How many times have you gotten a coupon for a free continental breakfast?  How many times have you had a continental breakfast?  If you’re like most people the answer is somewhere between zero and one million.  But have you ever stopped to wonder what exactly a continental breakfast is, and why is it called the “continental breakfast”?  No?  Well lucky for you someone has been investigating this phenomenon.

For starters, do you even know what belongs in a continental breakfast?  If you don’t that’s not surprising because recent polls have shown that as much as 80% of the public really has no idea what foods belong in the C.B.  And why is this?  Let me tell you why.  It’s because “continental” sounds fancy, and people don’t question fancy things, they just accept them.  And when you don’t question things you forget about them and soon you don’t even notice they’re there anymore…like the C.B.  For example, when is the last time you really thought about the “French Riviera”.  What exactly is that anyway…where exactly is it situated?  What goes on there and why is it so coveted?  Creepy, isn’t it?  What about words like Renoir, geisha and canteloupe?  Do you really have any inkling about what these things are?  I don’t!  All we know is that they sound fancy and are therefore best left in the hands of the rich and famous.  So now that we’ve discovered how little we know about the “continental” breakfast…let's do some examining.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word “continental” as: of, relating to, or characteristic of a continent.  But why?  Do we get eggs with this breakfast, do they come in the shape of Australia?… North America?… South America?  Who knows!?  The Merrian-Webster also defines “continental breakfast” as: a light breakfast (as of rolls or toast and coffee).  It also mentions that the “C” is often capitalized.  (Also, the phrase came into use in 1911.)  Huh?  What the hell!  What does this all mean?  So the breakfast is somehow related to a “continent” and it is “light” in nature.  Where is the connection?  Who could possibly understand this gibberish?  It’s a red herring.  And THAT is the key to unravelling the mystery.  The realization that it is all a red herring intended to confound and misdirect.  The breakthrough is not in understanding the meaning of the word but in understanding the actual typed out word itself.

A close examination of the word “continental” on a free continental breakfast coupon revealed the following clue.  Observe the picture below.

Hidden in the dot on the letter “i” were the letters “TM”.  Trade mark.  That’s right!  The phrase “continental breakfast” has been trademarked and someone is making millions upon millions of dollars from it.  Every single commercially produced typed out instance of this phrase has been trade marked and copy protected so that someone might reap the benefits of royalties.  But how does someone get paid for a trademarked phrase you ask?.  I’ll tell you.  The Canadian Heritage Ministry!  Do you have any idea what Sheila Copps really does?  I do!  Did you really think that it took millions of dollars to produce those heritage moment advertisements on TV?  Whatever.  The Heritage Ministry is nothing but a front for the laundering of money which is being redirected out of the country to a secret Zurich account.  And this has been going on since 1911!  This is where my investigation came to a sudden halt.  Any further attempts to discover the owner of the account have so far met with little success.

So now you know the whole dirty truth.  Your tax dollars and the tax dollars of every Canadian are being syphoned off to a foreign country to be used by who knows to do who knows what.  Probably to fund research into ways of making Micheal Jackson’s skin glow in the dark for all we know.  Creepy isn’t it?

So the next time you are offered a “free” continental breakfast, ask yourself this:  is it really free?  Haven’t YOU already paid enough…haven’t we ALL paid enough?
 
 

Copyright 2000 The Upper Canada Chronicle