Plot:
Some guy is swimming to a boat in a storm. We see that the Skipper is yelling for his friend Hans and reports a man overboard using the radio. It doesn�t matter as Hans wins a
one-way ticket to Davey Jones locker.
At the police station, the Skipper is questioned. He explains how the tiny ship was tossed. He vows to return to sea.
Some woman is waiting for the Skipper. Outside, the Skipper explains it was an accident. She runs off from him.
6 months later, a cop finds the Skipper at a bar. He vows to return to sea tomorrow much to the amusement of the other barflies.
The cop is getting dressed after servicing the skanky Su, Patsy Kensit. Su and Lu want the cop to talk with the Skipper to take them to sea.
Later, the girls are gussied up or skanked to the max. Lu gets the taste slapped out of her mouth for suggesting returning to England. They head to the bar.
The bartender welcomes our singing heroins. Heroines, you do need drugs to think they sound good.
Kinky Liz Hurley still couldn't keep Hugh Grant...
Skipper is watching them from a Bette Midler distance. He walks up right
in of them to watch the performance.
A very lame strip chant starts. Su leaves the stage embarrassed by Lu who displays her wares for the tamest group of drunken guys. Imagine a group of polite drunk guys who
slowly clap watching Elizabeth Hurley strip. Skipper starts a collection plate for the girls.
Afterwards, Su is counting the money. Lu and Su learn that the Skipper has a boat. They leave the bar together as drunken singing ensues.
Skipper awakens on his boat alone.
Later, at the bar the girls return. Skipper is awfully perplexed by this mess. They�re going to Barbados. The bartender mocks the Skipper more. To the breaking point, Skipper will
sail away today.
The harbor patrol never believed Skipper�s story. They think the ship will return in 3 days with the Skipper and the dog.
The girls shave the Skipper.
Does the world need Jurgen Prochnow to be forcibly shaved?
Bad hula dancing ensues.
That night, Skipper plots the course. We hear his internal monologue about not being used to people. He is also unsure if there are enough supplies.
They watch the sunrise. Sailing ensues. Skipper is working as we see that Su is getting bored.
The girls keep talking about going to Barbados.
Skipper hides his drugs when Su comes into the cabin. After she leaves, we see that the Skipper is diabetic.
Su and Lu are sunning themselves. Skipper wants one of them on watch while he gets some rest. He awakens from hearing barrels and wreckage hit his boat.
Later, Lu is on watch.
Su has gotten extremely sun burnt. Skipper starts lubing her down when she starts acting all uppity and English.
Skipper and Lu are watching a cruise ship in the distance.
Captain�s log, Skipper is unsure he can trust either girl.
Lu helps Skipper with the sails. Bloody annoying Patsy Kensit ensues. She pitches a fit until Lu checks on her then gives her the silent treatment. Su is still recovering from her
sunburn. She tries throwing herself at Skipper to no avail.
Later, Su claims the Skipper has made unwanted advances to her. Lu acts a bit more distant to him afterwards.
Su is searching through the cabin. She finds his passport, letters, and pictures of the woman from the start of the movie.
Lu is fixing Su�s hair like in the picture. Skipper is freaked out by this. He heads on deck to check the sails. Su is trying to screw with Skipper�s mind.
Su keeps ridiculing the Skipper. He gets pissed and storms off.
Later, he returns to find the cabin cleaned. Lu cleaned the cabin. Su is still bloody annoying.
Skipper radios the approaching ship on a collision course for them. The huge ship almost sinks them. The tiny ship was tossed again.
Su is still sun burnt and needing to be thrown in the Sarlaac pit.
The next day, Skipper and Lu are swimming. Su stays aboard and finds a used syringe in the trash.
As Lu and the Skipper race to the ship, they notice the ladder has been hoisted and hear the motor start. The ship circles around them. Skipper gets aboard and finds the steering
wheel tied. He helps Lu get aboard.
They find the bloody annoying Su working a crossword puzzle. She claims the Skipper is no good for Lu.
At lunch, the Skipper wants to head back to Gibraltar. More bloody annoying Patsy Kensit ensues. More twisted mind games ensue.
Su claims that Skipper killed his girlfriend from the beginning of the movie. Lu is shown the letter and pictures. Skipper is also a junkie, too. Lu doubts the Skipper is as bad as Su
suggests.
Sharks circle the boat. Skipper uses his spear gun on Jaws.
This is for my father, mother, brother, sister, 2nd cousin twice removed...
The girls are freaked by this.
That night, Lu pays a visit to the Skipper, as a romantic instrumental version of �When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again� plays in the background. She isn�t bothered about
him killing his girlfriend. He explains she left him after their friend died. Mora blamed him for the death.
Su discovers Skipper�s hidden stash of insulin.
Skipper and Lu are going at it like rapid wombats.
Later, Lu returns to the room she shares with Su.
The next day, Skipper is swabbing the deck. He can�t find his insulin. Su faking sleep watches him search. He starts searching through their things. He explains he�ll go into
diabetic shock. Su apparently doesn�t care about that fact.
Skipper ties a roe around Su and tosses her overboard. Lu begs for her to be brought back on board. Skipper puts out a distress call to any nearby ships with insulin.
Su is pulled back aboard. She refuses to reveal where the insulin is hidden. Skipper gives her 1 hour to give it up.
In the cabin, Su hides a knife.
Skipper starts getting the chills.
Lu is stuck in the middle of these two. She tries convincing him to drop them off at the closest island. He spots a nearby tanker and uses the flare gun. The tanker is a
hallucination.
Lu pays a visit to Su. She finds the hidden insulin. The best part is when Su claims she wouldn�t have let the Skipper go into a diabetic coma.
Skipper has Lu measure the dosage. She also injects it into him.
Su hears the Skipper and Lu going at it enjoying a bit of afternoon delight.
Su is afraid of being left alone. After Skipper roams away from her, Lu and Su embrace.
Lu and Su are doing their crappy song and dance number the next day while the Skipper watches them.
As Su keeps dancing, Lu leaves for a minute. She returns with the spear gun and shoots the Skipper through the neck. Su is pretty freaked out by this.
Skipper slowly dies.
Su runs and hides in the cabin.
Lu is still on deck as the instrumental �When Johnny Comes Marching Home� is playing.
Skipper slides off the spear.
Su sees that Lu is heading for the cabin. Lu is perfectly calm after killing the Skipper.
Lu breaks into the cabin. Su wants to know why Skipper was killed. Apparently, he didn�t fit in with them. He was just a man.
Su is still pretty freaked out by this. Lu chokes her with a pillow.
Lu fixes some tea.
The ship sails into the fog.
The infamous screen crawl informs us the ship drifted to a Caribbean island 3 weeks later with no one on board.
