Anybody who hasn't heard of Harry Potter lately must live in a deep cave indeed.  He's the biggest thing to hit kid's books since...  Well, since ever.  He's smashing sales records and selling out of stores as quickly as he can be restocked.  He's The Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears spliced together into one pulsing globule of massively appealing prose aimed squarely between the eyes of every girl and boy between the ages of 8 and 13.  Anything that successful must be subverted.  So here are the titles you'll never, ever see on the cover:

10.  Harry Potter And The Magic Mushrooms
9.  Harry Potter Does Dallas
8.  Harry Potter Takes His Ritalin
7.  Harry Potter's Isn't Really An Orphan, His Parents Just Couldn't Stand Him
6.  Harry Potter Goes To Magic School, Learns To Kill, Kill, Kill
5.  Harry Potter And The Troubling Rash
4.  Harry Potter Busts A Cap In Yo Ass
3.  Harry Potter's Roadkill Cookbook
2.  Harry Potter Likes Boys
1.  Kill All The Elves, They Smell Weird, They're Different, And They're Stealing Our Jobs: The Potter Manifesto

 
 

Copyright 2000 The Upper Canada Chronicle