These Are the Jokes Folks X

A guy, to show his love, had his girl friend's name, Wendy, tattoed on his penis, so that, when erect, Wendy could see his love for her.

So, he was at a urinal, and at the one next to him, there was a black guy whose unerect penis, like this man, read a mere "WNDY." The guy pointed to the penis, and in a nervous manner said, "So, your girlfriend's name is Wendy also? I don't think I've ever met a black named Wendy."

"Nope," said the man shaking himself off, "I'm just visiting this country, I work for the tourism councel in Jamaica."

"Huh?"

"'WELCOME TO JAMAICA, HAVE A NICE DAY,'" he said zipping up.

A Jewish couple were just waking up, and the woman went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, her husband had left the seat up, and not only did she fall into the bowl, but she got stuck as well. She screamed for help, and her husband ran in to help her.

They tried and tried to pull her out of the toilet basin, but after much effort, they had embarrassingly only been able to mistakenly pry off her nightgown. She lay there in a most embarrassing situation, in an even more embarrassing position, naked, with her most special part pointing straight up.

The couple decided that despite the incredible embarrassment, they would need to call a plumber. So, they called a plumber, who came quickly, and once he was inside the house, the husband, quietly and delicately, explained the situation to the plumber, then showed him to the bathroom.

On the way to the bathroom, the husband realized jut how embarrassing this would be for his wife, so just before the plumber had followed into the bathroom, the husband covered up his wife's protruding body part with the only thing he could find, his yarmulke.

The plumber walked into the room, took one look at the naked, ashamed woman and replied, "Well, I can definitely help your wife, but I'm afraid the Rabbi is done for.

A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. " I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. " but there is one condition. I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the wish as well-only double."

The man thought about this for a while. " For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars, " he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10 million had been deposited.

"But every lawyer in the world has just received $20 million" the genie said.

"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the man said. "That's my second wish."

Instantly a Ferrari appeared. " But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."

A Mexican Bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

There is a new apartment complex in R'anana, and the interesting thing is that all of the apartments are solid wood. One of the previous tenants were lesbians, but they were looking to sell the place. One prospective tenant asked them about maintenance of this all wooden structure.

"Oh, there are no studs here. It's all tongues and grooves."

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."

"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"

"He said the reflector is broken."

"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"

"I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake..."

Get me outa here!!!

Wanna read the last set of jokes?

Wanna read the last one?

Wanna read the next one?

Wanna read the next real entry?

Take me back to the list

---

Michael Kadish

"Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver." -- Shlageter, by Hanns Johst. Falsely attributed to Hermann Goering

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws