The Quiz: Do You Have What It Takes?

Survivor was such a great success for CBS this summer that they are already hard at work on Survivor II, set in the Australian outback.  When they announced the opening of interviews for contestants CBS was inundated with responses, far more than they could process on a one-on-one basis.  In an effort to narrow the field they introduced the following test which is designed to "red flag" those potential contestants who may be unsuited to the physical and mental challenge of being isolated with a small group of people in a hostile environment.  Take the quiz and see what your Survivor ranking is!

1.  You are exploring a new area by yourself and come across a spring of exceptionally clear water.  You:

a)  rush back to camp and tell everyone you've found a water supply.
b)  tell no one and use it for your own personal water source.
c)  bring back water in a canteen but refuse to tell the others where you found it so they will have to rely on you to supply it.
d)  continue masturbating.

2.  After arriving at the site it is suggested the first task should be to build shelters.  You:

a)  use your experience in carpentry to fashion simple but effective shelters for your tribe.
b)  argue with the others that finding a source of food should be the first priority.
c)  work reluctantly while hitting on the best looking member of your tribe.
d)  refuse to acknowledge any contestant who fails to address you as "Supreme Lord Inquisitor".

3.  After a week in the outback you begin to feel hungry.  You:

a)  help the other tribe members hunt for food.
b)  sit around the fire whining about how hungry you are.
c)  continue secretly eating from the stash of food you've been saving all along.
d)  continue secretly eating the raw flesh of Sharon the cheery bank teller you murdered several days before.

4.  The current immunity challenge involves an obstacle course.  You:

a)  suggest you all train together to prepare for the challenge.
b)  discuss with the other tribe members who is likely to win.
c)  boast that you are by far the best obstacle course runner and belittle anyone who doubts you.
d)  continue to lie motionless in the sand, unable to move due to your 1,000 lb bulk.

5.  After several weeks in isolation, the tribes merge.  You:

a)  welcome the other tribe members and share your scant resources with them.
b)  attempt to discover who best to form an alliance with.
c)  chat up the cutest girl, Suzy, in an attempt to get her in the sack.
d)  continue wallowing in the pool of your own urine and feces you've created.

6.  Which person from the original Survivor show do you relate to the most?

a)  Rudy
b)  Colleen
c)  Richard
d)  Cameraman #1

7.  If you win the $1,000,000 prize, what would you do with it?

a)  Share some of it with my family and live off the interest.
b)  Buy a new house, car, and live the good life.
c)  Make sure I blow all of it before I die so my greedy kids don't get any.
d)  Buy even more kiddy porn than I do already.

Scoring the Quiz:  For every A answer, give yourself 4 points.  For every B answer give yourself 3 points.  For every C answer give yourself 2 points.  For every D answer give yourself 0 points.  Add up your score.

What your score means:

28 - 20:  You are a centered, well balanced individual who will handle the Survivor experience well.  Unfortunately you are way too naive and stupid to ever win this game.  But you'll make good fodder for the other contestants, and if you're hot enough maybe we'll pick you as eye candy.  Survivor Type:  Sean.

14 - 19:  You are prime Survivor material:  Balanced enough to get through the ordeal yet unscrupulous enough to lie, cheat, and connive your way to the top.  The only problem is other contestants will not like you.  But you don't care!  Survivor Type:  Susan.

7 - 14:  You are on the edge of being a danger to yourself and others.  You will do anything to win.  You are almost certainly some sort of sexual freak.  If you can keep your rage and intense hatred hidden from the others long enough you might win this game. Survivor Type:  Richard.

0-7:  You are subhuman.  Only the most rigid control will keep you from devouring your fellow contestants.  For you the money doesn't matter, it's the chance to indulge in all your sick, twisted fetishes thousands of miles from civilization.  Your goal is to kill every contestant and crew member.  You would be the ultimate Survivor, in the literal sense.  Your best bet is to hide your aspirations behind a mask of blind allegiance and a surly attitude.  Survivor Type:  Rudy.

 
 

Copyright 2000 The Upper Canada Chronicle