Leaving

I don't like quitting. I really don't. I think it's the easy, dirty way out to say that you don't care, quit, and then watch. I don't like admitting defeat. Maybe it's because knocking your king over is too mundane or easy, but for whatever reason, I try not to. Hachshara had already lost five. Four of those were Americans. Those that were talking about leaving, I tried to talk them out of it. To no avail, but I tried.

The other countries all suspected that we'd be the ones breaking up and leaving. The other ones had known each others from diapers. Maybe that was the difference; maybe since they had heavily cemented friendships there, they could not leave.

So, they stayed in because they had friends, I stayed in because...well, I had to. I mean, I didn't HAVE to, I did view most of the people as friends, but I didn't feel I was getting anything... but I didn't think I could take quitting. I don't do it. I probably should have quit an advanced course I was in high school...but I didn't. I should quit a lot of the arguments I get into, but I don't. A lot of people in similar mental states to mine have attempted "a quitting," but despite what people may think, I haven't.

I hated my job though, on the kibbutz. I've told you of the ^many exciting adventures^ of growing tomato bugs. But I couldn't quit the job. Quit is a four letter word. We had been screwed over by BA time and time again, but no, I couldn't quit. The constant partying and bingeing by the others was getting to me. But I can't quit.

Well, I quit.

Remember, four Americans left Hachshara. First one missed NY. Second one couldn't take the authority. Third one went back to America, and never returned. The fourth one stayed when the girls had been at their Yeshiva. She was the only one who had taken the yeshiva seriously, and she got a tremenduous amount out of it, it really changed her life.

"Michael," she asked me, "what are you doing here? What are you getting out of it?"

She was right; I didn't belong, and I was wasting my time. I didn't get a chance to learn much, earlier when we were supposed to, so I went back to learn, to the place in Jerusalem where BA had pulled that ^great trick^ on us before. I had six weeks before I was supposed to go back home, so I wanted to get something.

I'm just afraid that premature quitti

Get me outa here!!!

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Michael Kadish

"Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver." -- Shlageter, by Hanns Johst. Falsely attributed to Hermann Goering

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