| Alone In The Dark (2005) Cast:Christan Slater, Tara Reid, Stephen Dorff The plot makes no sense so, I think it has something to do with Slater fighting supernatural forces with people who they share a bond to because they're orphans of some sort tied to these supernatural creatures, okay it doesn't matter the movie is incoherently awful it defies mere adjectives. You know a movie sucks when you don't know if the creatures are supernatural or just regular monsters. I'm generally easy to please, give me lots of stupid action and I'm totally happy. (Hey I even recommended Kickboxer 4!) but everything here is just so badly made and ineptly directed that at times you can barely tell what's going on. People are constantly explaining what they're doing as if we can't see for ourselves, no mythology is made towards explaining these creatures and if there is it's done so badly it just shifts into confusion. It's weird that everybody gives Paul W.S Anderson a hard time for being a hack but he's still the only one who's ever made a decent video game to screen translation with Mortal Kombat. Infact Alone In The Dark is so inept it's bound to have Alien VS Predator (Which itself wasn't as bad as people say) detractors change their tunes. To demonstrate how awful this movie is, it's said that Michael Pare decided not to do this movie because of his commitment with Gargoyles. Just think about this Pare would rather make a movie with Jim Wynorski, the guy behind Ghoulies IV then work with with Uwe Boll on a theatrical production. Ouch. Of course among the cast is Christan Slater and Stephen Dorff, two actors who without a doubt are at the lowest points of their careers. Slater was just 9 years ago making Broken Arrow with John Woo, 16 years ago with Heathers and now it's come to this Alone In The Dark. The movie is nothing more but a cheap carbon copy of Aliens without any of the suspense, thrills and entertainment but certainly the movie could've been at least better made. Right? Alone In The Dark stumbles from one pointless and ineptly staged actionscene to another while embarassed actors talk nonsense. That basically describes this movie. Albert Pyun,Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray are widely seen in the B.movie market as the worst directors but none have anything on Boll. Ladies and Gentleman the worst director of our time, Uwe Boll. Take a bow Uwe, take a bow. There is however one hilarious moment in the film, the song playing during Slater and Reid's big sex scene is called "Seven Seconds" sung by a woman no less. Oh well, Nobody said action stars are good in the sack. NO STARS |