Newsness -- YES!

The Scaremongers Society (SS) are a bunch of dedicate people who use trained monkeys as reporters. We bring you news, gossip, slander and any other stuff that falls out of our heads, down our arms and into the magic keyboard of our destiny. It's a dangerous world out there and one day it'll kill you -dead! ...or more. If you're not living a life of fear you should be. We aim to provide the public lurid, lucid and lipid information on the following threats to your health:

•Genetic Modification. Why evil scientist are developing new strains of crops that will take over the countryside, replacing our friendly helpful corn with new deadly types that kill rabbits and even monkeys. Spank the monkey with your mouse to find out more. •Nuclear Power. The government plans to replace schools dinners with twisted glowing death slurry. We asked them why. They said, "It's funny." Find out more. •Toxic Waste. The arctic has become a haven for toxic waste. Read about the mutant seals that lap it up and how they might invade Scotland. It's all to do with pants. •Oil. The oil industry plans to burn the ocean floor. Why? It's to harvest kippers directly from the ocean. Could it work? We'll find out soon. •Norway is building genetically modified whales that like to be hunted. Fun for all the family or will the whales turn and become Lord of the Sea? •Xenotransplants If like us you thought this was watching Xena: Warrior Princess changing her breast plate you'll be sadly disappointed. Flick your clicker over here to find the truth. •Global Warming. Lets face it. We're just going to die. The government plans to provide astral rafts for the after life. •Wind Power. Five children die as a wind powered bus is blown out to sea in Bristol. How many more will die before the government bans this so called "environmentally friendly" transport and returns to oil power or slaves? •Asteroids. They're falling to Earth like explosive death rupts. They could flatten you as if you were trodden on by an enormous death whore. Next time they could even land in a country we care about. Who is doing any thing about it? •Car pooling. Is it the way forwards or just America's latest fad? Better for the roads it might be, but is it really safe to let cars swim? •The millennium bug. Is this new decade known as the naughties, the nowties, the zeroies or just nothingness? What are we to do with all those check books where the bank has helpfully filled in "19" part of the year number for us. Do we really have write the 1st of January as 1/1/00? Why isn't the government doing something? Our nineties man Charles Pilkington-Glass tells you how some people couldn't face the date roll over and snapped like dried babies and in all probability will try to kill you and all you hold dear in a carnage rampage of mental death making. Why isn't the government telling US! •Death Virus Scientist at the governments biological warfare research station are breading new strains of deadly viruses like gout to ride the backs of fleas like horses. They say it's all just a harmless bit of fun and they like to bet on the fleas in races. Our researchers found out they were in league with both the devil and Jesus and worshiped a new hybrid god they called the "Jevil". Love thy neighbour with pain and brimstone. Look here! •Cyclops Bullied. How many times have you bullied some one with one eye at school? Cyclops are increasing becoming the victims of racist attacks in British schools. It's okay for the ones that can defend themselves, usually with a laser blast from their eye, but what about the one's with no laser or lasers that are so weak they just give suntans to their tormentors? •Road Protest. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Depends who you listen to. Read here. •Irish Invasion. Thousands of years ago Patrick O'Moor was made the patron saint of Ireland when he played with his magical pipe and cast all of the mice in to the sea where they became the waves or some such nonsense. For years the Irish have celebrated this fact on St. Patrick's day by painting imported mice green and firing them over the Irish sea to England with enormous blow pipes. Now the mice are having their revenge. An army of bald mice have grow huge sails on their backs and are planning a Normandy style invasion of Dublin. Look here! •STOP PRESS: Space Worms Cometh, and they're not happy chappies. Find out who did it here. •NEW: play the cat in the microwave game!

Sign Guestbook View Guestbook

[ Previous 5 Sites | Skip Previous | Previous | Next ]
Join Us!	This HumorLinks Ring site owned by Scaremongers Society
[ Skip Next | Next 5 Sites | Random Site | List Sites ]

Last updated last time Brought to you by the Scaremonger News Chimps Team and some nice blue and red colour schemes.

NEW: THE NEW LINKS TO STUFF PAGE!

NEW: LAUNCH THE NEWS TICKER THINGY