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Virtual Assassin (1995)

Cyberjack


Cast:

Michael "American Ninja!!!!" Dudikoff is Nick James
Suki Kaiser is Dr Alex Royce
Brion "Bad man you will recognize on sight" James is Nassim
Jon Cuthbert is Devon
James "Why am I in chaps?" Thom is Travis


What the box says:

When a maniacal cyber-villain takesovver a high-tech laboratory and holds the occupants of the building hostage, it is up to ex-cop Nick James

Plot:

What does a movie hold up when it starts out with a quote from Dr. Stephen Hawking? The quote is about how computer viruses should be considered a form of life and purely destructive made in the image of their creators: man. Prepare yourself to discover the truth.

We see an air bus flying through a hologram into a futuristic city.

A police car is chasing a motorcycle. The biker is throwing smoke grenades at the car. Street Hawk has really hit the skids. The chase leads into an abandoned industrial area. The biker runs off. The cops follow him. Nick and his female partner are talking about the home team, the Neptunes. Nassim grabs the partner. He demands Nick to drop his gun or she dies. Nick lowers his guns. When the gun hits the ground, Nassim shoots the partner.

Nick awakes from the same nightmare. He�s a tortured soul who has fallen into a bottle. The loan shark calls demanding his money. Nick sees a police car drive by. Oh, he is still tortured by the death of his partner.

Nick goes to work. This ex-cop is now a janitor for a computer research company. We meet the obligatory love interest for Nick. Dr Alexandra Royce is the hot brainy computer programmer.

In Alex�s computer lab, a sentient computer virus that is contained in a neurological protoplasm is being developed. The idea is the virus will be able to find all the security faults in a computer network and remove them. Alex has doubts about the safety of the virus. A random element can cause major damage. Jervis, the business guy, thinks the virus can be handled easily. Alex still has her doubts about it.

Later, as Nick is leaving; he notices that Alex�s car won�t start. He takes her home. Painful small talk ensues that devolves into chatting about the Neptunes. Alex is a Neptune fan, too. She is definitely the obligatory love interest that will be imperiled.

Nick heads home to his trailer. The loan shark and his several leg-breakers are waiting. Nick manages to escape.

Alex�s aide, Ken is working late. Well, he�s trying to get a little somethin-somethin� on the phone with some woman who works at Skynet. Somehow, a hacker breaks into Skynet and erases the aerial guidance system. The airbus crashes into a building.

A news report talks about the crash. Alex is positive that the virus somehow got out and did it. Her father and Jervis are sure the virus has nothing to do with the crash. Alex is distraught over the crash. Her father is so close to fame and success after years of work�

In the lab, Alex and Ken are talking. Nick is there doing some custodial engineering. He offers her a hit from his hip flask.

Later, Security guard, Johnny sneaks Nick into a closed lab. Nick needs a place to crash to evade the loan shark.

Alex, her father, Ken, and Jervis are researching the virus.

Nick is listening to the radio of the Neptune game.

A van pulls up in front of the building. A cleaning crew is let out.

Nick accidentally activates the belly dancer program.

The cleaners kill Johnny.

Ales heads to the powder room.

The cleaners are packing heat. They take finish off the rest of security. The other terrorists are let in. They are a motley crew: an Amazon, a cowboy, etc�The terrorists corral the scientists.

A maniacal slaughter of computer ensues by a Rob Halford, Judas Priest�s lead singer, impersonator.

Nick enjoys the dance of the seven veils that is down to one veil.

Cowboy, Travis, and Amazon, Megan, rig a hologram of Johnny to make everything look normal. Nassim finally enters the building.

The scientists are imprisoned. The poor man�s Rob Halford terrifies the captured scientists. Nassim has Billy Idol like hair by the way.

Motley terrorists storm the virus lab. Alex is still in the can while this is going on. Rob Halford is able to catch her.

Nick is still oblivious to what is going on elsewhere in the building. He is enjoying the dance down to no veils when the program restarts. Nick leaves the lab.

Rob brings Alex to Nassim.

Nick heads to the can.

Nassim wants the virus and allows him to control the world. Apparently, the virus can�t survive without a biological host.

Nick has yet to be found. He heads to pay a visit to Johnny when discovering the real body of Johnny. The force fields are activated. Nick can�t get out of the building.

Alex�s dad realizes Alex was right all along. He manages to activate the self-destruct on the virus. Nassim shoots him. Alex is to prevent the virus from being terminated.

Nick is finally spotted. He is being chased and can�t contact anyone on the outside. One of the crew manages to graze Nick who dives down a trash chute. In the basement, he grabs some tools and chemicals. Are we going to get some low budget MacGuyverisms? He escapes into a vent. The goons search the basement to no avail.

Alex is working on cracking the self-destruct program. Rob tells his story about lobotomies and self mutilation.

The goons start searching the vents for Nick.

Nick crawling about in the vents. He manages to get Alex to notice him. She manages to convince Rob to take her to the can. In there, Alex tells him about the guy who wants the virus. Nick recognizes the guy as who killed his partner. He warns her not to anger this guy. Nick is the only guy who can stop Nassim.

Devon the goon and Dakishi guy are crawling after Nick. Cat and mouse ensues. Evasion fu ensues, too. Nick is able to firebomb some guy. BBQ bad guy ensues�

Nick gets back to his hidey hole.

Nassim orders his right hand man, Devon, after Nick. He also sends Megan the Amazon with him.

Some cops pull up outside. They�ve got some donuts to share with Johnny. Travis manages to manipulate the hologram to fool the cops. As they leave, they realize that something is wrong when elsewhere Nick is able to blow the power for a couple of seconds. The cops see hologram Johnny flicker out. Travis is able to use the laser cannon to nail both cops. One manages to call for help before dying.

Devon is hunting for Nick who is hiding in the strobe chamber. He escapes and grabs his replicators that were made from going through the chamber. Devon follows after him.

Alex is working on the last segment of the self-destruct sequence.

Nick sets the replicators up. Devon is right behind him. Holograms of Nick are running all over the place. Dakishi guy is after Nick, too. After numerous shots that should have gotten Nick. Megan realizes it is a bunch of holograms. The goons leave. Devon ignores a hologram of Nick that runs up to him and knocks him out.

The cops are heading to the call for assistance.

Megan kills the wounded Devon.

Nick has a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho�

Megan and Nick fight.

The cops arrive outside.

Nick is able to knock her out and ties her into a gyroscope of doom. I�m hoping this isn�t some Lawnmower Man reference. Nick uses a radio to call Nassim who doesn�t recognize him.

Nick is still listening to the Neptune game.

Nassim learns that Nick took out another man. He asks Alex about janitor Nick. We get a flashback to when Nassim kills Nick�s partner before shooting him.

The cops ready a drone to survey inside the building. Laser cannoning a drone ensues.

Nassim calls Nick to surrender or the hostages die. Unfortunately, Nick refuses. Nassim shoots another scientist to feel better.

Dakishi guy is still searching for Nick. Repetitive destruction of glass walls ensue. Nick perforates Dakishi guy.

The drone breaks inside the building.

Nassim sends Rob after Nick who is heading towards the virus lab. The drone spots Nick. Rob and Nick have a gunfight. Rob manages to get the drop on Nick. A Kung Fu beating of Judas� Priest�s lead singer ensues�Nick isn�t doing too well. He finishes Rob off with a bit of grenade fu.

Travis, the hacker cowboy, decides to go after Nick, now�The police drone orders Nick to surrender. Nick is able to kill Travis. Goodbye, chap wearing hacker, we hardly knew ye�

The drone transmitter gets damaged. The police don�t see any more inside the building after it looks like Nick shot at the drone.

Nick evades the drone that is hell-bent to kill him.

Megan escapes the gyroscope of doom.

Continued running from the drone ensues. The drone manages to knock the elevator car Nick is in loose. It falls several floors before stopping.

Alex keeps working on the virus destruct. She manages to cancel the destruct sequence. Nassim moves on to the next phase of his plan.

The drone is searching for Nick. Alex manages to contact Nick.

Captain realizes that Nick is an ex-cop. Apparently, Nick�s partner committed suicide after shooting Nick. He became a drunk and was thrown off the force. The captain is sure Nick is behind whatever is going on in the building. The SWAT team readies to storm the building.

The drone keeps battering Nick�s elevator cart.

Megan inserts a syringe into Nassim�Why am I reminded of Plughead from Circuitry Man? The virus will be downloaded into a computer chip already implanted in his brain. This will allow him to control the virus.

The SWAT team manages to get inside.

Nassim has a seizure after the virus is downloaded. His eyes get this post production glowing green twinge.

Nick is still trapped in the elevator. Drone begins cutting into the car. Nick is somehow able to destroy the stone.

The SWAT team manages to shut down the defenses.

Nick grabs a gun, ready for bear again.

Nassim grabs Alex as Nick gets in the lab. He ahs to contend with Megan as Nassim escapes. The SWAT team runs into Nassim who scrambles the cops� brains. The radio transmitters on their necks apparently tie into their brains. The SWAT team mows down the regular cops with them. Nassim takes Alex away.

Captain and the other cops find Nick surrounded by dead cops. He thinks Nick did it. They finally catch Nick. He gets trounced thoroughly, too.

Nassim gets outside.

The SWAT team opens fire on the cops outside. The Captain realizes Nick was telling the truth.

As Nassim escapes, Nick manages to get away in a police car and chase after him.

The cops are still battling the mind controlled SWAT team.

Nassim takes Alex to another computer lab. He will interface with every person in the world through computers, television, etc�Nations will bow down to him or else�.Bwa-ha-ha-ha�.

Nick arrives. Nassim has Alex like he was holding Nick�s partner at the beginning of the movie. Nick is guilty over the death of his partner. Nassim claims Nick has a clear shot. The maniacal Nassim demands that Nick surrender. Nick lowers his gun before putting a bullet between Nassim�s eyes.

Nick consoles Alex. The virus leaves Nassim and enters the computer to transmit itself globally.

Alex has a plan. She retrieves a program she wrote. A digitized Nassim ensues claiming to be the Messiah. Alex activates her anti-virus program which kills Nassim.

Cops arrive to see the digitized death of Nassim. Captain apologizes to Nick for everything. Being a rugged man, Nick slugs the captain one. Another cop welcomes Nick back.

Nick and Alex talk about how the Neptunes winning the game will break the slump they�re in. They talk about it on an airbus as the movie ends�


What I say:

Allow me to digress for a moment. Die Hard has to be one of the most influential action movies ever made. By the mid-90s, almost every action movie could be described in Die Hard terms. Under Siege is Die Hard on a boat or ship. Under Siege 2 is Die Hard on a train. Speed is Die Hard on a bus. Speed 2 is Die Hard on a boat. Passenger 57 is Die Hard on a plane. Would Air Force One be considered Die-Hardian? If the larger budget action movies were inspired, the low budget movies ripped it off as shamelessly as the Italians latched onto zombies in the early 80s.

We have a down on his luck cop. Excuse me, ex-cop. How do all these disgraced police and military special operatives always wind up with such menial jobs? It must be another aspect of the movie world. In real life qualified people can�t find jobs, in movie world, you can be thrown off the force blamed for the deaths of people and be hired as a janitor. At least, he wasn�t trying to save his wife or ex-wife.

This movie has many flaws. The back story is hard to follow. Nassim killed Nick�s partner and shot Nick. The police believe that the partner shot Nick before killing herself. Aren�t police supposed to investigate crimes? Wouldn�t have Nick told them about Nassim? Better yet, Nick calls Nassim by name on the radio. So how did he learn his name?

The computer part will be hard enough to discuss. A sentient computer virus that needs a biological host? If anyone wants to an entertaining tale of a computer gaining sentience, I would recommend Two Faces of Tomorrow by James Hogan. A virus that seeks the weakness in computer systems may sound good. However, it is a virus. Isn�t part of the definition of virus involve damaging the host? Why does a virus need a biological matrix to survive? If it is half as dangerous as possible, shouldn�t there be some safeguards to protect it.

Space stations and government complexes may have self destruct sequences. Why does a computer virus need an hour before being erased? �Do you wish to delete this program? Do you really want to delete �sentient-virus-0000_00001.exe�? � Ok, they need a way to have our hero run around killing the goons in the meantime. Wouldn�t a high tech research facility have a backup of all their work? Anyone who is writing a research paper on a computer keeps saving multiple copies just in case. However, when you�re a professional, you don�t want to save copies�It doesn�t make any sense.

The computer science aspect of the movie is pretty laughable. I could have torn it another OS. Computers portrayed in movies always have people able to slog out code that would take in the real world several days at the soonest. It is like when a police computer expert can crack a password in 5 minutes like in Clear and Present Danger. Not that I have anything against Ted Raimi in a Harrison Ford movie. Gives a B-movie fan a direct connection from Ash of Evil Dead to Indiana Jones.

Some movies throw in a bunch of eclectic characters for no real reason. Return of the Living Dead. We have a guy running around like Rob Halford from Judas Priest (I�ll try to keep from making any �Breaking the Law� jokes). Too be fair, Robert Englund did the same thing as the psychotic Smiley in Adventures of Ford Fairlane. A woman dressed like an Amazon. One guy is wearing a dakishi. A cowboy in chaps running the computers.

Brion James certainly tries hard. I can�t imagine anyone doing better with Nassim. A guy with a goatee and Billy Idol-like blonde hair is hard to seem that menacing. Brion James has quite an impressive list of movies like Blade Runner. Unfortunately, he never truly gained stardom. He was a far more competent actor that many that have suceeded. Most of his roles he played the heavy or a crooked cop. He could almost coast through the roles with his eyes closed. I was truly surprised to learn he died in 1999.

The plot doesn�t ever really go into what makes Nassim tick. The movie tried to just make him psychotic the way he would randomly shoot scientists. There is no real reason why he was so after the virus. How does a criminal start researching cutting edge computer science research projects? Have you ever went to Burger King and overheard the cooks debating the cutting-edge theories in quantum physics?

Michael Dudikoff is at best trying to sleepwalk through this movie. By the time, Virtual Assassin came out, he wasn�t starring in as many movies. He is just coasting at this point. It looks like he watched a Die Hard a few too many times. His impression of Bruce Willis isn�t something to write about. However, I am aren�t I?

Normally, near future movies have so much technology to distract you from the plot like Johnny Mnemonic. At least, Virtual Assassin tries to avoid the depressing urban future of Blade Runner other than having Brion James in the movie. The movie is hurt more by making it a Die Hard ripoff with a some slight advances in technology. A single robot surveillance drone is used in the movie. However, standard handguns seem to still be used. Although, I have to give mad props to any future with belly dancing holograms.



2 NINJAS

Quotable Dialogue

"Best offer you get in 3 years comes from a laser cannon..."
"You know what they say about computer scientists? Smother them in Algebra, and they go wild..."
"We've got a bellydancer hologram, I think you'll love."
"This is Travis. I'm in the saddle."
"I didn't know they taught guerilla warfare in janitor school."
"I chose to think of it as accute awareness."


Morals of the Story

License plates should have bar codes.
Skynet is the main computer network in a world without Arnold Scwartenegger as the Terminator...
Security guards never get paid enough.
Terrorists dress in chaps and like amazons, too.
Baseball is more important than life.




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