The silence was deafening. Sheelagh drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to focus on the visions in front of her eyes. She couldn�t stay long in one place, her mid was wandering, journeying, trying to find her soul again. Siobhan re entered, with coffee for Des, and more water to sit beside her mothers bed.
�How is she?� She queried, worry on her face. Des shrugged his shoulders as if to say he didn�t know, couldn�t understand.
�She�s�seeing�last night all over again, but she can�t stay awake. Fading in and out. I think some of it�s due to the drugs.� Siobhan nodded, she knew a little about medicine; she had wanted to follow in her mother�s footsteps, but was unsure now.
�Dad was talking to a doctor when I came by, I think he�s going to collect Declan from his aunts soon. We thought it best for Declan not to see Mam like this, but now�� Des nodded. Now it seemed as if the worst was over. The Doctor entered, and Sheelagh�s eyes flashed open.
�Mrs Murphy� The name shook both her and Des. �Your husband said you wanted to talk to me?�
Sheelagh nodded, trying to formulate words in her mind. The thorazine was numbing her abilities.
�What�s� what�s my damage?� The doctor considered her gravely for a moment, wondering how much she could take, how much the drugs would let her comprehend. He nodded Siobhan and Des towards the door. As they made to go, Sheelagh clutched Des� hand. �He stays.� It was an order. Her eyes met Siobhan�s in a look that said �I�ll explain soon. I�m sorry.� She left. The doctor perched on her bed.
�Well, you have sustained severe abdominal wounds due to the knife attack. We operated on you successfully; and they should heal well. You suffered internal bleeding earlier, due to the pressure that has been put on your abdomen. You are very lucky to still be here.� Sheelagh nodded, her mind was clearer when focussing on reality. �You did lose a lot of blood, but thanks to the quick work of the medics in the ambulance�� Sheelagh stared at Des. �Thanks to his quick work, you mean.� ��that should cause no negative outcome��
�What about� about..� Normally capable of outspokenness where it was required, Sheelagh lost her capabilities with words. The doctor nodded, gravely.
�I can tell you what happened physically, if you really want; anything more is out of my department. We have asked our resident patient psychologist to come and speak with you when you�re ready.� Sheelagh nodded, impatience in her veins. Would he ever get on with it? A sharp glance at her told the Doctor, who had studied abuse psychology when he was younger, that she was determined to hear the worst. He sighed. �You were sexually abused Mrs Murphy�� That name again. She grasped Des� hand harder. ��but our test results show that there was little actual� penetration. In short, you were not fully raped. However, I understand that�� Sheelagh tuned out. That was what she wanted to know, she didn�t need his statistics and facts about where rape crossed with abuse, she knew all that, had dealt with it before. In other people. Not her. Why her? What sin had she committed, what crime had she done� apart from loving Des? Was this punishment? God wouldn�t do that, surely? Where was her faith?
You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time a little too late
I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings.
��and so I think it would be wise for you to see Dr Glennon� the doctor finished, unaware that his patient had stopped listening to his droning voice. She nodded, and he got up to leave the room.
�When�when do you think I can be released?� She knew it was a futile question, but had to ask it anyway. He stared at her over the rims of his glasses.
�Not for a while yet Mrs Murphy, I�d say a week and a half at the very least.�
�Oh.� She nodded as he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Turning to Des, she saw that his cheeks were wet with silent tears. �PC Taviner� is that you, or a vision made to look like you?� She tried hard to resurrect her humour, her real character, the strong character who got over every problem. It was hard.
A while later, Siobhan entered again, she felt unsure of her footsteps. She knew something was wrong, apart from the attack of course. Her mother was hiding something, not saying something. Then there was Des. She was sure it was something to do with him. Sheelagh knew her daughter well enough to read this on her face.
�Des, could you give us a minute?� Her eyes followed him as he left the room.
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