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Twoflower is the first tourist on the discworld. He believes firmly that he is not involved in whatever happens around him, and that he can get out of any mess by talking about it. He wears glasses and has artificial dentures. When he came to Ankh-Morpork he hired Rincewind the Wizzard as a translator and guide. He was also the cause of the fire that burnt most of the city at the time. He was the original owner of the infamous Luggage, but he gave it to Rincewind in the end of The Light Fantastic when he went back to the Agatian Empire. He is a widower and has two daughters called Pretty Butterfly and Lotus Blossom.

THE AMERICAN:

Bangkok, Oriental setting

And the city don't know that the city is getting

The creme de la creme of the chess world in a

Show with everything but Yul Brynner

Time flies -- doesn't seem a minute

Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it

All change -- don't you know that when you

Play at this level there's no ordinary venue

It's Iceland -- or the Philippines -- or Hastings -- or --

or this place!

COMPANY:

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster

The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free

You'll find a god in every golden cloister

And if you're lucky then the god's a she

I can feel an angel sliding up to me

THE AMERICAN:

One town's very like another

When your head's down over your pieces, brother

COMPANY:

It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity

To be looking at the board, not looking at the city

THE AMERICAN:

Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town --

COMPANY:

Tea, girls, warm, sweet

Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite

THE AMERICAN:

Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist

Whose every move's among the purest

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

COMPANY:

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble

Can't be too careful with your company

I can feel the devil walking next to me

THE AMERICAN:

Siam's gonna be the witness

To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness

This grips me more than would a

Muddy old river or reclining Buddha

And thank God I'm only watching the game -- controlling it --

I don't see you guys rating

The kind of mate I'm contemplating

I'd let you watch, I would invite you

But the queens we use would not excite you

So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage

parlours --

COMPANY:

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster

The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free

You'll find a god in every golden cloister

A little flesh, a little history

I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble

Not much between despair and ecstasy

One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble

Can't be too careful with your company

I can feel the devil walking next to me

Twoflower

Twoflower appears in the following books:

Twoflower�s theme is One Night In Bangkok by Murray Head:

The Colour Of Magic

The Light Fantastic

Interesting Times

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