2000 review from Arvid Kildahl (Norway) [Marina] [Frank] [Ed] [Catherine]
The show opened in a silent Globen, with 10.000 people waving
flashlights. Then a girl, a violin player, we later learned, said "Welcome
Europe" and everyone started screaming and applauding. Rather frightening,
in a slightly entertaining way.
Then came the hosts, two typical Swedes: Kattis Ahlström and Anders
Lundin. She was a blonde who'd murdered a red leather couch to make her
outfit and he was a guy in a pink shirt. They worked quite well and had one of
the better scripts for an opening we've seen in quite a few years. Lucky as we
were, it didn't take too long until the acts were allowed to walk on stage. A
stage that looked like a giant bathroom sink covered with a white plate and had
five shampoo bottles swinging back and forth over it continuously.
Israel was first to "sing". They
gave a nothing short of horrible performance of a surprisingly contemporary
dance-thingy. Ping Pong were really on their way to a beach party but
they unfortunately remembered to pop by Globen at the last minute. They waved
flags and kept searching for a melody while trying to stay oh-oh so happy! I
have a strong suspicion this was originally written by the Israeli army and
supposed to be used as some kind of sound-weapon. It would have worked.
Next up were the Netherlands. They had also
borrowed from the Ministry of Defence. Here, it was not the music, , but the
zebra-striped, rain-proof tent Linda Wagenmakers wore at the beginning.
Then the dancers ripped it off to reveal her in a smaller outfit that just said
"Colourblind RuPaul goes Hawaii". Far over the top. The song's really
nice however, even if you stop noticing it after the third item of clothing has
fallen off.
The third song was the UK's entry performed
by Nicki French. She had put on what she'd bought for the Millennium
Party at her local pub. The song is the prototype of "Syrup on speed"
(i.e. something rather old fashioned and boring performed with too high a
tempo). Her backing-singers, she had borrowed from Exercise for the Elderly
on BBC2. However, in all its absurdity and kitschyness, I cannot somehow resist
this.
Ines from Estonia was wearing a green
cowboy hat and no knickers, by the look of things. She was extremely nervous,
but gave an OK vocal performance on an excellently crafted little pop ditty, Once
in a lifetime. It obviously must be really confusing, as well, with all
those cameras everywhere and not having an inkling which one's shooting.
Another nervous girl, Sofia Mesfari, came from France.
The song was also very good but it really needed a good performance to be lifted
from obscurity. I really like it, a mid-tempo pop-song in French. Without the
performance to lift it, though, it all seemed flat and lacklustre.
Mr. Garrison from South Park sang lead and was backed by Kyle's Mum on panpipes,
performing this cowcall from Romania, mmmkay?
(It must have been Kyle's Mum, 'cause she seems to have gotten gafagahagah all
over her dress, mmmkay?) Where is Mr. Hat when you really need him? Seriously,
though, I was almost thinking Switzerland had two entries, that's how long these
three minutes seemed.
Next, the boss of the Maltese tourist agency did her best to sell the idea that Malta
really is in the Caribbean. I was not convinced. It is kind of fun
that the eighties are "in" again when it comes to fashion and hair.
We do not, however, need a recap of what went wrong last time around. This is
what Norway's stylist gave us. The song, is
however pure fun, catchy and rather well performed. Lovely ESC-by-numbers
choreography as well. Very good.
Poor Alsou from Russia was going solo
in the hall. Waiting in the cold in that outfit must have been a chilly
experience as well. I like this very much. Some people think it's a bad Britney
rip-off, but this girl's got something Britney doesn't. Class.
On came Nathalie Sorce for Belgium,
dressed in a wrinkled parachute. In the background we could see the five people
she had borrowed from the Belgian Ministry of Internal Affairs. Nathalie did her
best to sing approximately three songs in three minutes in about ten different
keys, which was a few more than the backing-track had. She did have an
impressive amount of energy for a bad singer, though.
The song from Cyprus had about as much
structure as the Belgian one. It builds and builds and builds and builds and
they go "nanana" and then it ends. Alex Panayi looked
fashionable and nice, Christina Argyri looked like Monica Lewinsky and
sounded like she had a cigar up somewhere. Lots of smoke, waves and drama and
preciously little melody.
Iceland, like Cyprus, gave us a duet. Here
things were more evenly shared, however. Telma looked good and Einar
sang well. The song's very cute, as well. From Spain,
there was a blind man playing the piano and singing the regular Spanish
Eurovision-fodder: A ballad with a hook. Unspectacular.
The Olsen Brothers' Fly on the wings of love is the kind of song
that isn't really bland, but doesn't offend anyone either. This looks like it
can be the key to success in Eurovision. It was given a nice, down-to-earth
performance and it is a very cute song. No circus, no nonsense and fortunately
no strip-tease from Denmark.
If Denmark was no nonsense, Germany was only
nonsense. Why do the Germans think they have to keep proving to the rest of
Europe that they do not, in fact, have any sense of humour at all? Listen
carefully, I'll only say this once: A joke's supposed to be funny! This is funny
the first five seconds and then it just gets annoying. Wadde were dudde
thinking?
Once again, the entrant from Switzerland wins
the Céline Dion impersonator wannabe award. Jane Bogaert was dressed in
a purple bed-sheet on which she had glued some pearls. Miss Switzerland also
managed to show the world that she clearly wasn't there because of her singing
abilities.
I didn't really like the entry from Croatia at
first, but recently it has grown on me. It's a dark, melancholic ballad with a
strong melody, which Goran Karan sings very well. What the woman in a
potato sack was doing on stage during the performance, I do not know. I, for
one, kept hoping it was the annoying troll who said "Welcome Europe"
that was inside the potato sack and was about to be dropped in the Baltic Sea. I
was disappointed, however, when it was just another Balkan Blonde. I still don't
really know whether the whole act had anything to do with the song, either.
Sweden gave us a real ethno overdose. They
had a giant turkey dancing around on stage and Roger Pontare was dressed
up like a mix between a Mongolian warrior, an Apache Indian and a Lapp. (You
think you're confused? Imagine how he feels!) Someone had also been spilling
chocolate sauce all over his forehead. The whole thing was accompanied by loads
of electric guitars and looked like some freak drag-show for ethnic minorities.
Or like Tina Turner on a very, very, very bad day.
The girls from Macedonia were (un)dressed
for the occasion in bright-coloured swimwear. Neither of the members of XXL
seemed to have a clue what they were doing there and neither do I. One of them
actually managed to stay in tune for about half the song, while the rest didn't
seem to know what singing was. They all did something that looked like dancing,
though, and quite well. As for the song, it's catchy and somewhat cute but also
bland and unimaginative.
A little bit was the entry from Finland and
the lyrics seem to mention half the competing countries. It was sung by every
hairdresser's worst nightmare, Nina Aastrom, who'd also brought a
violinist who missed her cue. Quite charming, all in all. Thank you! Tack!
Kiitos!
The boys from Latvia called themselves BrainStorm
and performed an excellent Britpop-ish thingie. Lead singer Reynars is
charisma personified and kept bouncing around on stage for three minutes.
Excellent.
Turkey did their best to set Globen on fire.
Pinar Ayhan and her band performed a really catchy, ethnic song. The
English part worked very well, too. The dancers, however, did not. It actually
looked like not only the female one wore a bra under the shirt, it looked like
the camp man did, as well. Anyhow, this must be one of the very best Turkish
entries ever.
The hockey-hair from Ireland was next and I
must say that a hairstyle like that, only a mother can like. Pleasant music, but
the lyrics are the most cliché-ridden drivel ever presented on any stage. Ever.
They are so horrible, you'd think they were written by Ralph Siegel. Or, wait a
second, they're even worse.
Last was Austria with a catchy song, but
also with a flat and uninspired performance. The Whoopi Goldberg lookalike was
shaking with nerves and barely managed to string two or more notes together.
It's a good song but it failed to set the audience nor the scoreboard on fire,
even if the three women were shaking sideways as much as they could.
This was a very good contest. Very good presenters, good standard of songs and
the sink-stage worked quite well.
My top 10:
Latvia
France
Estonia
Norway
Turkey
Russia
Finland
Denmark
Iceland
Netherlands