Casts

Right, so when I got to the hospital, they gave me a very poorly done plaster cast, with the message that it should come off in a week. Now, when it comes to medicine, I know little more than I have gotten from watching ER. I don't know ships from shinola when it comes to setting casts, but it seemed to me that the plaster, a few days later, shouldn't have been able to move. It just seemed odd to me. I mean I had the impression that due to the cast, I should not have been able to move my foot around. So, when I went to visit my aunt in Jerusalem, we decided that I should go see a specialist. I have insurance, so it couldn't hurt.

Actually, I had a rather premium insurance. In all of Jerusalem, only two doctors made the cut, and when we went, this card was like a backstage pass. It was amazing. My aunt waved the card, boom, "oh, no, you don't need an appointment." Boom, we're put in the front of the line. Boom, the paperwork is done for us, I mean, I felt a little guilty for all the respect. I felt like Seinfeld in one of those American Express commercials.

So, we get into the office, and the doctor looks at my leg. I've never seen a doctor cringe like that before. "�� �����! (Zeh shavuie!) {It's worthless!}" Apparently, I had not followed proper instructions for my cast. I was not supposed to walk on it, at all. (Never could live up to that one.) And I wasn't supposed to get it wet. I knew that to a certain extant, so when I had to take showers, so I wrapped it in a plastic bag. Apparently though, the bag kept the moisture in it. Plus, what exactly was I supposed to do when it rained? Instead of the normal buzz saw that they use to remove the cast, the doctor just took a pair of scissors and cut the thing off. Apparently, if he had used the saw it would have destroyed the saw, as the still wet plaster would have put a cast on the saw.

So, we had to get a new cast. He made it abundantly clear that this one should be water resistant. So my aunt went to the drug store next door to buy the plastic rolls for the cast. Now this is second hand, but the story is something like: "I need to buy the rolls for the casts. What colors do you have?"

"Green, blue, and bright red."

"OK, fine, I'll take green."

"I'm sorry, we're out of green."

"OK, then I'll take blue."

"Sorry, we only have two rolls of blue, and you need three to make a cast."

So, my aunt paid around seventy dollars, and I got this blinding red cast. That lasted until I reached the States. I went home for my brother's Bar Mitzvah, and it was decided that I should see an American specialist. So, they buzz saw off my cast, and they give me cast #3, a black, Velcro, removable cast. It looked like a ski boot. This way, I could take showers, but the doctor suggested a surgery where they put screws in my foot. I wanted a second opinion.

Doctor #4 takes X-rays, for the fourth time, and he says I don't need the surgery, but I do need to get the other type of cast back. The thing is, that I should wait back till I'm in Israel to put on another cast, because the pressure that would be exerted by the planes. Something like that.

So, call me what you will, but I decided to take the best of both worlds; I didn't get the surgery, but I kept the ski boot.

Get me outa here!!!

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Michael Kadish

"Giving up smoking is easy; I've done it hundreds of times." -- Mark Twain

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