Suicide?!?

So, everybody is working, and I'm sitting in my room. I sit in my room quite often, since I can't work, and Boaz, who is sort of my superior comes in. He explained that since it was raining, the people in the fields didn't have to work, so he came to talk to me. "�� ? (Eich atah margish?) {How are you feeling?)"

"��, �� , �� . (beseder, aval af echad yeetnu li avodah, biglal ha gevess.) {Fine, but nobody will give me work, cause of my cast.}"

"��, �� , �� . (Ken, haya lecha harbe mazal, atah lo tzarich la avod.) {Yeah, you had a lot of luck, now you don't have to work.}" I really didn't feel like pointing out that I wanted to work, and I felt that people were blowing the injury out of proportion. It had been a week, and no matter what I said or did, nobody would give me work. He sat down in my chair, (I was on the bed) and he looks at me for a minute. "�� . (Raeeti et hadapim shelcha.) {I saw your papers.}

I really didn't see where this was going. "So?"

"�� (yesh lecha skeezophernia.)"

New word... "I have...skeezo...what?"

"�� (yesh lecha skeezophernia.)"

"I really don't understand what you're saying."

"�� . '��'. (Tishma hamila 'Ski- zo- pher - ni - a') {Listen to the word. 'Ski- zo- pher - ni - a.'}"

"Ski...Schizophrenic? My sheet says I'm schizophrenic? I'm not schizophrenic. I've got depression, but I'm not schizophrenic."

"��, �� . (Beseder, az yesh lecha dichdooch.) {Fine, so you have depression.}"

"Yeah, I've been diagnosed with depression." I didn' see where this was going. I'd made it no secret that I was diagnosed with depression.

"�� ? (yesh lecha kadorim) {do you have 'kadorim'}"

"Kadorim? You mean bullets? Well, when it first happened, I didn't want to take any medicine, so I took one of my friend's bullets, and bit it... Why, did I do something wrong?"

"��, ��. (Lo, kadorim?) {No, 'kadorim.'}"

"Kadorim...oh, kadorim, balls. You mean the Chinese relaxation balls I have? Yeah, they take away some of the tension and pain."

"��, ��. (Lo, kadorim?) {No, 'kadorim.'}"

"Kadorim...oh...uhm...kadorim...oh, pills, (Isn't this a great language?) you mean my..." I finally see where this is going. "You mean my Prozac." And I don't like it.

"��, �� ? (Ken, atah lokayoch otam) {Yes, are you taking them?}"

"Yea...of course." I don't remember anything after that, it's all a blur. I just remember thinking that my madrich thinks I tried to commit suicide. Suicide!!!

Commercial break:

OK, we now return...

For a while, I could not express my anger over this one. The fact that somebody would think I would commit suicide. Suicide has got to be the most selfish act on the planet. OK, at some times, it's understandable. But, he thought I just felt like committing suicide. It was crazy. When I was younger, my parents thought, due to my own actions that I had tried it, but to make a long story short, I've never attempted this act.

So, in my way of dealing with it, I went around to the people I group and dropped, "Hey, Boaz just told me that I jumped cause I wanted to kill myself." Or I asked, "You don't think I jumped to commit suicide? Right?" "'No,' well Boaz does." That helped me for a while, but after a couple of people were told, I got an interesting reaction.

It was pointed out to me that Boaz wasn't there when it happened, and he heard it second or third hand. "Now," they pointed out, "if you heard somebody jumped out of a window, what would you think?" So, then I felt guilty. OK, Boaz was just trying to help. I guess.

So, it started me thinking if maybe that's why I did it. Sort of like A Separate Peace. Did I do it on purpose? I might have wanted the attention...

After careful deliberation, I have determined that I had no intention of killing myself, and Boaz is an ass for putting out his false allegations so bluntly.
��

Get me outa here!!!

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Michael Kadish

"Giving up smoking is easy; I've done it hundreds of times." -- Mark Twain
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