Nothing is one thing. Everything is an amalgamation of various characteristics. I have discovered that in my years of existence. The saint reflects my yearnings of truth and tranquillity with the world and others. The Damien alludes to the character in The Omen or the anti-Christ, which represents the part of me that yearns for evil and hate and thirst for destruction of this world. I've had periods in my life where I can find nothing wrong with our world and other times where I suffer in anguish at how unbelievably cruel the world is and how if I had control of everything through illicit means I could provide the balance it needed. In between I have become comfortable with the balance that is human existence: somewhere between angel and devil, god and animal, male and female, young and old, compassionate and ignorant is where humanity lies.
I try not to use the term good and evil but rather truth and evil. In our modern society, the word "good" has been manipulated by propaganda and greed to mean any action towards a personal goal. Good has been twisted around to mean "to my benefit and no one else's." Only truth has outlasted the test of time and can still bring people and governments to its knees. "Evil," in my view, means when one takes control over others without their consent and through elicit means.
My middle name is Damien, and for years it haunted me as a child because I thought I was going to hell automatically or that I was destined to be an evil anti-Christ. Because of this, I always tried to be good and be as undevil-like as possible. At times I failed and it dragged my child's soul away from me. Because of various factors of my dysfunctional family, my childhood was not shall we say pleasant, and it still haunts me to this day. Mind you I've exorcised many past demons, but the pain and scars will linger and may never leave, try as hard as I might to rid myself of them.. Though as a child my world was a place to drag myself through until a better time arrived; I can now look forward to the future while enjoying the present. Through it all, I still find reasons to love those who caused the pain
The main point of the name Saint Damien is that we live in a dialectic world of existence and we are dialectic creatures. We must realize that or else we will drive ourselves mad. Much evil has been done in the world in the name of "good." More people have died in wars over religious beliefs than any other wars. It's part of the song "Can't Fear What Follows:"
We can't ignore
We must acknowledge
Life is not perfect or fair or always beautiful. Holding anger and hatred inside while projecting a false face will only make it explode into pain, or else decay into a loathing for all things.
As you can see, it is very hard to define the undefinable. Humans only like things that they truly understand. There is a lot of mystery in life, but that's what makes it worth living. If everything was predestined and we knew it all, we wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. We are not in a world of definites, but maybes. Our purpose? To find balance with ourselves and each other.
In all hate is love
The evil that lies in wait
That comes about
From all our silent hate
That we are not angels
Or we turn our world
Into a living Hell
In all peace is war
In all life is death
In waking hours dreams
Black or white is gray
As laughter hides our fears
As minutes pass like tears
As dark nights lead to days
Between truth and evil
Lies the realm of Saint Damien
Wow! You read that whole thing! If you copy the last lyrics and e-mail them to me, I'll send you a free copy of the tape Bringing Heaven Down. It's the least I can do!
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