The morning dawned a little gray and quite cool. We opened our eyes around 6am; we�d gone to bed around 11pm the night before and we didn�t really need to be up until 6:30. So we laid in bed and cuddled and talked for a half hour rather than rushing about to get the day started. I don�t remember what we talked about. Probably our excitement about the wedding mostly.
Eventually we got up and both took showers. I took my time in the shower, carefully shaving my legs slowly so I�d get every hair, gently working out the tangles in the hair on my head. I double conditioned my hair and scrubbed every inch of my body with the scrubber, paying far more attention than I normally do. I felt that the last time I bathed before my wedding should be as a ritual cleansing, a way of fully resetting my body before the ceremony.
I put on the special undergarments I�d purchased, a denim shirt, and a miniskirt and my Birkenstocks and trundled downstairs to set out breakfast for the people who were coming over. Bagels by the toaster with a knife, cutting board, spreads. A pot of coffee with milk and sugar dishes. A big bowl filled with ice with cartons of milk and orange juice stuck in; stacks of plates and cups ready nearby.
By the time I finished setting out food, Abi had showed up with a grocery bag filled with fruit. She suggested a fruit salad as a welcome addition to the bagels and coffee and juice. This is partly why we love Abi: she has a knack for knowing exactly what�s perfect and when to appear with it in hand. I found her a bowl and a knife and she went to work.
Pretty soon, my mother showed up, Sheeri and Marlena and Chris trundled downstairs from their bedrooms, and then the hairdresser Pauline came with a friend in tow. The hair people set up in the sun room, where they enjoy the best light, and they went about plugging in curling irons and roller sets and setting out gels and sprays. Pauline started in on my hair almost instantly. I sent Sheeri down to Christine�s apartment to retrieve the flowers for my hair. Pauline twisted and curled and pinned my hair up into a mass of curls, and then used little purple flowers to create a halo around the mass. It took her almost an hour. Erin had his hair dried and pulled back and his Kipah attached by the second hairdresser. Then Mom, Marlena, and Psyche who came over to join us all took their turns. By the time Pauline was done with my hair Abi was the only one left, so Pauline did some work over her head while I did last minute preparations. (Abi told me later that Pauline did a little too much and had to tone it down for her; one of the many minidramas that I completely missed out on related to the wedding).
While I was having my hair worked on, I had beamed Sheeri my �take to the wedding� Palm memo, and she went about getting everything together and set by the door for transport. She kept coming to me and asking me where items were, and I told her. She found everything pretty easily, which made me feel good.
Also while I was having my hair done, Lorelle showed up to finish a couple of last minute details on my dress. She sewed on a clip for above the zipper while sitting on the floor in our foyer, and then she set up an ironing board and pressed the whole dress again so it�d be perfect.
Christine bopped in and out of the house once, and Sheeri managed retrieving all the flowers from her apartment (there wasn�t enough room in the refrigerator in our house, since the rehearsal dinner food had to be stored here).
Sometime around when my hair was almost completely done, my father showed up with my mom�s brother Ricky to take the digital piano to Woodend. Erin went to work with them, unhooking the piano, removing seats from Ricky�s van, loading the piano and bench in. While they worked on this, I vanished upstairs and carefully applied all the makeup I was planning to wear minus lipstick.
I really have no idea when it happened, but eventually everybody got dressed into their wedding clothes except for me. The hairdressers packed up and left, Dad and Ricky took off to set up the piano, and we had loaded everything that needed to go into the cars. We ended up sitting around the sun room, talking and waiting for about a half hour until it was time to head over to Woodend.
II. Interlude: The Trip to Woodend
Erin and I took the Honda we share, while Sheeri, Marlena and Chris split up into Psyche and Abi�s cars. (I think Mom might have left with Dad and Ricky or something. Lorelle had gone back home since she wasn�t needed at Woodend, and Christine had stayed home to get herself together and join her girlfriend Dana in time for the ceremony.)
We ended up tailing Abi much of the way to Woodend on the Beltway. At one point about halfway there, we passed a car that had been completely done up with �Just married!� signs and banners, crepe paper streamers and cans tied to the bumper. Erin and I realized we hadn�t talked to the wedding party at all about decorating the Honda, which we really didn�t want to have happen. We sort of hoped that they wouldn�t get the idea from looking at this other car, if they hadn�t already thought of it. But then, calamity: a can flew off the car and hit Abi�s windshield, causing no damage but apparently freaking them out a little. We knew then that they knew about this car, and if the wheels weren�t yet in motion they definitely were now. We vowed to talk to them as soon as we parked the cars.
III. Woodend, before the ceremony
We arrive at Woodend and Erin pulls over before the parking lot, at the grove where we�re holding the ceremony. He wants to make sure the piano is set up properly and that the chairs are in their appropriate spots. I run around to the driver�s seat and pull the car up to the parking lot. Our attendants are all standing in the lot waiting. We all grab everything (well, what we think is everything, but more on that later) and go into the mansion.
The mansion is in the early phases of being set up, with people running about unloading tables and the house manager poking around seeing if she�s needed. There are introductions to the house manager and to Sergio, the on-site manager for our catering gig (the salesperson and planner I�d been working with, Lynne, wasn�t around yet). The caterer told me that our photographer was around but was unloading equipment. I gave some people instructions as to where to deposit the various items we�d brought from home (cake topper, Kippot, programs, centerpieces). We decided to go up to the �dressing room� (offices converted on weekends, basically) to finish getting ready.
My mother came up with us, and soon the photographer showed up. She snapped pictures of the wedding party helping me get into my dress, and then took a couple goofy ones of Psyche pulling off my Birks and putting my feet into the special silvery shoes I�d bought. Psyche and I then went into the bathroom and applied our respective lipstick together, a nice bonding moment.
We all trooped downstairs and outside with the flowers, and the photographer showed us how to pin on a bouttoniere. Just as we were about to start posed photos, I suddenly spotted a deer. I said loudly (but not too loudly) �LOOK!� and pointed. The deer trundled around between the mansion and the grove for a few minutes, looking at us suspiciously from time to time. It seemed so special that this deer showed up to greet us at our wedding, and it put us all in a great mood.
While the photographer shot photos, some clouds gathered in the sky. Erin got nervous and started asking people, �Do you think those are storm clouds?� Everybody he asked responded, �No, of course they aren�t.� He wasn�t satisfied and continued to ask pretty much every friend and relative that showed up early and hung out during the photo session.
By this point, an hour before the service, things were happening so quickly there was no way to keep track of them. The choir showed up and warmed up a little in the mansion. The tables all got cloths and place settings on top of them, and chairs materialized around them. The accompanist appeared and tested out the digital piano. Guests began to appear, especially relatives. Abi checked on the accoutrements at the grove and told me she couldn�t find the glasses for shattering at the end of the service, but then she came back and told me it was all okay.
This reality was arriving more quickly than ever, and I started making a serious effort to retain my focus. I didn�t want to be one of those brides who doesn�t remember her wedding day, or who doesn�t take time to touch base with all those faraway friends and family, or who is too stressed out to eat.
30 minutes before the service, Rabbi Miller appeared. At this point, we sent Psyche and Marlena to the grove to seat guests, and Erin and I took my parents, his parents, Abi and Sheeri up to the dressing room with the rabbi to read and sign the Ketubah. Erin and Abi were writing their Hebrew names for the first time when they signed this Jewish wedding contract, so they practiced a little as we got it together upstairs. Abi and Sheeri were there as witnesses�you need two witnesses who are unrelated to the bride and groom to have an official Ketubah. We all read it and signed it, and then Abi and Sheeri and the photographer went to the grove to seat guests and prepare the last-minute needs for the ceremony. My parents and Erin�s mother stuck by us to walk us in.
III. The ceremony
No, I wasn�t nervous about the ceremony. I was excited and looking forward to it, and I was not nervous or worried I�d forget something or any such thing. I wasn�t worried about the details, I was excited about the meaning.
Erin and his mother went to the far side of the grove while my parents and I waited on the near side. We watched as the attendants carried the chuppah up to the altar while the choir sang �The Owl and the Pussycat,� the one song I�d requested because of its dreamy, romantic fairy-tale quality. I remember watching as they reached the altar, moving into their positions with the chuppah poles, watching the tallis attached to the poles unfold like flower petals. Rabbi Miller stood under the chuppah, smiling and waiting for us.
Soon the choir struck up Kol Dodi, which was our cue to come in. I was walking with Dad on my left and Mom on my right, and we were all grinning so much our cheeks hurt. I looked across to Erin and his mother and we proceeded slowly towards the center, all five of us excited and happy and eager. When we reached the center, I kissed each of my parents goodbye and sent them up the aisle to their seats, while Erin kissed his mother goodbye and sent her to hers. We then walked up the aisle together towards the chuppah. We did not touch, but I felt a great power between us anyways, like a monumental force that connected us. This was going to be something really big, far bigger than either of our persons, and I was a little stunned by the power. We stopped when we were just in front of the chuppah and waited for Kol Dodi to end.
Diane and Kim stepped forward to sing �Tapuach Chinani,� and we began circling one another. Traditionally, the bride circles the groom seven times in a Jewish service; we instead each circled the other seven times. We took our time about it (I was lifting my skirts since the ground was rather muddy), each of us looking at the other as we revolved. This had the effect of a meditative separation of everyday life and our wedding day�I found it somewhat calming, and like it helped to center me so I could pay attention to and enjoy the service.
Somehow, Tapuach Chinani finished at the same moment as we completed the circling. This was one of many magically perfect moments that weren�t planned but happened anyways. We smiled and stepped under the chuppah.
Rabbi Miller welcomed everybody, and said a little bit about her relationship with us and about our service. I honestly don�t remember much of the meat of what she said, despite making a serious concerted effort to remember everything possible. She performed a blessing over wine, and took a sip from the glass, gave it to Erin to take a sip, and he gave it to me to sip. Then she began the ring ceremony. Abi handed Erin my ring, and he put it on my left index finger and said �Ani l�dodi v�dodi li, I am my beloved�s and my beloved is mine.� I took his ring from Psyche and put it on his left index finger and said �Ani l�dodi v�dodi li, I am my beloved�s and my beloved is mine. By this ring you are consecrated to me by the laws of Moses and Israel.� And he repeated �By this ring you are consecrated to me by the laws of Moses and Israel.�
We put the rings on the index fingers, not the ring fingers, at Rabbi M�s suggestion. She said she likes to do this in weddings because the index finger has a vein, thereby giving a direct connection between that finger and the heart. We later transferred them to the index fingers of our hands, where they will permanently reside.
By this point the emotions were very strong in me, and I had difficulty looking at people. I tried looking at Tordis, the accompanist, but then she got emotional and I had to look away. I looked at Sheeri, and she was very helpful, making little faces at me to make her a safe person to look at. It was easy to look at Rabbi M, who was emotional too but not overwhelmingly so. Looking at Erin or the audience would have been the riskiest. There were so damn many people in the audience that their love would have overwhelmed me, but it paled before Erin�s love and emotion�and he was standing right next to me! Gah.
The choir performed �Many Waters,� and then Rabbi M talked about the Ketubah for a while and explained its significance to the congregants. She then delivered a short sermon, the contents of which completely escape me, and chanted a few blessings in Hebrew.
Then the choir performed �When I Fall In Love.� My emotions were swirling ever higher and thicker, when I looked at Erin and saw that he was crying. I immediately lost it and started crying too, through my smile. Silent crying. No sobbing. We were overcome, and we started holding hands as we stared into each others� eyes and teared. I�m crying just thinking about it. Dad told me later that he was near tears himself, and that our emotional reaction to the song at that point was easily the most gripping part of the wedding ceremony.
After the song, the rabbi started in on the seven blessings. There are seven blessings traditionally recited at a Jewish wedding (seven is obviously a powerful and mystical number, one with particular relevance to Jewish weddings). Erin has researched and written his own English translations to these blessings, and each of us delivered on translation: me, then Erin, then each of the four attendants, and then finally the Rabbi. Nobody forgot all their words, or got flustered and overwhelmed. Everybody spoke loudly and clearly. It went perfectly.
There was another blessing over wine, and we shared a second cup (first Rabbi M, then me, and then Erin, reversing the order between the two of us from the first cup for equality). And then Rabbi M put two napkin-wrapped glasses on the ground for us to stamp on and shatter. (Turned out Abi never found the glasses, which were in the Honda still, so she just took two of the caterers� rented wineglasses. Heh.) We raised our feet, and on cue stamped. Crash! The wedding was sealed, and we smooched as thIV. The Reception
My sister-in-law Rachel came with us to the mansion and stood guard as we zipped upstairs and into the dressing room for seclusion. We had decided to reenact the Orthodox tradition of going into seclusion for the 15 minutes immediately after the ceremony, mostly because we knew this would be the only time alone we�d get. The caterer came upstairs with grapefruit juice, water, and diet Coke plus some of the appetizers they were circulating downstairs (artichoke bottoms with lemon mayo, vegan potstickers, and zucchini-spinach phyllo triangles). We ate all the snacks quickly and spent a few quiet minutes talking. Meanwhile, the guests were coming up from the grove to the house portico, and hanging out getting drinks and snacking. We could hear laughter and cheery voices filtering up to us.
Soon we wanted to join everybody else, so we went back downstairs. Immediately we were separated by people eager to see us, talk to us. A lot of people came up to talk to me about my dress and the ceremony (both of which were widely described as �beautiful�). I spoke to many of Mom and Dad�s friends from North Carolina, some of the people from Bisexual Insurgence and the local community, a couple of the aunts and uncles. There were so many people around�I knew who they were, I had written all their names on the invitations, but it was emotionally powerful to have so many people we knew and loved around.
Soon Sergio (the catering on-site manager) came and found me and asked if Erin and I wanted to go to our table and get people seated. I agreed, somehow found Erin through the morass, and people started moving onto the tented patio and finding seats. We had told my mother that the wedding party was sitting alone at one table, and that it was up to them to fill the two tables closest to us as they pleased. So I was a little surprised that my parents and others were assembling at two different tables than the ones we�d designated. Turns out Mom shifted where they sat because the tables we�d indicated were in the sun, which had come out now that our ceremony was over.
Sergio showed us to our seats (in the sun, natch), and once everybody was seated my brother did a quick Motzi (blessing over the bread) over a challah. The caterers cut up and distributed the bread and the toasts began.
My grandfather (Mom�s dad) did the first toast. I honestly don�t remember a word of what he said, but apparently he was very warm and said lovely things about Erin and I. Then Abi stood up, as the closest thing we had to a �best man.� I do remember her toast. She talked about how the previous weekend she went camping with Erin and Irene, while I went to Atlanta for Marlena�s wedding reception. She explained how this was indicative of the strength of our relationship: that we could do separate, relaxed things the weekend before our wedding without worrying about what the other was up to or even stressing about our impending event.
Sheeri then stood up and talked about the Shecheyanu, a Hebrew blessing traditionally said upon reaching a milestone. She led the guests familiar with it in a Hebrew recitation of the blessing, and then translated it into English for everybody.
After that, Sergio led Erin and I along with the rest of the wedding party to the buffet table. He prepared plates for us to our specifications, and led us to our seats so we could eat. If they hadn�t done that, we never would have had time to eat. As it was, we somewhat scarfed small meals (bit of roasted salmon, half a piece of potato tart, a few bites of vegetable-filled fritatta, a few pieces of bowtie pasta in garlic cream sauce, a couple spears of asparagus and hearts of palm in a red pepper coulis). Sergio kept coming back and pressing white wine on me, but I was too excited to really drink much. It seemed like as soon as I took a sip he replaced it with fresh wine.
We heard from many people extensive kudos on the food quality and diversity. Some people, knowing Erin and I are vegetarian, were nervous we�d feed them sprouts and tofu. While I adore those foods, I knew better than that! I�d arranged a light, brunchy meal that I thought would please almost anybody. I didn�t want people too full to move, and it being a Sunday afternoon I thought brunchy food would go best. Apparently this worked, and the quality of the food was just beautiful.
As soon as we�d eaten a couple bites of everything, we got up and started wandering around and talking to people one table at a time. I remember particularly enjoying talking to the tables of choral members. My mom had already been by to talk to them and they all joshed me about how similar Mom and I are, down to the cheeseball sense of humor. I think being compared to Mom is a pretty flattering comparison, so I enjoyed this greatly. I also remember talking to my coworkers and Erin�s coworkers a little; these people probably learned more about each of us from our wedding than from our tenures in our positions (we�ve both been where we currently are for over two years). I remember snippets from different conversations: my boss Mary mentioning her oldest kid contracting poison ivy, Erin�s higher-ups trying on the mouthfeel of the �Erin� name experimentally, being introduced to the head of my organization�s husband and thinking he looked like the bookish kind of guy who�d run a used bookstore.
I also remember talking to my little cousins, who handed me homemade posies from collected flowers growing in the grass nearby. I wish I knew what happened to those things�I meant to take them and press them for my scrapbook. Oh well. I talked to their parents, too�Mom�s sister Debbie told me about the gelato/cappuccino habit I�d develop in Italy (she was dead right about it), and I think Laurie talked to me a little about the music from the ceremony.
I relied heavily on Sergio and our photographer Barbara to keep tabs on the schedule we�d discussed in advance. It�s a good thing, because I never would have remembered to do certain things without their help. Soon Sergio was leading me and Erin into the mansion main room, where Rednikki had set up the DJ equipment, and had people come in and surround us on the dance floor. Nikki spun a beautiful version of Fields of Gold by Eva Cassidy that we�d picked out, and Erin and I started to sway gently while holding one another. About halfway through the song, my parents cut in, and I danced with Dad a little. I talked to him about how grateful I was that he had provided us with such a fabulous wedding, and he agreed it had gone really well. Soon we switched partners again, and Erin and I finished the song together.
Nikki went immediately into bouncy disco and retro music after that, and a lot of our friends and the choir people especially started dancing. People began to mill about, some returning to their tables for socializing, others gathering in groups about the dance floor. Erin and I continued to make the rounds, sometimes apart, sometimes together.
After a while, Sergio led us to our cake, and Nikki made a little announcement about the cake cutting and the flower-toss. We cut a piece of cake carefully together, and then delicately fed it to one another using the fork. No smushing�we agreed that was one of the rudest things imaginable. We toasted with champagne.
The photographer soon whisked me to the stairs for my bouquet toss. The florist had prepared a special bouquet for me to throw so I could keep my actual bridal bouquet. I remember throwing it once and hitting the balcony above me; the bouquet came directly back to me and I caught it. Heh. I threw it a second time, being careful to toss behind and not above myself, and I turned to watch the gathered people attempt to catch it. There was some pushing and strongarming before one of Erin�s coworkers ended up the final victor.
Rednikki recued the music, and I remember dancing a little with some of the people there�Michael, Julie, Psyche, Lorelle. But soon the sheen on the day started to wear thin, and Erin suggested maybe it was time to leave. He didn�t want to make a big exit, so we quickly and quietly left by a side door.
When we got to our car, we saw to our surprise that it had been decorated. �Just Committed!� signs, crepe banners, pink triangles and hearts finger painted everywhere. Our attendants came running out once they figured we�d scooted, and we didn�t have the heart to be angry�they were so proud of it, and they really did a great job. We climbed in and drove home after much laughter and many hugs, both sorry and relieved the day was over.
As for the rest, well, that wasn�t part of the wedding, so it�s best left for other essays. :)