (in his dreams)

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This page last updated on: Wed. December 18, 2002

November 20, 2002
Top Ten Least Impressive James Bond Gadgets

10. Remote-control squirrel
9. Digital clock that is also a radio
8. An illegal cable box
7. Cuff links shaped like dice
6. Panasonic wet-dry beard trimmer with night vision
5. Football-shaped phone
4. A refreshing soda that combines both lemon and lime
3. Shampoo and conditioner in one
2. Futuristic green liquid that fights bad breath
1. Delicious low-fat cheesecake

October 7, 2002
Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is A Cannibal

10. You see repairmen go in, but you never really see them come out
9. Your name: Lou Levy; recipe on his refrigerator: "Lou Levy Almandine"
8. Lives alone, yet at his garage sale, had men's and women's shoes in most sizes
7. Asks if sailors count as seafood
6. Sues Denny's for false advertising over its so-called "Lumberjack Breakfast"
5. Calls his hot tub "the slow cooker"
4. At Halloween, he always has extremely realistic skeletons on the porch
3. You ask for a beer, he replies, "They're in the fridge next to Steve"
2. Says, "I'm in the mood for a Mexican...I mean Mexican"
1. The "pork shoulder" he serves you is wearing a wristwatch

May 31, 1999
Top Ten Ways to Mispronounce Gwyneth Paltrow

10. Gwyn El Nino
9. Kenneth Starrtrow
8. Leonardo DiPaltrio
7. Scott Baio
6. The Gwyneth Book of World Paltrows
5. Gwena -- Warrior Princess
4. Mrs. David Letterman
3. Winning Free Throw
2. Gwwwwwwyyyyyyyyynnnnnnnnethththththththththth Paltrow
1. Punky Brewster

November 03, 1996
Top Ten Lines You'll Never Hear Mel Gibson Say in a Movie

10. I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting a nasty case of kilt rash
9. Sure I'll apprehend those drug kingpins -- right after I finish this yummy peach cobbler
8. Hey Vern!
7. The ransom is two million dollars? Screw it -- just keep the kid
6. I can't shoot him, damn you! I have carpal tunnel syndrome!
5. Pleasure to meet you, President Dole
4. G'day mate, my name is Crocodile Dundee
3. Do you think these new slacks make my ass look huge?
2. You might look like a man, but you kiss like a woman
1. That Letterman fella sure is one good-lookin' son-of-a-bitch

August 02, 1999
Top Ten Signs You're Watching A Cheap Horror Movie

10. To save electricity, the killer makes chainsaw noises with his mouth.
9. Mangled corpse in background keeps sneezing.
8. Filmed in something called "Out-of-Focus-Sneezing."
7. On side of monster you can read the word "Hasbro."
6. To save money on fake blood and dummies, they actually killed people.
5. "Monster" looks suspiciously like cardboard cutout of Elvira holding beer.
4. It's just a redubbed Dutch government bicycle safety film.
3. Same actor played all 27 parts, directed the film and sold you the popcorn.
2. Scenes of the witch are just file footage from Hillary's listening tour.
1. Sign in front of theater: "Please tip the serial killer."

June 12, 2002
Top Ten Things Overheard Outside "Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood"

10. "Too much sisterhood, not enough ya-ya"
9. "Yeah, this is much better than the Tyson fight"
8. "If Mr. Gotti were still alive, nobody would dare reveal the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood"
7. "Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya"
6. "I heard Ellen Burstyn did her own stunts"
5. "This is the worst bachelor party ever"
4. "You know me, I'll see anything with Angus McFadden in it"
3. "Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya"
2. "I'm really looking forward to this -- I love yo-yos"
1. "What's Mike Piazza doing here?"

May 12, 1999
Top Ten Bad Things About Having A Summer Time Share With Darth Vader

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use the Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

May 20, 2002
Top Ten Surprises In The New Star Wars Film

10. Most of the action takes place on Planet Hollywood
9. Jedis interrupting lightsaber battle to change double "A" batteries
8. Jar Jar Binks is shot by enraged Robert Blake
7. Obi-Wan wins the big dirty dancing contest
6. A confused William Shatner keeps showing up looking for Spock
5. Supreme Chancellor passes out after choking on a pretzel
4. "The Force?" -- just a sinus headache
3. All the time C3PO spends bitching about Spider-Man
2. Usual Star Wars opening theme replaced with George Strait's "All My Ex's Live In Texas"
1. Yoda has sex with a pie

May 6, 2002
Top Ten Signs Your Wife Is Having An Affair With Spider-Man

10. You find footprints on your bedroom ceiling
9. Your children have eight legs
8. Overheard on phone saying, "Use your spider powers to kill my husband, then we'll be together"
7. Your dry-cleaner mentions, "That blue and red costume your wife brought in is ready"
6. She says she wants to rub her hands "all over your cephalothorax... I mean chest"
5. Your housefly problem clears up overnight
4. All of a sudden, she's critical of your inability to scale buildings
3. She's writing a book, "Spider-Man And The Unmet Needs Of The Modern Wife"
2. Superman asks you, "Uh, is everything okay at home?"
1. Drawings of Spider-Man having sex with your wife appear in Sunday comics

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Top Ten Films in the U.S. Archives.....................(under construction, use the above "archives/main" link )
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I Saw That! (stills from movies that Amtu saw).....http://geocities.com/FilmDweeb/isawthat/main.html
FilmDweeb's Movie Top Ten Lists for 2002...........http://geocities.com/FilmDweeb/topten/list2002.html
FilmDweeb's Funnies........................................(under construction)
Theatre Goer's Guide to Buying Movie Tickets.....(under construction)
Great Movie Palaces of the West Coast..............(under construction)

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