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[Society of Victims] [Be Proactive - Not Reactive] [Be Disciplined]
The first principle in Maximizers concept recognizes the fact that we must do something in order for things to happen in our life. We to a very large extent, are responsible for what ultimately happens to us - and not others. This means that our social status, our upbringing, our race, religion, or disabilities - nothing should stop a person who is truly interested in authentic success. As we will see later, authentic success is being successful in all areas of your life; not just business, or relationships, but in all aspects.
Waiting for something to happen that will somehow magically change your life is only reacting to life. If we are going to make our life into something worth living, then we have to be proactive in our thoughts and actions; we need to make things happen - and not just let things happen that will engulf us. We need to take responsibility for all our life and for our future for in the final analysis, what we become is largely due to the choices and actions that we have made.
This is the beginning of all success; we must want to control the things that will determine whether you become a success or failure. If this foundational attitude is firmly in place within you, then you will be able to develop patterns of excellence and achievement that will virtually assure success. Alternatively, if you just wait for things to happen to you, or if you assume the attitude that society or circumstances determine your success rather than your own choices, then you will always be reacting to events rather than controlling them. Most people who merely react to life rather than learn to control their circumstances fall into the "blame game."
Many today have taken the persona of being a "victim" of society. Certainly, there are such individuals; those who have been discriminated against for their race, sex, etc. However, the feeling of victimization can be non-productive as it encourages people to stop working on their own improvement while they wait for society to pay them reparations, or atone for perceived injustices. Feeling victimized by society, or having unresolved hatred in your heart will make it very difficult to improve your life situation as your energy is misdirected against the offenders rather than toward your own improvement. The victimization mindset is promoted by the media, and certainly by litigation. Witness the proliferation of groups which enshrine misbehavior; Gambler's Anonymous, Pill Addicts Anonymous, S-Alon (relatives and friends of sex addicts), Nicotine Anonymous, Youth Emotions Anonymous, Unwed Parents Anonymous, Emotional Health Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, Dual Disorders Anonymous, Batterers Anonymous, Victims Anonymous, Families of Sex Offenders Anonymous - and the list goes on. While such support groups can be helpful, the danger in such groups is that members will be encouraged to blame others and not to take responsibility for their own actions.
If you are going to make substantial changes in your life, you cannot afford to perceive yourself as a victim. There may be circumstances in your life that indeed have restricted your possibilities. Nonetheless, you must discard the bitterness and anger associated with these perceptions and rather see yourself as being able to take charge and "make things happen." You need to be proactive rather than reactive. Always looking back to perceived victimization will not permit you to look forward to your real possibilities. Certainly, not everybody has the same possibilities; we all have our particular talents, circumstances, and assets. We must still determine what we want to become and make it happen!
Charles Sykes in his work, The Nation of Victims, relates and documents this problem America has with the victim mentality. Consider the following,
- An FBI agent embezzles two thousand dollars and subsequently loses it while gambling in Atlantic City. Though he is fired, he gets reinstated back into the FBI because he convinces the court that his gambling problem is a "handicap" and therefore protected under federal law.
- A young man steals a car from a parking lot and is killed while escaping. The family of this man then sues the proprietor of the parking lot for failing to take steps to prevent such thefts.
- A man admits to exposing himself more than ten thousand times and therefore is turned down for a job as a parking attendant due to his arrest record. He then sues based on the argument that he has never exposed himself in a parking lot (only in libraries and laundromats). Wisconsin employment officials agree and label him a victim of illegal job discrimination.
But perhaps the most amazing incident concerns a morbidly obese Chicago man who complained to the Minority Rights Division of the U.S. Attorney's Office that McDonald's violates federal equal-protection laws because their restaurants' seats are not large enough for his backside. Seething with indignation, this gentleman announced,
"I represent a minority group that is just as visible as blacks, Mexicans, Latins, Asians, or women. Your company has taken it upon itself to grossly and improperly discriminate against large people - both tall and heavyset - and we are prepared, if necessary, to bring federal litigation against your company to comply with the Equal Rights in Public Accommodations Provision ...
I have a 60-inch waist and am 6 feet 5 inches tall. It is absolutely impossible for me to get service in that restaurant because of the type of seating that you have installed. furthermore, many of the single seats have such small platforms on the seats that it is impossible for the posterior of an overweight individual to sit on the seat.
We are very serious in our demands that McDonald's recognize the existence of the large and heavy minority that makes up nearly 20 percent of the American population, and take severe steps to provide at least 20 percent of the seating in your restaurants to be suitable ... for large and heavy people.
We will await bringing litigation for 30 days pending the possibility of a suitable plan being developed by McDonald's."
Mike Royko from the Chicago Tribune rightly pointed out that the author's attempt to equate his status with that of Mexicans, Latins, Asians, blacks, and women is unacceptable. After all, the writer,
"was not born with a 60-inch waist and an enormous butt. He created himself and his butt. That was the image he sought for himself. His problems are his responsibility. And even the most liberal of liberals would have to agree that [the writer's] 60-inch waist and awesome butt should not be the responsibility of the United States of America or McDonald's."
Of course, the explosive growth of litigation, the overly intrusive hand of government that increasingly penalizes citizens by maintaining a welfare and "entitlement" culture, and extremist psychologists who insist that all our foibles are not in some part our own responsibility, have helped support our dysfunctional society.
Your decision to take charge of your life is the seed of success. Taking charge is being proactive; that is, doing something for our future rather than relying upon others to do things for us.
We frequently get into trouble in this life by focusing upon those things over which we have no control; how will a meeting turn out, will my child be safe, will people like me, will I be happy? These things are the fruit of our life. There is little benefit to focus our attention here - indeed, it can be harmful resulting in anxiety, fear, manipulation, and worse. Instead, we need to focus on those items which we can control the roots. These include right attitudes, right beliefs, and right commitments. We will then be using our emotional energy in a constructive and positive way and actually more forward more quickly. This proactivity takes the focus away from the fruits of our labors to ensuring we have the proper roots to bear this fruit. If we merely react to life around us as a victim then our chances of achieving authentic success and long-lasting happiness are dramatically reduced.
Stress is certainly a natural reality in everyday life. It is the tension that comes into our lives as a process of living. We can respond to stress in one of two ways,
If we respond to stress appropriately, we control stress and increase our capability for greater energy and a positive outcome.
Very little good in life comes without working for it. We all like to imagine ourselves winning the lottery or being born into luxury; however, this is not likely to happen to most of us. Instead, we must try to develop a disciplined life-style in order to accomplish what we want to happen. This is difficult for most people because we are not used to discipline, particularly discipline with respect to our "free time" when we are actually at the job. Watching television, and more recently, sitting at the computer and "surfing the Net" can eat into time that could be better spent productively working on our life goals. Some are preoccupied with sensualism - food, sex, thrill seeking, sound. Some are quite frankly greedy, having bought into the 1980s doctrine that "greed is good." America today is living off of ever rising debt, living a lifestyle which they just can't afford. Personal bankruptcy rates are at an all time hire; more than one million people file for bankruptcy every year! This is quite frankly greedy, and will eventually catch up to them. Everybody has a weakness somewhere, and it becomes the work of the first principle to control that weakness. You will not be able to get off of square one without first taming your time, energy, and money wasters.
a. Work Hard. We often look at successful people and assume they got that way through some chance good luck, possibly through "connections" or quirk of fate. Yet, that is seldom the case. Usually people become successful through hard work and discipline. Every area of your life needs to have this hard work applied or it will wither and eventually die. This is really hard, my friend - to keep working hard in every area of life! Hard work also implies consistency; you cannot be a great golfer only when you golf on the weekends. You need to apply yourself every day of the week, all the time. It is this consistency that will eventually pay off in whatever area of life you are involved.
Your work must not be your life; rather, your life is your work. You are working to become something better; it is a means to an end. As Elbert Hubbard noted, "We work to become, not to acquire." Burnout is a real problem for those whose all encompassing action is work. Alternatively, fizzle is what happens to people who pay too little attention to work. In America's culture, far too many of us are in the "fizzle" category than in the "burnout" category. Research indicates that more than 70 percent of all workers believe they could be more productive, and 45 percent say they could be twice more productive - presumably if they really wanted to. Imagine the implications to our society if every worker would only achieve their maximum productivity! According to one Harris poll, 63 percent of Americans believe they aren't working as hard as they were ten years ago, and 78 percent believe people take less pride in their work. Jack Eckerd, founder and president of Eckherd Drugs, and Chuck Colson, from Prison Fellowship Ministry, explore how America has moved away from thrift, industry, diligence, and perseverance to slothfulness and disregard. Previously, people saw their work as a gift from God, and their task in work as ultimately a gift to God. Even demeaning work could become meaningful as an offering to the Almighty. Martin Luther noted, "Man does not live for himself alone ... but he lives also for all men on earth." John Calvin, another great thinker of the Reformation, encouraged workers to produce more than they needed so they could meet the needs of others.
The Protestant work ethic was deeply rooted in the Protestant Reformation, and was at the very core of what made America great in its early years. However, this ethic had already withered by the mid-nineteenth century. As Sherwood Wirt noted, "The calling lost its vertical bearings in the incessant whir of machinery and the grime of the mill town. ... As the modern world awoke to its material strength and shook off the disciplines of the Puritan way of life, it found that the doctrine of secular calling had become unnecessary. ... Vocation became simply 'occupation.'"
The Enlightenment started in earnest in the late seventeenth century, promoting the centrality of mankind and human reason. Man became the center of all things, and work changed from being a noble occupation to one that was only utilitarian - a means to an end. Loving God and caring for others no longer were at the center of work; rather, work itself became the goal. The change from Protestant work ethic to humanism and the Enlightenment turned work from an ennobling occupation to one that was simply utilitarian.
There are some things that can be done to keep work interesting and vital. We should focus our work and other activities toward helping and caring for people, versus using people and caring for things. This change in focus will dramatically change how we view work. In business, we frequently use the people we hire only for the job for which they were hired. People then become useful only as a means to an end, and generally these people will feel "used" and stay with you only so far as they cannot find a better position. How much better to take an authentic interest in their lives, trying to help them advance in their professional and academic pursuits. These people will have greater loyalty to you, will probably not leave your as quickly to move onto other firms, and will become more productive when your focus moves from using people to caring for them.
Next, you must continue to learn - continue your education both in your primary job position but also in all things related to your life. Usually, people stop acquiring new skills and learning when they leave their formal education years. How much better would it be to instead continue your education! Certainly, your continuing education would benefit your personal work, and might even prepare you for a more rewarding career. But, you should also try to acquire more education in all areas of you life including your family, wife, religion, and community service.
Just as destructive as too much work are those of us whose work becomes our entire life. Our work should not be our entire reason for living - but to many it is. Generally, those of us who are the most successful tend to begin to identify their happiness with that success. We recognize that a large part of our enjoyment in life comes from the perks associated with success; the large car, nice house, prestige, power, etc. The problem with this perception is what happens to our own self image when inevitably these perks disappear. All of us must one day leave our primary job position either with retirement or by the choice of others outside our influence. If our whole life identity is based upon our job or position, when we lose that position we find ourselves suddenly without meaning in life. LaBier says, "One senior executive jumped off the roof of his building when he walked into work one morning and discovered that his desk had been moved. A chemist who failed to receive a grant for a research project returned to his lb one night, concocted a poison and drank it, dying where he felt most at home and most betrayed. Aldous Huxley one remarked, "They intoxicate themselves with work so they won't see who they really are." Our work cannot become the "god" of our lives - then we will be in trouble. When this happens, you lose all hope of balance in your life.
Balance is a difficult thing to obtain; it is ephemeral for as circumstances change what was once in balance will no longer be. We might allow ourselves to become out of balance for short periods of time, but we must always try to claw ourselves back into balance even at the risk of hurting those areas in which we are having the most success. Usually those areas we ignore when we are out of balance are precisely those areas in which we are the least effective - those areas that need the most work. This is normal - but it is also the reason why most of us are ineffective. We must try to become successful in all areas of our life - not just those areas in which we currently excel.
b. Develop Right Habits. Robert Ringer wrote an entire book on this topic, Million Dollar Habits. He notes that good habits do not depend upon superior intelligence, special skills, formal education, good luck. He notes that,
"The world is saturated with intelligent, highly educated, extraordinarily skilled people who experience ongoing frustration because of their lack of success. Millions of others spend their lives working hard, long hours only to die broke."
Rather,
"Success is a matter of understanding and religiously practicing specific, simple habits that always lead to success."
"Remember, life is nothing more than the sum total of many successful years; a successful year is nothing more than the sum total of many successful months; a successful month is nothing more than the sum total of many successful weeks; a successful week is nothing more than the sum total of many successful days. That's why practicing successful habits day in and day out is the most certain way to win over the long term."
This is a strong statement to make; that good habits always lead to success.
Jensen then notes that habits are a combination of three things; desire, knowledge, and skill. Desire is why we do what we do. Knowledge is knowing what to do. Skill is how we do it. Together, these three will determine our habits. Establishing good habits starts with knowing what habits you want to develop. You first need to write out clearly what habits you are trying to form, and why. Often, forming new habits also means getting rid of bad habits. For example, if you want to form a good habit of exercising regularly - one of the "sharpening the saw activities" - then you also need to get rid of the habit of smoking cigarettes. The two are mutually exclusive. You cannot get healthy by exercising while at the same time you are poisoning your body with cigarette smoke!
One of the best ways to analyze why you do what you do is through a process of mental repetition. Using this technique, you visualize in your mind certain situations and how you might react to them. Many times, people who are trying to stop smoking will visualize those times during the day when they habitually light up; after waking up in the morning, or after a good meal for example. They will try to visualize these times so realistically that they can actually begin to feel the smoking craving associated with it. You then make careful notes as to how you respond, and then try to determine ways to respond differently. You then practice this new response over and over in your mind first until it becomes second nature to you; then you extend this mental exercise to the real thing. You then experience the real situation and try to react in a different, better, learned way rather than the old habitual way. You might read a book, chew on some sugarless gum, or go for a walk rather than reaching for an after dinner cigarette, for example.
After repetition in your head whereby you visualize how you will respond differently to certain difficult situations, you then need to practice your new habits in the real world. You will find that you will need to practice a habit over and over - and frequently failing, especially early on. You need to be able to forgive yourself many times while trying to learn a new habit or get rid of an old one. William James noted, "Never suffer an exception to occur until the new habit is securely rooted in your life. Each lapse is like the letting fall of a ball of string which one is carefully winding up; a single slip undoes more than a great many turns will wind again."
Finally, you need to develop a feedback mechanism. You need to somehow monitor your progress toward habit formation objectively. This is important. Many times, we have the gnawing feeling we are making little or no progress toward our goal when in actuality we have come a great distance indeed. You will never know for sure without objectively measuring your progress. Also, making objective measurements of when you are successful and when you are not may help you determine what might be standing in your way. One reason why so many people fail to lose weight at home is that they fail to determine those factors which cause them to fail, or they don't make proper objective measurements of how they are doing at weight loss. However, when they go to a weight loss clinic, weight measurements are made frequently so there is constant objective feedback as to how successful you are being.
Many psychologists say to practice something for 21 days - they say that if you can do something for 21 days it will become a habit. Others say that the true length of time until a habit is formed is much longer - more like a year. Still, the key is to try, try, and try again, and develop an objective means to monitor your progress.
In closing the section on Make Things Happen, it is also important to figure out what "things" you want to happen. Truly, a combination of two quotes from two supremely successful people should be considered; Andrew Carnegie (the steel magnate), and Henry Ford.
"All riches and all material things that anyone acquires through self-effort begin in the form of a clear, concise mental picture of the thing one seeks." The mind is a wonderful computer, and will seek unceasingly to acquire what it is programmed to want. Most people, however, have a very fuzzy picture of their wants, have developed to plan to goals to acquire their needs, and therefore it should not be too surprising when they fail in life.
and Henry Ford,
"I pity the man who just wants to get rich for he will make nary a penny. For he must first concern himself with the service that he'll render to be worth the riches he wants." Your real success in life depends upon the service you do to others. People have little real respect for rich people who have obtained their riches at the expense of others. However, society does have respect for those who acquire their wealth while helping others. And not, the two are not mutually exclusive!