�Who was that?� Sheelagh whispered, her voice still weak and sore.
�It was Des again, Mam, he brought us some tea.�
�Oh.� She nodded slightly, �Why didn�t he come in?� Siobhan shrugged,
�He said he thought we needed some time, and that he�d be outside when he was needed.�
�Oh.� Again. She was feeling muggy and unclear, the nurse had fed her thorazine, a tranquillising drug. Nothing was in focus, not in her sight nor in her mind. Had she spoken to Des? Had she told him how she felt? How did she feel? Had she said anything to Patrick without realising? How would she tell Patrick? The questions wore her out, and her eyes closed once more.
Don�t say I�m out of touch
With this rampant chaos � your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare. I built my own world to escape
Sheelagh was back, in the alley, underneath her captor. She felt the knife slicing her once more, felt the thickness of her blood flowing over her body. Felt the gush of cold air on her unprotected abdomen. He was there, she could see his eyes staring at her manically as she struggled futilely. Twisting from side to side, the pain got worse, she stopped, tried to catch her breath, but his hand was there, over her face. A rushing noise sounded in her ears, she knew she was fading out, but she had to know what was happening. It was no use, she was in black surroundings now, could not think, could not feel.
Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
Sheelagh woke screaming, her arms threshing on the bed beside her. Figures came into focus once more. Siobhan, Patrick� Des. Des had come back into the room. They held her hands, calmed her agitated body.
�What happened?� She was crying, not realising until she tasted the brine upon her lips. They looked at each other and then at her.
�I think it was a nightmare.� Siobhan was soothing. Patrick just looked at her with worry and care in his eyes. Des was quiet, stroking the hand he held in his. She nodded, incapable of speech while she tried to remember her thoughts in that dark place.
�Isn�t a Doctor going to talk to me? Tell me my condition?� For all the dream had sapped what little strength she had gathered, Sheelagh felt somewhat stronger in herself, more forceful. She knew what she wanted, and she would get it.
�I..I don�t know love� Patrick responded, �I�ll go check for you if you want?� She nodded, he let go of her hand and left the room.
�Des� I saw� I was there again�� Sheelagh turned to her strength. He looked drawn and pale, wearied by his worry for her. He glanced at Siobhan, who looked disturbed. She nodded, and left the room.
�What do you remember?� Not one for psychology, he tended to think it was a load of twaddle, but Des thought he should listen to whatever she was able to talk about.
�I� felt the knife�� Underneath the covers, Sheelagh felt the bandages covering her wounds. �I felt him cut me. I tried to cry out but his hand was clamped on me� she shuddered at the memory of that greasy, sweaty hand. Des stroked her available hand, it was cold and dry, and it shook as she spoke. �I twisted and turned, tried to get him off me�� her eyes glazed over, she was no longer in the room with him.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The Goddess of imaginary light
He was flat against her, she could feel the roughness of his jumper, the catch of his zip. His weight threatened to push her into the dusty concrete� she would rather that. Somehow, Sheelagh knew what was happening, but could not stop it. She did not have the strength, her brain was not working properly, she did not know what to do.
Des watched, as Sheelagh struggled against the invisible force, saw her lips move in protest. There was no sound, only movement. He didn�t have a clue what to do, so sat and watched in horror. Her eyes flicked open again.
�Ohhh God Des�!� Her arms moved out to him, and he held both hands, as she tried to pull him nearer.
�I�m here. I just� don�t think this is the time or place�� Des knew if he kissed her again, Patrick would walk in, it would be his luck. Anyway, he was scared that physical contact would serve as a trigger to her, and Sheelagh was already going through hell. She didn�t need even more of it. She nodded, she knew she shouldn�t trigger herself, but she wanted the memory of the night before lived through once, so she could hopefully forget it, and move on.
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