Lucky...?

As I said, the first time, at least to my knowledge, that my parents officially heard how I broke my foot was through E-mail. I really didn't want to tell them, I knew they would just use it as a joke of me to hold them over till I saw them again. I came back to America for my brother's Bar Mitzva, (his had a gambling theme, [chuckle].) and they asked how I broke it, so I took the fifth. Repeatedly. I did decide that I'd tell them what happened under one condition, that I could do it in a speech to the congregation.

It does sound incredibly egotistical for me to want to give a speech at my brother's Bar Mitzva. Even if I did come from six thousand miles away to give it. It would be a bit awkward. But, I don't know, I thought this one would have been pretty good. Let me explain the circumstances. See, my brother, for his Bar Mitzva, had to wear magnifying glasses for the first time. Anyway, they started throwing candy at him. As he removed his glasses, he was pegged in the temple.

So, for my speech, I'd begin by telling them the story of how I broke my foot, humorous tone, close to the prose of my E-mail. But then I'd go on to explain, addressing him, "Look, Samuel, you're party is a gambling party. A big part of gambling is luck. Now the religion may or may not believe in luck, but it does believe that somebody is looking out for you, which in the gambling sense is the same thing. I want to tell you about people looking out for us. Take my recent 'falling out.' I consider my broken foot one of the luckiest things that ever happened to me.

"See, here, I did something unbelievable stupid, I jumped out of an open second story window. I could have broken any combination of bones, some would have been lethal. As it is, I have one small fracture in my foot. My foot. La dee da. I can still get around. I can't run that well, or play sports at the moment, but if I had to break a bone in my body, short of maybe the stirrup, or the anvil, the one that effects me the least is a minor little metacarpal. I'm not suddenly dependant, I don't need any help, I...OK, you get the idea. The break could have been worse.

"But it's more than that. I'm a teenager, and now you are one too, and one of the things they say about us are true. We do feel invincible. If I fell from that window unscathed, I'd quite probably have kept doing it, from higher and higher points, until something much worse happened. So, it wasn't just a lucky break, it was lucky that I got a fracture at all. Or to put it another way, it was a brake that the break was a break, because it put a brake on worse happenings.

"But Pip, sea lo casea, let me tell you this. You were just pegged in the face with hard candy, and it was because you were distracted with the new glasses. But, Samuel, remember, He is looking out for you. Just think what would have happened if you hadn't remembered to take off your glasses."

But, I didn't get to make that speech, maybe it was for the better.

As it was, my brother's speech was great. He is a natural comedian, and it showed. Initially, he wanted to do the speech with puppets. But the Rabbi refused to allow him to do it. So, that's how he began his Bar Mitzva speech. "Originally, I was going to perform this with sock puppets. But the Rabbi said he wouldn't allow that in his synagogue." He then went on to tell of his experiences in the synagogue, namely the infamous handcuff incident, which could be one of these diary entries in and of itself, and a story wherein he and his nursery school class went to the zoo, an orangutan escaped, so they locked up the kids in one of the zoo cages for the day, while they captured the primate.

But, they didn't hear about my leg. Maybe for the best.

Get me outa here!!!

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The last real entry

Take me back to the list

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Michael Kadish

"Lie? Ha, the truth is far too much fun." -- Captain Hook

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