[You Are Significant] [Dealing
with our Weaknesses]
Many people fail to achieve in life because they fail to have any personal
significance - they fail to realize the great, hidden potential each one of us
has inside either for the good or, unfortunately, for the evil. We need
to believe we can do great things before great things will happen, and this is
precisely where many of us fail miserably. We are frequently programmed
from early childhood either to believe we have significant potential, or that
we are worthless. We all know that children can be very cruel to other
children, and this cruelty often persists as emotional scars throughout
life. Children who are too small, too large, not athletic, not
intelligent, not the right race, not the right color, not in the right clique
in school somehow are made to feel inferior. This is a great tragedy
because so much potential is wasted - each person has a tremendous amount to
give to society, and this gift to society will be rewarded many times over
again.
The story is told of a teacher who was given the responsibility of
instructing a group of boys in Harlem, New York. One day, she
accidentally saw a list of their IQs, and couldn't believe how intelligent
they all were. Immediately, she began to respect these boys much more,
and began to instruct them as though they were very intelligent. Slowly,
the boys began to respond to her enthusiasm and graduated from high school and
went on to lives of significance rather than throwing their lives away as they
most likely otherwise would have done. However, the story does not end
there. The teacher had not really seen their IQs; rather, what she had
seen was their locker numbers. But, because she thought the boys were
very intelligent she responded to them in such a way as to make them believe
they could achieve great things - which they did!
Similarly, in Russia, 70 percent of girls interviewed as to their
occupation indicated they were prostitutes. Perhaps this should not be
too surprising given how their system regards people as mere servants of the
state, their only worth being in proportion to what they are able to
contribute to the state. God and a higher view of spirituality does not
officially exist in Russia, and it should not be surprising that people assume
the status to which they are assigned. Similarly, in America, where
people are worth only what degree of success of money they might accumulate,
it is no wonder that those who have not achieved greatness according to this
artificial value system achieve lives of personal insignificance and
hopelessness.
You Are
Significant
[Self worth] [You
Can Make a Difference] [Fulfill Your
Destiny]
Oliver Wendell Holmes said,
"The biggest tragedy in America is not the great waste of natural
resources, though this is tragic. The greatest tragedy is the waste of
human resources. The average person goes to his grave with the music
still in him."
What we must all answer is whether we are achieving the potential that is
in each of us. We were not all created to do the same things; some of us
were meant to be great leaders of international industries, while others were
meant to be great parents and raise up responsible, Christian children.
The important thing is to discover what purpose God has established for you to
fulfill on this earth - and then to fulfill it! Otherwise, you will lead
lives of insignificance and unhappiness, never quite feeling that you are
living up to your true, God-given potential.
To achieve personal significance, you need two things; (1) a feeling of
self-worth and importance, and (2) a knowledge of your personal weaknesses.
1. Self Worth. Self esteem and self worth have a bad
reputation in many Christian circles today. Some ministers teach that we
should not be taught self worth because we in fact are worthy only to the
extent that God has made us so through the redemption offered by Jesus
Christ. Otherwise, we are worthless creatures, dead spiritually, with no
hope of personal redemption through our own personal efforts. I would
argue that this is certainly true as it is part of the fundamental beliefs of
Biblical Christianity. However, this does not mean that we must
personally feel "worthless" because I believe this also would be
heresy. We are all of inestimable value to God, as it was for us that He
sent his Son to die on the cross, and it was for us that the Universe was
created, and that anything exists. Even though we may have become fallen
creatures in the eyes of God, this does not mean we have no value to Him.
Furthermore, the rules are changing about the significance of the
individual person in the work force. The old paradigm had a
"boss" who dictated responsibilities of each individual member of
the workplace. This old paradigm has become obsolete, and those
companies that hold to this old way of thinking are in the process of
acquiring obsolescence. The newer way of the workplace is more like a
symphony with each member having crucial roles to play, rather than like a
solo where the boss dictates. As Peter Drucker notes, it is increasingly
clear that it is "knowledge [that] will produce wealth. Our primary
goal will be to make the knowledge productive." Not only is
knowledge important, but also the proper application of this knowledge that is
important. In the arena of leadership, Drucker notes,
"We will see
management arranged like a jazz combo, in which leadership within the team
shifts within the specific assignment and is independent of the rank of each
member."
Continuing, Drucker notes,
"The symphony orchestra -
with only one 'executive' and no intermediate layers between him and the group
members - will be the model for the information based
organization." Thus, "Each worker or 'musician' will be a
high-grade specialist. As a team, they will work toward a common
goal. Individual workers, like the individual tuba player or flutist,
can make music, but only the entire orchestra can produce
composition. The organization will be harmonious because each player
coordinates his or her role with the rest of the group."
Drucker's insights teach us that your ability to identify and put to work
your specialness, uniqueness, giftedness, and abilities is critical for your
own personal well-being as well as your sphere of influence in the days to
come.
2. You Can Make a Difference.
History is full of one person making a difference. Jenson presents the
following true story illustrative of this principle,
"I know of a woman from Boring, Oregon, who was concerned about a
law that would permit nude dancing in local bars in her community.
This mother, who by nature was shy and quiet, felt compelled to attend a
county meeting the night the issue came before the County Board of
Supervisors.
When the discussion ended, the vote stood evenly split at four to four,
with one swing vote remaining. The mother stood up and said, 'I'm not
eloquent. I'm not used to speaking in public, but I must tell you my
experience. My daughter was out with some friends one evening, and
they happened to go into one of these bars that allowed nude dancing.
She was accosted there, and the physical and emotional scars have been very
significant.' Then she sat down as quietly as she had stood.
Finally, the one swing vote, a woman, rose and addressed the balance of
the committee: 'Gnetlemen, you've presented a very telling and convincing
case. But you have not answered the moral dilemma that this lady has
brought to my attention. Therefore, I will vote against nude dancing in this
community.'
One ordinary person had made a difference."
Each of us can make a significant difference in our community if we desire
to make significant changes. It is up to us - but we should never feel
powerless or discounted. History of full of similar examples, usually
from common people doing the extraordinary. Everybody can make a
difference; the only ingredient required is commitment - total commitment.
3. Fulfill Your Destiny. I
am taken back to the Star Wars movie where Darth Vader tells Luke Skywalker
that he must "fulfill your destiny!" We all have our destiny -
not from some mysterious, all pervasive "Force," but rather from our
Creator. We have all been placed on this earth for a reason - and if we
are going to "become all that we can be," then we need to discover
that destiny and maximize ourselves, fulfilling the purpose for which we have
been placed here. We must fulfill our destiny. If we fail in this
quest, then we will be unhappy and a sense of failure will be our only reward.
The concept of destiny also encourages us to be focused - to focus on
discovering our destiny and to focus our attention and abilities on this one
particular area. We need to work on strengthening resources to be able
to discover and fulfill our destiny and to ignore those areas and ventures
which do not help us in this realization. We can begin to capture and
define our destiny as we grow in our understanding of two major areas - our
unique bent (gifts, abilities, opportunities, concerns, passions, etc.) and
the pressing needs in our own particular world. The more we understand
these two areas the more precisely we can define our destiny.
Dealing
with our Weaknesses
[Admit Your Weaknesses]
[Look for Opportunities to Grow]
[Keep Adjusting]
In addition to strengths, each one of
us have our own individual weaknesses. Denying these weaknesses only
means you will never help strengthen them. Admitting our weaknesses can
be very difficult even for those of us with the greatest self esteem, let
along those who are struggling with this issue. And still, we must look
at ourselves hard in the mirror in order to determine what these weaknesses
are so that they might be addressed. The book, "Why Am I Afraid to
Tell You Who I Am?" addressed these issues and came to the conclusion
that many people are afraid to admit they have weaknesses because they have
concluded that their friends and associates will not like what they see.
People are afraid that glimpses of their inner person with all its warts and
scars would be rejected if
truly understood by their peers. Probably what they fail to realize is
that everybody has "warts and scars" - none of us is perfect.
Indeed, the Bible indicates that our highest thoughts and aspirations are like
filthy rags to the Almighty. We can only progress when we realize we are
far from perfect, and address out attention to these imperfections rather than
just to what we feel most comfortable.
1. Admit Your Weaknesses
Perhaps the most difficult task we all need to learn is
to admit our weaknesses. We are
not all perfect, given wisdom to always know the right thing to do in all
instances. Denial of our
weaknesses will only exacerbate the problem.
All of us have certain peer groups that establish the limits of
acceptable and unacceptable dress and behavior.
These limits put us in a box. When
we measure ourselves against this box, our focus becomes our external
lifestyle, not our internal growth. Consequently,
we stop addressing were even being aware of our own intrinsic weaknesses.
It's all right to be in patients sometimes, and it's even all right to
say things that we sometimes shouldn't. We
are all of us full of flaws. But
we need to recognize that everybody is struggling with something, and it is
good to admit our imperfections. Indeed,
perhaps the first principle of growth is to admit our own weaknesses.
However, most of us are great con artists.
We pretend to be someone that we're really not, and we end up playing a
game all our lives. People are all been afraid that their inner person including
their thoughts, attitudes, private behaviors, and vulnerabilities, would be
rejected if they were truly known and understood by others.
Sometimes people develop a mask to conceal who they really are in the
hopes that other people will not be able to see for themselves.
As we work through articulating our own weaknesses
regularly, we may find that we have a need to make some kind of reconciliation
or restitution. In other words,
we may find that we might have done things that need to be made right, or
perhaps we have broken a relationship that we think good or should be rebuilt.
It is our job to concentrate on the roots of our lives.
Our job is the live in the light of correct principles, and fruit will
eventually and permanently abound by our appropriate behaviors.
Admitting and overcoming vulnerabilities strengthens the roots of our
life the same way that fertilizer strengthens plant life.
It smells, but sometimes as it permeates the growing roots its
strengthens the plant. The
decision to do right will stimulate a tremendous sense of personal integrity
in our life that'll help us to unlock our incredible potential.
Jenson recalls when he went through this process many
years ago, it involved some money that had been gotten out of an older man.
Once he had acknowledged his own unique significance he began to feel
guilty over his mistakes and neither he had done wrong.
Additionally, he knew that every time he saw the person he had wrong
that he would want to hide because of the guilt that would be overwhelming.
He knew that in order to resolve the guilt, restitution would have to
be made. Jenson subsequently went
to this older man and ask forgiveness. Jenson
also told him that he would make restitution for the amount of money in
question in order to make things right. As
things turned out, the older man laughed at Ham while telling Jenson said he
admired his honesty and integrity. Furthermore,
once restitution had been made them he was free to move on and not feel guilty
every time they met in the future.
2. Look for Opportunities to
Grow
It is not easy to be open and to admit your
vulnerabilities. In need to
actively look for areas to change in your life and ask for help.
This is where it is good to be part of an accountability group, or at
least have a mentor to help you through these difficult times.
You should find a friend or group of friends in your business,
neighborhood, church, or synagogue who will help you to be more effective.
You need to find people who will build you up and yet be honest,
loving, and caring enough to confront you as a friend.
Jenson here talks about the way his accountability works.
He says that there are several special male friends whom he can trust
in honor. They are given five questions which represent the five
weakest areas in his life. He
notes that weak spots could be things such as how you handled your finances,
relational Fidelity, struggles with integrity, family difficulties, and so
forth. The fifth question is,
"the July about any of the above for?"
He then tells his trusted friends to ask these questions whenever they
see him. He finds that such an
accountability group helps a great deal by helping him to stay along the
straight and narrow because he knows that when he sees the special friends
they're going to confront him concerning his major weaknesses.
The contention is that if someone a serious enough about personal
growth, then they want to look for opportunities to grow, and to create levers
that will help them in their growth. Practicing
accountability is one outstanding lever in one's life because it passes some
degree of control to other people - you will be confronted frequently
concerning your most significant weaknesses..
3. Keep Adjusting. Adjusting to constant change is the
key toward self improvement. As my father used to say, there is nothing
so constant as change. But with this change comes a changing
relationship that you face with your loved ones, with your work, and yes -
with yourself. Your children grow and eventually leave the home to start
new families of their own and your relationship with them changes. You
advance in your work, hopefully gain new skills and perspectives, and may want
or have to change positions eventually. Finally, you yourself will age,
gain new perspectives and insights, and unfortunately suffer the ravages of
advancing age. All of these factors will force themselves upon you -
there is generally very little or nothing you can do about it. However,
what you can do is to have a proper adjustment mechanism for accepting and
dealing with these changes.
But not only are there these big life changes, but there are also little
changes that bedevil us daily. We find that we have to change our plans
at a moment's notice. A meeting gets canceled, a patient gets ill and
needs our attention immediately, the weather changes and a game is
delayed. These smaller changes also require us to adjust.
Probably, the biggest adjustments often happen when we fail at some
enterprise, however. These are often the hardest to accept because
unlike the previously mentioned adjustments, the changes that are forced upon
us by our failures are often largely our own doing. But it is also
important to recognize that as humans this side of heaven, we all fail - it is
a part of life just as much as breathing. I believe God lets us fail for
many reasons; teaching us humility, dependency upon Him, and allowing us to
learn from our mistakes (among others). As we learn from our mistakes we
have the chance to advance toward our ultimate goals in whatever role we are
pursuing.
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